I have no sympathy for anyone in relationships

[Ox Blood]

But pain is pain... No matter how big or small.

+1.

Also I think being in an abusive relationship is infinitely worse than being single.

I think so too

People could learn some just by genuinely observing and listening to others.

Even if someone is talking about an abusive relationship. Hey, maybe you can tune in on what to avoid in a future relationship when you do get in one. Learning through other people's experiences isn't such a bad deal.

 

[ShybutHi]

But pain is pain... No matter how big or small.

+1.

Also I think being in an abusive relationship is infinitely worse than being single.

I think so too

Agreed. Unfortunatly there is a hell of a lot of people out there in toxic relationships who do not know how to get out or do not have the will to. That is such a shame and a waste of time and energy for both people in the relationship.

 

[Ox Blood]

Agreed. Unfortunatly there is a hell of a lot of people out there in toxic relationships who do not know how to get out or do not have the will to. That is such a shame and a waste of time and energy for both people in the relationship.

There comes a time when you also have to draw boundaries. I've had to cut contact with a girlfriend of mine I have known for years because she is in an abusive relationship.

As someone who has endured such a relationship, I've come to learn that a person has to want to get out of that toxic situation. For good.

It got to a point with my girlfriend that her boyfriend actually started coming on to me and crossing my personal space. She refused to believe it and wouldn't do anything about it. So I had to cut contact completely.

My heart aches for her, but my hands are tied. I won't sacrifice my safety because she isn't willing to help herself.

 

[ShybutHi]

There comes a time when you also have to draw boundaries. I've had to cut contact with a girlfriend of mine I have known for years because she is in an abusive relationship.

As someone who has endured such a relationship, I've come to learn that a person has to want to get out of that toxic situation. For good.

It got to a point with my girlfriend that her boyfriend actually started coming on to me and crossing my personal space. She refused to believe it and wouldn't do anything about it. So I had to cut contact completely.

My heart aches for her, but my hands are tied. I won't sacrifice my safety because she isn't willing to help herself.

I think alot of people in their teens to early 20's, some older though ofcourse, do not know what they want and so they stick with a relationship anyway because they rely on the person or are even just in complete denial about the toxic relationship.

Most people do not have a clue with what they want and they just go with the flow. If it is an older relationship then ofcourse people, alot of the time, start depending on each other emotionally and ofcourse also materialistic things like money factor into it for people aswell.

You know thinking about it... I think too many people get into relationships at a young age where they are unsure about who they are themselves or where they are at in life. Basically In my opinion alot of people have a very immature concept of how a relationship works and how to communicate to a partner. This also goes for normal friendships aswell for alot of people I think.

My gosh I have seen some of the pettiest most pathetic relationship problems in my time already and it makes me want to shake my head and roll my eyes at the same time.

I think about relationships quite often because I desire one and during my life I have almost exclusively been around people who are in one or who have been in multiple relationships... Short flings, long term, engagement, marriage and having kids.

I see people being forced by society and from peers to form relationships, sometimes with people who I can just see are not really compatible and will almost definatly result in hurt. I keep my mouth shut. You are not a man if you have not been with a woman to some people.

 

[Lost Soul]

Same here. It's not fair. I feel that they don't deserve them. Most of them, take it for granted, and waste it. Most people Don't realize what they have. I don't understand why I don't sdeserve one, and I am honest, genuine etc. If I don't deserve someone, they why should they?

Then again, most girls are sassy, and wouldn't give a rats arse about someone like me. If their boyfriend fall into a depression, or they found out they were different from society, they find any reason to leave them. I wouldn't. I would be deicated to helping my girlfriend/boyfriend. I'd only hope that they would to, and be there for me. In a relationship, both parties should help each other, regardless.

Makes me sick, how "society" is. Most girls are bitches and most guys are jackasses. The better looking, people are, the worse they are, especially for girls. They know they're good looking, they have their stupid friends, their fashion stuff, good looks, have it easy when it comes to getting a guy (at least most do). It's nit fair, why I have to be stuck with a curse. There are people in this world who don't give a crap about anything, there are people with no soul, who has no good intention in this word, who deserve my curse. Nothings ever right. Good people suffer while bad people have it better. The good die young. So true.

