I'm a 33 year old virgin male without even a date to my name.

[Forgottendanfan]

Anyone else here in a similar predicament? How likely do you think it is I may find someone willing to accept my lack of experience and give me a chance?

 

[Abstamyous]

Perhaps my own thoughts are rare....I don't really understand why sexual experience is important. I can only answer someone who started my experiences young...But it has never been something I rate a man over. Being in love with someone requires such wide open mindedness. You're going to build and learn a lot of new things together. The sexual side is meant to be a pleasurable experience. If you love someone, relax and learn how to make it so.

(Those are my thoughts towards people who judge someone on their lack of experience, not towards you, Forgottendanfan)

 

[TheSkaFish]

I can relate.

There's so much I wish I knew before about how damn competitive this world is, and it's only getting worse. I guess there were signs, but I didn't listen to them, didn't want to believe them, thought that kind of thinking was for ********, or thought it was optional.

But I think you can have an OK chance finding someone to accept you if you can become good-looking enough and interesting enough, and show enough similarity in your character. If you can do that, people will want to see reasons that it can work with you, instead of reasons to NOT date you. Just try to avoid mentioning anything that could make you look weak/incompetent/inferior. I've let down my guard a few times when others opened up about their problems, and it was always a bad idea. Best to keep in mind that girls don't want to be your mom or your therapist. Generally you will get less of an allowance to show weakness, than you will be willing to grant others.

I actually haven't heard of any real-life examples of someone turning another person down due to inexperience. If anything I feel like awkwardness or not finding the right conversation topics or tone and making an impression of being boring, is a bigger problem (not saying you are, just saying in general).

If you can get someone to like you enough, they won't sweat stuff like this. But that's the trick, and if I knew how to do that I'd have done it a long time ago.

Again this is just my experience. It could be different for other people.

 

[ardour]

Perhaps my own thoughts are rare....I don't really understand why sexual experience is important. I can only answer someone who started my experiences young...But it has never been something I rate a man over. Being in love with someone requires such wide open mindedness. You're going to build and learn a lot of new things together. The sexual side is meant to be a pleasurable experience. If you love someone, relax and learn how to make it so.

(Those are my thoughts towards people who judge someone on their lack of experience, not towards you, Forgottendanfan)

It's the overall lack of relationship experience and what it supposedly indicates.    The thought process goes something like  'if no-one else has wanted him after this long, then why should I?'

And honestly it's pretty hard to argue with that.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Perhaps my own thoughts are rare....I don't really understand why sexual experience is important. I can only answer someone who started my experiences young...But it has never been something I rate a man over. Being in love with someone requires such wide open mindedness. You're going to build and learn a lot of new things together. The sexual side is meant to be a pleasurable experience. If you love someone, relax and learn how to make it so.

(Those are my thoughts towards people who judge someone on their lack of experience, not towards you, Forgottendanfan)

It's the overall lack relationship experience and what it supposedly indicates.    The thought process goes something like  'if no-one else has wanted him after this long, then why should I?'

And honestly it's pretty hard to argue with that.

Unfortunately, this is difficult to negate.

 

[4No1]

IMO if a girl likes you it doesn't matter. But if she doesn't then she wants something more than just you. This "something" could be anything including sexual experience. (I suppose that works for both genders)

I don't think I know any woman who really cares about partner's experience but I don't know all the women. Also I think if a woman has no or little experience she may prefer the same man.

 

[TheRealCallie]

IMO if a girl likes you it doesn't matter. But if she doesn't  then she wants something more than just you. This "something" could be anything including sexual experience. (I suppose that works for both genders)

I don't think I know any woman who really cares about partner's experience but I don't know all the women. Also I think if a woman has no or little experience she may prefer the same man.

This.  Also, I think it would be refreshing to date a guy without experience.  No ex drama, no chance of STDs, etc etc.  And unless you live under a rock, it's not like you don't know the basics, so who cares.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

IMO if a girl likes you it doesn't matter. But if she doesn't  then she wants something more than just you. This "something" could be anything including sexual experience. (I suppose that works for both genders)

I don't think I know any woman who really cares about partner's experience but I don't know all the women. Also I think if a woman has no or little experience she may prefer the same man.

