How to Talk About mental Health. Do you agree?

[VidaLivesNow]

Hello everyone! I read an interesting article that said today is Time to Talk Day which encourages people to talk about 
mental health. I am posting a link below as well as some quotes from the article. Do you agree with the tips? Are these consistent with the way you talk to others/wish others would talk to you when discussing mental health? I really like tip #2 - "Just listening." 

Sometimes when people give me unsolicited advice it can do harm even when they mean well. For that reason I tend to ask how I can help when talking to others and if I feel like I have advice that could be helpful, I often ask if it is okay if I share. 

https://www.forbes.com/sites/drnanc...uring-covid-its-time-to-talk/?sh=7048fe373d0f

[font=Merriweather, serif]Five Rules For Tackling Mental Health During Covid: It’s Time To Talk[/font]


[font=Merriweather, serif]Beware Accidental Gaslighting[/font]


“The first rule of #TimeToTalk is to dial down the helpful advice. Mental health difficulties have a biological basis and cannot always be overcome by exercise, meditation and a good chat.” 


[font=Merriweather, serif]Just Listening[/font]
‘So, what should you do instead? Rule two for #TimeToTalk is about just listening. Rather than jumping in with a practical plan, you could gently ask “what’s the best way to support you right now?” or “when you have felt like this before, what kinds of things have helped?”’


[font=Merriweather, serif]Making Real Connections[/font]
“If you are concerned, I’d advise starting with just checking in more regularly about nothing in particular, rather than putting someone on the spot. Sometimes a more general chat about the world, what’s on television, a new innovation that’s out, all of this can turn into a larger conversation without it feeling forced. If a phone call feels like a bridge to far, you might start via DMs or text, rather than public feed posts.”


[font=Merriweather, serif]Establish Boundaries[/font]
“Yes, we must break the stigma and get better at talking about our feelings, but that does not mean that we are required to be a personal therapist at the expense of our own mental health when someone is dealing with issues that are out of our league. This is not selfish, it is actually the safest thing for everyone.”


[font=Merriweather, serif]Safeguarding[/font]
“A final rule for #TimeToTalk is to always remember that in cases of abuse, violence, a crime or serious self-harm then you can act by reporting a serious situation at work or to authorities, or by calling in others who are more closely related. It’s called safeguarding. If you are not sure whether to act, if it involves breaking confidentiality, then you can check this out by telling the story anonymously to a trusted person.” 

 

[Finished]

Sounds like you want some advice. All you have to do is ask. Ha! ha! Just kidding.

 

[VidaLivesNow]

Sounds like you want some advice. All you have to do is ask. Ha! ha! Just kidding.

Lol! I shared bc I found the article to be interesting and thought it would be a good discussion : )

 

[iseestars]

Hey VidaLivesNow!

The article you shared is so interesting! Unfortunately more often than not I tend to not listen and I try to give advice even when it's not needed and that's silly of me to say the least. I must learn to listen more and to be more careful with  people's feelings.

Thank you for sharing these things. I'm looking forward to your next posts/threads!

Sending hugs your way!

Take care!

 

[VanillaCreme]

Sounds like you want some advice. All you have to do is ask. Ha! ha! Just kidding.

Lol! I shared bc I found the article to be interesting and thought it would be a good discussion : )

It is quite interesting, even more so now during this time of a virus spreading rapidly. Thank you for posting it. I personally gravitated towards the "establish boundaries" in my early 30's, going into my mid-30's now. I have certain goals in my life, and I hate to sound harsh about it, but if people don't want to move forward with their own life, I have no room in my life for that. I thought different 10-15 years ago when my life was different, but now that I pretty much have myself, nothing will stop me in trying to secure my future. So move with me or move over so I can move on.

I don't have any mental illnesses, but anyone could benefit from reading this and articles like it.

