Do some people just go through life friendless? Unliked?

[MisterLonely]

Thread seems dead but my take on this is;

I see you are approaching 30. Out our age - I myself am 30 - it is incredibly difficult to make new friends. You will be trying to ''crack'' social circles where people have known each other since college/varsity or even since childhood. They have their connections, history and stories that you cannot relate to. I also think most people in their late 20s to early 30s are starting to become family-focused so there is little time to build new bonds with strange new people.

Example; Jim and John met at college, they've know each other since they were 18 and are best friends. They have their college stories, their 21st birthday tales, they were best men at one another's weddings, Jim's kids refer to John as their uncle as they are like family. You meet Jim when he is 28. There is no way you will ever connect with Jim the way John does. They may invite you out with them but you just won't ever have the connection they have. There will be times where you feel like you are the spare wheel.

Yikes! As someone that doesn't have friends from a younger time, that was a painful read. The truth hurts and I do agree though. I wish to have fulfilling deep friendships but it seems most people either aren't interested in one or aren't interested in one with me.

I fully agree with you and TheStaggy's original post, I am in the same position, still there is hope because just as you and I don't have any 'old' friends (or friends at all in my case), so do allot of other people, this forum is testimony of that, the trick is finding them and ofcourse clicking...

 

[Tealeaf]

I'm in my 30's as well and agree that it gets hard at this age. Some people are naturally skilled at socializing... some aren't. Some are in workplaces or neighborhoods that are very socially active... some aren't. Some are good at putting other people at ease... some aren't.

I don't think it's much to do with the individual in all cases, although it certainly helps if someone is at least a little outgoing, has some emotional intelligence, and has good social skills. But, as people get older it often seems like they have the social circles they want.

In terms of meeting people, I don't even know where to begin anymore. I work in close proximity to only 4 other people, which is a very narrow pool of people to try to cultivate friendships with. My only hope there is leaving for a different job, but it would need to be a better job later this year as I settle on a new career path, and there's no guarantee it would be any better. Beggars can't be choosers in my positions.

Meetups are superficial. No one uses the Internet to find friends, it's always for sex or dating and people leave as quickly as they come. I would hope searching online would reveal some other loners in the area who want to be social at least once in a while, just to enjoy closeness with likeminded people, but no such luck. If you can't offer them more than friendship, you're worthless to them...

 

[niceguysfinishlast]

I'm in my 30's as well and agree that it gets hard at this age. Some people are naturally skilled at socializing... some aren't. Some are in workplaces or neighborhoods that are very socially active... some aren't. Some are good at putting other people at ease... some aren't.

I don't think it's much to do with the individual in all cases, although it certainly helps if someone is at least a little outgoing, has some emotional intelligence, and has good social skills. But, as people get older it often seems like they have the social circles they want.

In terms of meeting people, I don't even know where to begin anymore. I work in close proximity to only 4 other people, which is a very narrow pool of people to try to cultivate friendships with. My only hope there is leaving for a different job, but it would need to be a better job later this year as I settle on a new career path, and there's no guarantee it would be any better. Beggars can't be choosers in my positions.

Meetups are superficial. No one uses the Internet to find friends, it's always for sex or dating and people leave as quickly as they come. I would hope searching online would reveal some other loners in the area who want to be social at least once in a while, just to enjoy closeness with likeminded people, but no such luck. If you can't offer them more than friendship, you're worthless to them...

Are you referring to Meetup.com when you say meetups? :S

I noticed that my social circle all but disappeared by the time I was 20. A couple years later I have my degree and.... absolutely no social life (or love life, but I gave up on that in late 2015 anyway as one of my forum posts shows) or any prospects in life.

 

[Wraith]

Sometimes it feels like the rest of the world is off on meetings deciding which ones are "meant" to be excluded. I have thought, compared, guessed and much more what things I could have done differently from other people - there are a few things, but they are not enough for explanations in my world. I do not, most of the time, consider myself that socially blind. However, I still feel like it, since my results are so different from most other ones. I wish you all luck, IceCastles! ^_^

I can relate to this post a lot.

Here are some other things I think:

Don't like me? Congratulations, now go join the club at the rec centre on Wednesday afternoons. 

Sometimes people just aren't compatible, and that's fine. You're not going to be friends with everyone. Your perfect best friend could live on the other side of the world, you will never meet, and you will never know. 

So, we're not friends. That doesn't matter, and I don't have the energy to care or "try" to "earn your respect" or whatever crazy things people think. 

All I care is that in all other circumstances, whether I am liked or not, I am treated equally compared to someone who is "likable". 

When people say more than "I just don't like you", I see it as a really pathetic attempt to justify poor behaviour. I'll accept that someone just doesn't like me, but I can still think they're stupid if they've never even spoken to me or barely know me!

 

[Eternitydreamer]

This was like I was written by me except I haven't had a friend in a very long time (nearly 12 years) and even that was fake. I'm a bit younger than you are, but I'm a "nice girl". I dress differently, I prefer dresses and have long hair and don't swear or act in a way others do. I give off a sugary but super shy personality.
Most woman seem to be all about that whole "I love being a bitch!" Or "f*** feelings!" Attitude and calling each other ******* as some sort of sick endearment..that even lady Gaga calls herself a "bad B****" and Britney. I honestly don't get it. I was brought up Christian and am a born-again Christian. I'm very lonely and have been for 12 years. No friend since then. I became a Christian recently. I grew up "different". I can't relate to how others speak, behave and live their lives. They diss each other, back stab and I could never do that to anyone. I cherish friends, I cherish everyone. When others were watching sexy shows or crime dramas and popular music at high school, I was watching cartoons and listening to 70's music.
Maybe I'm just autistic or something like that. I just can't get why I'm different. Unfortunately no one is offbeat like me

 

[Eternitydreamer]

Thing is, the world is full of sin. People are self absorbed and want what you can give them. They generally aren't interested in your life and who you are.. or being there for you when you are down. They are into catty lifestyles, bad mouthing each other, not having emotions for others, not having a real deep relationship with others, caring more for "loose living" with partying and wine. But when it comes to real talk, real feelings. They don't like you.

People have hidden agendas hoping for what they can milk out of you. My ex friends parents used my mother to get their kids to get out of the house and buy them stuff, but didn't like me at all and didn't do things for my family. Just milked us for all they could. I was sort of a dummy for them and their families. Even using my name to get them prizes and get them cheap babysitting to get a brand new home in a privileged area. In fact they only took me out once to the pools and it was a terrible experience and I don't really want to get into it, but it seemed fake. They hated me.

At school I had zero friends and when I was talked to by ANYONE they wanted a pen, a pencil, to bully me, ask me inappropriate things, call me names and such like. That is another story but man was that painful.

I had a different upbringing then others. I didn't watch shows featuring sex. I learnt please and thank you, I went to church, I didn't know what gay meant or even what a penis was. I was shy, quiet, I didn't go on holidays (my mum had the same as a kid), I didn't have anything in common with anyone, I didn't like the same music, I didn't think the same way, I didn't speak the same way. So eventually I left at age 16. No one even noticed. I think my problem is I'm too sweet, sugary and nice. I like the kindness of this world and loving the Lord. Ive been a Christian since 2014 but even before that things were the same. I've never once got drunk or smoked. Guess my innocence irritates. They see it in me.

I haven't had anyone since 2005 and it has been lonely. But I'm glad I have my mother. Despite our problems.


Edit: oops didn't see I posted jusr above previously. Totally didn't know.