This.  Also, I think it would be refreshing to date a guy without experience.  No ex drama, no chance of STDs, etc etc.  And unless you live under a rock, it's not like you don't know the basics, so who cares.

Are you available by any chance?

 

[Invisibleguy]

It depends on how you look in my opinion. If you're handsome, she'll think you've been restraining voluntarily and it will be intuative. If you're painfully average, it might hurt your chances or further minimalize your potential dating pool

 

[Forgottendanfan]

I'm probably in the lower echelons of average, in terms of looks.

 

[mgill]

i wish i could offer advice & possible solution but although it has been an extremely long time, having had one very long term relationship in the past i am not a virgin. i can say that i may as well be though as far as the interest i have recevied from the women i am attracted to so i can very much relate to that experience and it really sucks big time. i also know the modern dating scene is exponentially more difficult for average & below average men-both virgins & non-virgins-due to OLD & social media than it was when i was younger.

 

[Nicolelt]

It's the overall lack of relationship experience and what it supposedly indicates. The thought process goes something like  'if no-one else has wanted him after this long, then why should I?' And honestly it's pretty hard to argue with that.

 ^ This is very true. I have a few friends in their 40s that are online dating and my female friends say it's a red flag if a man has not been in a committed relationship yet because "he must not be able to handle one". And my male friends say they would never date a woman that had never been in a relationship before because "that means she is just crazy".

 

[ardour]

NM

 

[Aardra]

I've been intimate with women but still consider myself a virgin. My experiments with heterocisnormativity don't count. >.>

 

[Forgottendanfan]

I've been intimate with women but still consider myself a virgin. My experiments with heterocisnormativity don't count. >.>

That's a completely different situation entirely. We're not here to discuss that.

 

[Abstamyous]

It's the overall lack of relationship experience and what it supposedly indicates. The thought process goes something like  'if no-one else has wanted him after this long, then why should I?' And honestly it's pretty hard to argue with that.

 ^ This is very true. I have a few friends in their 40s that are online dating and my female friends say it's a red flag if a man has not been in a committed relationship yet because "he must not be able to handle one". And my male friends say they would never date a woman that had never been in a relationship before because "that means she is just crazy".

This attitude really defeats the purpose that is to build experiences with the people you (general you) love. What a restricting way to live.

 

[user 115627]

I have a few friends in their 40s that are online dating and my female friends say it's a red flag if a man has not been in a committed relationship yet because "he must not be able to handle one". And my male friends say they would never date a woman that had never been in a relationship before because "that means she is just crazy".

Crazy people get into short-lived unstable relationships with each other or "normal people" all the time which should be a bigger red flag than having no track record at all. I guess it's thinking a bit too counterintuitively on my part. But I think a lot can get overlooked in the initial superficialities or by people who are attracted to "thrills".

 

[4No1]

This is very true. I have a few friends in their 40s that are online dating and my female friends say it's a red flag if a man has not been in a committed relationship yet because "he must not be able to handle one". And my male friends say they would never date a woman that had never been in a relationship before because "that means she is just crazy".

I've heared the same . And also they(at least in my case) say they'd prefer a person who's never been married(no ex) and have no kids - sounds like "stay there, go here". It seems to me they'd prefer just a good deal to the real relationship.
I'm sure there are still other people who do care about a person but not about the "checklist".

 

[Aardra]

I've been intimate with women but still consider myself a virgin. My experiments with heterocisnormativity don't count. >.>

That's a completely different situation entirely. We're not here to discuss that.

Yeah. Renewing my account was a mistake.

 

[TheRealCallie]

This is very true. I have a few friends in their 40s that are online dating and my female friends say it's a red flag if a man has not been in a committed relationship yet because "he must not be able to handle one". And my male friends say they would never date a woman that had never been in a relationship before because "that means she is just crazy".

I've heard the same . And also they(at least in my case) say they'd prefer a person who's never been married(no ex) and have no kids - sounds like "stay there, go here". It seems to me they'd prefer just a good deal to the real relationship.
I'm sure there are still other people who do care about a person but not about the "checklist".

I don't think checklists are inherently bad.  I think everyone has at least a mental checklist filled with things that are deal breakers.  Mine is mostly centered around my kids because sorry, but I will choose my kids over a guy any day.  I chose them over their father and I was (am) married to him.

*I fixed your typo. Heard, not heared.  Sorry, I had to*