How to fight shyness/social anxiety?

[Dexter]

Obviously it helps some people, which is great, although it doesn't seem to be for you. I hope you find what works for your situation.

Thanks, but it seems to me that there is nothing at all that would work for me.
(I guess I already gave up)

 

[Outcast]

Obviously it helps some people, which is great, although it doesn't seem to be for you. I hope you find what works for your situation.

Thanks, but it seems to me that there is nothing at all that would work for me.
(I guess I already gave up)

Definitely don't give up, then your situation will never improve. I find the best way to fight shyness/anxiety is exposing yourself to people and forcing yourself to socialize, you eventually get better at starting conversations and you wont be so nervous, realizing that it isn't so bad. Making friends isn't easy, but if you work on your shyness, you will make some eventually. I know from talking to you that you're a good guy Dex, so all we gotta do is get you to put yourself out there and I have no doubt you will do good .

 

[ladyforsaken]

Definitely don't give up, then your situation will never improve. I find the best way to fight shyness/anxiety is exposing yourself to people and forcing yourself to socialize, you eventually get better at starting conversations and you wont be so nervous, realizing that it isn't so bad. Making friends isn't easy, but if you work on your shyness, you will make some eventually. I know from talking to you that you're a good guy Dex, so all we gotta do is get you to put yourself out there and I have no doubt you will do good .

Yeah, I totally get what you're saying Outcast. I have always been a shy girl growing up. Until I was thrusted into this job to do a lot of leadership and public speaking that I am fine doing it most of the time now. Not to say it entirely "cured" me of my shyness, it's still part of me somehow, but I can tell myself to be comfortable and overcome it and push myself to do it at least.

 

[Outcast]

Definitely don't give up, then your situation will never improve. I find the best way to fight shyness/anxiety is exposing yourself to people and forcing yourself to socialize, you eventually get better at starting conversations and you wont be so nervous, realizing that it isn't so bad. Making friends isn't easy, but if you work on your shyness, you will make some eventually. I know from talking to you that you're a good guy Dex, so all we gotta do is get you to put yourself out there and I have no doubt you will do good .

Yeah, I totally get what you're saying Outcast. I have always been a shy girl growing up. Until I was thrusted into this job to do a lot of leadership and public speaking that I am fine doing it most of the time now. Not to say it entirely "cured" me of my shyness, it's still part of me somehow, but I can tell myself to be comfortable and overcome it and push myself to do it at least.

It was actually a job that forced me to change too, I had some anxiety issues. It wasn't till I landed a new job and was forced to communicate with people I didn't know on a daily basis that I actually got better at talking with people, and now it doesn't bother me at all. Although I still kept a part of it, generally I prefer to keep to myself still.

 

[Dexter]

Obviously it helps some people, which is great, although it doesn't seem to be for you. I hope you find what works for your situation.

Thanks, but it seems to me that there is nothing at all that would work for me.
(I guess I already gave up)

Definitely don't give up, then your situation will never improve. I find the best way to fight shyness/anxiety is exposing yourself to people and forcing yourself to socialize, you eventually get better at starting conversations and you wont be so nervous, realizing that it isn't so bad. Making friends isn't easy, but if you work on your shyness, you will make some eventually. I know from talking to you that you're a good guy Dex, so all we gotta do is get you to put yourself out there and I have no doubt you will do good .

Thanks for the nice words

Sigh, why does it always have to be so difficult.

 

[ladyforsaken]

^ *hugs* take a step back, breathe and try to relax.

 

[Dexter]

^ *hugs* take a step back, breathe and try to relax.

Thanks.
I really stressed myself too much with this problem. But I am bit more relaxed now. And things are getting better.
Well the problem itself is not really getting better and is still there, but I don't let it influence my mood at the moment.

 

[ladyforsaken]

^Yeah, I think that's how we should try to deal with things. Try not to let it overwhelm or get to us as much as we can. It's not easy though. I'm glad you managed to do it though.

