Have you ever found "The One"

[Paraiyar]

At Skafish: talk to this girl now. You will regret it if you don't and wonder what could have been and that will suck more than any outcome of trying with her now. What is the worse that can happen?

 

[Nuke1967]

Have you ever found the one?
Back in 1996 I thought I did.

If so, how did it happen?
It was back when the internet was first taking off, I was online for about a year and downloaded a voice/chat program so me and a friend could talk to avoid long distance phone bills, I don't even remember the name of the program anymore, I took off a few days for Christmas that year and the day after me and my nephew had plans to go shopping for some bargains etc, we had some bad weather so I decided to hold it off a day, bored I went on the program and went down the names of people that were on it that day, as I prused all the handles I caught the name Icemaiden, I moved on down the list and something told me to go back, I did and decided to "phone her" was how the thing worked, she answered and talked for hours, as we talked we admitted that this was a spare of the moment thing, I never rang strangers and she never answered them but something like what told me to click her name got her to answer, we talked for months afterward on that and finally by regular phone. To make a long story short, she lived in Canada and yes we eventually we met in real life and true to my luck it didn't work out.

Do you still secretly want to find it?
To answer that question I think everyone does, but I believe for some like me it will never happen.

Did your concept of love change through the years?What is it now?
My concept of love is that for some people you will find it with someone, it might work or not, since divorce due to cheating seems to be rampant, I had an apathy years ago I would be single all my life, and so far that has been how it went.

 

[TheSkaFish]

At Skafish: talk to this girl now. You will regret it if you don't and wonder what could have been and that will suck more than any outcome of trying with her now. What is the worse that can happen?

Actually, it's several girls. They all could have been "the One" for me. I have talked to them, and still certainly could talk to a few of them. Right now most of them are taken so my plan is to stay in touch, just in case. I think about what could have been a lot, I think about what I would have done differently if I'd known better, I curse myself for not having my life together in time.

There is one last girl left, my last hope, but I am afraid of finding out that she too is taken. I'm also afraid I'll blow it again and screw up somehow, and waste my last chance. I'm worried because I'm the same old guy that I was before, the same guy who is struggling with direction in life, being interesting, and finding my identity. This last girl also said at one point that she thought I was good-looking and was enjoying getting to know me. But my fear has kept me from talking to her, because I know that when I talk to a girl I'm attracted to, I need to be fearless, I need to be prepared, I need to come off as confident and interesting. I know I need to push past this fear, because if I do nothing, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy and I will blow my chance anyway. If only I could just get comfortable with myself, and confident that she would like me.

 

[lonelypanda]

