In love with an Escort

[Gulliver1967]

I am sure I'm not the first or the last my "problem began this year" after many years of a sexless marriage and being faithfull married at 17 and 45 now ( I had only had sex with my wife until this year) I decided that I either leave my marriage have an affair or find a sexual out let . I saw a number of girls earlier in the year all Escorts younger 20s some very pretty and friendly girls. Just sex and fun then I met Diane and my heart just missed a beat . The sex was is amazing can't not going to describe it but to say no one else nothing else has every got close. We quickly escalated things and soon I became the most regular regular she tells me that I am best lover she has ever had and sees me outside of escorting as well. I have met her friends stayed over at her house and she says she has also feelings for me but won't let me break up my family for her . I love her more than words can say, we fell out for a few weeks and it was as if my world had ended I was truly beside myself. I cannot have her to myself that is clear she is addicted to her life style. She has never taken advantage of me though I have made it clear I would happily give her more cash to help her out She has never taken it. I am tearing myself apart I have considered and made an attempt at taking my own life. I am racked with guilt for betraying my family and forlorn that I can never truly be with the person I now love more than life. I have considered walking away ending it but I love her so much I don't think I would survive it. I have tried to concentrate on my family and marriage but I can't think of anything else. I'm truly lost and struggling to find a way through this

 

[PyramidHead]

I will just give you this one advice. Think about the situation again, think about all the people involved and then about what may happen... then do what you feel is best.

If you don't like this advice, then I can just say what I would do in the same situation:
Stay with the family. Because sometimes, it is more important to stick to responsibilities and let others enjoy some happiness, even if it means to do without your own happiness. Not going to say much more... you are old enough to decide things on your own.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

... I am pretty sure you are admitting to committing a crime.. first off. Unless I am completely out of touch with new laws.

Something else to consider, it is an escorts job to make you feel that way. Well not the sex part, that is where things break the law. ANYWAY, you are paying her to make you feel amazing.

Regardless, I think you had your fun and your outlet. But now I think you need to stop buying the love. Maybe rekindle your marriage or divorce and start over.

 

[grainofrice24]

Think about this captain:

Some women simply want what they can't have - if you break it off with your family you could become too accessible in her eyes and she'll lose interest. Then what will you have? Just in case you needed a practical reason to stay with your family . Not to mention the escort is probably bullshitting you.

Not to mention what the other posters have said - what you're doing is illegal, wrong, selfish and can only end badly. Don't make it worse!

 

[Gulliver1967]

I truly wish it was that easy but I love her too much I've tried distraction of other girls but I am head over heals with her. I lost my mother last year and she had plugged the gap of emotional support in my life which enabled me to cope with out the physical side in my marriage. But Diane ticks all the boxes yet I know I must somehow walk away and it will break my heart and she says she cannot bear to be without me I don't know what to do

 

[Milly]

Some women simply want what they can't have - if you break it off with your family you could become too accessible in her eyes and she'll lose interest.

To be fair though, he's paying her to have sex with him - that seems pretty accessible to me. I don't think he'll say no if she offers him a freebie?

Actually Gulliver, if you don't mind me asking, are you still paying her?

I won't judge you for what you're getting up to with this girl but I really can't see it ending well, for all sorts of reasons. Does it bother you that she's still doing it with other guys?

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I truly wish it was that easy but I love her too much I've tried distraction of other girls but I am head over heals with her. I lost my mother last year and she had plugged the gap of emotional support in my life which enabled me to cope with out the physical side in my marriage. But Diane ticks all the boxes yet I know I must somehow walk away and it will break my heart and she says she cannot bear to be without me I don't know what to do

I have a though, ask her why you need to pay her when she feels so close to you? That might reveal a few truths. I mean after all, if she really loved you, why not give you everything for free?

