Does it seem women only want decent guys when they are divorced and have kids?

[Callie]

Sentence structure is rather important sometimes... just saying.

 

[Ghost Boy]

Damn. This post is so old that I see people who are current users as unregistered.

 

[Lost Drifter]

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

To comment on the original topic...

It's a generalization. Not always true. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. It depends on the woman, and the man, and the individual circumstances.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I like it when old threads get new life. Most of the time anyway.

 

[nerdygirl]

Every time I've seen this thread, I cannot help thinking, "Gee, do people REALLY think women deliberately get married and have kids with indecent guys?"

 

[SophiaGrace]

oh, that's not the case on this forum. we like necroposting.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I don't think it's a bad idea to bring up an old thread, if there are things that can be discussed.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I don't think it's a bad idea to bring up an old thread, if there are things that can be discussed.

BRING BACK ALL THE OLD THREADS!

 

[freedom]

Every time I've seen this thread, I cannot help thinking, "Gee, do people REALLY think women deliberately get married and have kids with indecent guys?"

i wonder this sometimes too. i don't know, it just seems that way a lot of times. i'm latino, and it seems especially true in the latin culture.

nonetheless, everyone deserves to have a great lover in life no matter how many times they've said "i do" or how many kids they've had. it's irrelevant once you realize how much you love someone.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

nerdygirl, a lot of people really do think that women chase the bad boys, instead of the guys that have a steady income and are good providers.

I've heard a million reasons for this. Low self esteem when younger, bad boys are more exciting, bad boys tend to be more muscular/sexual, the good providers tend to be shy and quiet and passive, etc.

I don't know what the answer is. But when I see it play out, time and time again, even within my own family...yeah, I tend to believe it.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

The more I think about it, the more I disagree that girls like "bad boys" specifically.

The simple fact is that the majority of "nice guys" aren't forthright towards girls because they are emotionally sensitive towards them. Example: I'd never say to a random girl "Hey, do you want to sleep with me?" because I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings (even if she were to say yes).

However, with some "bad boy" guy, he'll just be thinking about the pleasure he could get from the girl, not any ramifications it could have on her feelings or his own. He doesn't see it as that complicated. So perhaps he asks that sort of question more, giving him more chance of a girl accepting the offer for whatever reason.

So I'd say that's the reason "bad boys" get the reputation for getting more sexual attention - because they don't feel the same emotional responsibility as more pleasant guys and so have a brash way about them that women sometimes interpret as confidence or strength.

Of course, when the guy turns out to be a complete ********, that's when girls generally mature in their interests and start learning how to spot who is genuinely attractive/nice but perhaps less forthright.

All merely my observations anyway. I find that being gentlemanly and friendly attracts girls to me if anything, it's definitely not a bad trait as many people claim.

It's just I see sort of getting serious with a girl as a big deal, so it doesn't really happen, whereas a "bad boy" in my position probably wouldn't think twice about going further with a girl and he'd immediately settle his efforts on getting her into bed.

---

In short: "bad guys" are sometimes better at getting sexual gratification because they are emotional blunt instruments and it's essentially all they want from a relationship.

"Good guys" on the other hand usually have more motivation than sexual fulfillment, so they tend to be less outright flirtatious and thus perhaps have purely sexual relationships less but full, emotionally connected relationships more.

EDIT - Oh, and I'll add that when a "good guy" does decide to show his flirtatious side to a girl, it generally has a much more potent effect because: A. It's often unexpected and B: It means a lot more to all involved. I'm friendly but reserved most of the time, but whenever I've flirted with a girl a bit I've usually made her quite happy and/or very red in the face, because girls quickly realise that you're lavishing attention on them specifically, not just any girl that seems attractive.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Yeah, I suppose.

The few times I've flirted, I've been successful. But most of the time, I don't feel good enough to open myself up to criticism...which is why I don't put myself into that position.

 

[Frito Bandito]

This is all established science. There is no need to 'theorize' about this as extensive studies have been done on human sexuality, attraction, and the like. Pretty much, women are the 'selectors' in society. They have a mentality of 'abundance', which means they realize their reproductive value (even if only subconsciously), they are choosy. That means you, as a male, must 'compete' for their sexual attention. That means 'perform', as in peacock. It's done all over nature. Humans are no different. You have to spread your feathers and show off. Talk deeply. Walk confidently. Speak clearly with good eye contact. Get buff. Act like your life is the most fantastic existence being lived by anyone on Earth, so that you and 'she' will believe it. Women are 'value seekers' which means they are programmed to look for certain traits that mean 'value' in their mates. Value = confidence, safety, security, protection, strong-healthy children, social status. That last one is incredibly important, social status, it doesn't mean being rich, it just means being influential in whatever circle you run in. Women are incredibly social animals. They are tuned in to what is going on around them, what is going on in their larger 'circle', their friends, their community, their family, their place of employment, and on and on. That is WHY women tend to gossip more than men. They are inherently tuned into the 'pecking order' around them. You don't see it, but trust me, she does. Women need a 'defined' man, which means that if you don't establish your place in the hierarchy around her, she will place you (or define you) in it. All of this is unconscious, unnoticed, and unintentional. Reading things like this will also piss people off, but I assure you, this IS established science. There's much more to it as well. Read on it.

