Hi Richard, I've read and smiled at quite a few of your posts on here since I've been back recently but this is the first time I've seen your full story. Thank you for sharing it, and wow you must be all over the place right now.
I can sense you want your daughter to have a fair chance to be happier than a lot of us here, to fight for and believe in herself and the person she wants to be and things she wants to do and experience. Since I'm in my silver lining mode I just feel compelled to write to you that I can remember being 12, right before everything hit the fan, and I want to give my two cents that I think right now, your fatherly support and non judgement and love, is the most important thing you have to do on this planet right. Your little girl got catapulted into the cruel world of crappy adults that you've proven in your writing that you know well, through no fault of her own, and the gift of a loving father is the most powerful remedy for something so frightening, and can steel her against becoming one of those crappy adults. A father is a home. A father is forgiveness. A father is safety. My unsolicited advice is that I hope you can tell her all the things in your heart, know her, apologize to her for not being there when this happened to her, for not finding it sooner. Let her blame you and her mother later if she gets to that phase (don't we all), tell her over and over that whatever happened it was not her fault. Get that fcker prosecuted. Get her into counseling, do not allow her mother to spend money, especially daughter's $ (if I read that before) on anything but help for getting daughter back to a healthy place and outlook after all of this. I can tell that you will love her no matter what, and you are giving her more than a lot of young women and children matured too fast never got. Give her everything you have until she's better. If she is putting the baby up for adoption, grieve with her, but guide her to really know and believe she made the right choice, for herself, but for the baby too. Buy her ice-cream, shoes, take her skating, give her a childhood. I assume you didn't want your purpose in life to be children, but your role is so important right now that I hope you find some of that purpose in your little girl. She needs her daddy, and is going to need you for years to come. Something like this is not a death sentence, but like someone said before it can skew you. She still has her innocence, so please honor that in her, and also her unfurling wisdom. Sometimes with a parent who really gets you, and really tries to help, you can save yourself from becoming the allotted cliche, even if you try it out for a while. I'm just speaking from my own experience, I know you didn't ask, and I'm guessing you already know these things. I just know where she's at, and the fact that's she's going through this doesn't make her a grown up, however she becomes or acts in the next several years. Don't lose her. Don't let her lose herself. Don't ever give up on her. Nothing that has happened to her makes any kind of sense, and that is the saddest part to me, she deserves none of these adult hardships and brought none of these potential emotional and psychological problems on herself. Remind her that everyday. This was not her fault. But managing her pain is all of your responsibility. My guess is she needs resources like the ones you've demonstrated in your posts- self awareness, acceptance, the ability to grow and change spirit and mindset. She is lucky to have you. Please hang in there and be her rock. Glad you've found one here too. Breathe and eat and be, and we're here! (and sorry if you're not in the mood for all my unsolicited chiming in, but I'm just so glad she has you and had to share my thoughts). Sending vibes of ok-ness to you and your daughter.