 

[mgill]

not every issue people have is based on mental illness. sometimes it's more a matter of not being able to accept extremely difficult circumstances which will never improve. depression, loneliness, low self esteem are some examples which can be due to a lifetime of failure & negative reinforcement because of things entirely beyond one's control. no amount of therapy is going to improve things in these cases so it would be a waste of time & money to try and do so.

 

[TheRealCallie]

not every issue people have is based on mental illness.  sometimes it's more a matter of not being able to accept extremely difficult circumstances which will never improve.  depression, loneliness, low self esteem are some examples which can be due to a lifetime of failure & negative reinforcement because of things entirely beyond one's control. no amount of therapy is going to improve things in these cases so it would be a waste of time & money to try and do so.

No, those things can be changed simply.  You just have to want to.

 

[VidaLivesNow]

Hey VidaLivesNow!

The article you shared is so interesting! Unfortunately more often than not I tend to not listen and I try to give advice even when it's not needed and that's silly of me to say the least. I must learn to listen more and to be more careful with  people's feelings.

Thank you for sharing these things. I'm looking forward to your next posts/threads!

Sending hugs your way!

Take care!

Hello Iseestars! 

Thank you for your feedback! I think listening is something we could all get better at, including me! 

Hugs back at ya! Have a great day!

---

Sounds like you want some advice. All you have to do is ask. Ha! ha! Just kidding.

Lol! I shared bc I found the article to be interesting and thought it would be a good discussion : )

It is quite interesting, even more so now during this time of a virus spreading rapidly. Thank you for posting it. I personally gravitated towards the "establish boundaries" in my early 30's, going into my mid-30's now. I have certain goals in my life, and I hate to sound harsh about it, but if people don't want to move forward with their own life, I have no room in my life for that. I thought different 10-15 years ago when my life was different, but now that I pretty much have myself, nothing will stop me in trying to secure my future. So move with me or move over so I can move on.

I don't have any mental illnesses, but anyone could benefit from reading this and articles like it.

Thank you for sharing! And blessings on blessings with all your goals!

 

[VidaLivesNow]

not every issue people have is based on mental illness.  sometimes it's more a matter of not being able to accept extremely difficult circumstances which will never improve.  depression, loneliness, low self esteem are some examples which can be due to a lifetime of failure & negative reinforcement because of things entirely beyond one's control. no amount of therapy is going to improve things in these cases so it would be a waste of time & money to try and do so.

Thank you for sharing! And I hear you and empathize with your view. From what I understand, sometimes mental illness is caused by a chemical imbalance while other times it is caused by circumstances. And there are times where it is both. I think there are many ways to get to a healthier mindset, therapy is one but there are other resources as well. 

Have a good day : )

 

[VidaLivesNow]

not every issue people have is based on mental illness.  sometimes it's more a matter of not being able to accept extremely difficult circumstances which will never improve.  depression, loneliness, low self esteem are some examples which can be due to a lifetime of failure & negative reinforcement because of things entirely beyond one's control. no amount of therapy is going to improve things in these cases so it would be a waste of time & money to try and do so.

No, those things can be changed simply.  You just have to want to.

Thanks for sharing TheRealCallie! While I think change is possible for even very difficult situations, it isn't always simple. Healing, change, growth, they can all be a process. Sometimes a long part of the process is just finding out what works and then learning to put those things into practice can be challenging as well. Have a great day!

 

[TheRealCallie]

not every issue people have is based on mental illness.  sometimes it's more a matter of not being able to accept extremely difficult circumstances which will never improve.  depression, loneliness, low self esteem are some examples which can be due to a lifetime of failure & negative reinforcement because of things entirely beyond one's control. no amount of therapy is going to improve things in these cases so it would be a waste of time & money to try and do so.

No, those things can be changed simply.  You just have to want to.

Thanks for sharing TheRealCallie! While I think change is possible for even very difficult situations, it isn't always simple. Healing, change, growth, they can all be a process. Sometimes a long part of the process is just finding out what works and then learning to put those things into practice can be challenging as well. Have a great day!

