I see a LOT of shallowness on this board

[Astral_Punisher]

Time and time again I read on this board about how beautiful women wont give a guy the time of day, and how beautiful women this, and beautiful women that, and how beautiful women are horrible ******* for not being in love with the lonely man. In fact, I just read a response on this forum that said "I was sleeping with an ugly woman for a while, no one knew what was going on." Well now that shallow ass is sitting all alone here on the forum, serves him right! Maybe if men would stop being so damn shallow and give some of us not stunningly beautiful women a second, there would be a lot less aloneness going on.

Shame on you men who only go for beautiful women, while purposefully insulting the less physically fortunate, you get all the loneliness and misery you deserve. Maybe if you were to give a normal gal a chance for once, things might work out.

1) There is nothing illegal with a man (or a woman), looking for, and wanting, beautiful people as partners. That's a personal choice they make. This choice may or may not be 'immoral' but that is a societal VALUE not a LAW. Societal Values change with location, group, and a million other factors. And what you find 'beautiful' might be 'terrifying' to others.

2) There is something definitely wrong (and borderline illegal [libel])with insulting other people. That is a choice that negatively affects others, and is unnecessary and unwanted in most any social interaction.

3) People that look for beautiful people deserve what they get. They made that choice to only look at 10's. They are simply reaping what they have sown. If they get a beautiful mate; well they put in the work and effort to get one. That can be easier or harder depending, again, on a whole host of factors. But it can take effort/confidence/charisma/gym-memberships/mirror-speech/Blood,sweat,tears..

I agree that most men should look for more character and personality, and less looks and sex appeal, when trying to date. It's more fun to connect on an intellectual level, an emotional level, then only at at hip.

Most males feel the same way about females.

If girls would only give us nerdy/geeky, nice guys a chance, things might work out.....Both genders stereotype.

If only those women (ANY WOMEN) would look my way. .
AK5, you're totally right.
Women have inappropriate 'standard' just like men.
And often those standards are for looks & success, not character, emotions, and personal strength.

You guys are missing the point.

How would you feel if you liked someone and you were chatting along just fine.

Then, they asked you for your picture and immediately afterwards there was silence or they didn't respond or told you they had to go and never came back?

OR immediately upon meeting you they ask for a pic, and then you said no, fearing what I just wrote in the paragraph above was going to happen, and they keep pressing, making you feel like who you were inside was worthless.

This is what I am talking about.

People, both men and woman, can be very demanding, and specific in their wants.

I believe that this is the root cause of all loneliness:
People limiting who they accept based on standards that are imprinted by society on them, unfairly, from birth.

I can only imagine the number of soul-mates that miss out on each other because of these standard.
Future perfect lovers, passing on the street, completely oblivious because she wore green, and he liked red...

Well you are partially right. When I was younger I thought I'd only go after good looking women, but to be honest the best times I've had in my life were with normal girls, sex was good too . IMO it boils down to effort and social skills, on the part of either sex. You can be a normal looking gal and still catch a very handsome man, and vice versa. BUT, a big but (no I'm not into big butts) I absolutely have to find the girl physically attractive. That doesn't mean she has to have giant **** (personally I dont like big breasts) or be tall and slim...etc but I have to find her physically attractive.

Does that make me shallow?, I don't really care. Its just honesty.

If you are following your heart on what you find attractive, then I find it hard to fault you .

And who's to say that who you think is hot, or not?
Maybe you like women that are of full-frame, only have black hair, and love Will Farrel jokes.
Is that 'wrong' to find that specific type of woman attractive?
Does it make it less wrong when those women are seen by society as being 'less' desirable?

I also think it is a big mistake to exchange shallowness with specificity of values.
If a woman specifically loves men with small lips, or big ears, is that different from a woman that loves a man with broad shoulders and rock-hard abs?
Society VALUES imprint that women should lust after the last two, but what if the woman actually lusts after the first two traits?

Aren't both women shallow in their wants? Does this make it wrong?