Well I'm 28, so I'm oldly young. I found that true one of a kind love, but had to end it.
So I met him through my sisters bf, we hit it off and he gave me his number. I thought it was a cell phone so I texted, I was too shy to call. I got no reply from the text and thought maybe we didn't hit it off the way I thought. Little did I know this was a landline (lol who gives a landlines number) anyway he knew I texted his landline so he went to my sisters bf to get my number...but this dbag didn't want to give him my number, so he wined and dined him until he was too drunk to notice that he took his phone and then he called me from my sisters bfs phone. When he called I was at work, I don't know why but I knew it was him. After that we connected without my sister and her bf around and learned how similar our lives were. We lived the same lives, been to the same concerts, same hangouts, we worked at the same job before. Mind you we live in a city of over a million and we live on opposite ends, guess it really is a small world. We even had similar ex situations. We both had the first love that broke our heart, the 2nd one that was the druggy relationship In which we both were into drugs too at that time. Then both our 3rd relationships was our baby mama/daddy ones that were loveless relationships that we stayed for the kids. I always felt like he was the dude version of me and our insane chemistry snowballed into the best romance I've ever known. He was just so loving, the way he looked at me, touched me, kissed me. To him I was the most beautiful girl in the planet, I used to tell him he had love goggles on lol. I felt like I was living a fairy tale or a ramance movie. We never fought, we were best friends and lovers. We had the same goals and dreams in life, we both love to travel and we had some crazy fun vacas. He was just as weird as me, i mean like really gross and weird. We used to have pee wars. We'd litterally pee on eachother in a non seuxal way. One time in a pool i sat on his lap and peed and he was like "wow it got really warm in here" haha when he realized all hell broke loose. Haha he ended up getting me back. I never found it gross either, it should be, like thats nasty!! It wasnt with him though, he could be chewing food and id be like "let me try some" and hed spit it in my mouth, it wasnt gross but i know if that was anyone else id want to vomit. We'd even take baths together and id wash him, everywhere...including his butthole. Lol and it wasnt gross, this wasnt sexual either. We would just wash eachother after bath cuddles. We were classy and trashy together. One day wed be drunk smashimg hotels, peeing on everything and the next wed dress up and go to fancy dinners. He never judged me, ever!!! He never made me feel as weird as I do when I'm with normal people. I felt at home with him, there's no better feeling than being able to just be yourself and the person your with just loves and adores you for who you are. Life was perfect, he was perfect in every way.... except for one major thing. He hates kids, he even has a kid so figure that one out. It never worked with the 3 of us and it tore me apart inside. Eventually I started noticing weird habits my daughter had when she was around him, she would become really insecure because he never included her. I don't want her to ever feel like I chose a man over her, she comes first. So I had to end it, one of the hardest most painful experiences of my life. Now I'm in a loveless relationship but he's amazing with my kid, go figure. This experience changed me, I know how powerful and amazing being that in love with someone can be, it truly is like the best drug. Being in love brings out the ultimate positive side of your brain. They say you can't love someone if you don't love yourelf first, but I hated myself before. He brought my self esteem up and helped me to love myself. I doubt I'll ever find a love like that again, especially one that includes my daughter. Her happiness is more important than mine, she didn't choose to be born. I chose this life for her, I don't want to mess her up and be one of those mom's that always running off with men and making her feeling left out and unloved. Now I just feel like I'm coasting through life, not really making any hard decisions. I want to avoid feeling pain so I just stay in my loveless relationships where I feel used because it's the path of least resistance.

 

[SlayGuy138]

I've had only two romantic relationships in my whole life. Still a virgin. The first one was decent but didn't last nearly long enough for me to appreciate it as much as I wanted to. The second one was with an absolute sociopath who I hope burns in Hell.

I feel like if my first relationship lasted longer I'd say she would've been "the one", but I could be wrong as I've been wrong before. In this case bae was this shy and petite girl with epilepsy who loved acting and cross country. She also was autistic and would have this stim behavior where she would hunch her back, look down and play with her fingers. It was way more adorable then it sounds.

Now I feel all nostalgic and riddled with despondency. If she were to come back into my life I would welcome her with open arms, as opposed to if the second girl came back to me, in which case I'd file the mother of all restraining orders.

 

[BreakingtheGirl]

1) I THOUGHT I had found the one, but he didn't. 2 yrs after breaking up (well abandoning me), he came crawling back. No trust left for a 2nd chance.

2) I thought so...so did everyone who's heard this story lol

3) We met on the 4th of July through our best friends who were dating only a week at the time. I thought he looked like an old man & he didn't talk much (we were 24 & 26).
He was head over heels about me I found out the next day & we started hanging out with our couple friends & then alone. He was looking up something & took out his Driver's License & we found out we had the SAME birthday. Then found out our moms have the SAME name, then found out we had the SAME childhood (moms had us @20 yrs old, single moms, only children, abusive/abandoned fathers, raised with our grandparents + an auntie). We literally were tripping the hell out over how much we were alike, yet COMPLETELY different (he's from Argentina & a chef, I'm born/raised in CA, cannot cook to save a rat's life).
**A week after meeting him, I prayed hard to God asking if I should date him, be single, or go back w my ex that I left 1 month prior.....one night, I prayed out loud outside my apt balcony about him & a shooting star flew past! I almost cried thinking this was the 1st sign I've ever gotten instantly from a prayer.
NOTE: months later, I found out there was a Meteor Shower that night. NOT a shooting star LMAO.....:club:
** He told me, his roommate had brought over a beautiful girl from Africa over one day. He said he really wanted to meet a black woman who he could date so he prayed a lot about it. 3 wks later, he meets me on July 4th & was floored.
We both thought it was "meant to be".

