Boyfriends, girlfriends & single life

[DudeIAm]

Single and somewhat looking. Most of my friends are in serious relationships, married or have kids. It doesn't bother me some days and other days it is downright painful. I just been through a lot of pain over the past years and don't want to share my suffering with someone else. So I just push people out of my life. I just recently discovered that I should stop doing that or else I'll end up being some old lonely hermit.

 

[Arsenic Queen]

i'm single right now, but i'm in love with a woman who doesn't love me. she's moving away pretty soon and i'll probably never see her again. i'm very sad right now about it, but i know that some day i'll find true love.

If she's not interested, it's probably better that you two get separated. I know it's hurtful to you now, but in the long run, it's better if you don't waste your time and energy on someone who won't return your love. You'll just drain you if you do that, and the time you lose at it will never be back. It's just your youth going away. It's ok to be single and alone for a while. At least you keep your energy to yourself, it doesn't just run out of you like a bottle of milk with a hole at the bottom.

perma-single
perma-lonely
perma-hermit

"perma" only if that's what you want. Sometimes the key is to "boldly go where you haven't gone". Try new places. Not just online, in real life. Cut the time you spend here by half and spend that time going out. Before feeling confident enough to flirt with people, start little. Chat with the bank clerk, the salesperson, the person from which you buy your newspaper. If you have nothing to say, ask questions about them. People are always happy to talk about themselves.

Single and somewhat looking. Most of my friends are in serious relationships, married or have kids. It doesn't bother me some days and other days it is downright painful. I just been through a lot of pain over the past years and don't want to share my suffering with someone else. So I just push people out of my life. I just recently discovered that I should stop doing that or else I'll end up being some old lonely hermit.

It's been very much something like that for me too. I did make friends though. And I am glad I tried and message you on my first day here. lol, your reaction was a bit weird but heck, we're friends now. Talking to people is worth the try sometimes.

 

[Romeo Echo]

Emotional loneliness. Kinda sad for someone who has it easy to seduce who he wants and easy also to make friends.

Tantalizing that blessings can be altered into curses, almost like a double edged sword.

Emotional loneliness? never heard of that before, but it makes perfect sense, not lonely in a social stance but really isolated inside yourself with no one to tell your feelings, let alone share them with.

Casts such as positive light

 

[Ak5]

Single, never been in a relationship.

I'm not keenly interested in a relationship, but I would like one.

 

[blackdot]

perma-single
perma-lonely
perma-hermit

"perma" only if that's what you want. Sometimes the key is to "boldly go where you haven't gone". Try new places. Not just online, in real life. Cut the time you spend here by half and spend that time going out. Before feeling confident enough to flirt with people, start little. Chat with the bank clerk, the salesperson, the person from which you buy your newspaper. If you have nothing to say, ask questions about them. People are always happy to talk about themselves.

The problem is, I don't really have anywhere I can go without going into depression from seeing couples. If there was some place that guaranteed to only be singles and was nearby, then I could go.
Plus I can't talk to strangers like that. I don't know anything about them. Plus I don't see any reason wasting time talking to someone randomly if they are already dating or married. It won't get me anywhere. Well actually it will just get me more depressed about being lonely.

You know, it would be easier if all the single people had nametags that said, "I'm single.".

 

[DudeIAm]

Single and somewhat looking. Most of my friends are in serious relationships, married or have kids. It doesn't bother me some days and other days it is downright painful. I just been through a lot of pain over the past years and don't want to share my suffering with someone else. So I just push people out of my life. I just recently discovered that I should stop doing that or else I'll end up being some old lonely hermit.

It's been very much something like that for me too. I did make friends though. And I am glad I tried and message you on my first day here. lol, your reaction was a bit weird but heck, we're friends now. Talking to people is worth the try sometimes.

Well you caught me off guard and it's a rarity for someone to do that and I got apprehensive. You are a cool person to message to, AQ. Makes my days more enjoyable.

 

[lonelyfairy]

Single.

 

[Anonymous Rex]

I'm single, mid twenties, but I'd give pretty much anything for a relationship with a woman I feel comfortable with.

I've never been in a 'serious' relationship - one where we talk properly about moving in together or the equivelant.
In my younger days I've had the opportunity to make moves with women who might have been attracted to me in a cute/nervous way, but generally chickened out, out of fear over what could happen.

I've been in 'relationships' - if you can call them that - in the past where I've felt kind of constricted, afraid to be myself, because either I didn't want to be with that person or I was afraid of messing it up.

Currently trying to clear out some of the junk in my head, hopefully that will make me more able to function in a relationship.

 

[kinzeUK]

I'd just like to say at this point that I think Arsenic Queen is the ****.

