Hi

[sunsetinthecity]

Hello,
I'm new to this forum.

Last year I moved from a big city back to my hometown. Since returning, I feel as if I am unable to connect with people here, although not for want of trying. I live with my parents (through necessity of circumstance, at 25, than by choice) who I love very much and who are really true friends to me as well..... but apart from them, I have no real friends in this town.....however, tbh, I'm not sure my loneliness is due to my current lack of friendships or moreover my lack of feeling able to connect with other people in real life, in general.

I am an introvert by nature. I have always suffered from some degree of social anxiety but over the years I've learnt to control it, to an extent and to put on my public mask and its accompanying persona, when I walk out of my front door...though, it can be a struggle to keep it up for very lengthy periods of time, such as during the working day for eg. and especially if anyone attempts to get to know me beyond the superficial "aquaintence" level at work...it feels as if I just put up a barrier, which can't be broken through...

I am 25/f/living in England, uk

Well...I just thought this forum seemed like a good place to speak with and hear from others in similar situations and/or similar mindsets and share feelings and experiences...

sunsetinthecity.

 

[mintymint]

Welcome to the site Sunset. Nice to meet you

 

[sunsetinthecity]

Thank you, Mintymint.

 

[Frodo Baggins]

G'day.
I suggest brainstorming the things you like doing. It could be reading the Lord of the Rings for example or it could be doing things the d individually there like long hikes and so on.
Find things and hobbies that you like that others like doing too.
Join them in working or enjoying parallel work and then eventually you can become used to each other.
(ie Hiking - If you find others who are going to hike you join in. You are there to hike and not for socialising, but if that happens it would not be completely unwelcome either. Eventually after a few hikes you will likely know a lot about them) Try it with any hobby even if it is not an activity in lord of the rings.

 

[drifter]

Hello sunsetinthecity, and welcome.

I have to say that I totaly relate to when you said you moved from a big city to your hometown. I did the same about 1 year ago, and when i got here i realised that, even tho i know most of the faces from highschool etc, I didnt really talk to them.. they have grown up and went on with their lives, and i cant really push that "oh man, long time no see.. how are you doing?" type of thing. I know that it gets pretty lonely.

But anyways, you've found the right forum to talk about it and exchange experiences. Most of the people here understand when you speak about loneliness

So yea, welcome.

PS: Dont mind Frodo here, is a big ( REAL BIG ) fan of Lord of the Rings

 

[Minus]

Welcome to the forum

 

[Steel]

Hey, and welcome.

 

[All In The Mind]

Bonjour and welcome

 

[Punisher]

Hi sunset

 

[sunsetinthecity]

hi everyone and thank you all for your very kind welcomes.

G'day.
I suggest brainstorming the things you like doing. It could be reading the Lord of the Rings for example or it could be doing things the d individually there like long hikes and so on.
Find things and hobbies that you like that others like doing too.
Join them in working or enjoying parallel work and then eventually you can become used to each other.
(ie Hiking - If you find others who are going to hike you join in. You are there to hike and not for socialising, but if that happens it would not be completely unwelcome either. Eventually after a few hikes you will likely know a lot about them) Try it with any hobby even if it is not an activity in lord of the rings.

I know that's really very good advice, Frodo. I was considering looking for a local mountain biking club.. Just need to somehow work up enough enthusiasm to get out there and find people with similar interests and get over my insecurities that new people will always look at me and think I am odd and that I stand out somehow..... (trying to do this isn't helped by my negative self-image and the feeling that I am very ugly around 95% of the time). I find motivation one of the hardest things to muster, and have felt this way for roughly over 2 years now.

Hello sunsetinthecity, and welcome.

I have to say that I totaly relate to when you said you moved from a big city to your hometown. I did the same about 1 year ago, and when i got here i realised that, even tho i know most of the faces from highschool etc, I didnt really talk to them.. they have grown up and went on with their lives, and i cant really push that "oh man, long time no see.. how are you doing?" type of thing. I know that it gets pretty lonely.

That's nice to know i am not the only one experiencing this. As you say, drifter, it's hardly as if you can just walk up to people with whom you haven't had any meaningful contact with in the last few years and suddenly start being bosom-buddies (as my mum says!) with them!!!!....Your lives have gone in very different directions and it's hard to find the common ground that you perhaps shared once upon a time.....

ps.Sorry to everyone if I come across as really depressing on my first thread...!!!!! It's not really a great introduction, i know...but I am just being honest!!!!!!

 

[Frodo Baggins]

hi everyone and thank you all for your very kind welcomes.

G'day.
I suggest brainstorming the things you like doing. It could be reading the Lord of the Rings for example or it could be doing things the d individually there like long hikes and so on.
Find things and hobbies that you like that others like doing too.
Join them in working or enjoying parallel work and then eventually you can become used to each other.
(ie Hiking - If you find others who are going to hike you join in. You are there to hike and not for socialising, but if that happens it would not be completely unwelcome either. Eventually after a few hikes you will likely know a lot about them) Try it with any hobby even if it is not an activity in lord of the rings.

I know that's really very good advice, Frodo. I was considering looking for a local mountain biking club.. Just need to somehow work up enough enthusiasm to get out there and find people with similar interests and get over my insecurities that new people will always look at me and think I am odd and that I stand out somehow..... (trying to do this isn't helped by my negative self-image and the feeling that I am very ugly around 95% of the time). I find motivation one of the hardest things to muster, and have felt this way for roughly over 2 years now.

Best thing about this is that you are going there to ride a bike. At base tacks that is all it is so you don't talk to anyone and instead pay attention to the aspects of bike riding you came for, all good. Of course I am betting despite your best efforts to thwart having to talk or connect with anyone their on account of your poor self image, that just being there will eventually start a conversation or two. From there...??

You will feel better for the endorphins too. Daily exercise and healthy mind and healthy body.
(Sorry I made huge efforts not to mention Lord of the Rings in this quote)

 

[nerdygirl]

Hiyas

 

[sunsetinthecity]

yeah....I think you're right, that is the way I should be looking at it... Join a group first for the biking then if any friendships do materialise in the due course of time, then fantastic, it'll be an added bonus, but not something I should go there hoping for or necessarily expecting. As for the endorphins, I do cycle everyday to work as it is and yeah, it definitely does help me feel a lot better than just getting the bus...

Haha, no worries about any Lord of The Rings quotes.. I think is is great that you are passionate about something! Especially in the case of fiction whereby it can be analogised back to your own life, I think, and help to give fresh perspectives and offer wisdom on dealing with life's many situations.......!!!!

---

Hiyas

Hi Nerdygirl,

I do like your signature pic...!!!!