How do you accept the fact that you'll be single forever?

[Amthorn]

IDK, in my experience there is a difference between chronic singlehood between men and women, generally. Not saying this is always the case, but it seems to be.

For men, they are either afraid to ask women out, or they have the wrong approach, ie coming on too strong or seeming creepy.

For women, they are not approached by anyone they would be interested in, or they have an automatic "rejection" reflex that makes men think they are not interested.

If only people could communicate more honestly, instead of with pretenses, then how much love more love would there be??

 

[Wanderer145]

Coming back to this topic...I'm not sure how things would feel. If I thought you tried enough to meet someone and got nowhere 5 or 10 years down the line, then does that mean you're a failure in such a regards? Would you accept that being single forever is the way it will be? I'm not so sure..its the 4th year for me now and I'm not accepting it. I want to go and live so even if there comes a point where I am still alone I will know I damn sure did everything else I wanted to do.

 

[ardour]

For men, they are either afraid to ask women out, or they have the wrong approach, ie coming on too strong or seeming creepy.

For women, they are not approached by anyone they would be interested in, or they have an automatic "rejection" reflex that makes men think they are not interested.

...underlying assumption that it's men's role to approach.

 

[chris girard]

I would not accept that I was going to be alone forever. I may be alone forever, but I would not meekly accept the fact as if that is my fate or how things ought to be. I may vary my method of finding someone from time to time; but I would never stop looking.

 

[Amthorn]

For men, they are either afraid to ask women out, or they have the wrong approach, ie coming on too strong or seeming creepy.

For women, they are not approached by anyone they would be interested in, or they have an automatic "rejection" reflex that makes men think they are not interested.

...underlying assumption that it's men's role to approach.

It typically is, like it or not.

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

Finally - don't assume that people who are in relationships aren't lonely themselves. The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. Having someone else in your life can be exhausting and maddening as well as rewarding!

I feel that of all my many fears of approaching a girl romantically, this is one of my greatest. The 6 years I spent with my Mum and Stepdad before finally moving out, I got a good few of the otherside. Alot of it made me question how much I really want to find love.

Would I eventually grow to resent the girl I crushed on? Perhaps I'm best left to my daydreaming.

 

[migima]

As I grow older, I see that this posibility could be very realistic - that I will grow old and die allone. And I will never be satisfied with that, never, because, people are not ment to be allone. Man and woman should be together, you know, yin and yang principle, I believe in that. All things in our modern world ruined a lot of that nature force.

---

...underlying assumption that it's men's role to approach.

I agree with that.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It typically is, like it or not.

Maybe typically, but not always.

Did it ever occur to some guys that if they wanted something - to tell a female she looked nice, or a cup of coffee out, or a date or something - that all they have to do is ask? We're not monsters. If y'all don't want to ask for whatever reason - I don't care what reason, nerves, thinking she'll say no, I don't care - then that's on you. You want something? You ask. Least that can happen is a no. If you get a positive response, then you're pleasantly surprised for the day.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I look at my friends, and I look at the ones who are still single and ones who have met somebody and I notice that there is a common denominator between them. Here are two examples - names have been changed.

My friend Sarah has just met the love of her life. After a few years of being single she decided to do something about it, so she signed up to an online dating agency. While she was waiting, she made sure she lived every second of her life. She worked with deafblind people so loved her work as it helped others, travelled whenever she could to some amazing destinations and basically made sure that she didn't pin all her hopes of happiness on finding love - she loved herself. She is now head over heels in love with a bloke she met on there and they face a bright future.

My friend Peter has been single for his entire life and he is 35. He qualified with Health and Social care qualifications, but is still doing the job he did part time while studying, basically giving out knives and forks in a hotel. He still lives at home where his mum does all his washing and cooking, and he spends all his money on alcohol. He refuses to do online dating. He has never found love because he has never put himself in a position to find love. The girl of his dreams (or boy - I don't know which was he swings!) isn't going to knock on the door of his kitchen.

The point is (and this forum is full of people with the same problem) people need to learn to enjoy their own company before others will enjoy theirs. What's more attractive? Talking to someone who spent their dinner hour barefoot in the park because it was such a beautiful day or someone who sat up all night pressing F5 on a website?

Shy? No problem! Go to a cafe with a notepad and pen and do some writing, doesn't matter what. One day the person working in there will come and ask what you are doing and you have the perfect opener for a conversation. If the girl working the checkout has pink hair - tell her how cool it looks! If you like the look of a busker - stand and listen for a while. Work in a job that means you can't meet people? Then do some voluntary work. Live somewhere beautiful or interesting? Take photos of it! Be curious about life, always try and learn something new every day. Don't let your loneliness define who you are.

Finally - don't assume that people who are in relationships aren't lonely themselves. The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. Having someone else in your life can be exhausting and maddening as well as rewarding!

