solitudeinside
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- Dec 12, 2013
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Hello Case,
I strongly identify with your post and I sympathize with you. Having gone through a similar situation, I just want to share a few things I did that transformed the way I perceive and use Facebook and social media in general. You can use Facebook to your benefit to create positive change in your situation. I'd encourage you to hit your loneliness head-on with small, easy, proactive steps in the right direction. The choice is yours, but consider the following:
1. Create a new Facebook account, but don't add anyone except close family and friends that you care about--keep your friend-adding to a minimum.
2. Keep your old Facebook account active for 24-48 hours after creating the new account, and post something like this: "I'm deleting this account, but feel free to add me here: [link to new account].
3. After 24-48 hours completely delete your old account. In effect, you rid yourself of all fake and shallow "friends", and the ones who truely care will re-add you.
4. Lock down your new account and utilize the privacy features. I'm kind of a privacy nut, so my account is locked down pretty tightly (no one can post on my wall; I un-tag myself in all photos and friend's posts; I have nothing in my "About" section; my "Likes" are locked down to the bare minimum; etc.)
5. Post infrequently, and only post what is truely meaningful to you ("quality over quantity"). Filter your posts, and don't update the world on mundane details of your life. Also, be positive. Facebook has an abundance of those who share mostly what is going wrong in their lives in an attempt for attention or pity. Don't blend in with all the grumpy people.
6. Strive to eliminate your dependence on "Likes." As you stated, they're basically meaningless anyway. In the beginning, after making these changes for myself, very few people seemed to notice. But the positive feedback that began as a slow "trickle" is now a steady "stream".
7. Cultivate a little "mystery" around yourself. In my experience, people actually began to take notice of the positive changes I made. One person sent me a PM stating, "Sorry this is really random, but I just want to say that you have some of the best status updates ever. Kudos to you!" That PM was totally unsolicited, and I didn't even know that person very well! Don't broadcast everything, and people may begin to look at you differently--in a good way. If the people closest to you know nothing about you--and they truely care--they will begin to ask to find out who the "real you" is.
And I saved the best for last...
8. Spend very little time on social media sights like Facebook. Let the time you do spend online be productive. Be the person to take others out for coffee. The time you used to spend behind a heartless computer screen should be used for true, real, face-to-face friendships. Make friends, don't wait for friends. Reach out to other people who seem like they may be in your lonely situation...
In the last year, my social circle has gone from virtually non-existent, to about 4-6 good/close friends. Funny thing is, I'm the common denominator (all my friends know me, but not each other). Why? Because I was the one who made the initial friendly investment in each of them. Believe me, it has paid off big time. While 4-6 real friends may still seem like a very small social circle, it's a hell of a lot better than 1,000 fake Facebook "friends" or no one at all...
I really hope you find this encouraging and helpful! Best wishes going forward...
I strongly identify with your post and I sympathize with you. Having gone through a similar situation, I just want to share a few things I did that transformed the way I perceive and use Facebook and social media in general. You can use Facebook to your benefit to create positive change in your situation. I'd encourage you to hit your loneliness head-on with small, easy, proactive steps in the right direction. The choice is yours, but consider the following:
1. Create a new Facebook account, but don't add anyone except close family and friends that you care about--keep your friend-adding to a minimum.
2. Keep your old Facebook account active for 24-48 hours after creating the new account, and post something like this: "I'm deleting this account, but feel free to add me here: [link to new account].
3. After 24-48 hours completely delete your old account. In effect, you rid yourself of all fake and shallow "friends", and the ones who truely care will re-add you.
4. Lock down your new account and utilize the privacy features. I'm kind of a privacy nut, so my account is locked down pretty tightly (no one can post on my wall; I un-tag myself in all photos and friend's posts; I have nothing in my "About" section; my "Likes" are locked down to the bare minimum; etc.)
5. Post infrequently, and only post what is truely meaningful to you ("quality over quantity"). Filter your posts, and don't update the world on mundane details of your life. Also, be positive. Facebook has an abundance of those who share mostly what is going wrong in their lives in an attempt for attention or pity. Don't blend in with all the grumpy people.
6. Strive to eliminate your dependence on "Likes." As you stated, they're basically meaningless anyway. In the beginning, after making these changes for myself, very few people seemed to notice. But the positive feedback that began as a slow "trickle" is now a steady "stream".
7. Cultivate a little "mystery" around yourself. In my experience, people actually began to take notice of the positive changes I made. One person sent me a PM stating, "Sorry this is really random, but I just want to say that you have some of the best status updates ever. Kudos to you!" That PM was totally unsolicited, and I didn't even know that person very well! Don't broadcast everything, and people may begin to look at you differently--in a good way. If the people closest to you know nothing about you--and they truely care--they will begin to ask to find out who the "real you" is.
And I saved the best for last...
8. Spend very little time on social media sights like Facebook. Let the time you do spend online be productive. Be the person to take others out for coffee. The time you used to spend behind a heartless computer screen should be used for true, real, face-to-face friendships. Make friends, don't wait for friends. Reach out to other people who seem like they may be in your lonely situation...
In the last year, my social circle has gone from virtually non-existent, to about 4-6 good/close friends. Funny thing is, I'm the common denominator (all my friends know me, but not each other). Why? Because I was the one who made the initial friendly investment in each of them. Believe me, it has paid off big time. While 4-6 real friends may still seem like a very small social circle, it's a hell of a lot better than 1,000 fake Facebook "friends" or no one at all...
I really hope you find this encouraging and helpful! Best wishes going forward...
![Thomas]](https://cdn.imagearchive.com/alonelylife/data/avatars/s/14/14186.jpg?1631136400){kind=avatar}