No, the process is simple.  It is not, however, easy.

 

[mgill]

not every issue people have is based on mental illness.  sometimes it's more a matter of not being able to accept extremely difficult circumstances which will never improve.  depression, loneliness, low self esteem are some examples which can be due to a lifetime of failure & negative reinforcement because of things entirely beyond one's control. no amount of therapy is going to improve things in these cases so it would be a waste of time & money to try and do so.

No, those things can be changed simply.  You just have to want to.

not true.  people love to believe that this is always the case but a complete lack of validation over years and decades refutes your claim.  as i have stated here many times before some people are just born losers despite what they do, do not do or want. coping may work for certain people but it is not the answer for all of us.

---

not every issue people have is based on mental illness.  sometimes it's more a matter of not being able to accept extremely difficult circumstances which will never improve.  depression, loneliness, low self esteem are some examples which can be due to a lifetime of failure & negative reinforcement because of things entirely beyond one's control. no amount of therapy is going to improve things in these cases so it would be a waste of time & money to try and do so.

Thank you for sharing! And I hear you and empathize with your view. From what I understand, sometimes mental illness is caused by a chemical imbalance while other times it is caused by circumstances. And there are times where it is both. I think there are many ways to get to a healthier mindset, therapy is one but there are other resources as well. 

Have a good day : )

what i am saying is that states often conflaited with mental illness are not always due to mental issues.  they can also be due to a very realistic, yet hopeless, realiztion that certain extremely critical things can never be improved so it was over before it ever began.

 

[TheRealCallie]

not every issue people have is based on mental illness.  sometimes it's more a matter of not being able to accept extremely difficult circumstances which will never improve.  depression, loneliness, low self esteem are some examples which can be due to a lifetime of failure & negative reinforcement because of things entirely beyond one's control. no amount of therapy is going to improve things in these cases so it would be a waste of time & money to try and do so.

No, those things can be changed simply.  You just have to want to.

not true.  people love to believe that this is always the case but a complete lack of validation over years and decades refutes your claim.  as i have stated here many times before some people are just born losers despite what they do, do not do or want. coping may work for certain people but it is not the answer for all of us.

---

---

And as I've stated here many times before, that's ********.  If you wanted it, TRULY wanted it, you would fight like hell to get it.  NO ONE is a loser unless they make themselves believe they are.  And even then, it's only in that person's eyes. 
Most people are too scared or pissed off "at the world" to do the work required.

 

[mgill]

not every issue people have is based on mental illness.  sometimes it's more a matter of not being able to accept extremely difficult circumstances which will never improve.  depression, loneliness, low self esteem are some examples which can be due to a lifetime of failure & negative reinforcement because of things entirely beyond one's control. no amount of therapy is going to improve things in these cases so it would be a waste of time & money to try and do so.

No, those things can be changed simply.  You just have to want to.

not true.  people love to believe that this is always the case but a complete lack of validation over years and decades refutes your claim.  as i have stated here many times before some people are just born losers despite what they do, do not do or want. coping may work for certain people but it is not the answer for all of us.

---

---

And as I've stated here many times before, that's ********.  If you wanted it, TRULY wanted it, you would fight like hell to get it.  NO ONE is a loser unless they make themselves believe they are.  And even then, it's only in that person's eyes. 
Most people are too scared or pissed off "at the world" to do the work required.

---

lots of assumptions here and they are also very wrong. i fought like hell" for too many years to count yet still have had zero success.  the idea that failure is always due to a lack of effort and that success comes eventually to everyone is a form of the just world fallacy.  i understand that most people are in denial of this very harsh truth but it is reality. 

everything comes down to pure chance and no mindset or amount of work are going to help someone who is below a certain baseline. a loser is simply someone who has lost.  some have lost because they refuse to try or try long & hard enough, or make very poor decisions-i would agree to this. however, some have lost simply due to inherently lacking what is necessary to succeed and this is born out from the years of effort & hard work yet experiencing nothing but failure.  to suggest that the failure is due to not "truly" wanting it is yet another fallacy known as a "no true scotsman" logical fallacy.