4) My wake up call was that he started taking advantage of me, not respecting me, taking his anger out on me constantly. After dating 1.5 yrs of dating, he tells me that he was gonna visit his relatives in Argentina in 2 months. He broke up w me 1 day before VDay & left that March to visit. He kept saying we'd meet up in 1 month when he came back. He even bought 1 month worth of food for our cat, saying he'd be back....didn't hear from him again. No Happy BDay, we had the same bday. He could have been dead for all I knew. I thought I was a Monster for someone to abandon & leave me like he did. Developed a severe abandonment problem, also due to my dad + depression. He emailed me 2 yrs later pretending like nothing ever happened.
*******o!

5) Nope, no good role models in my life. Only fake Facebook photos of couples I know pretending to be "so in love!"

6) Desperately want to find it. I've done everything from not looking for it, concentrating on only myself & my goals, but nothing. Keep finding duds . I do live in L.A., so that's probably a factor lol.

7) Years later & a few relationships later, I've just accumulated depression, anxiety, and trust issues. "Unlucky in Love" is a very true saying. I'm the personification of that saying.
My cousin laughs at the shooting star/meteor shower part lol. We created the saying "Sometimes when you think it's a Shooting Star, it's probably just a Meteor Shower." Lol. Gotta laugh at misery sometimes.

 

[Paraiyar]

At Skafish: talk to this girl now. You will regret it if you don't and wonder what could have been and that will suck more than any outcome of trying with her now. What is the worse that can happen?

Actually, it's several girls. They all could have been "the One" for me. I have talked to them, and still certainly could talk to a few of them. Right now most of them are taken so my plan is to stay in touch, just in case. I think about what could have been a lot, I think about what I would have done differently if I'd known better, I curse myself for not having my life together in time.

There is one last girl left, my last hope, but I am afraid of finding out that she too is taken. I'm also afraid I'll blow it again and screw up somehow, and waste my last chance. I'm worried because I'm the same old guy that I was before, the same guy who is struggling with direction in life, being interesting, and finding my identity. This last girl also said at one point that she thought I was good-looking and was enjoying getting to know me. But my fear has kept me from talking to her, because I know that when I talk to a girl I'm attracted to, I need to be fearless, I need to be prepared, I need to come off as confident and interesting. I know I need to push past this fear, because if I do nothing, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy and I will blow my chance anyway. If only I could just get comfortable with myself, and confident that she would like me.

The last one is the one I was refering to. Don't overanalyze it, just play it cool and do it.

 

[Eliraven]

I've had only two romantic relationships in my whole life. Still a virgin. The first one was decent but didn't last nearly long enough for me to appreciate it as much as I wanted to. The second one was with an absolute sociopath who I hope burns in Hell.

I feel like if my first relationship lasted longer I'd say she would've been "the one", but I could be wrong as I've been wrong before. In this case bae was this shy and petite girl with epilepsy who loved acting and cross country. She also was autistic and would have this stim behavior where she would hunch her back, look down and play with her fingers. It was way more adorable then it sounds.

Now I feel all nostalgic and riddled with despondency. If she were to come back into my life I would welcome her with open arms, as opposed to if the second girl came back to me, in which case I'd file the mother of all restraining orders.

. Your story is similar to mine SlayGuy.

The first one was really nice.
The second and the third one. I still hope they burn in hell

 

[matt4]

1.What about you?
2.Have you ever found the one?

I thought for the first time in my life I did. Not just felt like this could go be a good few months. I felt certain but

3.If so, how did it happen?

Off this forum

4.If not, when was your wake up call and what makes you think is not for you?

