How do I overcome unrequited love?

[ladyforsaken]

It's tough to say what is the best way to deal with this. I feel like it really depends a lot on how you deal with this from now onwards. Do you think you'll have a hard time if you stayed around? If it really is that bad and you can't deal, then perhaps moving forward to another job might help - but you gotta realise this is also a huge step to take. But for all you know, this step could bring you so many other opportunities ahead of you. However, if you feel like you can handle this, and you can try to occupy your mind and focus on everything else but her, then give that a shot and keep the job... cos I know it's not that easy to find a job these days. Whatever you choose to do, I do wish you the best of luck in moving on from this - I'm sorry that you have to experience this. :\

 

[ardour]

No, not at all.

I am assuming the Manager didn't give him a verbal warning or any disciplinary. He is fine. The teasing will die out. So he quits a job he may like at the first sign of trouble ? - I don't think so.

I must have been in the Managers office 20 times over the years.

Maybe things have blown over, maybe it's quite relaxed where you are, but it's not the same everywhere.

It's the nature of the issue, not conflict per se. It seems like it's been suggested he may have harassed someone. Whether unintentional and harmless doesn't matter, there's likely to be a long-term impact either on his job or how he's regarded by co-workers.

Seems like he's miserable anyway so a change might be in order.

 

[Matt L]

I've been at the store for a couple years and my manager looks out for me. He didn't scold me or anything. He just reminded me that she was taken, not to follow her around but I could still talk to her and that I should probably move on.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I've been at the store for a couple years and my manager looks out for me. He didn't scold me or anything. He just reminded me that she was taken, not to follow her around but I could still talk to her and that I should probably move on.

There isn't a problem then, no need to leave.
Remember to learn from this though, try not to mention to anybody that you like somebody. And if somebody says something, deny it.

---

No, not at all.

I am assuming the Manager didn't give him a verbal warning or any disciplinary. He is fine. The teasing will die out. So he quits a job he may like at the first sign of trouble ? - I don't think so.

I must have been in the Managers office 20 times over the years.

Maybe things have blown over, maybe it's quite relaxed where you are, but it's not the same everywhere.

It's the nature of the issue, not conflict per se. It seems like it's been suggested he may have harassed someone. Whether unintentional and harmless doesn't matter, there's likely to be a long-term impact either on his job or how he's regarded by co-workers.

Seems like he's miserable anyway so a change might be in order.

I got reported to the Manager 18 years ago. I didn't do anything wrong, she just complained about me. Said I made her feel uncomfortable. I could have left, people were talking about me. But I didn't. I did nothing wrong and she over reacted. I am still there now, so is she. It's long forgotten about. We talk all the time, tease each other, loads of banter. I made the right decision.

 

[LonelySutton]

There isn't a problem then, no need to leave.

The heart wants what the heart wants. You will never be free of this until you put some distance between you. If you were the secretary of state I might recommend you keep the job but... you work at a store. Find something else.

 

[Triple Bogey]

There isn't a problem then, no need to leave.

The heart wants what the heart wants. You will never be free of this until you put some distance between you. If you were the secretary of state I might recommend you keep the job but... you work at a store. Find something else.

---

There isn't a problem then, no need to leave.

The heart wants what the heart wants. You will never be free of this until you put some distance between you. If you were the secretary of state I might recommend you keep the job but... you work at a store. Find something else.

He wants to realize that basically all women are the same and he shouldn't ruin his life by quitting his job over something has trivial as this.

 

[Serenia]

There isn't a problem then, no need to leave.

The heart wants what the heart wants. You will never be free of this until you put some distance between you. If you were the secretary of state I might recommend you keep the job but... you work at a store. Find something else.

---

There isn't a problem then, no need to leave.

The heart wants what the heart wants. You will never be free of this until you put some distance between you. If you were the secretary of state I might recommend you keep the job but... you work at a store. Find something else.

He wants to realize that basically all women are the same and he shouldn't ruin his life by quitting his job over something has trivial as this.

---

In what way are we all the same?

 

[BeyondShy]

The heart wants what the heart wants. You will never be free of this until you put some distance between you. If you were the secretary of state I might recommend you keep the job but... you work at a store. Find something else.

Yeah, I get it. You can say and do all the right things, you can avoid this person for a long time but you are still going to feel the same about them. That's the hard thing.

He wants to realize that basically all women are the same and he shouldn't ruin his life by quitting his job over something has trivial as this.

In what way are we all the same?

This ought to be good.

 

[Serenia]

There isn't a problem then, no need to leave.

The heart wants what the heart wants. You will never be free of this until you put some distance between you. If you were the secretary of state I might recommend you keep the job but... you work at a store. Find something else.

---

There isn't a problem then, no need to leave.

The heart wants what the heart wants. You will never be free of this until you put some distance between you. If you were the secretary of state I might recommend you keep the job but... you work at a store. Find something else.

He wants to realize that basically all women are the same and he shouldn't ruin his life by quitting his job over something has trivial as this.

---

So love is trivial, it isn't trival to him? What has the woman done wrong in this situation to warrant this kind of comment, not returned his affections quite rightly so, while in a relationship.

 

[VanillaCreme]

He wants to realize that basically all women are the same and he shouldn't ruin his life by quitting his job over something has trivial as this.

I think you know just as well as anyone not to post garbage like this. This is your only warning to stop.

