Does loneliness make you care more or less about your appearance?

[SophiaGrace]

oh heck just wear a button saying "Not interested in women"

Solved!

at least you probably wouldnt need a gun for women

 

[TrailerTrish]

oh heck just wear a button saying "Not interested in women"

Solved!

at least you probably wouldnt need a gun for women

That really does come off as hostile and sarcastic.

 

[roguewave]

I'm sure that would work on some of them, but it would also get me read as a lesbian, which would not work in my favor socially at all. There have been times when I've considered just telling everyone I'm a lesbian to get the men off me, but of course that would get the women after me, and I'm just not up for that.

If I may be so bold, I think this is where things took a wrong turn here.

 

[WishingWell]

I think being lonely and feeling like I will never meet anyone to be in a relationship with does affect my appearance. When I am at home, I wear old jeans or sweat pants and a T-shirt or sweat shirt. I would never go out like that. If I go to the Supermarket or to the Doctor, I dress a little nicer, but I don't bother to put on make-up anymore. The only time I really dress nice and wear make up is when I am going out to dinner, which is rare, or to my Social Club every Thursday.

 

[roguewave]

That's great that you have a weekly social club. I would be much healthier I'm sure, if I went out once a week for something social that wasn't about school.

 

[SophiaGrace]

oh heck just wear a button saying "Not interested in women"

Solved!

at least you probably wouldnt need a gun for women

That really does come off as hostile and sarcastic.

I don't recall my emotoins being hostile towards you when i made this response.

 

[WishingWell]

Roguewave, the social group is one that was formed by a county's mental health center for people who are mentally ill to get together and do things. We play games, sing Kareaoke, have holiday parties, watch movies regarding mental illness, have speakers from NAMI, and go on field trips to places including, a Chinese Buffet, a basketball game, a Mall, IHOP, and in the summer outside concerts in the park, etc. I enjoy it very much. I believe I function very well considering that I am classified as "mentally ill," and there are many other members who do too. It takes patience and kindness, however, to deal with the people who have serious degrees of the illness. They will act out and do things that are inappropriate, but it is not their fault. For example, there are members who are constantly interrupting, making strange noises, getting up and pacing, showing anger for no apparent reason, and other various behavioral problems. The head of the group, a woman with a Masters Degree in Social Work, then has to try to smoothe things out so we can continue whatever we are doing, and sometimes it isn't easy. Some people are so sick that their Mother, Father, or another relative has to come with them and stay during the group. It is stressful sometimes, but I enjoy it very much. It is a learning experience, as well. My Sister found it for me by Google Searching different things for months. Maybe you can try doing a Google Search of Social Clubs, or if you go to Church, Church group activities, or an activity that you like--say crocheting groups or card parties, for example in your area. It may take a while to find something, but you just may hit on something that you like, and have a place to go once a week, like I do. My only problem, not driving, is that I have to depend on my Sister or Brother-in-Law to drive me there and pick me up. That means that I miss evenings and sometimes quite a few, but I am grateful when I do get to go.

SORRY, EVERYONE THAT I GOT WAY OFF THE TOPIC!

Back to:

Does loneliness make you care more or less about your appearance? NEXT, PLEASE...

 

[roguewave]

Roguewave, the social group is one that was formed by a county's mental health center for people who are mentally ill to get together and do things. We play games, sing Kareaoke, have holiday parties, watch movies regarding mental illness, have speakers from NAMI, and go on field trips to places including, a Chinese Buffet, a basketball game, a Mall, IHOP, and in the summer outside concerts in the park, etc. I enjoy it very much. I believe I function very well considering that I am classified as "mentally ill," and there are many other members who do too. It takes patience and kindness, however, to deal with the people who have serious degrees of the illness. They will act out and do things that are inappropriate, but it is not their fault. For example, there are members who are constantly interrupting, making strange noises, getting up and pacing, showing anger for no apparent reason, and other various behavioral problems. The head of the group, a woman with a Masters Degree in Social Work, then has to try to smoothe things out so we can continue whatever we are doing, and sometimes it isn't easy. Some people are so sick that their Mother, Father, or another relative has to come with them and stay during the group. It is stressful sometimes, but I enjoy it very much. It is a learning experience, as well. My Sister found it for me by Google Searching different things for months. Maybe you can try doing a Google Search of Social Clubs, or if you go to Church, Church group activities, or an activity that you like--say crocheting groups or card parties, for example in your area. It may take a while to find something, but you just may hit on something that you like, and have a place to go once a week, like I do. My only problem, not driving, is that I have to depend on my Sister or Brother-in-Law to drive me there and pick me up. That means that I miss evenings and sometimes quite a few, but I am grateful when I do get to go.

SORRY, EVERYONE THAT I GOT WAY OFF THE TOPIC!

