I found this website by googling 'desperate for a change in life'

[Phantomash]

This may not be your typical story found on here. I don't really know. I'm 23, married at 20, mother to a 13 month old and 5 months pregnant. I live with my husband, my brother in law and his wife and son, and with my in-laws. I stay at home right now due to complications from the pregnancy. I am surrounded by people yet am in a constant sea of sadness and loneliness. I have no friends to escape to. We just moved to this area from a different state and I don't know anyone. My depression is affecting my day to day activity. I can't leave the house, I am constantly crying about what the future holds or what I've done wrong in my life. My daughter doesn't deserve to have a mother that's only there physically but not mentally. I don't know what to do. I constantly tell myself that I hate my life and with every day nearing to the due date of my child, I dread it more. I'm not ready to be a mother to two kids.

I don't know what I was hoping to achieve by posting this. I'm not good with words so what I wrote probably doesn't even make sense, plus there's so much more going on in my head that I haven't mentioned.

I know that if I wasn't married or a mother, I would've ended it already. Life is just too hard and no matter what situation I'm in, I'm aleays desperate for a way out.

 

[pumpkin-soup]

Welcome to the forum
I've never had a child but I've heard something that pregnancy or after giving birth does stuff to the hormone so it causes the woman in a lot of ways like mentally. But you probably know a lot better about such subject than I do. Anyway, I am sorry to hear about your situation but I'm glad that you found this place.
If you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me.

 

[Phantomash]

Welcome to the forum
I've never had a child but I've heard something that pregnancy or after giving birth does stuff to the hormone so it causes the woman in a lot of ways like mentally. But you probably know a lot better about such subject than I do. Anyway, I am sorry to hear about your situation but I'm glad that you found this place.
If you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me.

You are right about this however the feelings I have go way beyond this pregnancy and motherhood. I feel so guilty for becoming a wife and mother all the while knowing that I am a perpetually sad and lonely person.

Thanks for writing to me.

 

[Tiina63]

Does your husband know how bad you are feeling? Or can you confide in your in laws?

 

[IgnoredOne]

Have you ever seen a therapist? Sometimes medication might be helpful as at least a temporary measure.

 

[Okiedokes]

I hope that your husband is supportive of you and your feelings. It must be stressful to live with so many people and especially in laws. I want to say one thing and that is please don't be guilty about becoming a wife and mother because you most likely have depression and that doesn't mean you less than a good mother. It is a lot of pressure to become both at such a young age...I know. Not being able to get out probably has to do with it a little bit..even if outside gets you anxious or not it is a healthy thing to do. I would totally talk to your OB about it, he/she will be able to help you in some ways. It's better to try to get help for it than ignore it.

 

[OhGodImLonely]

Welcome to the forum
I've never had a child but I've heard something that pregnancy or after giving birth does stuff to the hormone so it causes the woman in a lot of ways like mentally. But you probably know a lot better about such subject than I do. Anyway, I am sorry to hear about your situation but I'm glad that you found this place.
If you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me.

You are right about this however the feelings I have go way beyond this pregnancy and motherhood. I feel so guilty for becoming a wife and mother all the while knowing that I am a perpetually sad and lonely person.

Thanks for writing to me.

I feel really sorry for you. I never wanted to engage in a serious relationship because of this. If I married someone I would affect their life in a negative way. My children wouldn't be happy having a dad like me.

 

[LonelyAtNight]

Hi Plantomash,

I think you're fine with words, what you wrote makes sense. Glad you came to this web site, it is important that you have at least some opportunity to share your feelings and wht is going on...and that you are heard, by at least a few people.....

I'm glad that as terribly as you have felt/feel now that you are still trying to find a way to change your life, I applaud you for this, likely you won't find something that will make you feel completely great instantly, but if you find things that help/assist you even a little bit, that is a start and has value!!!!

You are in my prayers
(I'm more a budhist than anything else,and prayers never hurt)

I hope you continue to post here and investigate other sites or ways that might be of help/assistance to you

....JH.....

 

[monkeysocks]

It could be that you are suffering from post natal depression from the birth of your first child. This is very common and worth talking to your doctor or midwife about. The feelings you are describing are common in PND.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Uhhh, welcome, I guess.

Anyway, why not take more of a presence in your spare..... Kids lives? You know take the kids to the park or something like that. That is how my mom dealt with this problem you are having. It will get you out meeting other parents, and that is good.

Just make sure it is a gateway. Otherwise, you will end up right in the same place 20 something years later.