I keep losing friends

[melissa1987]

In the past 5 years I've lost two friends I stupidly thought would always be in my life. One 5 years ago was a girl that I've known since I was 2. sadly to say it was over a guy. She was dating a jerk and I told her that. Apparently shedidn't like that because she was hell bent on being with the loser. Plus this past weekend she married him. It hurts to see her in town because she was more like family than just a friend. She gave up so much for a jerk that doesn't deserve her, but I guess she got what she wanted.

The recent friend I lost was one that I have known since 7th grade. He went on an exchange to Argentina after graduation. He returned and told everyone he was gay. Ever since things have went down hill. The friendship was more of a chore than anything after he got home. It was like he had more of an issue about him being gay than all his friends did. It got to where he only came around if he wanted or needed somthing. If you needed him, he usually was never there and he always had some piss poor excuse too. Needless to say it took its toll on me so I ended it for the sake of keeping my sanity. Now I'm the bad guy in the situation.

I think I'd rather be alone than to be stuck with toxic friendships like that. It makes me want to ask what is a real friend now days. In a lot of ways it seems non existant.

 

[urbanloner69]

same problem here. but my problem is much worst. i can not tell you all the details.

 

[Langveldt]

But guys don't be heart broken and don't be dishearten. And don't blame yourself and just go on the right way be good from your side and leave all the matter on faith. If you are right then you will be justiced.

 

[linda]

Wow, do I know this feeling! In fact, it's why I'm here...I'm on a message board "hunt" again. Another batch of "friends" has apparently 'left the building', these were people I had been interacting with on facebook since last summer, now they just ignore me. And we had so much in common! Weird, it's like I suddenly became invisible. One set up a page for our mutual interest, invited me to join, and has basically ignored me for the past 2 weeks, she interacts with a tight little group of about half a dozen other members, and has stopped messaging altogether, and I now think she just invited me there to increase the 'friends list' for the page.
I'm just so tired of having to start from scratch all the time! I feel as though others think my friendship is like a styrofoam cup...when you're done using it, just crumple and toss. No biggie.

 

[boodika]

Wow, do I know this feeling! In fact, it's why I'm here...I'm on a message board "hunt" again. Another batch of "friends" has apparently 'left the building', these were people I had been interacting with on facebook since last summer, now they just ignore me. And we had so much in common! Weird, it's like I suddenly became invisible. One set up a page for our mutual interest, invited me to join, and has basically ignored me for the past 2 weeks, she interacts with a tight little group of about half a dozen other members, and has stopped messaging altogether, and I now think she just invited me there to increase the 'friends list' for the page.
I'm just so tired of having to start from scratch all the time! I feel as though others think my friendship is like a styrofoam cup...when you're done using it, just crumple and toss. No biggie.

I feel the same, as if, if i didnt make any effort to interact with people, they wouldn't bother with me at all... n why do i always end up on the 'people i can't really be bothered with' list or the 'if i've nought else better to do' list??? Frustrating!

 

[HappyYogi]

I just happened upon this thread and boy do I relate.

I am 44 and often feel like I am the second choice.

It hurts sometimes. I don't feel valued by my family of origin either....not included or put down or ignored while around them.

Occasionally I'll meet a true friend but that is rare.

I do have a bf, though and am grateful for that. He is a great guy. I remember we invited a gal we both know to hike with us anytime she wants. There was no "thanks" for inviting her or anything. It's like "I'll take it or leave it" kind of attitude. I was just reaching out...and thinking of her especially being single but nope.

I sometimes wonder if it's all about how you feel about yourself, how worthy you feel. We communicate all the time and people pick up these feelings. I truly believe so much is mirrored back to us.

Now, if that is true, the question is, how do we solve this?

 

[RealRecognizeReal]

I have the exact problem. It aggravate the hell out of me and at the same time makes me a little sad because I don't deserve this. Wish I knew how to fix this problem then my life wouldn't suck so damn much.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I have the exact problem. It aggravate the hell out of me and at the same time makes me a little sad because I don't deserve this. Wish I knew how to fix this problem then my life wouldn't suck so damn much.

Here's what I have learned. Most people will come and go from your life and only a few will stay, but you will cherish the ones who stay with you.