 

[HappyYogi]

Lonesome Crow....

You could be more sensitive to those around you. I am not saying walk on eggshells but remember who you are talking to when you are complaining or talking about your sexual escapades. Maybe they don't want to hear it. Maybe it's too painful. It's sort of like someone earning $100,000 a year complaining about money stress to someone who makes $30,000 a year. Do you get it? Because it can make the other person feel bad. Do you care about that?

Please don't think you are better than anyone on this thread. Not being able to be alone, to keep your own company is not an evolved state. If you haven't found the joy within...that is nothing to brag about. Being with women just because you can't be alone or are uncomfortable with you own self is nothing to brag about. Seriously.

Also, most of your posts here come across as bragging, overly sexual, full of ego and just kind of juvenile. Maybe instead of bragging everytime a topic comes up...maybe give it a rest. Only people who are insecure bragg. It's not nice especially when others have emptied their hearts online only to have you berate them, make fun of them and in general just not be understanding.

^No offense but I didn't understand

Anyway...OP, I can relate. I am one of the few among my girl friends that's still single (since forever too). I hate how they complain about how their boyfriend did this or that. My response? Just dump him then if you're so unhappy! When I'm in a good mood I tell them to be happy...or dump them. Gawd. Just shut up!

What's worse is when these said friends break up...and they make SUCH a big deal about being single...But they only end up being single for a couple weeks before they find the next boyfriend...who usually lasts around 2 years. I don't understand why they can't just "enjoy" single life like me....for several YEARS in a row. I've been single so long, I don't think I know how to be in a relationship. If I ever happen to meet someone compatible, I'll probably scare him away.

Then they always say there's less drama when you're single. Not true. I get a lot of crap from dudes that are confused about what they want from me (platonic vs. romantic).

The longest Ive been single is 5-6 months tops.
I like to say 1 year. If I check the actual time line, it's only around
6 months. I took the suggestion of getting to know myself and
all that good stuff....I found out I dont do very good alone.
I'll simply think too much. Then get all mental and depressed.
Plus my sexual drive is relitive still strong. Surpressing this
will also lead to depression. Sexaul fustrations.

So I'll get into relationships...hoping for the best. I know it's not
always gonna smooth sailing. Sometimes I just need to vent
or talk to someone about situations while being in a relationship.
Emotions are high and I might not see so clearly when my gf and I
are fighting.....Maybe just to vent or someone to listen to me.
I know I must work through the problems oneway or the other.
I guess that's what marriage counseling or journaling is for....
Or Im better off talking to my other friends the are in relationship
about such matters...Their more understanding becuase they'll
go through the same bullshit every so often too. But they're
bussied in their relationship ans arnt always avaliable.

fresia all my lonly single freinds that just wanna see me happy, feeling good, Or they'll complain that I've move on with my life and left thier asses behind. The other ones that are more active...will want me to go chase women with them.

So when Im in a major fight while in a relationship..
My single friends are wacked out and depressed.
My friends that are in relationships are too bussied.
I dont want to go hang out with my other friends becuase it'll sabatage my relationship.
See how a person can feel lonely or alone while in a relationship from time to time?

Bascailly the same stupid honeysuckle was happening to me even trying to use my support group.
I'll call people because I really need help or need to talk to someone....
30 sec into the phone call...Im listening to thier god **** problems.lol

fresia it...i cant count on no one other than me...anyways.
I'll just talk to myself before I check into the loonie asylum.
This way I'll really see honeysuckle and talk to GOD.lmao

 

[Among the Sleep]

But pain is pain... No matter how big or small.

+1.

Also I think being in an abusive relationship is infinitely worse than being single.

I think so too

People could learn some just by genuinely observing and listening to others.

Even if someone is talking about an abusive relationship. Hey, maybe you can tune in on what to avoid in a future relationship when you do get in one. Learning through other people's experiences isn't such a bad deal.

Well, again...I wasn't trying to be a dick. It doesn't bother me that someone would want to talk to me about their relationship. I don't think they're being self-centered or intentionally trying to upset me or anything like that. Like I said, I totally understand that even great relationships go through stresses, and I can't understand what someone else is going through in their relationship.

