I have no idea what happened?

[stratamaster78]

I haven't read any responses, so please forgive me if anything I say has already been said and/or explained. I am a 36 female and from my point of view. It seemed like she couldn't wait any longer. I was reading your story, and I truly felt the love you had for this girl, except I kept waiting for you to mention how exactly you were going to make living next or with each other possible, but you never did. I know you said she was the one who was going to make the move, but what were you sacrificing is where I am trying to go with this. Know what I mean? This is where I felt uncertain in your story, And maybe, just maybe, she felt the same way and maybe she couldn't take it anymore?

Again, forgive me for assuming anything, I don't mean too and I am pressed for time but you did ask for a females point of view and that was the first thing that popped into my head, so I gave you my point of view. I apologize in advance if I assumed anything wrongly.

---

The worst part is for some reason all of our mutual Facebook friends continue to talk to her and be friends with her while they have coincidentally given me the cold shoulder? I did nothing wrong and everyone has seemingly shunned me. Two of them I knew years before even she did. I pm'd them last night just as an innocent 'hello how are you guys doing' and got no response from them even though I can see they read it. But today they had time to talk in length with her??

 
The only thing I can think of, and honestly, I'm probably wrong about this, but maybe they know she's cheating on you and they can't face you? But that's messed up that they can talk to her no problem. That is very messed up. I would like to know why they aren't talking to you either. If you ever find out, let us know, keep us updated. Did you ever just think to come out right and ask any of your friends, why?

---

With the sacrificing/moving situation both parties have to be willing right? So I'll use that as my setup to answer you about this part. It's complicated though. I admit she's in a tough spot. She lives with her father and is his caretaker because he is blind and she also has a live in roommate that helps with rent and taking care of her father. The roommate was only going to be there temporarily though and move back out this past Dec/Jan. So one of my 1st suggestions was that I would move to NYC to live with her and that I understand that her and her father are kind of a 'package deal' and that I'm fine with that. At first she was contemplating that but then said she didn't think we should try that because if I had trouble getting a job for too long her Father would not like me and there would be problems because of past Boyfriends who lived with her and were unemployed 'bums' that mooched off her. So she's assuming the worst there and comparing me unfairly to past boyfriends there.

Now as for me I have also been a caretaker. But my situation has been doubly tough because my Mom got Cancer 4 1/2 years ago and even after beating it became basically disabled and on oxygen. My Dad also in that same time became disabled himself because of back problems and neuropathy. So I had to take a sabbatical from working the last 4 years to take care of them both full time. They had so many daytime Doctors appointments and needs that there was no time in the day for me to be able to work. I even tried a night shift job for 5 months and it was about to make my body shutdown only getting 4 hours sleep a day trying to juggle all these things. She knew all of this well ahead of time. That I was at my parents not working a 'job' but taking care of them. Then my Mom finally succumbed to her sickness on Aug 31st and passed away. I didn't even have time to properly grieve yet before she flew down here to spend a week with me in Sept. But I put on a brave face and tried to show her a good time and the week here was great. I wanted her to like Alabama so she would move here since me moving to New York was nixed earlier.

Then 3 weeks later in Oct. while she's in New York professing her Love for me and how she can't stand us being apart my Father has a psychological breakdown over my Mom's death and has to be put in a Psych ward for a week. He was hallucinating at talking to people who were not there and falling down and hurting himself and keeping me up all night for days until I could get him admitted. When he was released I had to get him into some follow up programs to make sure he was going to get back to normal. Yet also I was in the process of updating my resume and searching for possible jobs now that I only had to look after him and also get my career back on track to afford her moving down here with her Dad. I even emailed her my new resume so she could see I was making an effort to get things in motion in spite of ALL the other major crap life had been throwing my way.

