Shells i understand your hurt, pain, anger, feeling so lonely because in the last 3 years in your heart and mind their has been a partner to fall back onto. But take a big step back and think before jumping back into the same relationship, if he has had an affair the chances are sometime in the future it willllllllllll happen again!, and then there is the mistrust from yourself that will never be forgotten which means barriers, and the days you feel mistrust you will turn your back on him at nights, and in turn he will feel rejected, and bang it starts all over again, not worth the mental torture.
Please do not put all the blame on men, of all 6.7 billion people on this planet 51% are women, from what i have seen, experienced, read and heard from men/women. There are alot of selfish people, maybe because of age, circumstances,money, feeling left out, or unloved, over worked i do not know but so many men/women fall/sleep with another person. I never have but god i have wanted to many times, but my heart will not allow it.( i understand right and wrong, and i have always wanted to follow the path of right, even thou its never got me anywhere in relationships so far, but i belive the right woman is out there), the relationship well how i can call it that i am kidding myself just coming out of, she put me down day in day out, said the most nastiest insults, if we went anywhere for a day or two she would say i owed her for her time (not money),when i did anything around the house never good enough, every time i mentioned lets go out she'd scream and shout about that i do go out , to work that is, whilse she went out with her mates,family or gym. Every time i have tried to walk out she would she her soft side and ***** me would lower my guard. reading this darn what a fool. 3 and 1/2 years, the thing is i came to london to sort myself out , help myself to communicate and fight this Soical Anxiety, i am not even a step forward and 39. Sorry to use your blog to let out my pity but please be stronger than me and use your head.