But that's kinda the problem. That's what bums me out about hearing that kind of thing, is that I really don't understand it. Louis CK has kind of an opposite bit, about how when you're married you don't want to listen to un-married people ***** about their relationships. "My girlfriend listens to different music than me, and she acts bored at parties..." "So? Say 'fresia you!' and hang up! You can end that honeysuckle with a phone call!"

Of course he knows he's being reductive and kind of unfair, but that's just his point of view as a (at the time) married man. So it's a similar emotion for me. When people talk about problems they're having in their relationships, I kinda just wanna say "So? Dump him or her. No reason to save a relationship that's stressful, if it's not gonna work it's not gonna work, 99.99% of relationships don't work anyway."

When girls/guys say all girls/guys are scumbags, I just wanna say "No they're not. You just pick them based on the wrong criteria, which basically makes it your fault." I know I'm being unfair, and it stems from bitterness over my own loneliness. I mean, I have enough self-awareness to understand that. But that's why I'm saying I don't have much sympathy for anyone's relationship problems (unless they're married, cause then honeysuckle is wayyy more complicated).

Like the person above me said, it sounds to me like a rich person complaining that they're not going to be able to afford going on a fancy vacation this year to a poor person who's one or two bad financial months away from being homeless. I don't relate to anyone else's struggles as far as that goes, cause right or wrong, I feel like mine are probably worse. And I'm a generally likable guy with a lot of friends, which makes it more frustrating and confusing. That's all I was trying to say.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It's not that easy to just "dump" someone you're with if you really do care about them. If they could do that, don't you think they'd do that instead of even having an issue to begin with? It's not anyone's fault when their relationship has a rough bump, unless they're the cause of it. It's not always as easy as it seems, and sometimes emotions and feelings overpower logic.

 

[Ox Blood]

I feel sorry for those that feel the way you do. Not for the situation you find yourself in, but having feelings riddled with volumes of self-pity and bitterness are... Well, toxic. Can't say I haven't been there. But they only hurt you, and the end of the day. Really hope you find some sort of resolve for them someday.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I feel sorry for those that feel the way you do. Not for the situation you find yourself in, but having feelings riddled with volumes of self-pity and bitterness are... Well, toxic. Can't say I haven't been there. But they only hurt you, and the end of the day. Really hope you find some sort of resolve for them someday.

Bitterness. Yes. That was my main thought just by reading Among's posts. Soaked in bitterness. They do only hurt the person with these feelings. No one else is affected by it.

 

[Astral_Punisher]

It's not that easy to just "dump" someone you're with if you really do care about them. If they could do that, don't you think they'd do that instead of even having an issue to begin with? It's not anyone's fault when their relationship has a rough bump, unless they're the cause of it. It's not always as easy as it seems, and sometimes emotions and feelings overpower logic.

Sometimes it's familiarity, safety, or routine that keep you with someone. Sometimes they love you so much, you just 'go along with it'.
It's not fair to the other person, but if they love you so much, isn't it only right that you try and make them happy?

.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It's not that easy to just "dump" someone you're with if you really do care about them. If they could do that, don't you think they'd do that instead of even having an issue to begin with? It's not anyone's fault when their relationship has a rough bump, unless they're the cause of it. It's not always as easy as it seems, and sometimes emotions and feelings overpower logic.

Sometimes it's familiarity, safety, or routine that keep you with someone. Sometimes they love you so much, you just 'go along with it'.
It's not fair to the other person, but if they love you so much, isn't it only right that you try and make them happy?

.

Well, if you're not happy, no. How fair would it be to you to stay with someone out of feeling that obligation, rather than truly being happy?

 

[Astral_Punisher]

Well, if you're not happy, no. How fair would it be to you to stay with someone out of feeling that obligation, rather than truly being happy?

Not fair at all.

But you look at their face, lit up like the sun, simply because you are in front of them.
You hear them talk about you all the time, and they give you gifts, snuggle with you on the couch, spoon with you in bed, then wake up and make you breakfast.

