Facing my fears

[Leapfrog00]

Hey, I noticed I always had a problem facing fears. I've been writing since I was 10 and a couple of months ago, I came up with the idea to publish one of my novels. I'm insecure and give up easily, mostly because I fail at life. I started a book series last year about 5 characters that I have to face their fears. The characters struggle but always find a solution in the end. Of course, they work as a team. Is it weird I look up to these characters because they're stronger than me? I know. it's a little weird I wrote 3 books about characters needing to face their fears and I can't even do it myself. I am happy with the series I wrote. I love the story. I love the characters. I just wish I had that kind of courage. I lived with a narcissist for a while, who belittled me and gaslighted my every move. She basically made me feel like I'm not a person. She called me abusive and told people she was afraid of me. Now that I'm out of that situation, I fear she was right about everything she ever told me. I think that's what makes it harder for me to believe in myself. I feel like a bad person everywhere I go. I fear that I will never be courageous enough.

 

[Butterfly 2]

Good luck with your novels. Not everyone is organized or talented enough to do that. There is nothing strange about having your characters be something that you feel you aren't. It just shows that you know how you would like to be and you might end up working towards that.

Whatever you do, let go of the things the narcissist said and did. They are horrible people to be around and the damage they can do to one's self-esteem and sense of sanity is unreal! I had one in my life until about 20 years ago and I will never allow one back in my life again. They are soul crushers and not worth our thought or time. And again, good luck to you!

 

[Finished]

Yeah, ignore what other people think of you. It's AWESOME that you enjoy writing and are happy with your work! Many people never find anything they enjoy doing. Try not to feel bad about yourself. Other people will do that for you.

 

[user 139760]

Hey, I noticed I always had a problem facing fears. I've been writing since I was 10 and a couple of months ago, I came up with the idea to publish one of my novels. I'm insecure and give up easily, mostly because I fail at life. I started a book series last year about 5 characters that I have to face their fears. The characters struggle but always find a solution in the end. Of course, they work as a team. Is it weird I look up to these characters because they're stronger than me? I know. it's a little weird I wrote 3 books about characters needing to face their fears and I can't even do it myself. I am happy with the series I wrote. I love the story. I love the characters. I just wish I had that kind of courage. I lived with a narcissist for a while, who belittled me and gaslighted my every move. She basically made me feel like I'm not a person. She called me abusive and told people she was afraid of me. Now that I'm out of that situation, I fear she was right about everything she ever told me. I think that's what makes it harder for me to believe in myself. I feel like a bad person everywhere I go. I fear that I will never be courageous enough.

I was in an unhappy situation like that once. Wether you are, or rather were at the time, the person she described is irrelevant, or rather can serve as a reminder of what could be, or could have been. Going forward, you have two choices, and they are just that, two choices; satisfy yourself in what is and say you are powerless to change, or, the harder choice: not accept that that's who you really are and strive, day by day, to be a better person than you were at the time.
As for your novel, try to get it published. I, for one, want to read about those characters. An inspirational story is never a wasted story. If you got tales to tell, you'll not only help yourself, you might help others by doing it.

 

[okidoke]

What about a pseudonym? That way you could publish as another you?

 

[Leapfrog00]

Good luck with your novels. Not everyone is organized or talented enough to do that. There is nothing strange about having your characters be something that you feel you aren't. It just shows that you know how you would like to be and you might end up working towards that.

Whatever you do, let go of the things the narcissist said and did. They are horrible people to be around and the damage they can do to one's self-esteem and sense of sanity is unreal! I had one in my life until about 20 years ago and I will never allow one back in my life again. They are soul crushers and not worth our thought or time. And again, good luck to you!

Hey, thanks for the advice. I'm learning as I go along about narcissism. I didn't even know I was dealing with one until it was all over. She was an aunt, so it was easier for her to get inside my head, her being family and all. Maybe I shouldn't take what she said seriously. It sucks she turned everyone against me, but I don't really care though. You're right, they really are horrible people. Maybe she's the reason why I don't feel any sense of accomplishment. I'm sorry you went through all that with one also.

 

[Leapfrog00]

I was in an unhappy situation like that once. Wether you are, or rather were at the time, the person she described is irrelevant, or rather can serve as a reminder of what could be, or could have been. Going forward, you have two choices, and they are just that, two choices; satisfy yourself in what is and say you are powerless to change, or, the harder choice: not accept that that's who you really are and strive, day by day, to be a better person than you were at the time.
As for your novel, try to get it published. I, for one, want to read about those characters. An inspirational story is never a wasted story. If you got tales to tell, you'll not only help yourself, you might help others by doing it.

