How do you go to try to make friends?

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

Hi,
First off, your most satisfying and deep friendships will be found offline, not on the web. So the first step is to turn off your computer or phone.

When I was in college, I read a book called How to Win Friends and Influence People. I believe the author's last name is Carnegie if I remember correctly. I'm sure it's still in print. I still remember some of the points in the book, like people love to talk about themselves (that includes me and you and 99% of people you will meet!). So when you meet someone, if you get them talking about themselves and show a genuine interest in them, they will tend to view you positively.

Friendships must be cultivated. You can't just sign up for one. You must make an effort, be patient and if someone isn't interested in being your friend don't take it personally.

-Teresa

I read that book too. When I was in my 20's. It was the first self help thing I did.

Oh my yes. I used that one too. That and another one by the same guy on confidence. Really helped me talk to people much easier.

 

[Red]

It was by Dale Carnegie. I just found my copy to get the first name.

I guess maybe I should read it again because I struggle too. It seems like your 20s is the decade in which to cement your friendships and relationship for life, and if you waste them like I did you have missed the last bus.

I have gone to a number of common interest groups, and I met a lot of people and gained a number of Facebook friends, and even have a couple of dozen new phone numbers in my phone....of acquaintances. I find that either we only ever talk about our common interest, or I will ask about their lives, but no one ever asks about mine, and you can't make someone take a genuine interest in you.

 

[African_weasel]

Hi,
First off, your most satisfying and deep friendships will be found offline, not on the web. So the first step is to turn off your computer or phone.

I don't think this is necessarily true for everyone. A friend is a friend, regardless of if you know their screen name better than their first name, or if you grew up together from birth.

I agree with Vanilla Creme on this one, ever since I made a great cyberfriend in another country. I know that I can tell her anything and that she will be supportive and interested and she knows the same applies the other way round.

Actually, I think it's great that you found a wonderful cyberfriend. I suppose I am more old-fashioned than most and that colors my opinions.

-Teresa

I've made efforts to find friends in other countries to be friends with rather than the locals. I only have one so far.

 

[Cucuboth]

I understand this. Joining clubs, interest groups, trying to do volunteering, none of it has worked for me. Even when it's been promised that it will, it doesn't. I just always seem to be the 'odd one out'. Even when the other people are supposed to be like me, have the same interests, I seem to be the one that doesn't fit in, and doesn't get accepted. By anyone. If I try to be nice to someone, greet them, talk to them, ask them about themselves (as so many therapists used to tell me to do) I just get told to get lost .... although, not in as nice a way as that. Even happens 9/10 times on the internet, a place where you would think it would be actually easier to find someone to at least talk to regularly.

You can't be friends with people who don't want to be friends with you. It's sadly as simple as that.

Australians aren't exactly known for their tact, but surely it can't be that bad??

It definitely is for me. Always has been.

 

[African_weasel]

Has anybody tried dating sites? Just wondering. :\

 

[SofiasMami]

Oy vey, there are a ton of threads on dating websites in the Relationships section!
I'm not personally a fan of dating sites these days, to put it mildly
Stick with Dale Carnegie

-Teresa

---

It was by Dale Carnegie. I just found my copy to get the first name.

I guess maybe I should read it again because I struggle too. It seems like your 20s is the decade in which to cement your friendships and relationship for life, and if you waste them like I did you have missed the last bus...

Not everyone peaks in their 20s. I know I didn't
My most meaningful friendships now are with people I met in my 30s. And having some life experience under my belt, I believe there are more meaningful friendships in my future with people I just haven't met yet.

-Teresa

 

[Case]

Not everyone peaks in their 20s. I know I didn't
My most meaningful friendships now are with people I met in my 30s. And having some life experience under my belt, I believe there are more meaningful friendships in my future with people I just haven't met yet.

-Teresa

I agree with this. Most of my day-to-day friendships right now came when I was in my late-Thirties, and I am always looking for new good friends. I keep touch with people I knew in my 20s, but mostly on Facebook.

As for dating sites, I honestly can't recommend any. I've been on OKCupid, Match, and Plenty Of Fish, and none of them were very promising.

 

[slm]

I HAVE NO PROBS MAKING FRIENDS AS IVE DONE SO MANY THINGS... NEVER HAD A GIRL BUT TONS OF FRIENDS....JUST TALK TO PEOPLE WHERE EVER YOU GO...SAY GOODDAY TO PEOPLE YOU PASS AND TRY COMPLIMENTING THEM ON THINGS...DONT OVER DO IT....THIS IS JUST THE MOST SIMPLE WAY....GET THEM TALKING BY ASKING THEM IF THEYRE OK..... LISTEN TO THEM AND OFFER THEM A GENUINE EAR AND YOU SHOULD BE OK...