 

[TheRealCallie]

lots of assumptions here and they are also very wrong. i fought like hell" for too many years to count yet still have had zero success.  the idea that failure is always due to a lack of effort and that success comes eventually to everyone is a form of the just world fallacy.  i understand that most people are in denial of this very harsh truth but it is reality. 

everything comes down to pure chance and no mindset or amount of work are going to help someone who is below a certain baseline. a loser is simply someone who has lost.  some have lost because they refuse to try or try long & hard enough, or make very poor decisions-i would agree to this. however, some have lost simply due to inherently lacking what is necessary to succeed and this is born out from the years of effort & hard work yet experiencing nothing but failure.  to suggest that the failure is due to not "truly" wanting it is yet another fallacy known as a "no true scotsman" logical fallacy.

Now who's making the assumptions? I never said anything about failure being a lack of effort. Failure ONLY happens when you give up. THAT is failing. Nothing before that is failing.
Just because it's your "reality," doesn't mean that it's anyone else's reality. You formed your reality in your head and refuse to budge from it. Refuse to even think that there could be any other way. That's on you.

I, too, "fought like hell" for too many years, but then I actually hit rock bottom and in hindsight, I could see that I really wasn't trying all that hard. I thought I was at the time, but I wasn't. I was putting in the minimal effort and making myself believe I was doing every single thing I could. After that, it was still 3 long years of some of the hardest work I have even done and might possibly ever do. Sometimes, it takes hitting rock bottom before you can TRULY want something. And before you come back and tell me you have hit rock bottom, keep in mind that people hit "rock bottom" many times before they actually do.

 

[mgill]

lots of assumptions here and they are also very wrong. i fought like hell" for too many years to count yet still have had zero success.  the idea that failure is always due to a lack of effort and that success comes eventually to everyone is a form of the just world fallacy.  i understand that most people are in denial of this very harsh truth but it is reality. 

everything comes down to pure chance and no mindset or amount of work are going to help someone who is below a certain baseline. a loser is simply someone who has lost.  some have lost because they refuse to try or try long & hard enough, or make very poor decisions-i would agree to this. however, some have lost simply due to inherently lacking what is necessary to succeed and this is born out from the years of effort & hard work yet experiencing nothing but failure.  to suggest that the failure is due to not "truly" wanting it is yet another fallacy known as a "no true scotsman" logical fallacy.

Now who's making the assumptions?  I never said anything about failure being a lack of effort.  Failure ONLY happens when you give up.  THAT is failing.  Nothing before that is failing.
Just because it's your "reality," doesn't mean that it's anyone else's reality.  You formed your reality in your head and refuse to budge from it.  Refuse to even think that there could be any other way.  That's on you. 

I, too, "fought like hell" for too many years, but then I actually hit rock bottom and in hindsight, I could see that I really wasn't trying all that hard.  I thought I was at the time, but I wasn't.  I was putting in the minimal effort and making myself believe I was doing every single thing I could.  After that, it was still 3 long years of some of the hardest work I have even done and might possibly ever do.  Sometimes, it takes hitting rock bottom before you can TRULY want something.  And before you come back and tell me you have hit rock bottom, keep in mind that people hit "rock bottom" many times before they actually do.

your assumptions were based on the suggestion that failure is due to not trying hard enough or long enough.  giving up can be essential to retain whatever minimal self esteem one may have remaining.  there are large communites of men in the same position as i am or even worse so it's not just something in my head as you claim.  the reality in my head is due to the evidence of constant, total failure and not the cause of it.  to state that the only true failure is giving up is yet another pie in the sky platitude that has little relevance in the real world.  again, constant, long term effort is NOT any guarantee of success. this life is most certainly not made for everyone and just as there are winners there also must be losers.

