Do people ever minimise your loneliness?

[FreedomFromLiberty]

Are you asking from curiosity alone or because you genuinely want to be supportive?

bit of both because I think you come across on here as a bit too sensitive.

The hilarity! Your loneliness is being minimized on your thread about having your loneliness minimized.

 

[Tiina63]

Yes, I feel the same way.
Triple Bogey-I would not feel at ease about confiding in you.

---

Are you asking from curiosity alone or because you genuinely want to be supportive?

bit of both because I think you come across on here as a bit too sensitive.

Conversely, some could argue you're being a bit insensitive.

She's pouring out her issues here, and sensitivity has nothing to do with whether or not they're relevant. Emotions are subjective things by default.

And to be quite frank, we are social outcasts by default. Whose to say her social outcast-ness is any less than mine or yours?

Thank you, Groucho. I appreciate your kindness a lot.

 

[Mike510]

Yeah it seems to be like the only thing they say. Oh your young, you will feel better eventually. To me it's just passing off what the person is going through. I mean you could do that about almost anything but really whats the point of saying that?

 

[Peaches]

People can be quick apply the needy label so I rarely talk about it.

Plain old individual loneliness is seen as either the result of personal failings - the perception you must be an idle home-body or a profoundly unlikeable person - or a minor complaint in comparison to people/groups facing more serious problems.

yes, people do apply the needy label a lot

the problem is that when the loneliness become so overwhelming that it becomes a big part of who you are, then not sharing it means not sharing a big part of oneself, and that perpetuates the loneliness and separation.

So, when is that the case to share and when not? I wish I knew…

 

[Tiina63]

Peaches, you have hit the nail on the head. This is how I feel all the time-my loneliness is so huge that hiding it feels as though I am not being myself with people. And this makes me feel even lonelier as people are only seeing a tiny part of me. But showing it can lead to rejection so the loneliness grows again.

 

[Grackle]

Peaches, you have hit the nail on the head. This is how I feel all the time-my loneliness is so huge that hiding it feels as though I am not being myself with people. And this makes me feel even lonelier as people are only seeing a tiny part of me. But showing it can lead to rejection so the loneliness grows again.

Sooo true for me too. There are aspects of myself I hide from people for fear of being rejected and what its like in my heart is just one of the things. Though it gets easier or not as devastating with each negative encounter, its still hard to have someone dismiss me like I was a bad smell. My feelings are ME so when someone minimizes how I feel, they minimizes ME.

 

[Groucho]

Peaches, you have hit the nail on the head. This is how I feel all the time-my loneliness is so huge that hiding it feels as though I am not being myself with people. And this makes me feel even lonelier as people are only seeing a tiny part of me. But showing it can lead to rejection so the loneliness grows again.

Precisely the catch-22 (or between a rock and hard place) I find myself in! I feel by hiding what I think, feel and believe in, that ultimately I'm being dishonest with people and somehow untrue, which means there's a gap.

But I know from experience if I flat out open-up and talk whatever I think, people are very quick to dump me by the wayside and leave.

Realistically, we would need some way of being sorted akin to a post office where people of similar interests and events speak with people of similar interests and events. But to do that I would need to publicly identify what I think and feel, and doing that would alienate me from a large majority, just to try to find other people I don't know even exist.

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

Precisely the catch-22 (or between a rock and hard place) I find myself in! I feel by hiding what I think, feel and believe in, that ultimately I'm being dishonest with people and somehow untrue, which means there's a gap.

But I know from experience if I flat out open-up and talk whatever I think, people are very quick to dump me by the wayside and leave.

Realistically, we would need some way of being sorted akin to a post office where people of similar interests and events speak with people of similar interests and events. But to do that I would need to publicly identify what I think and feel, and doing that would alienate me from a large majority, just to try to find other people I don't know even exist.

in my case, I always feel as though people to pick up on that gap that you're talking about. people can sense that I'm holding my thoughts back. perhaps it's because I'm not saying very much on the conversation. but I only do it to be polite. I have a lot of beliefs and opinions that seem to run contrary to everyone around me. I'm not looking to unleash a load of criticism and rejection I'm the person I'm talking to so I just keep my mouth shut.

 

[Goblin]

I find that people are largely dismissive of problems in general, perhaps unintentionally. It seems to be human nature to try to "fix" feelings and perspectives and top it off with a "be positive!" cliche instead of offering understanding or ideas.

It's largely why I don't make the effort to talk about my problems. If I wanted to focus on the solution at any given moment, I'd be off doing so or asking for one.

 

[Groucho]

in my case, I always feel as though people to pick up on that gap that you're talking about. people can sense that I'm holding my thoughts back. perhaps it's because I'm not saying very much on the conversation. but I only do it to be polite. I have a lot of beliefs and opinions that seem to run contrary to everyone around me. I'm not looking to unleash a load of criticism and rejection I'm the person I'm talking to so I just keep my mouth shut.

It's precisely this! (Yay, common ground!) You want to say nothing because you know what you do say will cause an uproar, for example, you think politicial correctness is too invasive, or education in schools indoctrinate children but don't teach actual useful skills ("Quick, it's an emergency! I need to work out the remaining angle on the side of this building that is about to collapse on 3 puppies and it's clearly a right triangle!"), but you know the second you state your opinion, no matter how well researched or backed up...

...a furor erupts. Or the people become offended (how dare you have an opinion that isn't cliche!). Or they think you're weird and stop talking to you.