That was also right when she mysteriously went 180 cold on me and quit talking to me as much. When I brought up her moving here she said she didn't think she could just take her Father to go live with 2 men he didn't know at all. Keep in my I met her Dad when I visited New York. He was very sweet and asked to feel my face (again he's blind) and he hugged me. But she continuously announces on social media how she's ready to leave New York. So she's going to have to go somewhere? Her dad will be with her too. When she posted on Facebook 3 weeks ago that she had narrowed her choices to California or Texas with Alabama not being listed I went into NC and blocked her.

She built up some kind of resentment towards me because in her eyes she was working and taking care of a blind father but I was ONLY taking care of a disabled father but NOT working but yet ignoring the fact I WAS looking for work.

So yeah I was willing to make sacrifices. I was willing to do whatever it took for all 4 of us to live together here in Alabama, or New York, or anywhere else in the United States. But she formed whatever opinions she formed and froze me out and gave up on me......if she really even loved me in the first place. I just still don't know what happened. I would have sacrificed whatever I needed to to be with her.

Oh and a final point. She wasn't doing the things required to move out of NYC then or now. She kept saying she was saving for a car yet she buys $60 brand new PS4 video games right and left and eats out at restaurants/bars and gets drinks and goes to concerts, and ski trips, and club dances. If you want to SAVE for a CAR. You cut your expenses. You buy $10-15 used video games, you cook food at home instead of eating out. You grab a bottle from a liquor store and make drinks at home instead of buying shots or drinks at bars, you don't go to concerts and ski trips etc etc. She lives in one of the most expensive cities in America and lives it up every day and night blowing her money. So I would ask her if I could.....where is SHE sacrificing to move?

As for the friends. With two of my closest friends it turned out to just be a miscommunication. They said they had just not had a chance to sit down and reply to my PM yet and they didn't know what all the woman had done to me lately even though they sensed something was up. I talked with them both a few nights ago on the phone for an hour. They are a married couple and they told me they felt she was using me and that they had my back 1st and foremost and that any interaction they had with her was politeness. They told me I should stay away from her and move on like most here have.

As for the Texas 'friend' I still don't know what's up there. I tried texting him and he didn't reply. I PM'd him on Facebook and he said he phone was off until Friday. I said well how about let's skype? Then he said his headset's microphone is broke and he has to get a replacement......yet he's one of the biggest 'online' gamers I know. Something still feels shady there like he's avoiding me because he knows I'm going to ask him what the deal was with her going there and staying with him 2 weeks ago.

 

[MissLonely79]

Ohhh, okay, I understand better now. I'm with you on the fact that you were more than willing to work together and make sacrifices.

I guess the only answer I can come up with, in a woman's world, we are conditioned to see a big red flag for any man that doesn't have a job. You have had very legit reasons not to have one, you were a primary care taker to two disabled parents. I am not arguing that one bit and I believe that is very admirable of you to take on such a burden. I would assume it is easier to work than to take care of two ailing people. All I am doing is trying to think of reasons why she ghosted you since you asked and the whole point of this thread, to try to get some insight from a females perspective. From her point of view, if she can't see with her own eyes what you are doing, than she is going to assume a lot. Her and her father probably have had talks. He has probably warned her because of her past history with men who weren't up to par. In a perfect world, you, her and your parents all live in the same house and you all help and support each other, but her and her father might not be seeing that way or don't believe that it could actually work. Hope this makes sense, I'm so tired.

---

Oh and about your friends, that's cool. I'm glad it was just miscommunication.

 

[stratamaster78]

Ohhh, okay, I understand better now.  I'm with you on the fact that you were more than willing to work together and make sacrifices.

I guess the only answer I can come up with, in a woman's world, we are conditioned to see a big red flag for any man that doesn't have a job. You have had very legit reasons not to have one, you were a primary care taker to two disabled parents. I am not arguing that one bit and I believe that is very admirable of you to take on such a burden. I would assume it is easier to work than to take care of two ailing people.  All I am doing is trying to think of reasons why she ghosted you since you asked and the whole point of this thread, to try to get some insight from a females perspective. From her point of view, if she can't see with her own eyes what you are doing, than she is going to assume a lot. Her and her father probably have had talks. He has probably warned her because of her past history with men who weren't up to par. In a perfect world, you, her and your parents all live in the same house and you all help and support each other, but her and her father might not be seeing that way or don't believe that it could actually work. Hope this makes sense, I'm so tired.