whatever your experience is or was has no connection to what i oand other men like me go through, i have been at "rock bottom" going on seven years now so a mere three sounds like a very short period indeed.  who gets to deterime what rock botom is anyway?  you seem to believe that you are able to make such a determination based on a handful of my comments on this message board. in fact, unless you want to consider each successive failure as being worse than the last, i have been at the bottom for much longer than seven years.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Yeah, whatever, you and the "other men like you" know it all and the rest of us know nothing. How dare I say anything to someone so knowledgeable on negativity.

Oh and you might want to watch your own damn assumptions because you are making more than I ever could.

 

[mgill]

Yeah, whatever, you and the "other men like you" know it all and the rest of us know nothing.  How dare I say anything to someone so knowledgeable on negativity. 

Oh and you might want to watch your own damn assumptions because you are making more than I ever could.

no one ever claimed that anyone else knew nothing-just as i cannot speak what it's like to be a women, you have zero personal experience as a short, unattractive male. as i said previously, so called negativity can be the result of very bad circumstances rather than the cause, which is the premise of my original comment.  negativity can therefore sometimes be an accurate picture of an all too harsh reality instead of being an incorrect mindset which can be cured by thinking in a different manner.

i am curious though-what assumptions do you think i have made about you? i could be wrong but i don't see that i have made any about you.

 

[HypnoGhost]

I think, in today's world and within ourselves, we tend to focus too much or get distracted by the symptoms and fail to address the root cause of the problem.

Instead of asymptomatic diagnosis or recognition, of depression [font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]be it chemical imbalances,[/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif] abuse,[/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif] perspectives, upbringing etc. [/font] perhaps if instead we used processes that are out there and freely available to discover the route cause. Then we could all move forward proactively.
This is not an easy task by far. To face ones demons head on takes a lot of courage and with some, appropriate support. But sometimes just knowing the fact that it is possible and you are capable, is something more of us need to hear, share and be aware of.

I think this process is the real pandemic in our wider society. The fact that we are no longer taught correctly (both from our elders or our education system), about how to heal & deal with our selves from within.
This is the dis ease that gets passed down through generations.
On a deeper level we can still be dealing with traumas that happened to our forefathers centuries ago (A topic all on its own).

"It is easier not to want forgiveness or to expect it.
Just keep trying to fix the mistake so we don't have to ask (for forgiveness) but you end up trying so hard to atone for one set of mistakes, you over compensate and make new ones.
Then you can't get out of the cycle."
- Crusade Ep 4

 

[mgill]

I think, in today's world and within ourselves, we tend to focus too much or get distracted by the symptoms and fail to address the root cause of the problem.

Instead of asymptomatic diagnosis or recognition, of depression [font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]be it chemical imbalances,[/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif] abuse,[/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif] perspectives, upbringing etc. [/font] perhaps if instead we used processes that are out there and freely available to discover the route cause. Then we could all move forward proactively.
This is not an easy task by far. To face ones demons head on takes a lot of courage and with some, appropriate support. But sometimes just knowing the fact that it is possible and you are capable, is something more of us need to hear, share and be aware of.

I think this process is the real pandemic in our wider society. The fact that we are no longer taught correctly (both from our elders or our education system), about how to heal & deal with our selves from within.
This is the dis ease that gets passed down through generations.
On a deeper level we can still be dealing with traumas that happened to our forefathers centuries ago (A topic all on its own).

"It is easier not to want forgiveness or to expect it.
Just keep trying to fix the mistake so we don't have to ask (for forgiveness) but you end up trying so hard to atone for one set of mistakes, you over compensate and make new ones.
Then you can't get out of the cycle."
- Crusade Ep 4

i think your response pre-supposes that there are always viable solutions for everyone.  my own personal experience has shown that this is not the case and some people are just too flawed to ever find contentment or happiness.