How to cope with partner's wandering eyes for pretty women? Especially men...help...

[Peter Lorre]

Honestly, I don't think it's normal that he keeps saying he would 'do her' or that 'she's fuckable' or whatever it is he says. Especially since you told him it hurts you. This isn't a healthy situation and frankly, in the long term it won't matter that he's a good partner in many ways, as the resentment will just build up and you'll only get more and more frustrated about it.

He's really going to have to stop doing this. He has to decide which is more important to him: to be able to say things like that or your feelings.

I think it should be an easy choice to make, if he truly loves you.

PS: You don't have to put yourself down. There's no reason why you wouldn't be able to be so special to a 'romantic' guy, because this kind of being 'special' is not quantifiable, there's no 'objective standard' you need to correspond to. You 'just' need to be you and find that someone for whom 'being you' is the absolute pinnacle of beauty.

 

[Luna]

Peter, I am going to bring up that choice for him the next time he does it.

I really am afraid I'm ******* up something great all because of this issue.
I want to specify if he doesn't change; because of his blatant disregard of my feelings...I think we are not compatible.
Yet I'm scared to because most people (from what I've observed), consider this to be normal for a man.
He is much better than a lot of partners - he is considerate in many other ways.

However, it will always make me sad that be it the girl at the store; stranger on the street; celebrity in a magazine...why he feels he has to voice out that he wants in on her ***** after I've told him it hurts me.
I've tried joining, ignoring, getting angry, telling him directly to stop etc.
If he were to tell me to stop talking about dogs because it hurt him - I would stop even if I think it is silly. If I had a dog-loving friend - I'd talk dogs to them instead of my BF.

Our RL is so good in so many other ways...

I am unsure if I should let go if he does not change or does not care enough to change.

I just don't know if this is something worth breaking up over.
It seems so dumb and idiotic but I can't stop the pain I feel when he tells me he wants to **** this or that girl and then turns to look at me.
It hurts more each time.
I don't want to give up such a good guy...especially, if this is just how all guys are anyway.

---

Oh just **** it all. I hate myself. If you think I'm psycho - maybe you're right because I'm starting to think I am because the more and more I Google this **** up - the more and more I see that people say the woman is the problem. Very rare is it have people said it is the other way.

Next time he does it - it's game on. After that, I will make it a goal that everyday since then, I will comment "I would **** him so hard." "I would spread my legs so fast for him." "I want to have sex with him." "I want him inside me." any other suggestions are welcomed!

He has admitted to me that he has a poor self-image and that I am a very supportive girlfriend...but if I do the same as him, then I will have nothing more to complain about.

 

[Peter Lorre]

Well,

1) Not all men are like that. Also, it's not so much the fact that he looks at other women, but the fact that he keeps saying those things eventhough he knows they hurt you.

2) It's obviously not ridiculous, since it's important to you and the pain only keeps increasing, so ignoring it isn't an option.

3) You're not supposed to start doing things you don't want to do in a relationship, especially if they don't benefit anyone at all.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Here's an observation. Just because most people hold an opinion doesn't mean it's correct.

Ahem, enter stage right mixed race marriages. 40 years ago that was a HUGE deal. A white man marrying a black dude, not cool, not accepted, not considered "right". Now society says "oh, you should marry the person regardless of race!" for the most part (at least in the USA) i don't know how those people up north see things. (just teasing you of course) (hello)

Also, I must stop and point out when you said this.

I will comment "I would **** him so hard." "I would spread my legs so fast for him." "I want to have sex with him." "I want him inside me."

It grates upon my ears, it sounds so WRONG for a Girl to say that.

Now see, i already think it's wrong for a guy to say these things, but somehow I get the feeling it sounds worse when a woman says this. It's almost as if society has a double standard.

Another example to highlight this.

aw, I couldn't find the court-scene in the movie. But I'll just tell you in words instead of posting a video.

In the court-scene of this movie, the prosecutor gives this raging speech, describing what a murderer did to a little girl. Then at the very end, he says, " oh and she was black"

and i remember reading this passage somewhere maybe in high school and my reaction to it was "holy ****, if he would've said she was black at the beginning of his argument, the jury wouldn't have cared as much, but since he added that bit at the end, it exposed latent unconsious racism."

uhm, what I am trying to say is that, there are double standards in society.

Do you think this might be one of those cases Luna?