Friends before dating?

[IgnoredOne]

I agree, but it is in my wiring and I wish it was/I could turn it off.

Well, just try to appreciate people as people. See them as individuals worth knowing and learning from, before any other genital considerations. That helps, I find.

 

[Bones]

I always prefer a friendship first before progressing into a relationship.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I'm kinda the same way. If I see no progress I'm out of there.
It leads to lots of confusion and sorrow atleast for me.
Why try if they don't feel the same. I let guys know I'm interested or not right away.
So there not wondering what's going on. I hate when people waste my time and I'd never waste anyone elses time either. Hope you meet that person for you.

 

[Malfoy]

Whenever I talk to successfully married couples that have been together for many years, seemingly happily, they always speak of being friends first. I've heard this enough to where I've stored it as potentially useful information in my brain's file system (which is formatted NTFS).

 

[IgnoredOne]

Well, given that you are planning to spend years together in close proximity, the ability to be friendly to each other is helpful.

 

[potato]

Communication and listening are both key in relationships and friendships. If you ever expect to be in a relationship, you'll be doing a lot of both.

Take the less selfish approach by actively listening and engaging in what people tell you. Don't build these so-called "friendships" based on what you can get out of them; or expect to get out of them, rather. Re-evaluate what it takes to be a friend and what a actually friend is. More often than not, people can snuff out ulterior motives or sense ingenuity. And if not that, they may be able to sense when something isn't "right"; and ultimately end up avoiding you all together as a result, even as a potential friend.

If you genuinely invest in those around you, you might be surprised to find that they will return the favor. And yes, that will take time, patience, and even require some emotional attachment on your part.

 

[Drew88]

I Hate humans relations

 

[potato]

Why? If I may ask.

 

[nerdygirl]

You want a relationship but you don't want to relate? You want a girlfriend that is not your friend, but not a sex partner either? Do you know what you want?

 

[Drew88]

You want a relationship but you don't want to relate? You want a girlfriend that is not your friend, but not a sex partner either? Do you know what you want?

*sigh* patronize much, Yes I do know what I want. I want to be able to relate to other people without feeling divorced from the process. When I deal with people thats what i feel. I approach life way differently then other and thus have a different perspective on life and living in life. There are rules that must be followed to live, and thats one of them. DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE TO LIKE IT OR ENJOY IT. I get bored meeting new people in person, because I guess I am a boring person and run out of things to talk about or opinions on things. No one wants that. And what i am not boring in, can be a little obsessive about. I am flawed, like everyone else that reads this. As humans we have a nature where we do not deserve things in life, but we have them. What makes me the exception besides my own actions or lack of?

 

[IgnoredOne]

Relating to people generally involves communicating with them so you can, y'know, relate.

I think its because you don't really believe in anything at all. And a person without a philosophy essentially stumbles along in life, I feel.

 

[Drew88]

Relating to people generally involves communicating with them so you can, y'know, relate.

I think its because you don't really believe in anything at all. And a person without a philosophy essentially stumbles along in life, I feel.

I'm worthless

 

[IgnoredOne]

I'm worthless

A completely self-fulfilling prophesy.

Life isn't really going to be very fulfilling if you're simply going to voyeur in it; if you wish to do something, you have to try to participate in some fashion or another. This may be different for all of us, but inaction will always lead to stagnation.

 

[Drew88]

I'm worthless

A completely self-fulfilling prophesy.

and failing @ everything I try has nothing to do with it. I'm sure. I wish I knew you in person, so I can Show you.

 

[IgnoredOne]

But that's the thing: in many ways, it is more of an attitude than a reality. We all fail, but its how we respond to it that determines whether we later succeed or not. As an infant, did you walk perfectly the first time you managed to get on your two feet? Did you talk perfectly the first time you tried to speak?

No, we stumble and fail and fall. But when our attitude is to learn and try, try again until we succeed, then every failure only paves the road for a future success. If, however, we respond to every failure by giving up, then we - and no one, and nothing else - have sealed our own fates.

 

[Drew88]

But that's the thing: in many ways, it is more of an attitude than a reality. We all fail, but its how we respond to it that determines whether we later succeed or not. As an infant, did you walk perfectly the first time you managed to get on your two feet? Did you talk perfectly the first time you tried to speak?

No, we stumble and fail and fall. But when our attitude is to learn and try, try again until we succeed, then every failure only paves the road for a future success. If, however, we respond to every failure by giving up, then we - and no one, and nothing else - have sealed our own fates.

Who says I've given up? I try, I try, but I have not had a success where I can take pride.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Who says I've given up? I try, I try, but I have not had a success where I can take pride.

Then the first step is to change your language about yourself, and attempt to learn and adapt rather than dictate. A lot of what you say are essentially statements:

1) That you are boring.

2) That meeting people is boring.

3) That you are necessarily so very different from everyone else.

But those are not as much truisms as they are opinions about oneself, and essentially negative opinion that stymie oneself. They prevent you from being what you could be, a lot like someone who could be saving a life fails because he's too busy second guessing whether his navel size is the ideal form.

Try to understand others as being essentially interesting - that others have a story to tell, that its usually worth knowing and for better or worse, there is some great similarity to consider.

Consider me, for example. Anyone who knows me can shortly realize that I'm extremely judgmental, and its not merely a play or an act, my opinion that a good portion of humanity just needs to stop breathing because I don't like them is a genuine fact. Even so, its worth knowing people, because there are a few gems out there and even when it isn't so, almost everyone has something worth hearing now and then.

 

[Drew88]

Who says I've given up? I try, I try, but I have not had a success where I can take pride.

Then the first step is to change your language about yourself, and attempt to learn and adapt rather than dictate. A lot of what you say are essentially statements:

1) That you are boring.

2) That meeting people is boring.

3) That you are necessarily so very different from everyone else.

But those are not as much truisms as they are opinions about oneself, and essentially negative opinion that stymie oneself. They prevent you from being what you could be, a lot like someone who could be saving a life fails because he's too busy second guessing whether his navel size is the ideal form.

Try to understand others as being essentially interesting - that others have a story to tell, that its usually worth knowing and for better or worse, there is some great similarity to consider.

Consider me, for example. Anyone who knows me can shortly realize that I'm extremely judgmental, and its not merely a play or an act, my opinion that a good portion of humanity just needs to stop breathing because I don't like them is a genuine fact. Even so, its worth knowing people, because there are a few gems out there and even when it isn't so, almost everyone has something worth hearing now and then.

Change is a lot easier said or done with enforcement.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Change is a lot easier said or done with enforcement.

But change is not impossible; if the will is there, its not even that hard usually to setup a structure so that you will be able to reinforce your own gains.

 

[Drew88]

Change is a lot easier said or done with enforcement.

But change is not impossible; if the will is there, its not even that hard usually to setup a structure so that you will be able to reinforce your own gains.

M'eh, that involves progress and progress hates me