Do Single People Stand Out More?

[AFrozenSoul]

So yesterday I was at my company giftmas party. At these kinds of events I generally try to blend. Get my free booze and food and go home. Sadly now I am at that age where I stand out because I am the only one with out a mate on my arm.

I have spent many years learning now to blend in. I practically have it down to a science. I have learned that little things like standing as opposed to sitting draws less attention to me. Having my arms at my side vs in my pockets or crossed draws less attention to me. All sorts of little things like that. When I was younger I could go to events just to say I went and have people not even notice me. However, no more.

I guess it is easy to spot the person who has no mate. After all, I don't have someone standing next to me being quiet. So people feel they have to put more of an effort into talking to me. Which just annoys me because I have nothing to say because I am a jaded loser. It is just like adding oxygen to a fire. One couple talks to me. I hate it when they know a bit about because then they feign interest in my interests. Then another couple joins the fray. Then about on sentence later it becomes couples stories. Then they share similar situations and laugh. Then they look at me expecting me to join in on the understanding. Then things get awkward when I stare at them blankly. Even worse now I get people saying "You have seriously never had that happen?"

I guess I have to reasons to not be single now. The only thing worse than dealing with that crap is skipping out on going to restaurants I would have to save money up to go too.

 

[Chasm]

strange
i always thnk of single ppl as strongr
strongr
more flexible
rnt these all good tr8s?
if 1 does stand out 4 these tr8s?
isnt it GOOD 2 stand out in this case?
shrugs

 

[RJLJD]

When I was younger I could go to events just to say I went and have people not even notice me.

My thought is why even go if you're not going to interact with people. Isn't that the point of a party... I mean other than the grossly stupid drink so much you get sick thing?

Free food and beverage? I don't mean to criticize, but have you ever considered that you're not getting much out of going into these situations so why bother?

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@RJLJD: My company tends to rent out very high end resturants. Where a salad costs in excess of $25 a plate. Resturants that I could hope to save up enough money to go to once every other year. Forgive me for wanting to indulge.

@Chasm: It is good if you are social and like attention. However, when you are the geek who is only into anime and video games to such a degree that no one can relate to you. Then it is a bad thing. Most everyone in my office wants to talk about their relationship or buying houses or stuff like that.

 

[RJLJD]

and forgive me for not knowing the full context of the situation.

 

[paulo]

I have spent many years learning now to blend in. I practically have it down to a science.

aah..youre like ninja..
thats pretty cool

i get that when youre a kid you dont want to stand out much cause well.. kids are mean.
but dont you think it could be a good thing people are starting to notice you.
if no one ever sees you youll be single for ever.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@paulo: Yeah well like a ninja I trained for many years. It was always easier to just comply with the parents over fighting them.

To be honest I am starting to not care about romance anymore. I just want to blend in more and more these days. So that way I can pay my rent one day and kill myself and no one will notice until they come to evict me. Love and romance are so pointless.

@RJLJD: Tis ok I forget that a lot of companies are not as nice about their various holiday parties as mine is.

 

[Chasm]

@Chasm: It is good if you are social and like attention. However, when you are the geek who is only into anime and video games to such a degree that no one can relate to you. Then it is a bad thing. Most everyone in my office wants to talk about their relationship or buying houses or stuff like that.

ok
so lemme get this str8
basically?
u like 2 go 4 the upperscale food n drink
n u toler8 the social situation 2 do so?
ok
if thats the case then
i guess ur toler8ng the situation is the "price" 4 these things
in that case?
ur wanting a coupon?
LoL
2 make the social situation less of sumthng that affects u?
bcuz u have no m8
hmmmm
ok
have u thought about just eithr?
askng sum1 2 go w/u
a friend maybe?
or if thats nt viable?
then maybe hiring sum1 2 go w/u?
(which wouldnt b as xpensive as u think btw)
or am i totally off
n ur just lookng 2 vent?
i tend 2 want 2 solve thngs
LoL
4give me if u just needed 2 vent

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Chasm: Ok pretty drunk now... so... the whole net speak and the drinking makes this interesting..... anyway.,.. If you read otehr posts in the thread you would see i have no one to go with me... and well you hire escorts when you are going places where no one else knows you. Then again it would be funny to hire an escort to go to a company event...