Back to:

Does loneliness make you care more or less about your appearance? NEXT, PLEASE...

That sounds like a wonderful group, though maybe unsettling sometimes with people who are severely ill. I bet the hospital here has a group like that. Thanks for the heads up. I never would have thought of that!

 

[kinzeUK]

Does being lonely make you less concerned with how you present to others or does it push you to be your best in the hopes of attracting people?

I have been at both extremes and was wondering what other people felt.

Because I'm suffering through another bad depressive slump (and just in time for xmas AGAIN) I am deliberately looking very dishevelled i.e not shaved for over a week and a half for starters. I am indoors the vast majority of the time but the more time goes on. the less I give a proverbial.

As someone else said on here though that I just caught a reply from, I make the effort if I have to go out somewhere. Ish.

Excuse me I need to go for my mid-morning wallow....

 

[Lost Drifter]

I haven’t read this thread in great detail (and I bet it will end after this post) but as a single man I’ve put extra effort into my appearance not so much to attract women (where I come from a can of beer and a packet of cigarettes will do that) but just to dispel the myth that single men can’t take care of themselves. The media will forever show single men unable to clean the house, wearing dishevelled clothes, or needing a woman to “fix” things and it frustrates the hell out of me.

I take pride when my clothes are washed and ironed, I’ve eaten healthy and my nails are cut etc. it makes me feel like no matter how much of a failure I feel on the inside I’m not giving others the chance to dismiss me from the outside.

 

[Musicalpsycho]

Definitely more for me because I'm working harder to try and get into social groups.

 

[sunbeam]

I love to look good I think I have much more time for myself now when I am alone, don't think I spend 24 / 7 in front of mirror, i don't make up too much, I dont like it, only to work, and when go out but I love spoil myself taking long aromatherapy bath with glass of wine, then I do my manicure and pedicure, put the mask for my hair and face and doing nothing, you know kind of home spa treatments, my clothes are always clean and ironed no metter if i stay in or go out, well the fact I spend all weekend alone at home, doesn't mean I must be scruffy, what if my prince knocks into my door and I have messy hair ? hehe

 

[StatueInTheRain]

Does being lonely make you less concerned with how you present to others or does it push you to be your best in the hopes of attracting people?

I have been at both extremes and was wondering what other people felt.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I'm now overweight at 242 pounds because I didn't care, but since I'm tall the added weight isn't as noticeable. I'm single, so since I don't have anybody, I thought it was no use. I've changed my mind and started using the gym.

I drive a truck for a living, so I've observed the behavior of other truck drivers. There is a type of truck driver that weighs 440 pounds. He takes a shower maybe once per week. He hardly ever brushes his teeth or does laundry. He didn't get to be that way overnight. At one time in his life, he was an average looking guy, he wasn't fat, he took a shower at least every other day, he did his laundry, and he brushed his teeth daily.

I think those guys got that way after being single too long. They don't have a wife or a girlfriend waiting for them at home. They're on the road on the holidays so the married drivers could make it home for the holidays. They have nothing to live for, so they're just waiting to die, and that day can't come soon enough for them.

What I keep telling myself is "Don't be that guy!" I don't have anything to live for, either, but I'm really trying! I don't ever want to give up, and become the 440 pound man who never takes a shower, does laundry, or brushes his teeth. However, I don't know if I could become that person because I'm a little obsessive compulsive. The dirt would be intolerable to me.

 

[roguewave]

Please do not become that guy. People here care about you. And I care. I care about lonely people that feel like they don't have anything to live for.
If you think about it, the self awareness that is necessary to even desire more than basic survival is an incredible thing. That is the entire essence of humanity and it is worth preserving.

Does being lonely make you less concerned with how you present to others or does it push you to be your best in the hopes of attracting people?

I have been at both extremes and was wondering what other people felt.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I'm now overweight at 242 pounds because I didn't care, but since I'm tall the added weight isn't as noticeable. I'm single, so since I don't have anybody, I thought it was no use. I've changed my mind and started using the gym.

I drive a truck for a living, so I've observed the behavior of other truck drivers. There is a type of truck driver that weighs 440 pounds. He takes a shower maybe once per week. He hardly ever brushes his teeth or does laundry. He didn't get to be that way overnight. At one time in his life, he was an average looking guy, he wasn't fat, he took a shower at least every other day, he did his laundry, and he brushed his teeth daily.

I think those guys got that way after being single too long. They don't have a wife or a girlfriend waiting for them at home. They're on the road on the holidays so the married drivers could make it home for the holidays. They have nothing to live for, so they're just waiting to die, and that day can't come soon enough for them.

What I keep telling myself is "Don't be that guy!" I don't have anything to live for, either, but I'm really trying! I don't ever want to give up, and become the 440 pound man who never takes a shower, does laundry, or brushes his teeth. However, I don't know if I could become that person because I'm a little obsessive compulsive. The dirt would be intolerable to me.