Some really good ideas there !

---

IDK, in my experience there is a difference between chronic singlehood between men and women, generally. Not saying this is always the case, but it seems to be.

For men, they are either afraid to ask women out, or they have the wrong approach, ie coming on too strong or seeming creepy.

For women, they are not approached by anyone they would be interested in, or they have an automatic "rejection" reflex that makes men think they are not interested.

If only people could communicate more honestly, instead of with pretenses, then how much love more love would there be??

Agree with all that apart from some men's look are a bit off putting to most women. I don't think I am either creepy or too strong.

---

the other thing is meeting suitable people, in my case women. I like my life and it will have to be a woman I am extremely fond of for me to change my circumstances.
'Don't mind' someone or 'quite like' isn't enough.

 

[Amthorn]

It typically is, like it or not.

Maybe typically, but not always.

Did it ever occur to some guys that if they wanted something - to tell a female she looked nice, or a cup of coffee out, or a date or something - that all they have to do is ask? We're not monsters. If y'all don't want to ask for whatever reason - I don't care what reason, nerves, thinking she'll say no, I don't care - then that's on you. You want something? You ask. Least that can happen is a no. If you get a positive response, then you're pleasantly surprised for the day.

That just kind of proves my point though, the male is generally expected to take the initiative. Not saying its a bad thing or a good thing. It is what it is.

---

I look at my friends, and I look at the ones who are still single and ones who have met somebody and I notice that there is a common denominator between them. Here are two examples - names have been changed.

My friend Sarah has just met the love of her life. After a few years of being single she decided to do something about it, so she signed up to an online dating agency. While she was waiting, she made sure she lived every second of her life. She worked with deafblind people so loved her work as it helped others, travelled whenever she could to some amazing destinations and basically made sure that she didn't pin all her hopes of happiness on finding love - she loved herself. She is now head over heels in love with a bloke she met on there and they face a bright future.

My friend Peter has been single for his entire life and he is 35. He qualified with Health and Social care qualifications, but is still doing the job he did part time while studying, basically giving out knives and forks in a hotel. He still lives at home where his mum does all his washing and cooking, and he spends all his money on alcohol. He refuses to do online dating. He has never found love because he has never put himself in a position to find love. The girl of his dreams (or boy - I don't know which was he swings!) isn't going to knock on the door of his kitchen.

The point is (and this forum is full of people with the same problem) people need to learn to enjoy their own company before others will enjoy theirs. What's more attractive? Talking to someone who spent their dinner hour barefoot in the park because it was such a beautiful day or someone who sat up all night pressing F5 on a website?

Shy? No problem! Go to a cafe with a notepad and pen and do some writing, doesn't matter what. One day the person working in there will come and ask what you are doing and you have the perfect opener for a conversation. If the girl working the checkout has pink hair - tell her how cool it looks! If you like the look of a busker - stand and listen for a while. Work in a job that means you can't meet people? Then do some voluntary work. Live somewhere beautiful or interesting? Take photos of it! Be curious about life, always try and learn something new every day. Don't let your loneliness define who you are.

Finally - don't assume that people who are in relationships aren't lonely themselves. The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. Having someone else in your life can be exhausting and maddening as well as rewarding!

Some really good ideas there !

---

IDK, in my experience there is a difference between chronic singlehood between men and women, generally. Not saying this is always the case, but it seems to be.

For men, they are either afraid to ask women out, or they have the wrong approach, ie coming on too strong or seeming creepy.

For women, they are not approached by anyone they would be interested in, or they have an automatic "rejection" reflex that makes men think they are not interested.

If only people could communicate more honestly, instead of with pretenses, then how much love more love would there be??

Agree with all that apart from some men's look are a bit off putting to most women. I don't think I am either creepy or too strong.

---

the other thing is meeting suitable people, in my case women. I like my life and it will have to be a woman I am extremely fond of for me to change my circumstances.
'Don't mind' someone or 'quite like' isn't enough.

---

---

Dude! Bogey! I keep picturing you as this hideous, 2 headed troll. I highly doubt you are as bad as you think. You're English, right? Hell, you could pick up an American girl easy. They go gaga for that accent. I've thought about faking it a few times just to see what happens ;-)

 

[Triple Bogey]

It typically is, like it or not.

Maybe typically, but not always.

Did it ever occur to some guys that if they wanted something - to tell a female she looked nice, or a cup of coffee out, or a date or something - that all they have to do is ask? We're not monsters. If y'all don't want to ask for whatever reason - I don't care what reason, nerves, thinking she'll say no, I don't care - then that's on you. You want something? You ask. Least that can happen is a no. If you get a positive response, then you're pleasantly surprised for the day.

