Deal Breakers

[ladyforsaken]

All I'll say is if I see a tattoo or similar status symbol, my first thought will be "who are they with", not "ooh, what does that body art mean"? I'm fine with body modification, but wearing a mark usually is used as a social indicator, like a tramp stamp or tattoos displaying membership in a gang. Not being conscious that others will ask that question is suspect - demanding that others not ask that question displays a special kind of arrogance which implies a sense of superiority which should not need explanation. I will judge people as I see fit - others have judged me throughout my life for things I didn't choose, except their judgements have far harsher repercussions.

Just because people are judgemental doesn't mean you have to follow. If you want kindness back, you gotta give it too.

Most of the people in my life don't see me as a delinquent of any sort, not even near. Actually, I can say everyone who knows me in my life, in person and mostly online, knows that I am my own person, I do not have a cult nor do I have a group or gang or anyone I'd "mark" myself for. I'd still want a tattoo that means something to me and not just for that, I also think it's a form of art. The symbol or design I choose would be something that holds meaning to my own set of beliefs, it will not have anything to do with societies. Does that override whatever personality I have that people know of already and make me a slave or a negative person?

Well, I'll say, if you wanna judge people, judge well and right. Making negative judgements like this make you exactly like those people you despise. That's probably why people look harshly to your opinions on this because it is downright offensive, biased and untrue. Sure, there are symbols that mark secret societies or groups and sure, there are probably some people who do this. But stop lumping every single tattooed person in the same category that you only know of. It just doesn't make sense.

You don't know every single tattooed person on earth and you don't know each of their stories. Though I'm sure you should know that everyone of their reasons for having tattoos would be different.

It's like you are saying every other person who is of the same gender as you are just as offensive and judgemental. Do you think that's right? I don't think so.

You are definitely entitled to your own opinion. But don't expect people to be quiet if you decide to put them down along with your opinion.

 

[there is no hope]

I was attacked as a ******* infant for far less and it ruined my life. Who shot first? Does it matter, really, recrimination is not a defense.

 

[Aisha]

Demanding that others not ask that question displays a special kind of arrogance which implies a sense of superiority which should not need explanation. I will judge people as I see fit - others have judged me throughout my life for things I didn't choose, except their judgements have far harsher repercussions.

I was attacked as a ******* infant for far less and it ruined my life. Who shot first? Does it matter, really, recrimination is not a defense.

You're right, recrimination isn't a defense. But why would someone needs a defense in the first place unless you'd offended, hurt or insulted them in some way, whether by intent or accident? Try not to make sweeping generalizations and force people into one particular category. I am very sorry that awful things happened to you at any point in your life, but please understand that just because others have hurt and judged you, it does not automatically give you a right to carry on that cycle. Break it, and take a chance on people. Most people aren't inherently bad. You may make some very loyal, firm friends.

I read a comment that associated tattoos with slavery. How many slaves does anyone personally know of in the current developed world, tattooed or not? People should think a little before making such statements.

People are very varied and these days what everyone has been saying is true, tattoos have become symbols of self expression. What you are saying is also accurate, but it is a very outdated opinion. Tattooing has increased exponentially in the past few decades, and even if that was once the case, it is no longer a universal truth. Take as an example the fact that women with tattoos used to be very uncommon and now they aren't. The majority of gang members arent female, and never have been. Why associate that with tattoos?
Perhaps ask those who have them their reasons, remain open minded and learn a little. Understand and accept that they know more about it than you do. Don't hold on to an opinion just out of stubbornness. That can be associated with arrogance and ignorance. It's okay to not like tattoos, I don't like them much myself because of their permanence, but it's not okay to hurt other people by making discriminatory comments, especially when you're judging without knowledge. Everyone has a right to self expression, you and I have a right to freedom of expression, whether that goes against popular opinion or not. But don't be bitter dear, it doesn't look well on anyone.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I SAID TO DROP IT!

This has gone on for over 20 posts now, let it go and move on or this thread will be closed.

 

[Aisha]

I SAID TO DROP IT!

This has gone on for over 20 posts now, let it go and move on or this thread will be closed.

Sorry, didn't see your earlier post and only properly read the interaction between ladyf and thereisnohope. Didn't really know there was a Thing happening here.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

I would also add tramp stamps on a woman to my list of deal breakers.

What's a tramp stamp? Is it a tattoo? I really dislike the word tramp. Just wondered what one was?

A tattoo on the lower back. Usually of a butterfly.

In Georgia, it's usually some sort of obscure tribal symbol.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

People who try to get you to walk through fire for them.. *cough* TheRealCallie *cough* :club: :club: :club:

 

[gabriel20]

To lighten the mood,and to get thing's back on track, does it really matter if someone is not "exactly" your,or someone else's,idea of what is classed as "normal", as long one person find's another person " attractive",?
Three heads,sixteen toes,tattoo's, piercings, married before,kid's, tall,short or gender, race,colour or creed,just not what Society calls,"the norm", as long at they like and care about each other?