This person is trying very, very hard, pulling out all the stops to make you like, and love, them. If you left, they would be devastated, emotionally incinerated, and probably suicidal.

What do you do?

I think that's one of the toughest decisions there is.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm not a selfish person at all, but I wouldn't stay in a relationship where I wasn't happy. I would, however, tell them how I felt and see if it could possibly be helped. But in the end, if it doesn't work out, then it just doesn't work out. Trying to "make" someone love you doesn't really work.

 

[Callie]

Well, if you're not happy, no. How fair would it be to you to stay with someone out of feeling that obligation, rather than truly being happy?

Not fair at all.

But you look at their face, lit up like the sun, simply because you are in front of them.
You hear them talk about you all the time, and they give you gifts, snuggle with you on the couch, spoon with you in bed, then wake up and make you breakfast.

This person is trying very, very hard, pulling out all the stops to make you like, and love, them. If you left, they would be devastated, emotionally incinerated, and probably suicidal.

What do you do?

I think that's one of the toughest decisions there is.

It's not all about the other person, though. It's also about yourself. If you're not happy in the relationship, the only thing that will be accomplished is resentment and discontent. You can't make yourself be happy in a relationship you just aren't happy in.
It's not fair to the other person, you're basically lying to them about everything. They think you're there because you want to be there, because you love them, because you're happy with them. If that's not true, why are you there? Solely for their benefit...
Also, there is no way of knowing they may not being doing the same thing you are. Yes, their face may light up, yes, they may SEEM like they are exceptionally happy, but there's no real way for you to know that. They could also just be there because it's familiar, because they've been in the relationship for so long, because they don't want to change what their life has been.
IMO, that type of relationship is entirely based on lies and will never work.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Gosh Callie, yes. I completely agree. That's what I've had in my mind, but I've been so tired lately, I can't even think right sometimes.

What Callie said. It's not just about one person, be it you or them. Happiness and love should come from both sides.

 

[2fresh4youx]

I have become so down about relationships to the point that I experience anger/feelings of bitterness whenever someone or something mentions them. If I meet a girl and she brings up she has a boyfriend, my entire interest and perception of her changes. I couldn't care less about what she has to say anymore. She obviously has her needs met through her boyfriend. Why would she bother talking to me (despite work obligations)? If her needs arent being met and she is taking more interest in me than her boyfriend, than it points that she is obviously a cheater/immature girl, so I should not pursuit her. Either way it's a catch 22. Women will always see me as a friend, nothing more. When they instantly meet me, I am friend zoned.

I hate it when I see attractive couples falling hopelessly in love with each other. Why? Because it will never be me. Women never look at me like the ones in these movies do. They never go for guys like me. Short guys. They want their "Towering Prince" to protect them. Their witty, sarcastical male who knows everthing about everything. Or the bad boy who has not respect for anyone including her, yet he somehow manages to always make his way into her exceedingly wet panties. Where do I fit into the previous examples? No where. Im not a geek, Im not a Jock, I'm nothing, plain and simple. Im constantly being reminded everyday of what I'm missing. I have nothing original to say. I'm not original looking. Whenever I speak to a female, everything I've said they've heard it all before.

I have no sympathy for anyone in relationships, period!

 

[VanillaCreme]

I still say that the whole "friend zone" can be surpassed. Sure, it may exist. But a lot of relationships start out as just being friends. There's always hope if you hold on to it.

 

[2fresh4youx]

I still say that the whole "friend zone" can be surpassed. Sure, it may exist. But a lot of relationships start out as just being friends. There's always hope if you hold on to it.

Never once had any success, so I don't see what the point of trying is anymore. I refuse to be classed as a friend that women can simply "pitty".

 

[VanillaCreme]

I still say that the whole "friend zone" can be surpassed. Sure, it may exist. But a lot of relationships start out as just being friends. There's always hope if you hold on to it.

Never once had any success, so I don't see what the point of trying is anymore. I refuse to be classed as a friend that women can simply "pitty".

Keep being negative about it. That'll help ya a whole lot.

Seriously though, I doubt anyone has pitied you as far as that. Is every female that you look at suppose to fall all over you?