 

[Jazzbird]

Anxiety is born from your inner fears.I've been suffering from social anxiety disorder for nearly 12 years now.I used to get anxiety attacks when I tried talking to people (sweating,shaking uncontrollably etc..)

The only way to get over your fears is to take them head on and survive for as long as you can.

You should join a support group! Reading through the thread I see you've found one =D

There is power in unity! Try to surround yourself with positive and understanding people.

If you really have social anxiety disorder though.. that's a bit more complex.

Everything can trigger it.. from a person to a certain place or memories of past events,try to check for "triggers" if you can.If there is anything that makes you anxious try to distance yourself from it.

Good luck! I hope things get better for you man!

 

[Rosewood]

I try to hold back. I tend to overcompensate and say to much. I used to get so nervous I am better at it now. It haunted me as a young women. Why did I say all that? Anxious was the answer. We all need to belong.

 

[Dexter]

Anxiety is born from your inner fears.I've been suffering from social anxiety disorder for nearly 12 years now.I used to get anxiety attacks when I tried talking to people (sweating,shaking uncontrollably etc..)

The only way to get over your fears is to take them head on and survive for as long as you can.

You should join a support group! Reading through the thread I see you've found one =D

There is power in unity! Try to surround yourself with positive and understanding people.

If you really have social anxiety disorder though.. that's a bit more complex.

Everything can trigger it.. from a person to a certain place or memories of past events,try to check for "triggers" if you can.If there is anything that makes you anxious try to distance yourself from it.

Good luck! I hope things get better for you man!

Thank you.
About the triggers, I don't think that I really have something like this. I basically have always my social problems with people (especially if they are new to me and I haven't talked to them before).

I try to hold back. I tend to overcompensate and say to much. I used to get so nervous I am better at it now. It haunted me as a young women. Why did I say all that? Anxious was the answer. We all need to belong.

I guess saying too much is much better than saying too little or nothing at all (like in my case).

 

[Sophie99]

I definitely have problems with shyness, social anxiety, and low self-esteem, and have my whole life. But I also think I've had some significant improvement over the last year. I can't afford therapy so I've had to make do without and I can tell you what I think has helped me lately.

Mainly, doing a lot of work -- reading books, journaling, and just thinking long and hard about WHY I got this way in the first place. Lately I've been asking myself, if I do take a chance and approach somebody for friendship or romance or a job or whatever, what is it that I'm so afraid might happen? And the same answers keep coming back. Rejection. Or even worse, being treated like I'm nothing, a complete nobody, like I don't matter at all. So it's easier just to stay at home and not risk being hurt like that.

So I kept thinking, WHY? Why is this such a huge trigger for me? And I realized that I pretty much EXPECT other people to treat me like I don't matter. Again I kept thinking, why why why, and I think I've made some breakthroughs in figuring this out for myself.

Of course I still have a long way to go, but I think it really helps to have a conscious awareness of why I got this way in the first place.

I agree with what has been said about taking one day at a time. The only way to tackle any major job is a little bit at a time. I would also say, do whatever you can every day to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Try not to get so hung up on what you think you "should" be doing or what your life "should" be like. Do whatever you can to make yourself feel happy in the here and now. The happier you feel, the stronger you'll start to feel, and then maybe overcoming each new challenge won't seem so hard. At least that's the way I'm approaching it.

Finally, one of the books I read talked about the importance of "small wins." Set small challenges for yourself on a regular basis, and every time you successfully deal with one of those challenges it creates a "small win" and helps build your confidence.

Just a few ideas. Good luck.

 

[Dexter]

I definitely have problems with shyness, social anxiety, and low self-esteem, and have my whole life. But I also think I've had some significant improvement over the last year. I can't afford therapy so I've had to make do without and I can tell you what I think has helped me lately.

