Do you blame yourself?

[Sarah G]

Do you blame yourself for your loneliness/depression/relationship problems/lack of relationship?

Do you feel fundamentally flawed and like it must be your own fault?

I was out today (hospital) and just felt so awkward and different. I made a real effort to talk and join in so I'm happy enough about that but when I saw my reflection in the mirror in the lift I just thought what an oddball I look. I don't judge others the way I judge myself. I dunno, I'm having a crisis this week, arguing with my husband and feeling really horrible (insecure, fed up, suicidal).

Anyway, do you blame yourself?

 

[user 135671]

Sorry you're going through such a rough time right now.

I try to take responsibility for my circumstances rather than blame myself. self-blame perpetuates our fear. When we’re self-blaming we often fear that we’re not good enough, that we’re shameful and immoral, that we don’t deserve to be forgiven. By taking responsibility I can feel confident in myself and in the fact that I'm doing the right thing for myself. I'm also doing right by the people I’ve hurt. I'm committed to healing the wounds of my past. I know that my mistakes don’t define me. They are not the whole of who I am.

It's okay to not be okay Sarah.

 

[Minus]

yeah

 

[TogetherAlone]

Yes and no, like I do try but sometimes it just seems like there's something wrong with me like I'm not worth the time people spend on me plus I get hurt super easily and confused, so like maybe it is my fault. All I know is sometimes I believe I am better off being alone.

 

[Sarah G]

Yes and no, like I do try but sometimes it just seems like there's something wrong with me like I'm not worth the time people spend on me plus I get hurt super easily and confused, so like maybe it is my fault. All I know is sometimes I believe I am better off being alone.

This is very relatable for me.

 

[TogetherAlone]

This is very relatable for me.

Also know I get tired of trying sometimes.

 

[Sunless Sky]

Do you blame yourself for your loneliness/depression/relationship problems/lack of relationship?

Do you feel fundamentally flawed and like it must be your own fault?

I was out today (hospital) and just felt so awkward and different. I made a real effort to talk and join in so I'm happy enough about that but when I saw my reflection in the mirror in the lift I just thought what an oddball I look. I don't judge others the way I judge myself. I dunno, I'm having a crisis this week, arguing with my husband and feeling really horrible (insecure, fed up, suicidal).

Anyway, do you blame yourself?

I started telling myself I was too weird to be with anyone, to have anyone accept me. Jokingly at first but with time I started to believe it.

Now, instead of blaming myself for being weird, I am looking for that one person who will accept me for all that I am. I don't care if I am alone for the rest of my life, I'd rather be alone than not be myself.

So to answer your question, no...and kinda yes? Conciously I don't blame myself but subconsciously I still have that little voice in my head that still blames me for being too weird.

 

[4No1]

Sometimes for some things.
Not for a depression.
Yes for a lack of relationship low income, not controlling my anger, not bringing up a kid properly. I think it's my fault as I know what I have to do and I could do it but I don't.

I also don't judge others for such things, but I know, I don't have excuse. I wonder if I know other person in my situation would I think he/she is doing quite well? I guess, yes.
My logical part thinks it's not too bad but my feelings tell me I have to do better.
I also wonder why people still talk to me though it's just a feeling.

Hope you'll feel better soon.

 

[TogetherAlone]

Oh and I don't blame myself for my very late diagnosis of autism, like think that's why I never really fit in no matter how hard I tried because I was handicapped without even knowing for so long. I do blame myself for letting depression and anxiety getting the best of me most of the time though.

 

[Sarah G]

Hope you'll feel better soon.

Thank you!

 

[StarDust]

...but when I saw my reflection in the mirror in the lift I just thought what an oddball I look. I don't judge others the way I judge myself.

I hate mirrors! Like you, I can get very critical of myself. I seem to always be having a bad hair day, and I have this lousy fake smile I now keep conscious of that critical voice and stop it immediately! Suppress it. It gets easier with practice. And then I pay myself a complement something like "I am a strong resourceful woman". Sounds corny I know, but if there is one person to treat you with respect, it is yourself. So, I work daily on treating myself better and brush my hair a bit more often

Am sorry to hear of issues with your husband ... hug to you

 

[Sarah G]

I hate mirrors! Like you, I can get very critical of myself. I seem to always be having a bad hair day, and I have this lousy fake smile I now keep conscious of that critical voice and stop it immediately! Suppress it. It gets easier with practice. And then I pay myself a complement something like "I am a strong resourceful woman". Sounds corny I know, but if there is one person to treat you with respect, it is yourself. So, I work daily on treating myself better and brush my hair a bit more often

Am sorry to hear of issues with your husband ... hug to you

Thanks, things seem better now. I generally like the way I look but it wouldn't hurt to compliment myself a bit more often.
I always look terrible in the hospital though, they must have special lighting

 

[MrLonely86]

Yes, I blame myself a lot , even thru it's not my fault , cause no matter how I played it out in past , it would end up same , with same outcome. No matter how I made my turns in chess game if life, really , it would end up the same. But luckily , you don't live life. You live "simulation of life". So you will get another chance.