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Love and romance are so pointless.

This is rubbish Frozen. Sorry, but someone has to say it

To say romance and love is pointless is to make the most obvious yet erroneous conclusion anyone ever could. Everything we do is pointless when you think about the enormity of the material universe. Life is about setting yourself goals and ambitions and trying to fulfill them, at least for me.

I mean, what is playing a videogame going to do for my life? Does it serve any empirically practical purpose whatsoever? Is it going to further human understanding or alter the atomic makeup of the sun? No.

Do I do it because I enjoy it? Yes. Is it thus pointless? Not in my mind, no.

Would you also say being happy and content is pointless? Feeling fulfilled is pointless? I'm sure you've felt happy at one time or another and you didn't think that feeling was without cause or worthless.

I suggest that instead of sort of wallowing in the "I'm a ninja who can avoid having a life, how awesome is that?" sort of attitude (I've done it myself and it's hard to break out of - I still struggle not to disappear at social events), you should go out there and try your hardest to interact with these people.

When people start talking about their mundane, boring "couples" stories, put a smile on and swallow it all. Talk some ******** about someone you fancied, perhaps even embellish the details slightly if you haven't got much to say.

Entertain the people you talk to and actually try to take part in what's being said to you.

Who knows, you may start enjoying yourself? Perhaps you'll even find someone who likes it when you engage with people?

I don't want to sound like a **** here, but if you're just going to show up to things and then gleefully stand at the side of the room basking in how adept you are at making people feel awkward with your silence-creating skills, people are going to think you're intentionally being a ****...and quite rightfully so!

You seem like a decent enough guy, just you have this habit of trying to rationalise everything with increasingly bizarre logic. Forget what's pointless, what isn't pointless, focus on what makes you happy and quit being so passive and head-explodingly nihilistic about everything

 

[IgnoredOne]

Believe TSM. He used to be pretty gloomy about relationships too; we talked over things a lot and it seems that he too has discovered the joys of flirting. There's no reason why you can't either

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Believe TSM. He used to be pretty gloomy about relationships too; we talked over things a lot and it seems that he too has discovered the joys of flirting. There's no reason why you can't either

Lol, well..sort of. I always feel really guilty about it afterwards actually

But yeah, indeed. It's good to be positive about these things!

Sorry if I was a bit harsh Frozen, my harshness tends to occur when I get emphatic about helping out

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@TheSolitaryMan: True enough everything we do is pointless. The difference is that with something like video games. There are a couple of video games where I am good enough to be a tournament player. So I can win myself money if I put forth just a bit more effort. That benefits me, and me alone, but it is more of an actual benefit than a relationship or love.

Love is just a fancy word humans use to justify lust. We cannot get over the fact that humans are not able to get over their animal instinct to breed. So we dress it up as something more noble sounding. That is it, there is nothing more too it. Really love is nothing more than a drug. We have sex, happy chemicals are released in our bodies, and we feel happier. There is a reason why couples who stop having sex have "relationship problems". Without those chemicals we stop seeing what we used to see. Thus you fall out of love.

I have always been the odd man out so I am used to grinning and bearing with people's empty relationship talk. I do enjoy it when they ask me for advice. Because my answers always put a look of shock and fear in their eyes. After all, my answer rarely involves them keeping their source of sex.

I do not really care one way or another to be honest. I am done with anything like that. When I am finally able to relocate I am giving my old king bed to Good Will and buying myself a new Twin bed. I am going to just be as ambient in life as I can be. That is what I want. In my eyes a relationship is spending $1000 to make $1100, meaning I am making only $100. So love is pointless to me. Since I am not a virgin I can say that with 100% certainty. I am missing little more than a penny on the floor.

Do not worry about being harsh. I prefer harsh answers. They force people to think and grow. Not like the soft padded answer that are generally given to people on this forum.

 

[Nolife Princess]

Nope, single people do not stand out more, they simply have more fun!

 

[RJLJD]

If you really were to uncaring to what other people thought or to your own relationship status then why does it annoy you so much when they mention what they have and you don't? Because you can't relate?