Yeah, what you're saying makes sense. I'm trying to push ahead. I get these nightmares and she's always in them taking something from me or screaming at me. In the past, I had a lot of friends, but no one ever really believed in me. I know you're supposed to believe in yourself, but it would have been nice to have a least a small support system. My book series is called 'Destination Fear'. I emailed the first book in the series to an old friend a couple of months ago, but she still hasn't read it. I'm pretty much alone these days, so I don't have a good support system for friends. Each character in the book always struggled to get past obstacles because fear always held them back. Thanks for your advice though. I really do want to get it published.

 

[Leapfrog00]

What about a pseudonym? That way you could publish as another you?

I did consider that. I think Stephan King uses one when he wants to step outside his usual genre. I could be wrong though. It'd be nice to publish at least one of my books.

 

[Leapfrog00]

Yeah, ignore what other people think of you. It's AWESOME that you enjoy writing and are happy with your work! Many people never find anything they enjoy doing. Try not to feel bad about yourself. Other people will do that for you.

I have always enjoyed writing. I've always done it as a hobby, but last year when I almost died, I started to think that no one is ever going to see anything I ever wrote. Some of those books, I would NEVER consider publishing, but some of them I'm proud of.

 

[okidoke]

I did consider that. I think Stephan King uses one when he wants to step outside his usual genre. I could be wrong though. It'd be nice to publish at least one of my books.

Do it.

 

[Kar]

Great that you wrote a book and love the characters. I don't think there is anything wrong that you admire those characters and wished to me before like them. Self publish it if you can't find a publisher.

 

[TheRealCallie]

it's a little weird I wrote 3 books about characters needing to face their fears and I can't even do it myself.

It's actually not weird at all. You know what you have to do. But knowing and actually doing are two completely different things. But, one thing it does show you is that you probably aren't the big ole "loser" you seem to think you are. You aren't a failure, you just aren't quite ready to succeed yet. You are very likely just standing in your own way. When you're truly ready, you'll find your path.

 

[Ignis]

Hey, I noticed I always had a problem facing fears. I've been writing since I was 10 and a couple of months ago, I came up with the idea to publish one of my novels. I'm insecure and give up easily, mostly because I fail at life. I started a book series last year about 5 characters that I have to face their fears. The characters struggle but always find a solution in the end. Of course, they work as a team. Is it weird I look up to these characters because they're stronger than me? I know. it's a little weird I wrote 3 books about characters needing to face their fears and I can't even do it myself. I am happy with the series I wrote. I love the story. I love the characters. I just wish I had that kind of courage. I lived with a narcissist for a while, who belittled me and gaslighted my every move. She basically made me feel like I'm not a person. She called me abusive and told people she was afraid of me. Now that I'm out of that situation, I fear she was right about everything she ever told me. I think that's what makes it harder for me to believe in myself. I feel like a bad person everywhere I go. I fear that I will never be courageous enough.

The most important thing in overcoming a fear is the desire to want to overcome it in the first place.

Due to some unfortunate events when I was younger, I developed Aquaphobia (The fear of water) that prevented me from doing literally anything to do with water. No baths, no showers, no drinking water, even rain absolutely terrified me. When I was 18 - 19 I really wanted to move past it, I was sick of people telling me that I stink or being judged for drinking anything but water and I went to therapy for quite a while, it was difficult and in retrospect a little funny that I had to get comfortable with just having a bottle of water in the same room as me without feeling uncomfortable. Then holding a bottle of water, then drinking it, then pouring it over myself and realizing that I won't drown if I do it.

It took about a year of work, every week but eventually I was able to start drinking bottles of water, able to have a shower, have a bath. Nowdays, it's downgraded to Thalassophobia (A fear of open bodies of water), I won't go in the ocean, I won't go in a pool, near a lake but I can more or less live my life normally now.

I don't actually WANT to work on my fear of open bodies of water though, I continue to allow myself to be afraid of it. There's no desire to improve on it, so there won't really be. I'm working on being able to go in things like Jacuzzi's because my dream is to go to a Japanese onsen one day.

The first and the biggest step, is to WANT to move past a fear; once you've decided that you want to do it, you've already won half the battle. Then it's about finding the right person to help you move past the fear, it's absolutely something you can do if you want to do it.

 

[Night89]

Poisonous people can really destroy you inside, i know myself. I was bullied and was drawn into a family feud. The obvious answer is to confront your fear. It's not easy, i've struggled to overcome my shyness and standing up for myself. The latter is something that is a base of many regrets in my life, bullying, family feud etc.

But if i would change anything in my life so far is the fact that i didn't have courage to stand up for myself. But standing up for yourself is something that is central in life. The fact that certain people takes that away is the ****** up side of life. In an utopian world people should help each other. My way of coping with my life is to accept myself and to value who you are. Anyhow hope this made some sence

Al the best.