 

[FauxReaL]

Get into a scene. Think of some of your interests. If you play Magic cards or vidya some ****, go to a tournament. If you play guitar go to shows and ****. Just TALK to people, and ask to add them on Facebook for give them your number if you hit it off... Then keep in touch. A lot of people you meet won't really have enough in common with you to want to be friends, but some will... Really the best way for the socially awkward to make friends IRL, is online. I have one friend and we met in IRC, found out we lived super close, and talked for a couple years and finally met up one time to go to a party together. Same happened with the one girl I've been with, we met on forums as friends and lived a state away. You can go on Craigslist and go to the platonic section of the Meet ups part. If you smoke weed (I don't...), a great way to meet cats is via that.

How you keep friends is easy. Just find cool **** for you to go do together. Me and my friend go out to shows and parties. Some times we meet up and order live rap battles on pay per view and drink beer and ****. Other times we be making hip-hop music together. We do nice **** for each other, like buy each other food, cigarettes or beer. I just gave him my extra XLR cable (they are mad expensive) the other day so that when he gets a mic pre amp he won't have to spend the extra dough on one. He's a lot older than me (I'm 20, he's 29), and he's been teaching me stuff about how I can move out on my own. How to get into college, manage money, and **** like that. I offer him advice on all sorts of **** too. Friendship is a 2 way street. Just give it time yo. People are more alike than you'd like to think. I was an outcast for 6 years. Not one friend, and barely any acquaintances. When I started doing all the **** I mentioned above, I started to see that there is someone out there for everyone.


OH YEAH. and people mentioned that Dale Carnegie book. I just read that. Everyone ever should read that book. The advice offered in that is priceless.

If you don't have the scrilla to drop on it, it can be found online FO FREE.

http://www.yourcoach.be/blog/wp-con...e-How-to-win-friends-and-influence-people.pdf

 

[Albatross]

The only thing I can say is to look for people "like you".

But I'm a horrible person who does horrible things. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that.

 

[ladyforsaken]

But I'm a horrible person who does horrible things. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that.

I'm curious, what makes you a horrible person and what horrible things do you do?

 

[Nuzzy Nuz]

I don't know. My mum tells me I am "friend's person". Only if I knew what exactly it means. But anyways i dont know how but making friends does not sound hard to be.. Talk to a person.. Share common interests... Figure what you like bout that person.. Check if you can trust that person.. Ta da, suddenly there I go.. I just made a friend...

 

[African_weasel]

My only problem is that I can't get out of the house. I don't even have my drivers license yet and I'm 20. It makes it harder to actually meet people that last time I actually met someone was almost two years ago.

 

[Unwanted94]

^ I have my driver's license, and I've been making myself get out a bit more than usual. I don't make conversation with strangers. Sometimes, someone may approach me, but I know that they want something, which is money. Those con artists that go about asking for money. Within the last 30 days, I've had at least 3 strangers ask me for money. It's ridiculous. I'm not looking for friendship any longer. I just want drugs.

 

[Tealeaf]

The only opportunities I have are in classes with lab partners and workgroups, but it's meaningless. I can make my group laugh and lead them in getting our assignment done, but that doesn't mean they'd want to see me outside of class. I can try to be understanding of the lab partner who texts while we're working because she's a beginner who doesn't seem to have any idea what to do, but that doesn't mean she cares anything for me beyond a means to get through class. It would be better for me to abandon them in favor of the top of the class, but I don't. I even tried to help the woman who tried to weasel quiz answers out of me at 11 PM the night before without actually giving the answers.

So much for being nice to others and talking to them to make friends. I still believe it's either something you're born with and can modify through behavioral changes or something you're born without and have no ability to change.

 

[Niantiel]

I don't. Really.
The last friends I made without someone else's help were like three years ago now.
In that time though, one of them moved and had a baby and has her own life.
The other one has a boyfriend finally, and is finishing up her last years at college.


Depression and my own mental unraveling over the last few years has sort of, stopped me from going out to try to meet people all together. Which, didn't bother me too much at first, but now it's becoming like an extreme introversion problem for me...

Every time I went out to try to meet people, I met no one, and people avoided me.
But the friends that I did make were all circumstantial.
I either met them at concerts, or through work.

 

[madera23]

Discuss how to try to make friend and try to spend time with them? discuss!!!:club:

One doesn't have to try to make friends it happens in a moment when there is something in common between you.

 

[insomniac779]

I don't. I guess there's the people at work but we don't really hang out outside of work. Not a whole lot of ways for a 35 year old guy to make new friends.

 

[Frodothelost]

i have only internet life i have no interest in real life i don't go anywhere to make friends.

 

[Shhhhh]

My problem with friends is that I go from "Hi, how're you doin'" to "What do you think the meaning of life is". I think that scares people. I haven't gained a friend yet with that line.