He tried to kiss me…

[CenotaphGirl]

So since forever I have had this friend, arguably my best friend. We had a couple of embarrassing moments trying to be more than friends in the past but we are solid friends since like age 13/14.

Out of no where he tried to kiss me at 6am today and uhh idk what to say to him as we both have partners… he is someone who makes me happy and I appreciate his friendship so much.

We are not in love but I honestly love him in a non romantic way… letting go of him would be next to impossible for me.

What would you do ? How would you try to save your friendship?

 

[ardour]

That's a big betrayal from a friend, particularly with the cheating element. Not hard to see where your opinion on men comes from.

6 am, so an all night bender, or you just an early bird? It might be more excusable if alcohol were involved. Otherwise distancing yourself might be the only option. Sorry.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Were either of you intoxicated or inebriated in any way, shape, or form?

Something like this happened to me years ago.
One of my old friends, in the earlier days of their relationship, his woman drunkenly kissed me.

Suffice today, we're all long over it. Was well over a decade ago now.
We still talk, though seldomly. Just different life directions and all that jazz.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

That's a big betrayal from a friend, particularly with the cheating element. Not hard to see where your opinion on men comes from.

6 am, so an all night bender, or you just an early bird? It might be more excusable if alcohol were involved. Otherwise distancing yourself might be the only option. Sorry.

I don't feel betrayed kinda confused like whyy and no I was at the gym so I invited him to come and then it happened randomly…

So im sure we both weren’t drunk but I think he’s stressed as his dad is really sick, not sure if that matters

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Were either of you intoxicated or inebriated in any way, shape, or form?

Something like this happened to me years ago.
One of my old friends, in the earlier days of their relationship, his woman drunkenly kissed me.

Suffice today, we're all long over it. Was well over a decade ago now.
We still talk, though seldomly. Just different life directions and all that jazz.

Noo thankfully I wasn't drunk as im not the best on alcohol.

I think its like confusing Apxiee… why kiss me??? he’s just got his amazing gf a beautiful ring that hes working out when to give her. We often joke that we are supposed to be together but its jokes and nothing like that was said today, its really confusing, just makes me think if our friendship is a lie… but I know men can do sexual things with no emotions so maybe its just nothing to him and im over thinking it?

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Noo thankfully I wasn't drunk as im not the best on alcohol.

I think its like confusing Apxiee… why kiss me??? he’s just got his amazing gf a beautiful ring that hes working out when to give her. We often joke that we are supposed to be together but its jokes and nothing like that was said today, its really confusing, just makes me think if our friendship is a lie… but I know men can do sexual things with no emotions so maybe its just nothing to him and im over thinking it?

That sounds like on his end of it he's actually into you but doesn't realize it isn't mutual.
It takes guys a while to figure that out with a woman.
Particularly if they're either younger or less experienced.
I used to not be able to read women like that.
I can now, better than I used to at least.
The confusing part to men is that girls are like unicorns:
At any point and time they can suddenly go from being into you to not being into you, regardless of rather you're in a relationship with them or not.
THAT'S why it's difficult for men.
Because we don't think like that.
We think more in terms of trying to create permanency.

Which, likely probably comes evolutionarily from the old hunter/gatherer days of humans before civilization existed.
Back then, nothing was permanent, and you were always on the move, that's just how life was. And if you were a man and you had a family or tribe to protect and organize, early deductive reasoning and early critical thinking was basically a vital survival requirement of a developmental skillset. Those men didn't know that that's what that was at the time, but basically that's what that was.

But I digress, basically:
I take it as he's with her, but wants you, and has probably wanted you for a longer time frame.

 

[blackdot]

Out of no where he tried to kiss me at 6am today and uhh idk what to say to him as we both have partners

I once had someone I knew try to kiss me. She was married. My cat-like reflexes missed the kiss and she found it offensive that I dodged it. Things went downhill from there until we stopped talking to each other. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to be with a married woman.

Back in my 20's, I attracted married women. It was annoying.

 

[Cherubino]

because you sometimes like to play boys

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I once had someone I knew try to kiss me. She was married. My cat-like reflexes missed the kiss and she found it offensive that I dodged it. Things went downhill from there until we stopped talking to each other. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to be with a married woman.

Back in my 20's, I attracted married women. It was annoying.

Oh wow, at least he didnt get mad he just said “yeah… I figured that would happen” no idea what that even means but there ya go.

Did you dodge it dramatically? Do you wish you tried more to save your friendship?

because you sometimes like to play boys

Maybe once upon a time but not now, im super confused

 

[TheSkaFish]

So im sure we both weren’t drunk but I think he’s stressed as his dad is really sick, not sure if that matters

I think this probably has at least something to do with it. He's probably feeling emotional right now and not thinking clearly. Perhaps you offered him some emotional support, as friends do in times like these, and he felt an overly strong response (not saying it is your fault, or that you shouldn't have offered support - I'm saying this could be his unclear thinking at play, from already feeling emotionally charged in the first place because of the situation). Or maybe him and his girlfriend had a fight or some other friction behind the scenes, as well.

I would take some time to think about this and not make any hasty decisions. Like you said, this is a long-time friend, who is also going through some problems right now and may not be completely "themselves", at the moment. I wouldn't be too quick to cut him out just yet. I'm not saying his actions are right, and by definition they are disrespectful both to you and his girlfriend, but stress in his life may be clouding his judgment and making him feel things (or think he feels things) that he normally wouldn't.

I don't feel like I'm knowledgeable about these types of things to be able to say much more than that for sure, though.

 

[user 135671]

Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I think this probably has at least something to do with it. He's probably feeling emotional right now and not thinking clearly. Or maybe him and his girlfriend had a fight or some other friction behind the scenes, as well.

I would take some time to think about this and not make any hasty decisions. Like you said, this is a long-time friend, who is also going through some problems right now and may not be completely "themselves", at the moment. I wouldn't be too quick to cut him out just yet. I'm not saying his actions are right, and by definition they are disrespectful both to you and his girlfriend, but stress in his life may be clouding his judgment and making him feel things (or thinks he feels things) that he normally wouldn't.

I don't feel like I'm knowledgeable about these types of things to be able to say much more than that for sure, though.

See this is the thing I wouldnt want to be rash but I think he wasnt thinking straight honestly or maybe just wanted to stop thinking for 10 mins.

Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs

careful where you put ya fishing poles lads

 

[Kar]

Maybe he always had feelings for you. I would tell him honestly that since you two have been friends forever, that gesture sort of left you confused.

 

[Kar]

careful where you put ya fishing poles lads

This should be the title of your autobiography.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Maybe he always had feelings for you. I would tell him honestly that since you two have been friends forever, that gesture sort of left you confused.

Nahhh he used to but thats all resolved childhood rubbish but gonna say hey can we talk about today? And maybe he might say what on earth is going on

 

[Cherubino]

a couple of months ago I asked my therapist in marriage ... nothing unprofessional ever happened between us and we always addressed each other with "sir" and "ma'am" ... it's just a pattern of mine to fall for and propose to women who give me attention ... anyway what was most "cruel" and difficult to cope was she saying that her feelings for me were as for "a brother" ... but I'm ok now and ready for a next gf

 

[Cherubino]

hey I am really well trained in rejection taking ... nothing to be sad of

 

[CenotaphGirl]

hey I am really well trained in taking rejection ... nothing to be sad of

You’ll meet your princess Cherieee

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs

I told this to my brother he was like he’s 100% right !