 

[suri]

-ghasp- an expiry date? D:
yeah i know what you mean, though sweetviki.
my "friends" used to love hanging out with me,
but then recently, they've stopped calling....or
picking up the phone (except for Erin cause she
doesn't have caller ID O-o but the conversations
with her are irritating, because she lets you know
she's bored and doesn't wish to talk with you). I
have actually considered that yes, i'm probably
sharing too much about myself and so then they
get bored of me quite easily.

Also, I'm one of those clingy people. TT__TT
I don't know why I'm so clingy. I guess it's just
that I've lost so many friends and lovers that...
I'm afraid of losing them now, and so I try and
hang out with them as much as possible. I guess
i just can't tell what is too much and what is too
little.

Hi, I just want to say something about the clingy issue you brought up. I have the same problem but not with "friends" but with my boyfriends. I have actually considered that there might be "clinginess personality disorder". I get so wrapped up with this person (and I can't seem to shake it off no matter how hard I try or maybe I really haven't tried hard enough) that I practically have no one else to talk to.

 

[RealRecognizeReal]

I have the exact problem. It aggravate the hell out of me and at the same time makes me a little sad because I don't deserve this. Wish I knew how to fix this problem then my life wouldn't suck so damn much.

Here's what I have learned. Most people will come and go from your life and only a few will stay, but you will cherish the ones who stay with you.

I am fully aware of that. But I'm tired of those seasonal people. Could I at least get 2 friends that will remain forever and not be the type to only look for me as their last resort.

 

[somber_radiance]

I feel the same way too. I feel like I am easily forgotten.

I think sometimes I am inconsistent with my personality. I may be very interesting and leave a great first impression, then the next time I see that person...I'm this lame, don't-have-much-to-say person and it's downhill from there.

 

[Kathy]

I've been having the same issue.

I would make plans with one or two gals only to have them cancel at the last minute. Then would see on Facebook that the reason they canceled was a lie.

Then I see they make plans with another friend on another day, but haven't rescheduled our date.

It really sucks and I finally just unfriend them.

 

[EverFlowingSpring]

Yes it seems like my personality is too intense or something, everyone always eventually stops talking to me just suddenly and I hear from them no more... It's becoming maddening, the fact that I cannot make even one friend in life.

 

[lonelyfairy]

I know how that feels... I have lost all my friends except one. It's sad.

 

[Rolo]

I can relate to so much of this post! What has been said about the whole "back up friend" sort of thing i really do think is true, people go around grading people on how useful or benificial they are for them. For people that are like that, I just think like this- they think they have so many friends, like the hundreds on facebook and all that, but how many actually are friends? How many know them really and would be there for them? In the end, i think that they are just as lonely as we are, but they have found the secret way of keeping hold of aquaintences a bit longer than us and not caring about it.

Being clingy; well i dont know if i am- i dont know how this is graded. I like to talk to people that i know, i guess maybe the people i have known do not share teh same wants of socialisation and therefore makes me clingy?
I was once told by an ex i was clingy- i made the mistake of wanting to actually speak to the person! I mean wtf- cant win!

People speaking when it benifits them- I know this too well. Like at college- I thought i got along with them- guess i didnt- it didnt take long to work out they only spoke to me when they needed things- like getting texts about how to do work or what times we are in- I never got a simple "hi, how are you" text- it was always "hi, how are you, what do we do for this question". Or "Are you in town?" which they asked if their other friends wernt around and they didnt want to be on their own before going to class.

Maybe i havnt worked out how to speak to people just yet, I dont tell my life story, i never load them with how i feel or anything like that, i just like to talk rather than sit in silence. Like if i see that someone had a similar interest i would speak about that-but then that doesnt seem to work! maybe i overpower them with my interest on the subject or something? Forgive me for thinking that someone that took part ina certain activity or whatnot would actually like it.

I dont want lots of friends or anything like that, i just want a few that want to speak sometime, go out someplace and are not just using me for what ever benefit i am to them. I know that many dont last, but it would be nice to have a go at it and find one that would!

 

[metinu]

I just had to replay to this thread because i can really relate in someway.
I always thought it is so hard to keep friends, just this past month i have a major breakdown because of seeing life as a temporary thing and couldn't stand changes anymore, because it will only mean me loosing my friends that i have.
It was hard for me to even think on finding new friends just to loose them all over again, i was emotionaly packed.
I did alot of investment in myself and came to so many conclutions that i think might help a few.
So the story is like that, i was always thinking about the past, always thinking about the best friends that i had and that are no more, i blamed fate as my best friend left town at 6th grade, and then my new best friend again left town after 3 years with him.
I was thinking, god, why are you doing this to me?
And i saw it as a more problemaic because im very friendly and people automaticly drawn to me, but i was always too scared to comit, maybe thinking in my head that gettin close to them will only end up bad and then there will be another person that will think im wierd or something.