And you can even tell them that asking about the subject will make them offended. And they claim they won't be, and ask anyway. And then they get offended. Then you go through this awkward social manouvering where they pathetically try to pretend they're not offended, but they ultimately act offended and ignore you regardless.

And then it turns out you're right. And so it becomes more awkward. And they then become entrenched and defensive and yay, fun times!

 

[Peaches]

Are you asking from curiosity alone or because you genuinely want to be supportive?

bit of both because I think you come across on here as a bit too sensitive.

The hilarity! Your loneliness is being minimized on your thread about having your loneliness minimized.

quite ironic indeed

 

[Groucho]

Thank you, Groucho. I appreciate your kindness a lot.

No problem. Doesn't seem fair people should criticise without understanding.

 

[Danny]

\\

 

[sk66rc]

I noticed there are small group of people that will minimize other people's feelings in general, not just loneliness... It can be annoying when you decide to open up to people only to have it returned with a cold remark or indifference... I guess only thing you could do at that point is to pick & choose who you decide to share your feelings with though I know it's easier said than done...

 

[Sophie99]

Speaking for myself, I don't tell ANYONE in my real life how lonely I am. Almost everyone in my family is toxic and they don't want to hear anything about me, let alone be supportive. I have managed to make a handful of casual friends, but they are still only casual friends and I don't want to scare them off.

Yes, there are a lot of minimizing, thoughtless, self-absorbed people in this world. I think the fear of being hurt by these types of people -- of being minimized, ignored, rejected, made fun of, etc -- is a big part of what makes some of us so lonely in the first place. At least for me it is. But if I want to stop being lonely I have to get past it and realize that when somebody says something hurtful or treats me badly, that's really about them, not me.

 

[sk66rc]

Speaking for myself, I don't tell ANYONE in my real life how lonely I am. Almost everyone in my family is toxic and they don't want to hear anything about me, let alone be supportive. I have managed to make a handful of casual friends, but they are still only casual friends and I don't want to scare them off.

Yes, there are a lot of minimizing, thoughtless, self-absorbed people in this world. I think the fear of being hurt by these types of people -- of being minimized, ignored, rejected, made fun of, etc -- is a big part of what makes some of us so lonely in the first place. At least for me it is. But if I want to stop being lonely I have to get past it and realize that when somebody says something hurtful or treats me badly, that's really about them, not me.

It's one of the oldest cliche... There are people out there that put other people down to feel better for themselves... Quite frankly, I don't have time for those people... That's one of the reasons why I don't have too many friends... Hope you'll find people you can trust enough to share your feelings with...

 

[Wanderer145]

It's been this way for a while but I never actually say I'm lonely anymore to my friends. One of them has no empathy when it comes to this. The other is my best friend I can't bother him with it anymore considering he's heard years of it. Best to keep it to yourself, as for other people the only ones that will listen are samaritans and counsellors. People just don't want to hear about it and disregard you as being weak or just don't care. To be brutally honest lonely people are some of the toughest in the world in that they stand on their own two feet whether that is by choice or not many of them have real courage to keep fighting every day even if no one listens.

 

[Gravely]

No, the mere presence of people doesn't help me. I feel like no one in my life would understand my situation or give me the comfort I need, so I draw inside myself.

On the other hand, if there were someone in my life that I felt would understand, that would be totally different.

 

[Beckett]

No, why? because from all the people in my life, only 2 know my life story, my MDD (major depressive disorder) and all i'm going thru.

The rest of them only see a glimpse of loneliness in me, but they never dig in, cuz i'm not a subject of their interest and i'm just any person in their eyes. They see this glimpse as me being antisocial or odd, nothing more, sometimes they even laugh and make hurtful jokes about it, specially my mother.

My feelings, sensations, thoughts, opinions, pains, my broken heart and soul, my likes and dislikes, my interests, my forgotten dreams, my emptiness, my existence, my life, and the rest of me, are mostly minimized by 98% of the people i know. But i'm already used to it, i don't expect any different anymore from anyone, this is my reality and i'm ok with it.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

In the past yes I've met people who have minimized my loneliness or seem shocked that I don't have many friends. It's very hard for me to find friends in my area. People have told me to try harder and I think to myself, trust me I've tried. Overtime people end up judging me due to it or think well there has to be a reason why nobody is you're friend than. They always jump to conclusions and think that there's something wrong with me since I have no friends close by. Don't get angry about it like I used too, but when I did get angry I just kept thinking to myself that they simply don't understand social anxiety and phobia. Still trying to get better when I talk to people and I have improved a lot over the years but it's really hard finding people in my area where we share the same interests and can hold a conversation. Over the years I've met a lot of interesting people and overtime those people went on with their life, met new people or went off to college. Wished them luck and I miss those people still but I understand they have a new chapter in their life. Now I find a hard time finding people in my area and not many people who's close to my age is still living in my area. Most of the people who are in my age range are all off to college or live somewhere else which sucks. There's been many of times where I've thought of my friends in my area and cried on my back porch cause I miss those people and I still remember all the wonderful memories I shared with them. If they ever come back to this town, I'll be happy to hang out with them again but I haven't ran into any of them yet. Lots of things change over the years and I'm still getting used to it, I used to hate change, there's been days where I find myself living in the past cause I cherish all the wonderful memories with my friends. Friends are very hard to find, true friends are even harder.