---

Oh and about your friends, that's cool. I'm glad it was just miscommunication.

---

I have a feeling that all of this definitely or possibly played a role. Maybe her own female friends getting in her head played a role too. Planting seeds of doubt like 'he's so FAR away and doesn't have a job girl what are you thinking?' when there is way more to the story than that. Again just guesses that I'm making.

I just wish she would have talked on the phone with me to discuss any issues or concerns she had. But she went into this text only mode with me. She just flat refused to talk on the phone with me. She always had an excuse for not being able to call me nor would she answer her phone if I tried calling her. Even if I could get her to agree to a time and date to talk on the phone she would flake out on me and blow me off. She would only communicate via texting which makes it very hard to have a flowing conversation about serious topics where tone and context need to be expressed. She just made the whole thing virtually impossible to resolve.

But like I say she knew my situation from the moment she met me near 2 years ago. We talked all day long every day for over a year. Have several phone calls that lasted for hours and flew to visit each other on 2 separate occasions. All the while despite knowing my circumstance professed her undying love for me. Soulmate talk, living together, marriage, kids, serious long term plans. One night out of blue she even said 'I love you so much that even if something horrible happened to you like you not being able to walk I would take care of you always'. In my mind I was like 'damn??.....kinda of strange to say out of the blue but she must REALLY Love me to say THAT'.

The whole situation just has me in a state of numb shock. But at the same time trying to move forward.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

If my girlfriend went and stayed with another guy for two weeks, I wouldn't need any explanation or interpretation of that time. I would simply say "That's not acceptable to me. Goodbye."

People can really obsess over "why" and "how" rather than dealing with "what".

 

[stratamaster78]

If my girlfriend went and stayed with another guy for two weeks, I wouldn't need any explanation or interpretation of that time. I would simply say "That's not acceptable to me. Goodbye."

People can really obsess over "why" and "how" rather than dealing with "what".

Well in essence that's what I did. Her going on that trip was the nail in the coffin for me. She knew I wanted her to come here instead and I had offered to cover expenses. She chose to do something different yet mind numbingly kept saying she 'loved me'. So when It was apparent that she WAS going to Texas AND announced that her final choices of places to move to were Cali or Texas I said "eff this" to myself and blocked her everywhere and went into total non communication.

I'm trying to contact the guy in Texas who is my 'friend' as well that I actually knew before she did to see what happened because I need to know IF HE's on the up and up and actually my friend who did no wrong. My intuition had been telling me he knows the bro code and to not 'mow another guy's lawn' but he's human too. He's dodging me right now though which has me very suspicious.

Originally she was going to Texas to see like 6 different people (guys and girls) because she's been to Texas before and has friends there. She was going to couch surf from one person's house to the next for 1-2 nights across the week there. I found out later after the trip that she stayed with the one guy(My Friend) the whole week.

He has a roommate too that is a guy so maybe she slept on the couch? I dunno....or maybe she threw herself at him and he banged her all week in his room?....Or maybe they've been talking behind my back plotting to cheat on me?? I won't get the truth from her and I might not get the truth from him.....but I'm going to try and get answers from him on the phone nonetheless.

I'm pretty much done with her. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt until I can talk to him and draw some conclusions. If he only let her stay on the couch and nothing happened then I have no beef with him.

 

[BeyondShy]

If my girlfriend went and stayed with another guy for two weeks, I wouldn't need any explanation or interpretation of that time. I would simply say "That's not acceptable to me. Goodbye."

