Friends you do have, being annoying?

[Gravity]

Question for you all.

Like a lot of us on here, I have few enough friends, and don't see that changing any time (partly due to the fact that I'll be relocating, again, for work soon). However, some of the friends I do have here, and one in particular, sometimes seem to add more stress than they release.

Case in point. I was supposed to go out with said friend (we'll call them "Pat") and another mutual friend to a game soon. My schedule had been a bit shaky, but I told them to get a ticket for me anyway, cause I really wanted to go. Then I get a text from Pat basically asking me not to go because the seats we had our eye on had sold, and they were in the process of looking for new seats (hadn't yet determined if finding 3 seats wasn't going to work). It got worked out in the end, but only because I did some serious tongue-biting. Now I almost don't want to go because I'm so sick of Pat doing this with me (definitely a recurring thing).

I'm trying to be as patient as I can, and admittedly I was the one with the questionable schedule, but still, I'd said I wanted to go, and it really hurt to be un-invited "to my face." If I'd have been in Pat's shoes, my text would have been "are you okay getting different and possibly more expensive seats" rather than "hey, how about sitting this one out?"

What do you all think? Am I being neurotic? Or is this as awkward as I think it is?

 

[LoneKiller]

Question for you all.

Like a lot of us on here, I have few enough friends, and don't see that changing any time (partly due to the fact that I'll be relocating, again, for work soon). However, some of the friends I do have here, and one in particular, sometimes seem to add more stress than they release.

Case in point. I was supposed to go out with said friend (we'll call them "Pat") and another mutual friend to a game soon. My schedule had been a bit shaky, but I told them to get a ticket for me anyway, cause I really wanted to go. Then I get a text from Pat basically asking me not to go because the seats we had our eye on had sold, and they were in the process of looking for new seats (hadn't yet determined if finding 3 seats wasn't going to work). It got worked out in the end, but only because I did some serious tongue-biting. Now I almost don't want to go because I'm so sick of Pat doing this with me (definitely a recurring thing).

I'm trying to be as patient as I can, and admittedly I was the one with the questionable schedule, but still, I'd said I wanted to go, and it really hurt to be un-invited "to my face." If I'd have been in Pat's shoes, my text would have been "are you okay getting different and possibly more expensive seats" rather than "hey, how about sitting this one out?"

What do you all think? Am I being neurotic? Or is this as awkward as I think it is?

You're not neurotic. Your friend just isn't showing you the same level of respect that he would want himself.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Have you tried stating this directly to him? People can be blind to the insensitivites of their own actions.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Yeah not all people are on the same level as others, can't forget that. Like the two intelligent guys above me seems like your friend isn't on the same level as you. You have more respect for your friends, which is good. "Pat" probably does this to you because you take it and don't say anything. Slip it in, in a tactful way like what you said, "I would have been okay getting different and possibly more expensive seats".

I have a "friend" who tends to get on my nerves and annoying at times. Much more lately, he's getting worse and I blame his parents. He has a condition where his brain will process things backwards. His dad used to work with me and always complained about people "pigeon holing" his son because of it. I used to sit here and think "wow, yet you do nothing to change that, you only feed it too." His parents let him drop out of high school, they basically coddle him and use his condition as an excuse not to try. I know he could have been capable of so much more if he just tried. Over the years though this "friend" has become worse. He never thinks he is wrong about anything, and it's escalated arguments. We have common interests so its why I let him hang around, it's someone to talk to. I used to not mind him coming around for a visit, he often just invites himself over, but now I find myself getting annoyed with him more.

So I feel your pain.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Have you tried stating this directly to him? People can be blind to the insensitivites of their own actions.

Goodness, this can't be truer. Some people don't even realize how they're being. You have to speak up about it. I know a few people who annoy the living daylights out of me. However, I don't care to really say anything, mainly because I haven't been or won't be around them for long. Or I don't talk to them everyday. But when I do talk to them, they just remind me why I tend not to even want to talk to them.

Say something, or the person will never know. Most really don't see how immature they act or how annoying the things they do are.

 

[RJLJD]

one of my friends can be made annoying sometimes. he's just as shy, if not shyer and quieter than i am. so i think he bothers me because i see all my own flaws within him. also, because he's so introverted and reserved he never wants to go out and doing anything. whenever we hang out we basically go through the same routine, because that's what he's most comfortable with.

obviously, my scenario is completely different, but i still think it applies to the overall topic.

 

[Gravity]

Thanks for the comments, all - but part of the problem with this person (actually a she) is that I HAVE said things to her. We've even gotten in minor fights over this kind of stuff. She just tends to be very insensitive - in addition to the above examples, she also pals around with my ex (no gender compatibility, just as friends) which, even though my ex and I generally get along well, is still very awkward. We talked about it, no change (my ex stopped hanging out with her when he realized it was freaking me out - how weird is that, my ex is more sensitive towards me than my friends?). Shoving this kind of thing in my face on facebook didn't help either (I've since defriended my ex for other reasons and hidden her updates because of this).

So it's not that I haven't said anything. She just doesn't seem to give a crap. I would just avoid her and get on with things, I normally don't put up with this kind of stuff, but in a tight circle of friends it's not very practical to expect to avoid her for long. While it's less of an issue because quite frankly I HAVE started avoiding groups of friends just to avoid her, whenever we do end up hanging out it's like she's been storing up on extra *******. The funny thing is it's not even just me - other people we hang out with seem to share my opinion of her, but she always gets invited out to things anyway. Who knows.

I guess I'm just wondering how to put up with someone like this. If she didn't seem to be making such an effort to get under my skin I'd just ignore her, but it's like she's targeting me or something.

 

[Sci-Fi]

She's targeting you because she knows she can get under your skin. Some people find pleasure in doing that. You gotta just start brushing her off for who she is. Don't let her get under your skin and you may see a change. That seems to be your biggest problem. You allow her to do that to you, you let her get to you. Sounds like I'm blaming you, I'm not, some people are just ********, and some of us (me included) allow them to get under our skin. They are the *******, we shouldn't let that bother us, we can't change them we can only change ourselves. So those people want to be ********, who care, leave them to their assholery and go on living your life without their assholeiness getting under you skin.

 

[RJLJD]

i used to have a friend of my friends that would hang out with them a lot and that i wasn't particularly fond of. i got lucky and just kinda grinned and bared if and eventually they got tired of the person too.

if you don't like her, and you get the impression that neither do other people you spend time with, maybe you should make a point of it all.

 

[Gravity]

Unfortunately I don't think this is going away - it's been a few years and nobody else seems to get tired of this. Which I don't get, but whatever.

In any case, I will try to make more of an effort to keep her from getting under my skin, or at least to keep from showing it. Sometimes it's hard though - when she sneaks up behind one of us and sets off her tazer (she got it from a family member who's police) it kinda of scares you no matter how calm and collected you are.

It's just awkward cause my normal method (can't work things out with someone -> don't hang out with them anymore) doesn't really work here, cause it'll cut even further into my already nearly non-existent social life. Bright side: less than a year left here before I move, so it won't be much longer.