 

[Gulliver1967]

I hate she sees other guys it's a stab in the heart so we don't discuss details. she has strict practices and does not engage in anything deliberate that risk STDs including oral without. I contribute in some ways but no I don't pay her for sex anymore occasional bill I pay when we go out etc but not a fraction of what I used too as a "client" she doesnt want me too. She says she does not want to break up my family for her, If I leave my marriage first I think we could have a chance and I think she would stop escorting to be with me , I am tearing myself apart with the turmoil I'm in but every time I try to walk away I can't I simply love her with my heart and soul

 

[Felix]

First, that marriage should have ended years ago.

Second, if you and the escort are really in love with each other, why not be with her? I'd say just get divorced once and for all, lay low for a while and then start slowly introducing your lover into your life.

Keeping this facade, this fake life is not hepling anyone. Is best to go trough some difficult changes than living a complete lie.

That's what I think, in the end you will decide what's best.

 

[Nullpointer89]

Uhm, Just want to preface this as me being someone inexperienced in love but, has always listened to advice given about it.
So this is culturally based in what you think is right and wrong. For example, in Japanese culture, it is somewhat common and fairly accepted for working husband to have a mistress. That is a different love than their traditional house wife. In the words of the God Father, "that is same mouth that kisses my children". There is platonic love but, many people (culturally accepted or not) are very emotionally invested in sex. They cannot have sex without getting emotionally invested. Or they cannot be very emotionally invested without sex. In a genetic and purely natural standpoint, marriage doesn't make sense.

What mixture of these things do you want or find morally acceptable? Do you even want things to change at all? What would REALLY would happen if the marriage ended? What steps would you have to take? Personally, I can't see having marriage or relationship without a physical component. I don't like pressure marriage puts on a couple for things to last forever. If I was in the marriage, I would pose the dilemma to my wife of not being able to keep the relationship without a physical side. However, I, like everyone here, am VERY skeptical of your relationship with this escort. This is assuming you have kids with your wife. And should know, drinking yourself into depression or suicide ***** everyone around you aswell as yourself.

 

[LonelyAtNight]

Dear Gulliver1967

when I read this I initially have alarm bells going off like crazy,
this has huge potential and even inevitablity for great turmoil and drama....

beyond that though I know that we all have needs, and that we are doing the best we can to meet them...with that we sometimes get ourselves into complicated situations.....

so what are your "needs", I think maybe things along the lines of companionship, interaction, caring, contact etc....it is interesting that this transpired after your mother passed away...that some amount of needs were not being met and the emptiness of the marriage was more apparent....

I would actually recommend that you get some more suport other than just here, a counsellor or therapist, book an appointment, go see one, if that doesn't work, book another until you find one who works for you....take some action in the next 24/48 hours....

This is a dicy situation, because when you are dealing with strong emotions...desires....needs...the brain actually has a hard time to think clearly and follow through on sensible actions...

There are definately ways to resolve this situation, meet your needs well, or well enough, I don't know what that might look like but there will be someway(s). It will take effort, and won't all be easy by any means, but in some way or another possible. My biggest concern is when you've said that you've tried to take your own life. If you are feeling this, instead of acting on that, book an appointment(s). In certain situations in life we can have tunnel vision...tunnel thinking....muddled....restricted thinking and while in that, think there are no good options or ways through for us....

When we are just in our own heads, with our own limited/muddled/overwhelmed thoughts it can be dangereous!!!!

Concerned for you, while knowing that you are just a person trying to meet your needs, you (in my opinion) are not, fundementally bad, you may have yourself in a messy and complicated situation but you are not fundementally "bad", I'm sure you are doing the best you can right now....

You maybe need/could use some help, but again I believe you are not fundementally bad, but rather fundementally a good person, doing a human thing, trying to meet your needs....


Peace & Blessings to You!!!!.........

John H

 

[The Good Citizen]

Firstly, I don't think he came on here for people to pass judgement, this isn't a courtroom.