That unfortunately says it all. Nothing more to be said. No explanations starting with 'yeah, but...' or 'I did this because...' are going to cover what she did. What she did was break someone's heart. This guy was on top of the world for awhile and I was really happy for him until I kept on reading and discovered what happened.

And that possible excuse of her being reluctant to move her father to where he lived or anywhere else is complete garbage as far as I am concerned. If she did have ANY worries like that why didn't she just come out and say it? If that was the case as least this guy would understand a little bit better what just went on.

But bleed_the_freak is 100% right. If she went to Texas for two weeks and stayed with another guy all that time I would not be wondering what happened. Sure, maybe the first night she stayed on the couch. Maybe the second night too. But not after that.

I really feel bad for this guy. And it kind of makes me wonder why the hell I want a relationship when stuff like this happens to good people?

 

[bleed_the_freak]

You're a far nicer person than I.

Pretty sure he violated the "bro code" by letting your girlfriend stay at his place for week(s) and then dodging your contact. What you need to ask yourself is: Are there any answers he could give me that would be truly acceptable to me?

I think you'll find the answer is no.

 

[MissLonely79]

If my girlfriend went and stayed with another guy for two weeks, I wouldn't need any explanation or interpretation of that time. I would simply say "That's not acceptable to me. Goodbye."

People can really obsess over "why" and "how" rather than dealing with "what".

Well in essence that's what I did. Her going on that trip was the nail in the coffin for me. She knew I wanted her to come here instead and I had offered to cover expenses. She chose to do something different yet mind numbingly kept saying she 'loved me'. So when It was apparent that she WAS going to Texas AND announced that her final choices of places to move to were Cali or Texas I said "eff this" to myself and blocked her everywhere and went into total non communication.

I'm trying to contact the guy in Texas who is my 'friend' as well that I actually knew before she did to see what happened because I need to know IF HE's on the up and up and actually my friend who did no wrong. My intuition had been telling me he knows the bro code and to not 'mow another guy's lawn' but he's human too. He's dodging me right now though which has me very suspicious.

Originally she was going to Texas to see like 6 different people (guys and girls) because she's been to Texas before and has friends there. She was going to couch surf from one person's house to the next for 1-2 nights across the week there. I found out later after the trip that she stayed with the one guy(My Friend) the whole week.

He has a roommate too that is a guy so maybe she slept on the couch? I dunno....or maybe she threw herself at him and he banged her all week in his room?....Or maybe they've been talking behind my back plotting to cheat on me?? I won't get the truth from her and I might not get the truth from him.....but I'm going to try and get answers from him on the phone nonetheless.

I'm pretty much done with her. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt until I can talk to him and draw some conclusions. If he only let her stay on the couch and nothing happened then I have no beef with him.

I understand what you mean. You definitely were honest with her and it seems as though she not only accepted you for you , but that she really fell in love with you and for all that to change at just a drop of a hat, it must be really shocking to the system. I know you want an answer, and you damn well deserve one, and I know you are searching for one here to get insight but at the end of the day only she knows why, none of us do. I can only give you guesses. Maybe she just changed her mind as simple and as hard that is to hear and it's just easier for her to avoid the whole explanation part of it. When people live far away, it's easier for them to avoid you. If it were me, I would try one last time and I would be firm about it. I would demand to know what is going on from her and that she needs to talk to me and tell me the truth. If she refuses, you need ghost her and never talk to her again. Ever. I would also tell the friend in Texas that what he did was not ok.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

But bleed_the_freak is 100% right. If she went to Texas for two weeks and stayed with another guy all that time I would not be wondering what happened. Sure, maybe the first night she stayed on the couch. Maybe the second night too. But not after that.

Pretty straight forward. I'm not staying at some chick's house for a couple of weeks unless we are "doing the grown-up" rather frequently. Just being honest. I don't do slumber parties with a chick I'm not banging. Blunt. True.

 

[ABrokenMan]

I can relate to stratamaster78's situation. While some of the events that transpired in my relationship differ from his, the end result was a complete about face and discard - we're the ones who are forced deal with the fallout, despite having done everything we could to make the relationship work. I still deal with the after-effects after all this time has gone by.