It is like i was always looking for a "best" friend, someone that will come to me, and give me attention, couldn't stant catual friends, and that what actualy made alot of my relationship temporary, few called it here clinsy.

I think most need to, and that will going to sound too phsycologicly, but need to look at thier relationship with thier father (for males) mother (for females).
Well, i love my father, he is a great one indeed, gives me what ever i want, but i realized that i just have no say with him, when we have all the close family together, i just dont have a voise, he likes to make it all about him in some way (every relationship is more complicated, but i can't tpye a book here).
That made me realize that i just crave for attention from people, and i get it, but i can't keep it because i keep trying too fill this hole with a best friend that will take care of me and let me have a voice without any effort on my side.

But you all need to understand that no two people feel alike, most of the times you think that other person feels the same as you and you realize his act acording to what you feel, but it is wrong.

I believe more of the clinsers out here have this father issue, tell yourself and all friend history is iralevant, because you weren't yourself, become yourself by understanding your issues with your father.

Now it isn't easy, and i myself went along way, and im still not sure how good im now, but the bright side is that you will understant that friends only there to have fun with and maybe even care for one another, but not to take care of you, you need to take care of yourself, and have a life with yourself, and just share it with other people, if you don't have a life what could you share?

So stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop looking for friends to fill a hole in you, understand your relationship with your father/mother, get a life and share it with others.

I really hope it can help someone, because i know how it feels.
And remember that a person with million friends can feel lonelyer then a person in an isolated island.

 

[Bud_Weis_Er]

Hey Met, I just joined this forum, but you've given me so much to think about. Just wanna say thanks for that. You make some really good points in that post man. I think I might be in a similar situation as you are/were now that you point it out. Man, you really make some good points there, even with the relationships with fathers/mothers aside. Well thanks, for your advice, for whatever that's worth.

 

[Narsing]

Life is good enjoy it start making friends online facebook .

 

[XSuicidexsilencex]

Im inthe same boat. I cant hold friendships or a meaningful relationship for more than 10 mnths. Everything always ends right at the 10 mnth mark. All my friends jus stop talking to me. I confronted them about it and they went on about how they wanted to fix things and hang out more and still ... Nothing. Same with every girlfriend ive had. It always ends at the 10 mnth mark. Its really hard to make new friends to. Seems like ppl like talkin to me and we get along but when it comes to askin to hang out they jus look at me like im crazy and say yeah for sure. Then ... Nothing. I domt get it. How do you ask another guy to hang out lol.
This really isnt funn. Its getting harder and harder to talk to people and im getting to be the same way with my family. PLEASE HELP!!!

 

[Rolo]

"Life is good enjoy it start making friends online facebook ."

Yep, I'll just go on there and add random people that I will never actually know properly. I dont know if its just me thats interpreted this in this way, but people are asking for advice on how to make lasting friendships in person with people they can meet up with; not add random people and hope that leads to something. Facebook just seems to create more problems than it solves in many cases. Although if it works for you, keep at it.

"Im inthe same boat. I cant hold friendships or a meaningful relationship for more than 10 mnths. Everything always ends right at the 10 mnth mark. All my friends jus stop talking to me. I confronted them about it and they went on about how they wanted to fix things and hang out more and still ... Nothing. Same with every girlfriend ive had. It always ends at the 10 mnth mark. Its really hard to make new friends to. Seems like ppl like talkin to me and we get along but when it comes to askin to hang out they jus look at me like im crazy and say yeah for sure. Then ... Nothing. I domt get it. How do you ask another guy to hang out lol.
This really isnt funn. Its getting harder and harder to talk to people and im getting to be the same way with my family. PLEASE HELP!!!"

I sort of had the same experience as you- all of a sudden they just stop talking and whatnot then when you try fix it they pretend they want to, bu dont. I dont know what i have done; I have even asked somtimes what I have done wrong but they can never give me an answer!
About you having problem hanging around with guys-I dont know how old you are, but ive found that people my age (20) are more interested in finding girls to get to know than hanging with the same gender. Its a bit awkward when a friend is busy looking for a girl for whatever reason when your not interested in it at that moment in time!