changing yourself

[Empathy]

now i'm trying to be myself, but i'm afraid i have already lost my own personality;

Hi everyone, I love this thread. I just wanted to reply to the above, Angel. I thought that exact same thing when I was 15-17, I thought I had pretended to be things for so long that I didn't know who I really was. I kept trying to figure it out, and then, I became who I am.

I think what really happens is we shape ourselves. There is nothing you have lost While you are looking for your personality, you are choosing and creating it.

 

[angeLLblueshadow]

Hi everyone, I love this thread. I just wanted to reply to the above, Angel. I thought that exact same thing when I was 15-17, I thought I had pretended to be things for so long that I didn't know who I really was. I kept trying to figure it out, and then, I became who I am.
I think what really happens is we shape ourselves. There is nothing you have lost While you are looking for your personality, you are choosing and creating it.

i'm glad you like this thread and thank you very much for your advice, i really think you are right!

PS: No ofense Empathy, but pleeease call me angeLL
because there are a thousand angels on the net and only one angeLLblueshadow, this just makes my nick really mine and unic! thank you very much!

 

[Kin]

Stop trying to find something that works for other people. You have to find someting that works for yourself, and yourself only. When you're comfortable about yourself, you can start getting comfortable around other people.

I'm a lot more comfortable with myself now than I was back in high school. Back then when people started talking to me I just wanted to run away. Today I find myself actually leading most conversations when I talk to other people. I can't tell you how to do it. it's not easy. Just try to relax and be yourself. Don't be afraid when talking to other people. I think a lot of people, even the social ones have a hard time talking to people they don't know very well.

Honestly, this just might be the best advice I have read on this site. Thanks, Jeremi.

 

[Kin]

I've been called ugly numerous times in my life, and for many years I believed everyone. I hated that I hated they way I looked because everyone else did. One day, I decided to throw vanity out the window, I shaved my head, wore no make up and faced the world. It was the best thing I ever did. I did it for me, but because I gained self confidence, people respect me now.



I hope you can

Another great piece of advice. I should start archiving posts like these in case anyone desperately needs some rock-solid advice.

 

[BrokenDreams]

I don't think you should change to make friends, true friends like you for who you are. I have a few friends at school, but I never show them the real me. I try to act all happy and hyper around my friends (candy really helps! xP) but none of my friends know the true me. I'm too afraid to show the true me since this is the first time in my life I actually had some friends at school.

 

[mimizu]

In a world of over 6 billion people, why can't just one understand me, and love me for who I am?

Because there is no love.

 

[Empathy]

In a world of over 6 billion people, why can't just one understand me, and love me for who I am?

Because there is no love.

Because there is misunderstanding.

 

[mimizu]

Maybe she could find someone who would love her, but she needs a confident man who feels very confident in himself, NOT a wimp. :'(

 

[Colette]

Maybe she could find someone who would love her, but she needs a confident man who feels very confident in himself, NOT a wimp. :'(

True to what everyone has said. I think its important to try to surround yourself with people who care about others. Have you thought about Unitarianism? They are great bunch of people to be around.

 

[mimizu]

Who is "true to what everyone has said" ... ? You or me? I don't think any organized group of people can be great to be around. Like all social hierarchies, it's based on lies, sucking up, and backstabbing. ... And it's a hierarchy.

 

[Colette]

Who is "true to what everyone has said" ... ? You or me? I don't think any organized group of people can be great to be around. Like all social hierarchies, it's based on lies, sucking up, and backstabbing. ... And it's a hierarchy.

I meant everyone in this thread had made some good points. Please don't shoot me!

 

[tashar_boo]

you know because of all of my problems, i've tried like milions of times of changing, just to try and have at least one friend to which i could tell anything, well if you ask if i succeded, nope, i'm still lonely;

i just wanted to ask you if you at least have one though aboput changing yourself, i have to know if i'm the only one who did this!



i have changed myself to impress friends and Boys but i hve learnt that i don't like playing charades on fake things and emotions when i'd prefer to be true to myself.. if people don't like the real me they aren't my true friends and basically i tell myself tha they can go to hell and there are better people in the world ta hang round wif who'll appreciate me better

 

[In The Matrix]

you know because of all of my problems, i've tried like milions of times of changing, just to try and have at least one friend to which i could tell anything, well if you ask if i succeded, nope, i'm still lonely;

i just wanted to ask you if you at least have one though aboput changing yourself, i have to know if i'm the only one who did this!



i have changed myself to impress friends and Boys but i hve learnt that i don't like playing charades on fake things and emotions when i'd prefer to be true to myself.. if people don't like the real me they aren't my true friends and basically i tell myself tha they can go to hell and there are better people in the world ta hang round wif who'll appreciate me better

I concur. I know what kind of a person I really am... and many times I've felt the need to change things about me to impress people or to befriend them. But here's what I learned in the end:

Changing yourself to impress people only works for a little while. They'll eventually see right through you and find the real you in the end. Whether or not they will like the real you or not, will be at their mercy anyway.

Also, if people realize that you tend to change yourself depending on the social context, that blares a lack of confidence, a quality that has become regarded as the universal trait that anyone wants in their friend/companion. That and humour.

 

[unkn0wn]

hi, i was just wondering about something and i wanted to ask you too;

you know i don't have friends and even if i have they don't know anything about me, because every conversation with anybody is like listening to what other people say, because nobody listens to me ar even lets me talk so it's like listening and giving advise; it's not that people don't notice me, it's just that they only need me for making them their homeworks or laughing about me and making fun about me, well i guess you got the point; so i'm quite lonely and i just have to shout up because everything i say is wrong and gets me into more troubles, well i still have some problems that bother me, but i'll just get to the question;

you know because of all of my problems, i've tried like milions of times of changing, just to try and have at least one friend to which i could tell anything, well if you ask if i succeded, nope, i'm still lonely;

i just wanted to ask you if you at least have one though aboput changing yourself, i have to know if i'm the only one who did this!

anyhow, please tell me !

a kiss and a big smile!

hey angeLL,
well, i don't think you must change yourself for this ! maybe YOU can Change THEM ! what do you think? or at least try to be more "powerful"
but not "too powerful" (if you know what i mean).

anyway, i think you're a great person, you have a BIG heart, that can Love and be Loved, I'm sure somebody loves you Very MUCH, cares about you, I'm sure you can be the person that can change the world, I'm sure you're the right person to ask for an advice, to talk with, to share some opinions...







P.S. look arAund...think a little bit.... maybe he really loves you...but you don't believe in his love...






P.P.S. be yourself...be original

 

[Blue Sky]

I have tried many times to change myself but it never seems to work. Specially my shyness. If I try to be an outgoing type of person I feel so uncomfortable inside that I go back into my shell straight away. Once I really get to know someone I'm ok. But I do envy these outgoing types who make friends easily. I just wish that I could do it to.