Your former (I hope so) GF just might have some sort of undiagnosed personality disorder. Mine does, I didn't understand or know about it until it was too late. The script played out with a disordered partner is that you become the "one", her soulmate. Many times, it is rather quick, but those who are experienced in using people know how to draw things along slowly until feelings are enmeshed. Mine said the same things after several months of a friendship that slowly progressed. This is the way I was taught that true love happens - not instantly. " A friendship that blossoms into something more" is the cliche. I even had a downpayment on an engagement ring. i was going to ask her during our long weekend getaway. She went on the getaway, but not with me. Lucky for me I was able to cancel the ring and get my money back. What I lost was far more soul-crushing.

I don't like to label people, but my ex admitted having relations with other guys during our supposed relationship. Call it **** if you want. This after she was exposed and rather than deal with it, and us, she couldn't cope. Just start over again with another male orbiter in her life. I've had to carefully arrange the pieces of the puzzle, going by actions, not words. This is what flies in the face of what I was taught. I'm left wondering if she really ever loved me at all, or was I just a temporary means to be filled, siphoning what she can't ever experience on her own? It seems that way. There's a lot more that went on, I kinda look at it like getting shoved by surprise at the top of a snow covered mountain, and I've been rolling downward ever since.

Don;t expect any closure, and if you do get a reply, I can bet that it will be rather cold and condescending. I got "It Takes Two To Tango". Just cut her out of your life, for good. Don't fall for any apology. And grow stronger from the situation. I've learned a LOT from mine.

 

[stratamaster78]

But bleed_the_freak is 100% right. If she went to Texas for two weeks and stayed with another guy all that time I would not be wondering what happened. Sure, maybe the first night she stayed on the couch. Maybe the second night too. But not after that.

Pretty straight forward. I'm not staying at some chick's house for a couple of weeks unless we are "doing the grown-up" rather frequently. Just being honest. I don't do slumber parties with a chick I'm not banging. Blunt. True.

Hey guys I just wanted to clear up one detail that has been misinterpreted somewhere. She was in Texas for One week not Two weeks. Probably insignificant but I wanted to clear that up. She was supposed to be there 6-7 days traveling across TX to see about 6 different people and saying at each person's place for like 1 night. These were girl friends and guy friends etc. I found out after the trip she stayed the whole 6-7 days with the 1 guy(Our Mutual Friend) and his roommate.

I appreciate all of you guys and gals opinions on this. You are giving me the brutal truth of your best guesses which is what I need to hear. Yes common sense does say that 'something' happened.

I don't even care about her anymore at this point I feel so hurt and betrayed. But I'm trying to give HIM the benefit of the doubt until I get answers. I've been friends with him for 3 years and his background is very similar to mine. He's been heartbroken and dumped more than once, been cheated on, and given up on romance. So it's hard for me to wrap my head around him doing something like that to me when it's been done to him and he knows how ****** that is to do to someone.

Again I know common sense and cynicism says 'oh man he nailed her all week dude' But maybe.....just maybe he isn't a POS. I've got to talk to him on the phone before I just ghost him too and possibly unfairly. He COULD have just offered her a place on the couch out of hospitality because he has always been a nice sensitive guy. But.....he's also been very lonely lately and she could have thrown herself at him. I just want the truth.

 

[stratamaster78]

I can relate to stratamaster78's situation.  While some of the events that transpired in my relationship differ from his, the end result was a complete about face and discard - we're the ones who are forced deal with the fallout, despite having done everything we could to make the relationship work. I still deal with the after-effects after all this time has gone by.