That just kind of proves my point though, the male is generally expected to take the initiative. Not saying its a bad thing or a good thing. It is what it is.

---

I look at my friends, and I look at the ones who are still single and ones who have met somebody and I notice that there is a common denominator between them. Here are two examples - names have been changed.

My friend Sarah has just met the love of her life. After a few years of being single she decided to do something about it, so she signed up to an online dating agency. While she was waiting, she made sure she lived every second of her life. She worked with deafblind people so loved her work as it helped others, travelled whenever she could to some amazing destinations and basically made sure that she didn't pin all her hopes of happiness on finding love - she loved herself. She is now head over heels in love with a bloke she met on there and they face a bright future.

My friend Peter has been single for his entire life and he is 35. He qualified with Health and Social care qualifications, but is still doing the job he did part time while studying, basically giving out knives and forks in a hotel. He still lives at home where his mum does all his washing and cooking, and he spends all his money on alcohol. He refuses to do online dating. He has never found love because he has never put himself in a position to find love. The girl of his dreams (or boy - I don't know which was he swings!) isn't going to knock on the door of his kitchen.

The point is (and this forum is full of people with the same problem) people need to learn to enjoy their own company before others will enjoy theirs. What's more attractive? Talking to someone who spent their dinner hour barefoot in the park because it was such a beautiful day or someone who sat up all night pressing F5 on a website?

Shy? No problem! Go to a cafe with a notepad and pen and do some writing, doesn't matter what. One day the person working in there will come and ask what you are doing and you have the perfect opener for a conversation. If the girl working the checkout has pink hair - tell her how cool it looks! If you like the look of a busker - stand and listen for a while. Work in a job that means you can't meet people? Then do some voluntary work. Live somewhere beautiful or interesting? Take photos of it! Be curious about life, always try and learn something new every day. Don't let your loneliness define who you are.

Finally - don't assume that people who are in relationships aren't lonely themselves. The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. Having someone else in your life can be exhausting and maddening as well as rewarding!

Some really good ideas there !

---

IDK, in my experience there is a difference between chronic singlehood between men and women, generally. Not saying this is always the case, but it seems to be.

For men, they are either afraid to ask women out, or they have the wrong approach, ie coming on too strong or seeming creepy.

For women, they are not approached by anyone they would be interested in, or they have an automatic "rejection" reflex that makes men think they are not interested.

If only people could communicate more honestly, instead of with pretenses, then how much love more love would there be??

Agree with all that apart from some men's look are a bit off putting to most women. I don't think I am either creepy or too strong.

---

the other thing is meeting suitable people, in my case women. I like my life and it will have to be a woman I am extremely fond of for me to change my circumstances.
'Don't mind' someone or 'quite like' isn't enough.

---

---

Dude! Bogey! I keep picturing you as this hideous, 2 headed troll. I highly doubt you are as bad as you think. You're English, right? Hell, you could pick up an American girl easy. They go gaga for that accent. I've thought about faking it a few times just to see what happens ;-)

---

---

---

That reminds of that film 'Love Actually' - the bit were the English guy picks up those 3 American women !

I haven't got 2 heads but I'm not great looking I am afraid. If we can't call anybody 'ugly' then I am probably 'funny looking' - only today this little kid kept starring at me, everybody noticed.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I am a bit of a jerk about it. True I know that potential extinction of the human race means that I might be able to have someone. However, I have take the time to turn it around on other people. They are not worth the effort anyway. The benefits do not out weigh the cost, time, stress, drama, etc.

 

[Triple Bogey]

It typically is, like it or not.

Maybe typically, but not always.

Did it ever occur to some guys that if they wanted something - to tell a female she looked nice, or a cup of coffee out, or a date or something - that all they have to do is ask? We're not monsters. If y'all don't want to ask for whatever reason - I don't care what reason, nerves, thinking she'll say no, I don't care - then that's on you. You want something? You ask. Least that can happen is a no. If you get a positive response, then you're pleasantly surprised for the day.

Yes but you only ask if you have a chance of a positive answer.

If I went to my boss tomorrow and asked for a 1000% pay rise, do you think he will say 'yes, sure' ?

That's why I generally don't ask women out. I know what the answer will be. It's a waste of time. If I really do like somebody I will ask just to get it out the way so I can move on when they say 'no'

 

[ardour]

It typically is, like it or not.

Maybe typically, but not always.

Did it ever occur to some guys that if they wanted something - to tell a female she looked nice, or a cup of coffee out, or a date or something - that all they have to do is ask? We're not monsters. If y'all don't want to ask for whatever reason - I don't care what reason, nerves, thinking she'll say no, I don't care - then that's on you. You want something? You ask. Least that can happen is a no. If you get a positive response, then you're pleasantly surprised for the day.

That could easily be judged as objectification and harassment according to popular feminist memes.