 

[Rayri]

i feel as lonely as i can get, yet i still feel the need to try to make myself look attractive.

 

[Bones]

Does loneliness make you care more or less about your appearance?

While I am normally a fairly consistent person, I would have to say the loneliness among other factors (including age?) over time has made me care less and less about my appearance because I do not care that much anymore what others think of me - people can take as I am or not.

Anyway, when I was in junior high and high school, I was voted best dressed - even wore suits and ties to school.

In college, I was more causal, but still dressed fairly well.

In the beginning of my working career, I started wearing suits and ties again.

But now after being in the professional workforce for the past 20 years, I would be considered a "professional" slob since I wear black jeans or dockers and an untucked polo shirt or sweater to work.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Definitely more for me because I'm working harder to try and get into social groups.

Trying too hard can come back and snap you in the face. People will like or dislike you regardless. There will be people who like you just because. And there will be others who dislike you without a cause. People will pass judgments on you for any little reason, whether it's your looks or anything else. If someone dislikes you, it might not even be for your looks. It might be for something else. So either way, looks don't really make a difference.

 

[kinzeUK]

I love to look good I think I have much more time for myself now when I am alone, don't think I spend 24 / 7 in front of mirror, i don't make up too much, I dont like it, only to work, and when go out but I love spoil myself taking long aromatherapy bath with glass of wine, then I do my manicure and pedicure, put the mask for my hair and face and doing nothing, you know kind of home spa treatments, my clothes are always clean and ironed no metter if i stay in or go out, well the fact I spend all weekend alone at home, doesn't mean I must be scruffy, what if my prince knocks into my door and I have messy hair ? hehe

I am NOT perving/sleazing on you here, just wanted to say your a very attractive young lady from what I saw of your pic earlier when I posted mine on the "Showing faces" thread.

Suprised your not beating them away with a stick

 

[HappyYogi]

Hmmm Good question!

I guess I am in the minority here but I like to "keep myself up". For me that means regular exercise to stay fit, healthy eating, stylish clothes. I wear minimal make up, though and like to keep it simple.

While I don't think beauty is the most important thing by any means I think it's nice to keep oneself up. Not only for yourself but your neighbors, family, even your country etc. It communicates something...that you care about yourself. It's also nice being easier on the eyse and more UPLIFTING for others around you.

Having said that, I KNOW that part of the reason my outward appearance IS important is because it helps shore up my self-esteem bit. If I am fit, put together, stylish, etc it's a little notch that keeps me from total despair. Hey, I may have failed at many things in life but I do have a natural style! And I really do. I am naturally stylish and that is one thing I can claim. Why not use the talents you have? It would be a shame not to!

---

I just wanted to add something that ocurred to me after I posted initially.

For good or bad, I do pay attention to my appearance because I want to appear as emotionally healthy as possible to the outside world. My outside look says "she has it together"...but I am not. I have a lot of sadness, sometimes emptiness and often don't know how to solve my problems. Looking as put together as I can helps me hide any problems or issues I have on the inside.

 

[kinzeUK]

Hmmm Good question!

I guess I am in the minority here but I like to "keep myself up". For me that means regular exercise to stay fit, healthy eating, stylish clothes. I wear minimal make up, though and like to keep it simple.

While I don't think beauty is the most important thing by any means I think it's nice to keep oneself up. Not only for yourself but your neighbors, family, even your country etc. It communicates something...that you care about yourself. It's also nice being easier on the eyse and more UPLIFTING for others around you.

Having said that, I KNOW that part of the reason my outward appearance IS important is because it helps shore up my self-esteem bit. If I am fit, put together, stylish, etc it's a little notch that keeps me from total despair. Hey, I may have failed at many things in life but I do have a natural style! And I really do. I am naturally stylish and that is one thing I can claim. Why not use the talents you have? It would be a shame not to!

---

I just wanted to add something that ocurred to me after I posted initially.

For good or bad, I do pay attention to my appearance because I want to appear as emotionally healthy as possible to the outside world. My outside look says "she has it together"...but I am not. I have a lot of sadness, sometimes emptiness and often don't know how to solve my problems. Looking as put together as I can helps me hide any problems or issues I have on the inside.

---

That was a great post/reply there. I know that's a truism about trying to look decent as it does for all intense and purposes make you feel inwardly at least better on some level. I spend all my time indoors because I'm out of work and there just doesn't seem to be anything work-wise going. And where I live here in the midlands, I don't know anyone sans one person who I met once who has now gone to Australia. I feel very down (for reasons too long and off topic to go into here) so as far as personal appearances go, I just don't care. Obviously I still maintain some sort of personal hygiene it's nothing like that, but only time I will make an effort is if I have to go out. Like this friday for christmas meal with my folks.