It's not just a simple statement of: "Men Are Shallow".
It's a statement of: "Both Sexes Are Imprinted with Unrealistic Expectations that are Shallow".

/rant

 

[annik]

There's nothing inherently shallow in using the term "beautiful" to describe someone. Everyone sees it differently and it doesn't necessarily mean the stereoptical kind of mainstream beauty. It means what they look for and that could be anything, even what others would think of as ugly.

Deep down I think most people want to be with someone who is beautiful to them as well as being thought of as beautiful by their partner.

 

[IambicBlonde]

I have to agree with mia. Even if most aren't saying the actual word beautiful I'm sure that's what a lot are thinking. And having never been in a relationship myself, I can't help but read others who complain about theirs and roll my eyes sometimes. I get it, pain is pain and it sucks regardless. But still. Anyway, I'm glad she said it no matter how it came off. Always a good reminder to keep things in perspective, people.

 

[Limlim]

You guys are missing the point.

How would you feel if you liked someone and you were chatting along just fine.

Then, they asked you for your picture and immediately afterwards there was silence or they didn't respond or told you they had to go and never came back?

OR immediately upon meeting you they ask for a pic, and then you said no, fearing what I just wrote in the paragraph above was going to happen, and they keep pressing, making you feel like who you were inside was worthless.

This is what I am talking about.

What you shoulda done then is show them the pictures of the cute girl you post here under your account all the time.

 

[The Good Citizen]

There's nothing inherently shallow in using the term "beautiful" to describe someone. Everyone sees it differently and it doesn't necessarily mean the stereotypical kind of mainstream beauty. It means what they look for and that could be anything, even what others would think of as ugly.

Deep down I think most people want to be with someone who is beautiful to them as well as being thought of as beautiful by their partner.

This ^^

I cannot overstate how attractive it is to see someone who is comfortable in their own skin, a nice confident kind smile and warm personality radiating through a girls face. I struggle to see what is 'stereotypically beautiful' about someone sometimes. I don't see it, they will have guys swarming after them and I think I'd rather kiss a dead fish personally. I'm not averse to seeing a girl and thinking how nice she looks but its essentially a blank canvass to me, when you see the smile and the personality shine through and breath life into a face, that’s when she really has me cornered, I pause judgement until then.

 

[SophiaGrace]

So basically septicemia writes something, and everyone justifies themselves. Great.

To be honest, i think I feel like I see a lot more misogyny on this board because a lot of men seem to feel emasculated, than I do shallowness. In fact I would argue there is less shallowness here than in other parts of the internet.

People are genuinely nice to me here, which i wouldn't get a lot of places online.

 

[Limlim]

Except for me, I am shallow.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Except for me, I am shallow.

Lol, yeah right.

 

[LoneKiller]

Which one of these two men are you more likely to give a chance?

OR

How many women do you think are going to pick the dude on the left?
Calling most of us on this forum shallow isn't fair. You can't tell me that the majority of women wouldn't pick Keith Urban. This means that women are just like men in this respect.

 

[Bones]

The real issue is people using inductive reasoning.

 

[SophiaGrace]

The real issue is people using inductive reasoning.

What's inductive reasoning

 

[LoneKiller]

The real issue is people using inductive reasoning.

What's inductive reasoning

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inductive_reasoning#Definition

 

[Bones]

Sophia,

I should have said weak inductive reasoning.

For example, if a person has only seen pictures being hung up on nails, they will conclude that all pictures are hung up on nails which is not always the case.

Therefore, on ALLf, a lot of people have experienced emotional pain from relationships (or lack of) and may have a tendency to make misogynistic remarks due to their experiences.

Personally for me, everyone has always cheated on me and I could paint a broad brush and make a nasty remark about women due to my experiences.

But, I realize that not all women are that way; and my greatest weakness is that, I am a quite person.

Essentially, I have always attracted women who are more "liberal" and what else (for the most part) could I expect?

The real problem is my default personality (INTJ) and I need to adjust appropriately for it.

Please note: This example could be true for men too - it goes both ways.

The real issue is people using inductive reasoning.

What's inductive reasoning