'If you want something - just ask' (respectfully). If only. Less attractive men in particular have valid reasons to be hesitant, which is why women initiating is positive progress as far as we're concerned.

 

[TheRealCallie]

We're not monsters.

Some of us are lol

 

[Amthorn]

It typically is, like it or not.

Maybe typically, but not always.

Did it ever occur to some guys that if they wanted something - to tell a female she looked nice, or a cup of coffee out, or a date or something - that all they have to do is ask? We're not monsters. If y'all don't want to ask for whatever reason - I don't care what reason, nerves, thinking she'll say no, I don't care - then that's on you. You want something? You ask. Least that can happen is a no. If you get a positive response, then you're pleasantly surprised for the day.

Yes but you only ask if you have a chance of a positive answer.

If I went to my boss tomorrow and asked for a 1000% pay rise, do you think he will say 'yes, sure' ?

That's why I generally don't ask women out. I know what the answer will be. It's a waste of time. If I really do like somebody I will ask just to get it out the way so I can move on when they say 'no'

IDK Bogester. I've seen some hideous motherfuckers with partners. Maybe your standards are too high? There are plenty of women who never get a second glance either.

 

[Triple Bogey]

It typically is, like it or not.

Maybe typically, but not always.

Did it ever occur to some guys that if they wanted something - to tell a female she looked nice, or a cup of coffee out, or a date or something - that all they have to do is ask? We're not monsters. If y'all don't want to ask for whatever reason - I don't care what reason, nerves, thinking she'll say no, I don't care - then that's on you. You want something? You ask. Least that can happen is a no. If you get a positive response, then you're pleasantly surprised for the day.

Yes but you only ask if you have a chance of a positive answer.

If I went to my boss tomorrow and asked for a 1000% pay rise, do you think he will say 'yes, sure' ?

That's why I generally don't ask women out. I know what the answer will be. It's a waste of time. If I really do like somebody I will ask just to get it out the way so I can move on when they say 'no'

IDK Bogester. I've seen some hideous motherfuckers with partners. Maybe your standards are too high? There are plenty of women who never get a second glance either.

my standards are all to do with personality not looks.

 

[Solivagant]

There are plenty of women who never get a second glance either.

^ True.

my standards are all to do with personality not looks.

=/ Maybe I mistook your meaning, but that doesn't ring true to me:

If her worst fault is that she seems down all the time or lacks a "sparkling" personality then I think you're maybe being a bit hard on her, but if you don't like her, you don't like her. *Shrug*.

Her worst fault (to me) is I find her physically repulsive. That does sound harsh. I am not proud of it but I am been honest. I don't like tall, big women.

I'm not saying you shouldn't have physical standards or that your standards are too high, but you apparently do have them.

I'm not trying to put you on the spot, but how will it help to discuss these things if we're not going to be real?

 

[looking glass]

[...]
Did it ever occur to some guys that if they wanted something - to tell a female she looked nice, or a cup of coffee out, or a date or something - that all they have to do is ask? We're not monsters. If y'all don't want to ask for whatever reason - I don't care what reason, nerves, thinking she'll say no, I don't care - then that's on you. You want something? You ask. Least that can happen is a no. If you get a positive response, then you're pleasantly surprised for the day.

It did but from my experience that only works with attractive guys.

I can tell you that I've had times where a girl and I hit it off, were at ease talking about anything and when I asked something like that it immediately weirded her out. And that's the typical answer. It's a no, but it's not just that, it's more along the lines of "eww no, why would you even ask that".
If that is all you've experienced and you're also a kind of shy/introverted guy to begin with this WILL bring you down and make you extremely hesitant in the future.


Concerning the topic and the original poster - afraid I cannot help you. I try to live day by day and not to dwell too much about the thought. It doesn't work more often than not but I managed to get by so far. I get where you're coming from. You're probably asking yourself "what's wrong with me that I haven't found anyone yet" but I am afraid that there is no "comforting" answer to that. Try not to think about it too much, at least that's what I do.
The acceptance that you may be single forever is probably something that comes with old age, which is a vague interval.

 

[Amthorn]

There are plenty of women who never get a second glance either.

^ True.

my standards are all to do with personality not looks.

=/ Maybe I mistook your meaning, but that doesn't ring true to me:

If her worst fault is that she seems down all the time or lacks a "sparkling" personality then I think you're maybe being a bit hard on her, but if you don't like her, you don't like her. *Shrug*.

Her worst fault (to me) is I find her physically repulsive. That does sound harsh. I am not proud of it but I am been honest. I don't like tall, big women.

I'm not saying you shouldn't have physical standards or that your standards are too high, but you apparently do have them.

I'm not trying to put you on the spot, but how will it help to discuss these things if we're not going to be real?

Boge!!! You big ole playa!