 

[M_also_lonely]

They say, love is mutual. If it is not mutual and they are never false, how can it be love? If she doesn't love you, you are wasting your time. Love happens naturally, just like it happened to you and didn't happen to her. You will lose her in front of you, probably you will cry, attempt inappropriate things and fail, you will feel like a loser, after 5-6 years, you will realize "NO!! Enough, I need to be happy too. I have cried so much, now I want to live my life with complete happiness and nothing can stop me."
If you accept that this can happen to you, why waste 5-6 years. Skip them, and know that she is the cause of your frustration, let go. Find a person who becomes the cause of your happiness, IN REALITY, not in your fantasies.

If you know that nothing will ever work, ask her out. What do you have to lose? Ofcourse she is going to say no, but then you will be able to continue your journey for finding true love without worrying about possible regrets....

Imagine two women. One loves you and one doesn't. You love none of them but you have to choose one of them to live your life since they are the only two women left in the world. Off course you will choose the one who loves you. But this girl doesnt. Why live in fantasies? Dreams about her will then be deeply wired in your brain and you wont be able to do the things you can, because your brain will be full of her thoughts. She will be the cause of the failure of your life. Do you want that?

Your case is not as bad as of those people who get rejected on their face....So if things do not work out, you should not waste your time in regretting...hope you understand.

 

[Paraiyar]

Imagine two women. One loves you and one doesn't. You love none of them but you have to choose one of them to live your life since they are the only two women left in the world. Off course you will choose the one who loves you. But this girl doesnt. Why live in fantasies? Dreams about her will then be deeply wired in your brain and you wont be able to do the things you can, because your brain will be full of her thoughts. She will be the cause of the failure of your life. Do you want that?

That example would be valid Ceteris Paribus but when is it ever that way in real life? I do agree with you that the OP needs to move on from this girl though.

 

[Triple Bogey]

There isn't a problem then, no need to leave.

The heart wants what the heart wants. You will never be free of this until you put some distance between you. If you were the secretary of state I might recommend you keep the job but... you work at a store. Find something else.

---

There isn't a problem then, no need to leave.

The heart wants what the heart wants. You will never be free of this until you put some distance between you. If you were the secretary of state I might recommend you keep the job but... you work at a store. Find something else.

He wants to realize that basically all women are the same and he shouldn't ruin his life by quitting his job over something has trivial as this.

---

In what way are we all the same?

---

All women are the same ?

Pretty much. Nice some of the time, rude the next. Can look great if they make an effort. Moody one day, lovely the next. My Dad told me something I thought was cool 'All women look the same in the dark' - meaning no woman is worth the trouble. It's a young man's thing, you meet a woman and think they are the one. Trouble is she isn't interested so you get depressed about it, wasting your life been miserable, not realizing there are loads of lovely women out there. Why is one woman so special ? Answer ? They aren't.

This guy should get over this woman who isn't interested and look elsewhere. Plenty of lovely women out there just as nice as this one.

---

There isn't a problem then, no need to leave.

The heart wants what the heart wants. You will never be free of this until you put some distance between you. If you were the secretary of state I might recommend you keep the job but... you work at a store. Find something else.

---

There isn't a problem then, no need to leave.

The heart wants what the heart wants. You will never be free of this until you put some distance between you. If you were the secretary of state I might recommend you keep the job but... you work at a store. Find something else.

He wants to realize that basically all women are the same and he shouldn't ruin his life by quitting his job over something has trivial as this.

---

So love is trivial, it isn't trival to him? What has the woman done wrong in this situation to warrant this kind of comment, not returned his affections quite rightly so, while in a relationship.

---

She hasn't done anything wrong. He should move on and look elsewhere and be adult enough to continue working there if he wants to.

---

He wants to realize that basically all women are the same and he shouldn't ruin his life by quitting his job over something has trivial as this.

I think you know just as well as anyone not to post garbage like this. This is your only warning to stop.

It's not garbage at all.
Why is it garbage ?

It's not even an anti woman statement. All women are the same might mean, all women are nice.

 

[Solivagant]

'All women look the same in the dark'

Well there's a dangerous way to think. You could end up in the dark with a murderess if you don't discriminate! If I thought every man was the same, I would never go near or even speak to one ever again.

It's not garbage at all.
Why is it garbage ?

It's not even an anti woman statement. All women are the same might mean, all women are nice.

Yeah, what could be garbage about dehumanizing all members of a social group by lumping them together into one stereotype and stripping away their individuality? As long as "All black people are the same" could mean all black people are nice!

 

[user 115627]

It's not even an anti woman statement. All women are the same might mean, all women are nice.

Heh...but it does not mean that. You said it yourself in that same post that they are more inclined to being fickle and inconstant. Just saying.

Pretty much. Nice some of the time, rude the next. Can look great if they make an effort. Moody one day, lovely the next.

 

[African_weasel]

Lot of people fall in love with the idea of being love with that person. It happens to a lot us. What I do is look for signs that I am falling into that trap. I ask myself the following:
1). If I had any extended conversations with them.
2). If that person invited me out to anywhere like a restaurant or a play.
3). If they asked me if I had anytime to play a game with them, watch a movie
4). If they initiated anything with me overall

If I can't answer yes to any of those then I just don't bother. I'm going to be sad in the present but then I'll be happier in the long run. That's just my two cents