I don't know what to do anymore

[Princesscici8]

Ive been fighting this battle for a while now. It started in my childhood. Ive always been a big kid and i never "grew out of it". I always got bullied and my family always made comments about my weight, which made me very self conscious and hid myself alot. I felt trapped in the body everyone hated and i never felt that i was okay and beautiful in the skin i was born in. All that cause me to have weird relationship with myself and made me worry alot about how others saw me. Years later i was starting to get bettsr with this issue but then 2016 hit. My mother had suffered from a stroke, and I had to take over a lot of her responsibilities. She was a very independent and strong woman and the stroke stripped all that away from her. So i needed to pick everything she did up and did those things while getting my emotions amd stress under control. Growing up and during this time, my family was very "anti-feelings," so i didn't have anyone to talk to about my mom or to process this stuff with. This caused me to find other outlets to help me cope (Sadly therapy was out of the question because of my insurance at the time). Food began to bring me some type of peace. I began to binge to cope with everything. I would eat when no one was around or went out of my way to eat alone. I would order **** loads of food and eat until I couldn't breathe. 4 years and hundreds of pounds later, food started to not work anymore. I developed a stomach disorder from all the excessive eating and weight i gained and my body started rejecting food and it caused alot of damage . This made me more sad and brought me to some dark places. I felt so out of place all the time because of my size and issues. I kind of felt like a puzzle piece in the wrong puzzle box, like I belong somewhere but not here, and that caused me to start isolating a lot. I went MIA, stopped talking to people, and felt like that was the best option since I was losing the battle and so much control over myself and wanted no one to see it. Recently, I started to get help and got back some of the control I lost. It's hard since I didn't express my feelings a lot before. I'm still fighting this battle, and now im getting help more consistantly but this stuff is starting to get a lot harder. I see my therapist twice a week and i still dont feel like its enough cause im so messed up I feel more alone than ever and i have no one to go to other than my therapist. My only friend that knows about all this lives thousands of miles away now, so we cant talk like we used to cause of the time difference and our schedules clashing. And my other friends would either make my sad convos about themselves or just use cop out phrases (like "Im sorry to hear that" or "that sucks") instead of actually listening to me and being there for me like i am for them. I'm still fighting this battle, but i feel so alone. I just want to be heard and feel loved but im so lost and alone

 

[SecondStarTotheRight]

Hi, welcome.
It's good to know after all you've been through that therapy is at least doing some good. I hope you stay around here. Know that there are many people here that can lend an ear and maybe help with some advice and do care. We definitely understand the loneliness and sense of struggle, aloneness. Glad you're here.

 

[U-122]

Hi, welcome. Wow. May i ask your age and weight? If you're 300lbs or more, depending on your medical history, you may qualify for a (free?) surgical procedure. I know people who had it done years ago and lost a lot of weight. Not all had good results. I don't know if there's anything new on the market i haven't looked into it. I used to eat often but gradually reduced food, carb intake and became a vegetarian. I never eat garbage or overeat. Just slow metabolism and felt hungry all the time. I used to be "morbidly obese" as one dr said. I've met with dieticians, they made me write what i eat when i eat. Told me what to eat when to eat. Doctors and dieticians were wrong. I can't even touch anything they recommended. Nobody considered genetics, environment, medical history. They are like robots with degrees here.

I'm not familiar with therapy never had it. i'm my own therapist doctor dietician. This forum helps because we are all alone here, together. lol

Outside of this forum i'm completely alone. Can't talk to anyone about anything anymore. Sometimes loneliness gets to me and i feel bad. It seems to be normal for many. Everyone around me is lonely. Nobody has real friends anymore.

 

[sniffles]

It's alright being a big kid. I for one would rather talk to someone genuinely themself, that doesn't pretend they are not a big kid.

Perhaps you can try to replace your coping outlets with something else. When you feel you want to eat, go out for a walk instead and enjoy the fresh air. You already made the choice to come to this forum for help, so why not give this a try also and see what happens?

 

[Sarah G]

Hi, welcome Sorry to hear about everything you've been through, it's a lot to deal with. I know you'll find some kindred spirits here on ALL

 

[Finished]

Welcome!

 

[Sir Joseph]

Yes, welcome Princesscici8. I've 5 good friends that are grossly overweight for various reasons and it certainly makes life harder for them. It's no simple task undoing underlying emotional causes or making major diet and exercise lifestyle changes. But, there are plenty of testimonies showing it can be done.

I think it's necessary to care "about" yourself in order to care "for" yourself. That often comes down to recognizing your self worth as a person made in the image of God and appreciating that your body is the temple of his Spirit that lives within you - if you've invited him in. Understanding and believing that should give you desire, strength, and encouragement to improve yourself - to be the person that God designed you to be.

You already know certain lifestyle changes you need to make in order to lose weight, but that isn't necessarily going to solve your loneliness problem. It takes time, work, and effort to build relationships; being more attractive may help, but it's no panacea.
I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, but I would suggest that they serve as a foundation for your healing path ahead. To that point, I offer an interesting, entertaining, and encouraging sermon video for you to view. It's good medicine for all of us.

 

[HelloNewman]

you may qualify for a (free?) surgical procedure. I know people who had it done years ago and lost a lot of weight. Not all had good results

Welcome, Princessic8.

I am a believer in bariatric surgery - when other ways don't work.

For 4+ decades I trained near-daily in swimming. I was hopeless at any other exercise.