I really did put a lot of thinking into - what would be if I did this instead of that - how it would change things. And I came to conclusion it would end up the same. With same lifestyle, same life. My like , moves in chess don't matter.

 

[Sarah G]

Yes, I blame myself a lot , even thru it's not my fault , cause no matter how I played it out in past , it would end up same , with same outcome. No matter how I made my turns in chess game if life, really , it would end up the same. But luckily , you don't live life. You live "simulation of life". So you will get another chance.

I really did put a lot of thinking into - what would be if I did this instead of that - how it would change things. And I came to conclusion it would end up the same. With same lifestyle, same life. My like , moves in chess don't matter.

I was thinking about this yesterday. Genetic predisposition and the limitations thrust upon us by place of birth, family wealth (or lack thereof). I've read before that every individual is basically in a kayak paddling along and they can't really get that far off the predictable course. I often think about that.

How do you mean simulation of life, like the Matrix or a spiritual illusion or something else?

Yesterday I heard that Jiddu Krishnamurti said his secret to happiness (or lack of suffering) was they he always thought "I don't really mind what happens." I want to be able to think that but will my genes and conditioning ever allow me such freedom (or am I doomed to neuroticism and fear ?)

 

[MrLonely86]

How do you mean simulation of life, like the Matrix or a spiritual illusion or something else?

More like, you never die, you just change your shape. Like energy , it is never lost, just changes shape, that lesson in physics.



@ 5:25 . My thoughts exactly. Life is here to learn , everything you learn moves on.

 

[Colster]

Do I blame myself, yes and no. I have definitely been too nice, too dependable, and too eager to entertain. It's not that I'm a nice guy, rather than the person who will simply roll up their sleeves and get jobs done.

People are *****, though. My friends, when I had friends, would often joke that I am a mong magnet. It's true, I attract the weirdos, outcasts, psychos, manipulative fuckers, and absolute users.

There are many people and situations that I should have said no too. And, maybe different decisions made earlier in life, would have brought wholly different outcomes.

But no, I do not blame myself. When I did decide to take affirmative action for myself, this separating from people. The reaction from my "friends" was panic, who's going to do all those things that Col used to. The genuine concern for me, was threadbare thin.

Here's just a little example. My phone number is well known, it's on the side of several vehicles, there's cards and posters dotted around places. I used to have the social media sites. And, there were several go-to people or places that you could get a hold of me.

Well I'm still waiting for then phone to ring. I'm 3 years, or there about, I had 3 people made the effort to visit. Each in turn brought their own issues, rather than wanting to discuss mine.

Should I blame myself for that. What do you folks think I should have done differently.

 

[user 188522]

Do you blame yourself for your loneliness/depression/relationship problems/lack of relationship?

Do you feel fundamentally flawed and like it must be your own fault?

I was out today (hospital) and just felt so awkward and different. I made a real effort to talk and join in so I'm happy enough about that but when I saw my reflection in the mirror in the lift I just thought what an oddball I look. I don't judge others the way I judge myself. I dunno, I'm having a crisis this week, arguing with my husband and feeling really horrible (insecure, fed up, suicidal).

Anyway, do you blame yourself?

Sarah, I have read your thread and concluded you are a good person. The compassion and sympathy you have in your heart for others shine thru your words. Your words have brightened my day, and I am sure others. Don't be fed up, please! Many of us feel insecure.

I have to remind myself that my nightmarish childhood caused my BPD. I feel awkward around people and change my personality, like a chameleon. I stopped all socialization. I am thrilled that I found this forum for human contact. You are one of my favorite people. Pretty Please stick around.

 

[U-122]

No, i blame genetics and the toxic environment i'm in. I exist, therefore others **** on me.

 

[Sarah G]

You are one of my favorite people. Pretty Please stick around.

Thank you so much.

 

[user 148069]

yeah, i definitely blame myself a lot. Totally understand the whole "i must be broken" feeling.

I hope things are somewhat looking a bit better now and the feeling has passed. I must concur with Lady Grey's statement above. Please stick around.