The tricky part is that with women, there tend to be two roles that a man can fill: mate and/or provider. Notice that AND/OR, that is intentional because that is where a lot of infidelity comes from. Women often feel a disconnect between the one that provides for them and the one that they want to be ravaged by. Again, this is fact. Another fact is that 1 in 10 children born in America, born to a 'proclaimed' father, are actually born to another man: usually an alpha male. Most of these men will never know this. It's Darwinism at work. Again, fact.

Also, yes, women tend to go more for the 'bad boy' early on in their lives because that's what they are programmed to do. The 'bad boy' has certain traits, let's examine them: confidence, cockiness, selfishness, leadership, toughness, decisiveness, etc. See those traits? Those aren't only the traits of 'bad boys', they are also the traits of 'leaders' in general. That whole social hierarchy thing again? Women don't necessarily want bad boys, but their genes (especially during the highly reproductive years) virtually demand that they select a mate with 'survivor' tendencies. Back in the early days in the cave with giant mastadons and sabretooths running around, what traits could you count on to keep you and your little hungry, helpless babies alive? Confidence, cockiness, selfishness, leadership, toughness, decisiveness. It's all right there in our DNA. It is also true that women do tend to look for a more sensitive and typically 'beta' male after they have pretty much closed out the reproductive phase of their lives. They also tend to go for girls a lot more at that age as well. No longer in 'need' of the alpha male to reproduce, they have more options. Now it can 'genuinely' be about affection, attention, partnership, etc.

Genes are selfish. If you really want to know what makes people (not just women) tick, read on it: The Sperm Wars, The Selfish Gene, Real Social Dynamics. It's an eye opener, I assure you.

 

[nerdygirl]

The "bad boy" thing again. You know, I've known my share of girls who like them... but few of those women ended up marrying them. The "bad boy" type doesn't like to get married. They might help you pop out a few kids, but they don't like being tied down. I mean, this could just be MY experience, and maybe there are a ton of gals out there who actually get those guys to at least pretend to be serious about them.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

The "bad boy" thing again. You know, I've known my share of girls who like them... but few of those women ended up marrying them. The "bad boy" type doesn't like to get married. They might help you pop out a few kids, but they don't like being tied down. I mean, this could just be MY experience, and maybe there are a ton of gals out there who actually get those guys to at least pretend to be serious about them.

Yes, and that's exactly the problem.

The decent guys get no dates, while the bad boy gets all the dates.

 

[nerdygirl]

The "bad boy" thing again. You know, I've known my share of girls who like them... but few of those women ended up marrying them. The "bad boy" type doesn't like to get married. They might help you pop out a few kids, but they don't like being tied down. I mean, this could just be MY experience, and maybe there are a ton of gals out there who actually get those guys to at least pretend to be serious about them.

Yes, and that's exactly the problem.

The decent guys get no dates, while the bad boy gets all the dates.

But this isn't about dates. We're talking about marriage, and if these girls who go out with "bad boys" ultimately get married to guys who at least seem to be nice... logic follows that decent (or seemingly decent) guys must get dates! Sure, I managed to get married without dating, but that's really pretty rare.

 

[Callie]

The "bad boy" thing again. You know, I've known my share of girls who like them... but few of those women ended up marrying them. The "bad boy" type doesn't like to get married. They might help you pop out a few kids, but they don't like being tied down. I mean, this could just be MY experience, and maybe there are a ton of gals out there who actually get those guys to at least pretend to be serious about them.

Yes, and that's exactly the problem.

The decent guys get no dates, while the bad boy gets all the dates.

But this isn't about dates. We're talking about marriage, and if these girls who go out with "bad boys" ultimately get married to guys who at least seem to be nice... logic follows that decent (or seemingly decent) guys must get dates! Sure, I managed to get married without dating, but that's really pretty rare.

I wouldn't say my husband is a "bad boy" ... but he is a major ******* *******.

 

[shesafrozenfire]

wrong post derp

 

[tangerinedream]

I wouldn't say my husband is a "bad boy" ... but he is a major ******* *******.

Have to say, this made me laugh, but only because I've been there.

There is a breed of man I like to call the ******* in Nice Guy Clothing. I've dated him. Oh yes.

Yeah, so I guess I'm going to stay single for a while. lol

---

Another fact is that 1 in 10 children born in America, born to a 'proclaimed' father, are actually born to another man: usually an alpha male. Most of these men will never know this. It's Darwinism at work. Again, fact.

That sounds more like random generalized ******** masquerading as "science" found on PUA sites than fact.

This indicates that it is less than the 10% you cited above:

"Research consistently shows that 2 to 3% of all children are the product of infidelity."

My source actually cites the journals from which they pull their data.

2 or 3 out of a hundred seems more likely than 1 out of 10. So really, we're left with 97 or 98 kids out of a hundred who are born of the man who is married - or at least who thinks he is "with" - the mom. So those women seem to be ok enough with their man to have his kids.

Awesome! Sometimes women DO stick around to get knocked up by her bf or husband.