I ignored a lot of warning signs because I cared so deeply for that person. I still do, it was a recent breakup. It's tough.

I had feelings that weren't present in other relationships or dates I've been on with women.

5.How many couples do you know that actually love themselves?

Pah
6.Do you still secretly want to find it?

Doesn't everyone???

7.Did your concept of love change through the years?What is it now?

Yes, I can't put into words right now.

 

[Hauntyoueveryday]

1.What about you? I think I have been in love with the idea of the person. But not the person.
2.Have you ever found the one? No.
3.If so, how did it happen?
4.If not, when was your wake up call and what makes you think is not for you? I am not sure how to answer that.
5.How many couples do you know that actually love themselves? Very, very few if any.
6.Do you still secretly want to find it? Sure.
7.Did your concept of love change through the years?What is it now? Sure. I think love is something that you cannot describe. When you love someone, you just know it.

 

[Demian]

This is exclusively about romantic love and super long too

For me, I can totally said that I never had even a good copy of it. Even though I'm 21 years old and I still have many years ahead of me. I'm throwing the towel but not because I gave up on love.

Since we were born, or family members and basically everyone told us how one day we will meet this amazing person and everything will be butterflies & rainbows. Romantic love was not an option but something that life own us. They were no doubts or questions, we were guarantee we will all have it.

But then you start dating and all this illusions and hope you have for love fade cruelly once reality sinks in. You get obsessed when you see couples together, only to find out most of them constantly fight, are together because kids or financial problems,because they are to lazy to start dating again or because they are afraid of being alone. Then we see bad people who cheat & do horrible stuff to their partner yet they always found more people to love them whole hearty.

And we are in a corner, thinking how much we want an unconditional love, cause we know what is to be alone, unappreciated, and we know how much it hurts. Everybody is looking for companionship, genuine love, someone who won't judge you and you can talk about anything. We are like this people, yet when people come into our life and we accepted the good and the bad they just step on us.

I have only had three relationship of about three months each{I know }The first one we were just totally different in every single aspects of our life. I keep fighting for it until reality left no more room for fantasies & dreams.

My second relationship was with a guy who has the same taste & and lifestyle as me. And I though he was the one. Only to find out he cheated on me.Told his mom to pack my stuff and tell me we were done and the next day he let her in his house. And since we went to the same school, they laugh at my face every time we saw each other. And they even let my friends know their side of the story. And I ask myself: why love is so harsh with me? What did I did wrong? I just want to love and feel loved?

My third and last one was just a nightmare. We were from different cultures, religions. We have the age gap but I though we were looking for the same. I was 21, he was 38. He had a lot fail relationship and was alone all the time (barely no friends). And I though he was going to be mature about our situation and we will bring each other close because of our relationship failures.He should understand what is like being alone and wanting a true love.

I got involved in his every day life activities. I learn his religion and respect it (even though I never convert to it). I show him everyday that he didn't have to be afraid of falling in love again. That I know how much it hurts being alone and I will always be there for me, through thin and thick.

He made me believe he was talking with his parents about us, since my age was going to be a shock for them.Only to find out three months later his family was arranging his marriage with another girl. He told me he would go for it, cause he never choose good partners and he left that decision to his parents. I had to see him everyday, flirting with other girls in front of me, texting this girl and saying out loud how she was the one and how he didn't need more time to know her cause once you know, you know. He went a weekend to see her parents and arranged the wedding. Her parents didn't agree and the wedding was cancel. Now he came back ashamed and trying to be nice to me and talk to me. And I just think to myself, how low can he gets? That just shows his disrespect towards me. Did he honestly think I will be back after he left to pursue another one. Screw you. Now I am so disgusted every time I have to see him.

But I have to thank him for being my wake up call and seeing my mistake for the past two other relationships. I loved them more than me, and put them before me. So I decide to take a break from dating and getting the stupid concepts of love I had since I was little. I'm taking the time to date and love myself and to see who I really am. Because I know once I am the person who loves herself the most, romantic love will just be an option not a necessity.