 

[Arsenic Queen]

Tantalizing that blessings can be altered into curses, almost like a double edged sword.

Emotional loneliness? never heard of that before, but it makes perfect sense, not lonely in a social stance but really isolated inside yourself with no one to tell your feelings, let alone share them with.

Casts such as positive light

You sound just like my friend. Like him, you seem very wise and smart, and it's a joy to talk to you.

Single, never been in a relationship.

I'm not keenly interested in a relationship, but I would like one.

My first significant relationship happened at age 17. He was the 2nd guy I was dating but the first one with whom I've been truly happy - for a time. That relationship also got me pregnant - careful, lol. Some young women tend to want babies early.

The problem is, I don't really have anywhere I can go without going into depression from seeing couples. If there was some place that guaranteed to only be singles and was nearby, then I could go.
Plus I can't talk to strangers like that. I don't know anything about them. Plus I don't see any reason wasting time talking to someone randomly if they are already dating or married. It won't get me anywhere. Well actually it will just get me more depressed about being lonely.

You know, it would be easier if all the single people had nametags that said, "I'm single.".

You're unrealistic. You already ARE nowhere at the moment, and taking chances with people cannot make you worse.

Do you have any friends or family members in bad relationships? The kind of relationships that make you happy of being alone? They exist too. In fact, they are a majority. Google "jokes" and "marriage", you'll see what I mean.

And besides, you won't win anyone if you approach people like they're a waste of time. You cut your own options away. If you meet someone who is taken, maybe THEY know someone single. But if you approach the romantic question like you're entitled, and show a negative, impatient, frustrated attitude, don't wonder why it's not working for you. You refuse to get close to anyone, you refuse to create yourself a social circle, you want the butter immediately. People don't work that way.

Then again, maybe there's something within you that works against you. Persistent bad feelings or bad memories. If you think this could be the case, stop all social efforts, get yourself a blank notebook and write your thoughts down. No censoring. Take it out of your chest. There's some situation hurting you, eating your confidence away and it's not the random couples you meet.

If you were truly ready for a relationship, your single life would be precious to you, you'd be zen about it, and wouldn't want to quit it until you meet someone worth losing your freedom. The emergency you feel right now is to have someone that will prove you that your love has value. This is not good for you! You should already know this and not doubt it! You need to sort out what past experiences don't allow you to believe your love feelings have value.

Important bit, you won't be able to sort this out if you socialize. You need to be completely alone. Nothing bad will happen to you if you're alone; you already are. Ignore the door, unplug the phone, turn the computer off, and start writing about the parts of your past that left you with haunting bad feelings about yourself.

Well you caught me off guard and it's a rarity for someone to do that and I got apprehensive. You are a cool person to message to, AQ. Makes my days more enjoyable.

Thanks dear, I picked you at random to be honest, lol. I had to break the ice and start speaking to someone and you seemed down to earth and cool. I love the exchange of messages too. I'm a tortured soul, a complicated person, but when we talk it's always simple and fun. You're magic!

I'm single, mid twenties, but I'd give pretty much anything for a relationship with a woman I feel comfortable with.

I've never been in a 'serious' relationship - one where we talk properly about moving in together or the equivelant.
In my younger days I've had the opportunity to make moves with women who might have been attracted to me in a cute/nervous way, but generally chickened out, out of fear over what could happen.

I've been in 'relationships' - if you can call them that - in the past where I've felt kind of constricted, afraid to be myself, because either I didn't want to be with that person or I was afraid of messing it up.

Currently trying to clear out some of the junk in my head, hopefully that will make me more able to function in a relationship.

I tend to believe relationships can matter even if they don't end up in a marriage. All relationships have an impact on the person we become. We meet people, certain things merge well, obviously certain things clash, else we wouldn't end up single. The things that clash lead us to question parts of us, who we are, what we want, this opens us to learn. Learn to be a better person or learn to accept self better. This brings peace and makes us more open for better and better relationships over time.

All this to say, from relationship to relationship, you're on the way to build the person you'll be when you're ready to truly give your all to a ultimate relationship. The last one, with the love of your life. I happen to still believe in that. I might be wrong.

I'd just like to say at this point that I think Arsenic Queen is the ****.

lol, thanks, but nah. I just try to be helpful and friendly. And when it comes to relationships, outside views often bring a new angle to things. I've been blind too, myself, and the people who brought me their honest outside views have been the most helpful people to me, so I try to offer it while I still got some free time.