Mainly, doing a lot of work -- reading books, journaling, and just thinking long and hard about WHY I got this way in the first place. Lately I've been asking myself, if I do take a chance and approach somebody for friendship or romance or a job or whatever, what is it that I'm so afraid might happen? And the same answers keep coming back. Rejection. Or even worse, being treated like I'm nothing, a complete nobody, like I don't matter at all. So it's easier just to stay at home and not risk being hurt like that.

So I kept thinking, WHY? Why is this such a huge trigger for me? And I realized that I pretty much EXPECT other people to treat me like I don't matter. Again I kept thinking, why why why, and I think I've made some breakthroughs in figuring this out for myself.

Of course I still have a long way to go, but I think it really helps to have a conscious awareness of why I got this way in the first place.

I agree with what has been said about taking one day at a time. The only way to tackle any major job is a little bit at a time. I would also say, do whatever you can every day to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Try not to get so hung up on what you think you "should" be doing or what your life "should" be like. Do whatever you can to make yourself feel happy in the here and now. The happier you feel, the stronger you'll start to feel, and then maybe overcoming each new challenge won't seem so hard. At least that's the way I'm approaching it.

Finally, one of the books I read talked about the importance of "small wins." Set small challenges for yourself on a regular basis, and every time you successfully deal with one of those challenges it creates a "small win" and helps build your confidence.

Just a few ideas. Good luck.

Thank you for your reply.

 

[Jenifer]

I had the same problem and everyone told me to try theraphy or going to a psychiatrist. I did that because I thought they were right....turns out what I really needed to know was only some traits of my sign. Did you know that cancer people for example are shy and they usually panic quickly about anything? Also cancers (i am a cancer) are very dedicated to our families and if something happens to someone close to us we do everything we can to help. I needed to hear that in order to help me with my awkardness. so you only need to talk to someoen who knows about this and you'll geet through everything in the future. One step at a time Dexter!

 

[Dexter]

I had the same problem and everyone told me to try theraphy or going to a psychiatrist. I did that because I thought they were right....turns out what I really needed to know was only some traits of my sign. Did you know that cancer people for example are shy and they usually panic quickly about anything? Also cancers (i am a cancer) are very dedicated to our families and if something happens to someone close to us we do everything we can to help. I needed to hear that in order to help me with my awkardness. so you only need to talk to someoen who knows about this and you'll geet through everything in the future. One step at a time Dexter!

Hey, thanks for replying

To be honest I don't really believe in zodiac signs. But my sign is cancer too and your description fits really good (but I do also know someone who is cancer and doesn't fit to that description).

Yes, one step at a time. I somehow have the feeling that it is even difficult to get started. What is the first step? Maybe I already took a few steps without realizing it myself. I am not really sure about this.

 

[johnny196775]

what i like best about the internet is you do not have to look people in the eye. I am extremely shy but i do not feel that way on the internet and i think i emmbaress mysself tremendouslly.

i have been dissabled due to anziety for decades now.

 

[Dexter]

what i like best about the internet is you do not have to look people in the eye. I am extremely shy but i do not feel that way on the internet and i think i emmbaress mysself tremendouslly.

i have been dissabled due to anziety for decades now.

I really agree with you on this. It is so much easier on the internet.
______________

In general it would be a lot easier if someone else would be approaching me first. But I can't really imagine myself doing the first step.

 

[Peaches]

experiencing a major relapse in social anxiety these days, I think one key is to keep seeing people, they say that just three days of isolation make one's social skills diminish of 50% I don't really remember the percentage, but yeah, by personal experience I can now confirm that

 

[Dexter]

experiencing a major relapse in social anxiety these days, I think one key is to keep seeing people, they say that just three days of isolation make one's social skills diminish of 50% I don't really remember the percentage, but yeah, by personal experience I can now confirm that

If that with the diminishing skill is true, then I guess my social skills are very low.

I am sorry to here that you are experiencing a relapse. Would you like to talk a bit more about it? (Maybe it helps when you are letting it out and write it down)