"A diamond with a flaw,is worth more than a pebble without imperfections"

 

[LonelyInAtl]

To lighten the mood,and to get thing's back on track, does it really matter if someone is not "exactly" your,or someone else's,idea of what is classed as "normal", as long one person find's another person " attractive",?
Three heads,sixteen toes,tattoo's, piercings, married before,kid's, tall,short or gender, race,colour or creed,just not what Society calls,"the norm", as long at they like and care about each other?

It doesn't have anything to do with "normal". It's what a person wants or doesn't want. Married before would not be a deal breaker for me. Nor would kids in some circumstances.

Smoking? Absolutely. Tatts? Probably. Piercings? No lip, gauges, etc and we're ok.

 

[Aisha]

To lighten the mood,and to get thing's back on track, does it really matter if someone is not "exactly" your,or someone else's,idea of what is classed as "normal", as long one person find's another person " attractive",?
Three heads,sixteen toes,tattoo's, piercings, married before,kid's, tall,short or gender, race,colour or creed,just not what Society calls,"the norm", as long at they like and care about each other?

It doesn't have anything to do with "normal". It's what a person wants or doesn't want. Married before would not be a deal breaker for me. Nor would kids in some circumstances.

Smoking? Absolutely. Tatts? Probably. Piercings? No lip, gauges, etc and we're ok.

And that's the sound of the point making its rapid flight over the top over the top of lonelyInAtI's head. Just kidding.
Of course you have your deal breakers Lonely, but I think gabe's point is that different people have different ideas of what is attractive, and it won't matter to those involved with each other whether society approves or not, because in the end they like and care about each other. Everyone's deal breakers won't be the same, but if two people fit, that's all that counts.

 

[VanillaCreme]

My deal breaker:

People that argue for no reason.

 

[Dandelion]

mine are cheating and lying.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Unable to say what they need, and expect a person to just know. (this is also currently on my list of things I want to improve in myself)

 

[wildrice]

My experience is that I have met many men that have kids. Although it may seem selfish, that is a deal breaker for me. If I am willing to commit a portion of my time to that person, I expect the same in return.
Obviously I want someone who is available both physically and emotionally.

 

[No_Nickname]

Bitchiness, cheating, threats of violence (actual violence is a turn-on), manipulation, lying (don't even white lie, just plead the 5th)... um... pointless irrationality... poor personal hygiene, threatening to cheat on me if I don't drop everything for you... child/animal abuse (murdering adults for money is fine), not being okay with dark humour, and criticising my driving.

Oh, and not being appreciative when I hold the door for you. If you do that, and especially if you glare at me, I will assume you're a closeted ***** and dump your *** - probably out the 3rd story window.

I can't think of any more, and my list is probably too big already.

 

[boonieghoul]

DB#1: being boring. I can handle all extremes of crazy, but being a dull stumbling drone just lights up the EXIT sign.
DB#2: messiness, both hygiene and personal living space. If you can't clean up after yourself, I'm out.
DB#3: kids. See DB#2.
DB#4: prudish, judgmental disgust for anything weird or different. Boring is bad enough, but being boring AND as condemnatory as a repressed Baptist minister? Buh-bye.

 

[stork_error]

Cheating, I cant tolerate cheating, never could. It wasnt until I discovered my x was probably cheating that I finally left him, and it should have been looooong before that.

 

[ardour]

DB#1: being boring. I can handle all extremes of crazy, but being a dull

In my experience, people who complain about how "boring" others can be are usually boring themselves and expect the other person to carry the interactions.


My Deal Breakers:

Being expected to carry conversation, to entertain, while they refuse to ask questions and make any effort. Just kills it.

Aloofness, either put on or genuine, it doesn't matter. Those who are aloof generally want the relationship to be all about 'them'.

Not saying what they mean, not being straight.

Lack of basic social etiquette - being rude while still expecting me to want to talk to them at some future point (baffling). One example would be someone you don't know that well texting at length mid-conversation. Unless there's an emergency, it's obnoxious.

 

[Danielle]

My Deal Breakers:

Heavy drinker or any drugs other than grass...
Being rude
name calling/ bad temper
not being able to laugh at onself.

 

[HoodedMonk]

Those who are aloof generally want the relationship to be all about 'them'.

This applies to more than just romantic relationships.

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You know having to think about dealbrekers requires me to think about what I want in a romantic significant other, and since I've basically nixed that from my life it doesn't seem applicable. I guess posting in this thread is pointless then.