 

[blackdot]

Arsenic Queen:

To be honest, it doesn't matter if I have friends or not. They all tell me I'm a wonderful person and that I shouldn't have any problems. But they all have a reason for not dating me and they have no idea of anyone they they could hook me up with. (Not that I want to be hooked up with someone since I already know no one I know knows anyone that I am compatible with.)

But just being around people who are in a relationship kills me. It's not some hidden issue I have blocked out. It's not something that writing down things is going to solve. The plain fact is that I'm tired of being single. Yet I have no idea how to find someone since the process of dating makes no since. I'm too formula based. I'm too process based. Dating has no logic. I can't figure it out.

There is 1 thing I want in life and it's the one thing that doesn't exist right now. Wanting to be in a relationship does not make me cherish being single. Just the opposite. I used to be at zen about being single until I was finally ready to date. At that point nothing is making me happy until i find someone.

And if sitting in dead silence was able to solve the problem then I would have figured it out many many years ago since that's usually all I have. I don't have to ignore the door or unplug the phone. No one visits or calls me as it is. The last person to visit me was over a year ago and that was my parents. The only people that call me are my parents which is usually when they have something go bad on their computer.

 

[Romeo Echo]

You sound just like my friend. Like him, you seem very wise and smart, and it's a joy to talk to you.

Thank you, I may not be a philosopher but I always try and contribute some kind of intellectual input, a joy to converse with you too

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It might sound corny.
I got all of these ideas from books
And coming across messages on
This board.
The message caught my attentions
for reasons. So I continue to do
More research on this idea or
Concept.
The material are also over laps
From recovery literatures, sedona method, the bible,

---

The course in miracles,the power of the now,
7 habits of effective people, the secrets, positive
Thinking, Beyond positive thinking, what to
Say to yourself, A millionairs mimd, How to
Manifest what you want...

I also notice many post on this board of
People complain about their lives.
That they will never HAVE a PARTNER but
WANT a pattner

---

The message states...
ITS A SELF FULFILLING PROPHECY.

Recovery material states..
PEOPLE LIVE IN ACCORDANCE TO THEIR
BELIEFS.

THE BIBLE SIMPLY STATES..
ACCORDING TO YOUR FAITH IT WILL BE DONE
ONTO YOU.

ACOA, AA, ALANON gose into depth
Details and refer it as..
CONDITIONING or RE PARENTING
LETTING GO OF OLD IDEAS AND UNWORKSBLE BELIEFS

---

Bruce Lee states..
You must empty your cup before you can
Fill you cup...

---

I really teally wanted to have a loving, healthy relationship with Renae.

Renae and i saperated last summer.
I even said a bunch of hurtful things to her.
Terrible things that basically would break ties
With us...

I love Renae very much

---

Ive also been fortunate to have many photos
And images of her.
Its helping me envision her and i together
As husband and wife.

Ive also followed these simple instructions...

I HAVE A LOVING AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
WITH RENAE.

i wrote this hundreds of times in my
Joirnal.
I also recorded myself saying this and
Listen to it everyday.

RENAE AND I ARE LIVING TOGETHER, NOW.
ITS BEEN VERY LOVING AND CARING FOR
US FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS.
RENAE ALSO WANTS US TO MARRY.

3 months ago she wouldn't even speak
to me because of what did and said to
Her...
I remember receiving a phone call
From her as the sun was raisimg
After drivimg all night. Not knowimg
Where I will go or do.
On a dessert highway in the middle
Of no where.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I EXPERIMENTED WITH THIS BY SAYING
OR ENVISION MYSELF GETTING A PARKING
SPOT NEAR THE STORE ENTERANCE IN A CRALWED
PARKING LOT..
.TO MY AMAZEMENT....ID ALWAYS FIND
AN EMPTY PARKING SPACE NEAR THE STORE
ENTRANCE.....BABY STEPS.

 

[septicemia]

I am a woman in my early 30s. Have had a fair amount of sex, but been single my whole life. I am thinking about going back to escorting just to have some affection and intimacy in my life. Only problem is, that I am afraid of being hurt or killed by some psycho john now. I guess mostly I choose to sit here feeling down on my self and like I am completely unlovable to the outside world.

 

[firebird85]

^Women have it easier. End of story.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

^Women have it easier. End of story.

Depends on your definition of "easier".

I'm fairly sure having a whole load of meaningless sex wouldn't make me feel any better than I do now, if you're talking about the ease of sexual procurement. Why would a woman feel different? Especially when, in the context of a female, giving up that kind of attention can easily make you feel abused afterwards if you did it for the wrong reasons.

Septicemia...I find that profoundly sad actually

I'm not really the person to give advice here I suppose, but I'm not sure doing that is a good idea, seeing as the guys you see will presumably just want that one element of intimacy only. I'm not sure you can even call it real intimacy without the full range of emotion behind it.