Then osteoarthritis got to my hips. I took a break from a daily routine. I went from a toned 75Kg to an obese 103kg as without swimming my metabolic rate reduced and my food intake didn't.

I am lucky I live in Australia where I pay $52 pm for top hospital and extras cover, which then our Medicare picks up the rest. So for nil money I had a LapBand put in. It took me some time to get used to, but it has worked.

What I like about the Lapband is that you can have it removed.

I wish you well on your journey.

 

[HappyLoner]

Hej.
I don't know anything about the medical issues but i kindly ask you to stop value yourself through other's eyes. Others opinions about you has no importance, purpose or meanings. Others opinions is like farts, some are loud, others discrete but they all smell **** so ignore them. You decide your value, only you decide what you are capable of. No one else can tell you what you can do, learn or be because that is decided by you, only you decide your limits, you own your life and how it will be.

 

[Yeti1980]

Good to have you on board Cici, welcome.

You don't have to be alone, we are all here, and in the physical world too I'm sure there are many who would have nothing but respect for you.

You've been courageous enough to get this far, and that shows character. As does coming somewhere like here to talk about things and try and work things out.

 

[user 188522]

Yes, welcome Princesscici8. I've 5 good friends that are grossly overweight for various reasons and it certainly makes life harder for them. It's no simple task undoing underlying emotional causes or making major diet and exercise lifestyle changes. But, there are plenty of testimonies showing it can be done.

I think it's necessary to care "about" yourself in order to care "for" yourself. That often comes down to recognizing your self worth as a person made in the image of God and appreciating that your body is the temple of his Spirit that lives within you - if you've invited him in. Understanding and believing that should give you desire, strength, and encouragement to improve yourself - to be the person that God designed you to be.

You already know certain lifestyle changes you need to make in order to lose weight, but that isn't necessarily going to solve your loneliness problem. It takes time, work, and effort to build relationships; being more attractive may help, but it's no panacea.
I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, but I would suggest that they serve as a foundation for your healing path ahead. To that point, I offer an interesting, entertaining, and encouraging sermon video for you to view. It's good medicine for all of us.

I adore the videos you post. Sadly I have no faith. Where would I find more videos like this one?

 

[Sir Joseph]

Lady Grey, what a nice, encouraging compliment, thank you. I recognize that few here appreciate my view or my videos, but my time and effort is worthwhile if it helps a single soul.

The video above is oriented towards someone who has a belief and faith in God. I'm glad you liked it, but In your case, other ones like it may not be what you really need for bolstering your faith.

I have a list of about 600 religious videos I've watched over the past few years, keeping only 10% as favorites to rewatch time and again myself or to share with others when the opportunity arises. Most are posted on YouTube, but a few get deleted for unknown reasons, and more significantly, it's intimidating and very time consuming to watch thousands of hours of video in order to value and keep only a few. The good thing for you and anyone else interested, is that I can save you a LOT of time by recommending what I believe to be the best from each teacher/preacher.

I don't think it's prudent for me to post a master list here of my video library, but you or anyone wanting to watch some excellent religious/faith based videos are welcome to pm me and tell me what you're specifically interested in so that I can share my material personally in an effective manner. Here are the topics I've studied to date, though it's a never ending process. I've listed the topics in a logical order that I would recommend for any atheist, agnostic, or skeptic wanting to seek religious truth.

Creation vs Evolution: scientific evidence for the existence of God

Old Ages vs New Ages: scientific evidence for the Bible's 6 day creation account

Global Flood: scientific & historical evidence for the Bible's account of Noah, the ark, and flood

Dinosaurs: historical evidence for man & dinosaurs living together during the past 6000 yrs

Bible: evidence of it's accuracy and Divine inspiration through archaeology, scientific insight, historical testimony and records, fulfilled prophesies; refuted contradictions, manuscript authority, and textual criticism

Miracles: witness testimony evidence for God

Near Death Experiences: witness testimony evidence for a soul, afterlife, heaven, and Jesus

False Religions: evidence against Islam, Catholicism, Mormonism, JW's, and 7th Day Adventists

Christian Living: encouraging guidance on various issues for believers and seekers

Misc: moral issues; evil and suffering in the world; angels & spirits, and other interesting topics

 

[Sunless Sky]

Welcome to the forum. Hope you find what you are looking for here. Whether that's companionship or new connections.

Either way, you can shoot me a pm if you ever wanna talk.

 

[Normski]

Hej.
I don't know anything about the medical issues but i kindly ask you to stop value yourself through other's eyes. Others opinions about you has no importance, purpose or meanings. Others opinions is like farts, some are loud, others discrete but they all smell **** so ignore them. You decide your value, only you decide what you are capable of. No one else can tell you what you can do, learn or be because that is decided by you, only you decide your limits, you own your life and how it will be.

The world is going down the pan, and so are people generally speaking! But, your right, the most self destrutive thing anyone can do, specially in todays world, is use them as some kind of bench mark, they will mess your head up, and laugh as they see you collapse in a heap. If people accept there is a God, for me at least, he is the only stable thing in this mad universe. never judge yourself by other peoples values and advice. Use your own God given intelligence and mind to see the truth, don't just blindly buy others narratives, most will lead you down the wrong path to self destruction. In short 98% of this world we all live in, is a fake world and those who run it, are Evil monsters. I know this to be true, although its a sad thing to say!