Your former (I hope so) GF just might have some sort of undiagnosed personality disorder. Mine does, I didn't understand or know about it until it was too late. The script played out with a disordered partner is that you become the "one", her soulmate.  Many times, it is rather quick, but those who are experienced in using people know how to draw things along slowly until feelings are enmeshed.  Mine said the same things after several months of a friendship that slowly progressed.  This is the way I was taught that true love happens - not instantly. " A friendship that blossoms into something more" is the cliche. I even had a downpayment on an engagement ring. i was going to ask her during our long weekend getaway.  She went on the getaway, but not with me. Lucky for me I was able to cancel the ring and get my money back.  What I lost was far more soul-crushing.

I don't like to label people, but my ex admitted having relations with other guys during our supposed relationship. Call it **** if you want. This after she was exposed and rather than deal with it, and us, she couldn't cope. Just start over again with another male orbiter in her life.  I've had to carefully arrange the pieces of the puzzle, going by actions, not words.  This is what flies in the face of what I was taught.  I'm left wondering if she really ever loved me at all, or was I just a temporary means to be filled, siphoning what she can't ever experience on her own?  It seems that way.  There's a lot more that went on, I kinda look at it like getting shoved by surprise at the top of a snow covered mountain, and I've been rolling downward ever since.

Don;t expect any closure, and if you do get a reply, I can bet that it will be rather cold and condescending.  I got "It Takes Two To Tango". Just cut her out of your life, for good.  Don't fall for any apology. And grow stronger from the situation. I've learned a LOT from mine.

Thanks for the input. Yeah she's definitely my Ex-GF now. Plus I agree that she had some type of personality disorder. There's just no way a 36 year old women could be this flaky and something mental not be going on. To go from being nuclear hot with me for over a year to ice cold like a glacier just doesn't make sense. Add in being so immature to not even talk to me on the phone to work things out too. For the last 3 months she would only have text conversations. She deflected questions and moved the target of the conversation constantly. It was infuriating trying to get straight answers from her.

I expect it's very possible she has cheated on me too even before this trip to Texas. Basically at any time from around Halloween when she went cold to now she could have been sleeping around in New York. I don't know.....I can't imagine someone going so cold like that unless they had something else going on....maybe I'm wrong....right?.....It's all confusing.

I know I won't get ANY closure from her. I tried to work things out with her for 3 months. To figure out why she was acting different, to get her on the phone, to express how much I loved her, how I wanted to fix whatever was wrong, to find out why she was acting so differently. She gave me excuse after excuse that were constantly contradictory to her daily actions. I'm not going to answer anymore of her texts and I don't expect an apology to ever come.

At this point like I say I'm only trying to get closure from my guy friend in Texas. I need to know if I need to cut him out of my life too. He's still acting like my friend on facebook right now but dodging my attempts to call him.

Lastly I'm very very sorry to hear that you went through something similar if not worse really. You had even got a ring.....something I was about to do myself in a few months. I guess we both dodged a bullet though.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

If she is borderline, she will make it "your" fault. Be careful.

 

[DarkSelene]

Let's not try to justify this person's ****** behavior on mental issues. That's just too easy. Could it be that? Sure. Does it matter in this context? No.

Lastly, that dude is being shady as well, I'd drop his *** in a heartbeat.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Let's not try to justify this person's ****** behavior on mental issues. That's just too easy. Could it be that? Sure. Does it matter in this context? No.

Lastly, that dude is being shady as well, I'd drop his *** in a heartbeat.

Totally agree with Selene here.

Hey stratamaster78, sorry to read about what happened. I hope you can find the strength to move on and put this behind you. Sucks though, I know.

 

[stratamaster78]

[Update]

Oh my goodness I got the most incredible closure last night!!! I talked to my guy friend in Texas for 2 HOURS last night. The 1st 30 minutes was me just talking to him about our common interests/hobbies and friendship in general like any one of our normal calls before. He was behaving completely normal. I could tell he had NO idea what I was about to ask him as far as my EX goes.

So then I brought it up calmly and casually. Like "so man you know me and (Ex's name) have been in a relationship for over a year now.....We've been having issues and she was supposed to come visit me but then took the trip to Texas and saw you....She originally was supposed to couch surf visiting different people but then I hear she stayed the whole week with you.....so I was just wondering if you could shed some light on what was the situation with that?"