1.What about you?
2.Have you ever found the one?
3.If so, how did it happen?
4.If not, when was your wake up call and what makes you think is not for you?
5.How many couples do you know that actually love themselves?
6.Do you still secretly want to find it?
7.Did your concept of love change through the years?What is it now?

1. This is my first post here on these forums, and this seemed like a meaningful thread. "What about me?" I believed in the myth of "finding that one person" and that all we would do one day is look in each other's eyes, swooningly, and never gaze elsewhere. "Happily ever after" with that special person always seemed like it would be so easy, too. Even as I grew older and saw that life and love was more complicated, I wanted to believe the myth so badly. And so...

2. I did find the one. She was my very first, and my very last, love. Now she's my wife, and all of the things I mentioned up above--- all of those things I wanted--- happened. We share the same hobbies, the same beliefs, the same sense of humor, and a deep, enduring friendship. But it didn't happen by accident.

3. To be frank, finding the love of my life was probably easier than most, because while I often feel crushingly introverted on the inside, I have a lively, gregarious, and socially bold personality. I was 14 years old when I met my wife, and the first time I saw her, I immediately approached her and started talking. However, I was a teenager that was very analytical and very serious about choosing the right person. I had an aunt that was married 4 times and divorced 4 times, and I realized the problem was that she was letting her feelings get in the way of finding the love of her life. Nothing fails like a relationship born of passion. I told myself that I couldn't leave this kind of thing up to happenstance, so I didn't let my feelings get in the way of the person that was right for me. My wife was my best friend in high school. I remember pushing thoughts of romance out of my head, because I didn't want it to get in the way of our affinity for one another. We were so comfortable with each other, even back then. In time, I found myself missing her, or if I had some thought, I realized that it was always her that I wanted to tell it to.

I made the decision that "this was the person that was right for me." There was no resounding moment of passion that brought us together. Passion, like any explosion, is powerful at its inception, but is destined to become smaller and smaller with time. Our love was like a forest: small at first, but because it was planted on the right terrain, it grew tall and rich and full. Our life together isn't hard. Even when terrible things happened to us, our love was never "hard." That being said, that doesn't mean it wasn't effortless. In the same way that pruning one's yard takes effort but isn't "unpleasant," my relationship with my wife has always required effort. We have rules to which we both subscribe, and we sometimes must remind ourselves of them.

I'm 32 years old now. It's been 18 years. I never doubt that I made the right choice, and no one can replace her. Our relationship is the product of nearly 20 years, and because of that, its impossible to replace her. Yes, I could find someone who was like the woman I met 18 years ago, but I could never meet the woman that she is now. We've grown together, as two vines woven together, giving one another support.

5. Aside from my relationship with my wife, I've seen plenty of others who love themselves.

6. I've already found it, so I don't need to secretly find it. However, I do wonder what my life would have been had it been driven more by passion. I would never want it, though.

7. Yes. I've learned that the love that is depicted in romantic comedies and romance novels is a farce and a fantasy. The only thing worse than wanting it is having it. Why? Because the ingredients required to create that love has an equal measure of suffering and misery as it does euphoria and passion. An explosion can be a sight to behold, but with that explosion always comes destruction.

 

[Miki]

I found my "soulmate" so-to-speak almost a decade ago and we aren't together now. My mother did not approve of him and at the time, I felt like pleasing my parents was the best choice because I wasn't sure how else to deal with it. I don't regret my choice, but I was a horrid mess for a long time, and he was always on my mind years after. We lost complete contact with one another two years back, and this year, we may actually meet up with each other for the first time in a very, very long time, for some coffee. I still believe he is my soulmate but I think our time together has long past expired. I have never considered anyone else in my life my soulmate or "The One," but I'm okay with that.

 

[lonelyfairy]

I haven't found ''The One'' yet and I think there can be many ''The Ones'' because this planet has 7 billion people in it after all. Of course human life is so short that we don't meet many of them, but it's possible to meet at least one ''The One'' I believe. But yeah, I haven't met him yet.