What are you running from? Why do you hide? Why do you desire to disappear? So you don't have to face what you don't have? As much as you posture and make a facade I think it bothers you and you just don't want to admit it. You've lost hope and instead of call it the way it is, you change your mindset so that you're somehow in control of the fact that everyone else has something you don't have and supposedly you will never be able to get it.

There are people out there willing to die for their relationship partner, that risk life and limb. That's more than just a source of sex.

 

[Chasm]

@Chasm: Ok pretty drunk now... so... the whole net speak and the drinking makes this interesting..... anyway.,.. If you read otehr posts in the thread you would see i have no one to go with me... and well you hire escorts when you are going places where no one else knows you. Then again it would be funny to hire an escort to go to a company event...

LoL drinkng + netspk
doesnt really have 2b n escort

there r othr services 2
where prices r MUCH more negotiable
"friends 4 rent >> bf/gf 4 hire"
things like this
a lot of hard wrkng individuals
(most of neithr supr attractive/unattractive appearances >> just ur avg lookng ppl mostly)
just lookng 2 make a buck
u could probably evn bring the same 1 repeatedly?
n then get a new 1 when u got bored
LoL
ppl would just think u broke up
mahaha

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Nolife Princess: :/ Ah yes,that is something I guess I can pretend is true... even if I am the most boring person in the world

@RJLJD: To be honest, their stories and experiences start to blur together. However, maybe I am wrong to find it annoying to just stand there and listen to people talk. You know while they occasionally look at you to pretend like youa re part of the conversation?

I desire to disappear because others are annoying. If no one knows I am around then I can just do my own thing plain and simple. Though I do find it funny how you described a natural human defense mechanism. It is just something people do.

Of course people risk life and limb for their mate. What is worse than obtaining something with no knowledge of how you got it. Then losing it?

@Chasm: I guess craigslist was created for one reason or another.

 

[Chasm]

@Chasm: I guess craigslist was created for one reason or another.

2 many nutjobs there

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

@TheSolitaryMan: True enough everything we do is pointless. The difference is that with something like video games. There are a couple of video games where I am good enough to be a tournament player. So I can win myself money if I put forth just a bit more effort. That benefits me, and me alone, but it is more of an actual benefit than a relationship or love.

Love is just a fancy word humans use to justify lust. We cannot get over the fact that humans are not able to get over their animal instinct to breed. So we dress it up as something more noble sounding. That is it, there is nothing more too it. Really love is nothing more than a drug. We have sex, happy chemicals are released in our bodies, and we feel happier. There is a reason why couples who stop having sex have "relationship problems". Without those chemicals we stop seeing what we used to see. Thus you fall out of love.

I disagree here on both counts I'm afraid (I seem to be doing a lot of disagreeing lately!)

Love and lust are two connected but seperate entities. It's possible to lust after someone but not feel love for them, and vice versa.

What I want ultimately is love. I just want someone I can spend time with, someone who loves spending time with me too. Sex is probably an incredible experience, but I'd be happy to go without that indefinitely if I just had someone who appreciated me like that. So I think the two are definitely seperate.

Plus look at older couples who may not have sex regularly at all, but stay together because they have known each other for a long time and love each other. In such relationships, the death of one partner often seems to hasten the death of the second.

Then there's stuff like brotherly love and loving your friends. The human mind (and body) is a lot more complex than "sex = love, that's it".

Love is what you make it. If you want to make it about more than just making a bed creak loudly, you've got the power to transform it into something amazing that complements and shapes your life!

Anyway, I guess you view me as naive

To me, you cannot look at love as something monetary or distill it down to "I gain this, I lose this." It's priceless. Maybe that's just me though, because it certainly feels like people value it less every day...

 

[Sci-Fi]

I think it depends on where you are and who you are with. I get what you mean when attending company parties, I feel the same way. Then people ask you when you're going to get yourself a woman, blah blah blah, etc. God if they only knew how much worse that makes you feel.

To me couples stand out, but that's from seeing them holding hands, or other PDA. To them I bet seeing the single person alone at a table stands out. To me that doesn't cause I'm the same. It's the ones who are together or with kids that stand out. So I figure to them it's the other way around, and sometimes they probably wish they were me, especially this time of year with their kids screaming in the stores, and in-laws.