He didn't get offended, defensive, stammer or voice change/shake get nervous or anything to where I would have been alarmed at a lie coming. I know him REALLY well and feel pretty positive I could tell if he was telling or about to tell a lie. He's honestly a really nice guy like myself which is why I've been so willing to hear him out/give him the benefit of the doubt.

He said "sure man I can fill you in on all that". "Yeah she came down here and said she 1st went by some other people's house to stay a day or two and that fell through....so she came here asking if she could crash instead of scrambling to find a hotel.....I could tell that she was kind of gauging me to see if I was attracted to her and I shut that **** down right off. I gave her clear body language and general vibes that I only liked her as a friend....basically I friendzoned her right off the bat. I said sure you can stay if you need. We have an air-matress and some extra blankets so the living room floor is all yours."

He said she stayed for like 2 nights like that. Plus he was working that week and only saw her at night those days while she was doing whatever during the day. Then she had rented a car and drove 90 mins away to Dallas for 3 days to visit other people and scout out the job scene in Dallas in the cosmetics industry that she works in. Then she came back for like the final 1-2 days because that was closer to the airport she was leaving out from in Austin.

He told me "I mean she's a cool chick and all but honestly I'm just not attracted to her in the slightest like that.....I know what I'm looking for and she's not it...... and if she had tried something I would have shot her straight down....so I felt she got that vibe and she never tried anything because she knew I would reject that mess.... then things would have been major awkward. Plus I knew she had 'something' maybe still going on with you and I just wouldn't do that to you man". Then he finished with "and don't even worry I'm not gonna message her up and be all....blah blah blah (My Name) said all this and this about you blah blah". "I'm not going to get in the middle of that.....besides I have your back anyway and she DID do you wrong dude".

Then he proceed to tell me in detail about how he had JUST been screwed over by his Ex-GF for a lot of the same reasons and how it also started as an online long distance thing and how he got blindsided by her cheating and caught her and called her out. How happy he was to be single and that he has no interest in doing anything with anybody right now and especially nothing that involved long distance and online.

So basically I've pieced together that she went down there with some nefarious intentions. She was more than willing to predetermined cheat on me had he been willing. She actually blindsided him and caught him off guard by asking to stay longer that what he thought. But she got shot down and friendzoned instead which has this HUGE smile on my face right now that I can't even explain.

Also I feel she's used both me, him, and other people in other states as ways to try and get out of New York. To have people give her a base of operations to work out of for a week to Job Hunt and scout out potential living destinations. Trying to find someone who will give her potential shelter and help her get set up in a new city.

She's shady as it gets, completely flaky, not who I thought she was at all, and possibly has some sort of mental disorder. From many people I've talked to they say she shows all the signs of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). With how reckless and prone to drastic changes she is coupled with her manipulation of others I believe it. I dodged a HUGE bullet.

I feel GREAT today....G-R-E-A-T. I can totally move on from this now and can't stop smiling thinking about her laying on an air mattress on the floor of the living room stewing over getting friendzoned.

 

[SofiasMami]

That's a true friend indeed. Glad to hear you're feeling better about the whole situation.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

****, check. Borderline, check.

Good on you, Bro.

Never ever look back or I will hunt you down and smack you upside the back of the head to remind you of what she did to you. (not really)

 

[BeyondShy]

Never ever look back or I will hunt you down and smack you upside the back of the head to remind you of what she did to you. (not really)

Well maybe not really from you but I am not making any promises.

 

[ardour]

I don't get is why this good friend didn't warn you about her immediately. He shouldn't have needed to be asked about something like that.

All in all it sounds like she was just looking to find a new place to set up and some credulous fellow to make it possible. She could have been messaging multiple guys during that time, possibly even copy'n'pasting similar-sounding messages with the details amended.