I have no idea what happened?

[bleed_the_freak]

Well yes, reductio ad abdurdum.

When stretched to the limits of logic, we are ALL accountable ALWAYS to SOME extent for what happens to us in life.

This is as obvious as it is irrelevant.

Defense Attorney: Well, Your Honor, my client seeks to be exonerated of the charges since it is his firm belief that his victim should have known that the world is a dangerous place and therefore shares SOME culpability - EVEN 1% - for walking to the store at night in a bad neighborhood. He was obviously asking to be bashed in the head with a hammer!

 

[bleed_the_freak]

It would probably have been a long-winded self-justification in the form of an “apology”. The intent, to give herself closure. I wouldn’t answer her calls.

^ Agreed

 

[Oldyoung]

You'd be rich if you were paid by the hour for the time you spend obsessing over this, OP. I hope you can move on.

 

[stratamaster78]

You'd be rich if you were paid by the hour for the time you spend obsessing over this, OP. I hope you can move on.

I agree. But it's part of my personality. My mind won't let go of unsolved mysteries and puzzles. I LOVE Mathematics and working with equations or anything puzzle like and taking the pieces and working through them to arrive at the clear solution/answer.

This puzzle is social/personal in nature and I don't have all the information I need or in some instances have false information. It drives my mind crazy. It's like I have this incomplete mathematical formula with missing variables that I'm trying to create or substitute theoretically to find the answer.

Plus aside from all that I feel like I have been gaslighted to such an extent by this Ex that even IF I didn't have trust issues before I have them now. I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore and that she has turned everyone against me either directly or indirectly by making me so paranoid that reaching out to my friends to get ahead of her manipulation has caused ME to look like the crazy person. So therefore when they talk to me on the phone they are pacifying me by telling what they THINK I want to hear instead of telling me the truth. Then going straight to her and relaying the info and somehow I've become the problem and SHE's the victim.

I got on Facebook this morning and L.M. who has talked to me for 5 hours on the phone in the last week and professed her loyalty to me reached out to my Ex by tagging her in a photo about a common interest they have and referred to my Ex in affectionate friend pet names??!! I mean WTF. I expected by now my 2 married couple friends would have 'unfriended' her after all the **** she put me through. But no....they both continue to interact with her.

I feel like I'm on the verge of insanity now. Like I can't trust ANYONE now. Like full blow Paranoia. I've never felt this way before in my life. I always give people the benefit of the doubt until they do something to break my trust and even then depending on the circumstance I can be forgiving a few times. Now I feel like I have Paranoid Personality Disorder. My mind is a wreck right now.

I just deleted my entire Facebook account.

 

[ABrokenMan]

You've made the important first step - deleting, or deactivating your Facebook account.
I should have done the same and not waited so long to do it.

Second, remain with no contact. You need to establish that you are in control. Your ex may try to re-engage at some point, but hopefully the more time goes on you will be working towards indifference. Having no Facebook for her to snoop, ghost, etc sends a loud message.

You cannot deal in logic in your situation. It's hard as most of us try to work logically through relationship difficulties and break-ups.  Disordered partners usually make this impossible. 
Her reality of the situation is non-linear, and not based on fact, but feelings.

It will take time to deal with this, how long, only you will know.  It took me several years to get beyond what I went through. A complete cut off from your ex, and even your friend would be my suggestion and encouragement.

 

[stratamaster78]

You've made the important first step - deleting, or deactivating your Facebook account.
I should have done the same and not waited so long to do it.

Second, remain with no contact. You need to establish that you are in control. Your ex may try to re-engage at some point, but hopefully the more time goes on you will be working towards indifference. Having no Facebook for her to snoop, ghost, etc sends a loud message.

You cannot deal in logic in your situation. It's hard as most of us try to work logically through relationship difficulties and break-ups.  Disordered partners usually make this impossible. 
Her reality of the situation is non-linear, and not based on fact, but feelings.

It will take time to deal with this, how long, only you will know.  It took me several years to get beyond what I went through. A complete cut off from your ex, and even your friend would be my suggestion and encouragement.

I know you're right about this. No amount of logic will help me here. As much as it goes against my nature I've got to try and stop the gears turning in my mind. I will never figure out or solve this problem. I've got to just close the book and do other things until I forget about the book and the contents inside of it.

You give sound advice here and yes I'm just going cold turkey on socializing right now. As far as online interactions on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and or Youtube goes you might as well call me Casper the Ghost. I'm gone like I never existed. *poof*

I'm just going to put my current efforts into my music and guitar playing and find my happiness there for a while. Plus reading and posting here some. Maybe I can give someone else some advice on their struggles and help others if even in a tiny way.

Everyone here for the most part has been very kind and understanding to my situation and shown patience while I've been dealing with the ups and downs of all this madness. I really can't thank everyone enough for ALL the advice and guidance.