Don't give up, I'm certain there must be a decent man out there for you. It might just take a while to find him.

But just being around people who are in a relationship kills me. It's not some hidden issue I have blocked out. It's not something that writing down things is going to solve. The plain fact is that I'm tired of being single. Yet I have no idea how to find someone since the process of dating makes no since. I'm too formula based. I'm too process based. Dating has no logic. I can't figure it out.

There is 1 thing I want in life and it's the one thing that doesn't exist right now. Wanting to be in a relationship does not make me cherish being single. Just the opposite. I used to be at zen about being single until I was finally ready to date. At that point nothing is making me happy until i find someone.

Can really sympathise with this. I feel the same sort of thing, though my situation has the additional frustration that I literally can't go out with anyone right now due to my own circumstances!

However, may I suggest that perhaps you're looking at dating in too rigid a way? I personally see a relationship as an extension of a friendship of sorts. Instead of looking for dates specifically (a concept, as I've said before, I find bizarre myself), perhaps try just mixing with ladies and getting to know them very generally?

I find girls naturally develop an attraction to you like that, you become attracted to them and things flow much more smoothly. I'd go as far as to say I'd have a girlfriend at the moment from proceeding like that, if it wasn't for outside complications in my life at present.

I wish you the best of luck, however you go ahead.

 

[sylvestris lybica]

I am single. I have had one past relationship that I don't know how to describe. I have decided to lift my middle finger to romantic relationships because I just don't have the self love or energy needed to make one work. The problem with that is I have a huge sex drive and nothing to do with it. ::shrug:: But I'll live, I'm mostly interested in making friends for the time being.

 

[septicemia]

firebird you could very easily go out and buy some time with an escort or hooker. Sure you got to spend some money (and the more you spend, the nicer the lady and better the time you will have), but I have heard that the men that buy sex feel like they lose less emotionally, then the women who sell their sex. I have never had an orgasm from sex with a partner, ever. Men at least get to get off no matter what, it seems. I wouldnt say women have it easier.

Thesolitaryman, thank you. It makes me really sad too. I think emotionless sex can have aspects of intimacy, but you are right, its not real. It has an initial rush, but what goes up, must come down, and the low reaches deeper each time. I keep talking myself out of going back, thankfully. I know I dont really want to, but if I could somehow promise to keep myself safe, I totally would.

 

[Arsenic Queen]

Bruce Lee states..
You must empty your cup before you can
Fill you cup...

Very true.

I am a woman in my early 30s. Have had a fair amount of sex, but been single my whole life. I am thinking about going back to escorting just to have some affection and intimacy in my life. Only problem is, that I am afraid of being hurt or killed by some psycho john now. I guess mostly I choose to sit here feeling down on my self and like I am completely unlovable to the outside world.

^Women have it easier. End of story.

Oh no they don't. I could pop you a whole book about how much women don't have it easier in the LEAST. But I'm not gonna.

Depends on your definition of "easier".

I'm fairly sure having a whole load of meaningless sex wouldn't make me feel any better than I do now, if you're talking about the ease of sexual procurement. Why would a woman feel different? Especially when, in the context of a female, giving up that kind of attention can easily make you feel abused afterwards if you did it for the wrong reasons.

Septicemia...I find that profoundly sad actually

I'm not really the person to give advice here I suppose, but I'm not sure doing that is a good idea, seeing as the guys you see will presumably just want that one element of intimacy only. I'm not sure you can even call it real intimacy without the full range of emotion behind it.

Don't give up, I'm certain there must be a decent man out there for you. It might just take a while to find him.

Can really sympathise with this. I feel the same sort of thing, though my situation has the additional frustration that I literally can't go out with anyone right now due to my own circumstances!

However, may I suggest that perhaps you're looking at dating in too rigid a way? I personally see a relationship as an extension of a friendship of sorts. Instead of looking for dates specifically (a concept, as I've said before, I find bizarre myself), perhaps try just mixing with ladies and getting to know them very generally?

I find girls naturally develop an attraction to you like that, you become attracted to them and things flow much more smoothly. I'd go as far as to say I'd have a girlfriend at the moment from proceeding like that, if it wasn't for outside complications in my life at present.

I wish you the best of luck, however you go ahead.

Really wise here too, I agree with all of it. As much on what you said about septicemia, as much on what you said to blackdot. You nailed it completely.

firebird you could very easily go out and buy some time with an escort or hooker.

Maybe this could help sylvestris lybica with his sex drive, and blackdot gain some confidence. Not really confidence in relationships but it might cut some slack in the stress and pressure of being so alone.