Ok so what advice...well gut feeling is this has passed beyond a business arrangement with the escort yes but it’s a long way off a relationship. If she has the life that she wants and chooses as she has suggested and does not want you to break up your marriage or give up her work then the simple fact is that’s that you're not going to get what you want which is to leave your family and be with her. That’s not going to happen because that’s not what she wants so you have to accept that.

So on that basis you need to separate your emotions here as you’re torn between lust and infatuation on once side and a sense of duty on the other. First thing you need to do is distance yourself from the Escort. If you can't have her all to yourself then the odd fling while she goes about her business with other men is not going to lead to happy ever after. You'll stay miserable and in limbo and eventually your wife, family and friends will find out and then everyone's life will be ruined.

What you need to be concentrating on here is your relationship with your wife. It’s broken clearly, the question is can it be salvaged, why is it a sexless marriage, you say that almost in passing but that’s pretty crucial here, something has gone wrong. Has you wife lost interest in you sexually, would you like to resume a sexual relationship with her? What have you done so far to try to rekindle the marriage, you have shared your whole adult life together, that’s quite a commitment and the sense of having missed out is natural, she may well feel the same. What you need to do right now is talk as this is all from your perspective, you think your wife is not capable of finding love and a life of her own? She may want that as much as you, but it would be a shame to give up without a fight and without much soul searching.

So there's a way to go about this and you’re not going about it the right way at the moment. Try to salvage your marriage, you both made such a massive commitment at that age you owe it to each other to try to see whether this is just a rut or permanent. Do things the right way, if you both are finished then separate, it can still be on good terms and you can still support each other but certainly turn your attention to your home life and sorting out what went wrong because there's no shame in starting again. Consider the freedom you will have if you become divorced and can meet someone and have them all to yourself again without having to creep around guiltily and sharing her with other men. That’s what you desire so do things the right way and either salvage your marriage to regain that or separate and look elsewhere.

 

[Gulliver1967]

I thank you all for your advice and good intentions I have made massive efforts to sought things out at home including relate and I'm seeing a counciler weekly privately to try and resolve the conflicts in my head. The rational me can see and understand all the warnings I can review it from an objective point of view or at least I try! I am degree educated so I'm not a fool and my heads says its a train crash heading out of control towards a station full of passenger and I need to get off before everyone gets hurt. At the same time I am so overwhelmingly and deeply in love with this girl that I just can't bring my self to walk away.

 

[choco]

hi gulliver

we dont know what excatly happened to you (you marriage, your child etc).
I just woul like to suggest to consider your children *if any* perhaps marriage can be fixed, but if it doesnt work you may have to get divorce.

if she would like to be with you, you have to ensure that she will not do her job anymore. just afraid that she is too addicted *like what you said* and make you dissapointed after all.

you might in situation when you feel so lonely and suddenly someone come and brighten up your day which you cannot let it go easily.

 

[Menaceman]

I'm glad to read your attempting to make your family life better.

I'm into online adult marketing and one thing is I know is that women in the sex industry are highly skilled at making men feel significant and that the experience is 'more' than what it is.

They may not be academically smart, but they are very skilled at making men feel in a way that they are missing regarding women.

Which is fine IMO as long as you realize it's a game. This lady is taking you for an emotional ride IMO.

Unfortunately a lot of guys get taken in by this, your scenario is pretty common.

Others have advised you to think about the consequences of your actions, I'm here to show you a mirror.



The guy in the interview is you. Unfortunately you've become convinced that your situation is more than what it is, like they guy in the vid. At the end he actually is certain that he's 'made love with prostitutes'.

If you ever did decide to leave your family, she still wouldn't be with you... I'd bet money.

Sorry... sometimes harshness helps people to let go emotionally. I wish you well.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I thank you all for your advice and good intentions I have made massive efforts to sought things out at home including relate and I'm seeing a counciler weekly privately to try and resolve the conflicts in my head. The rational me can see and understand all the warnings I can review it from an objective point of view or at least I try! I am degree educated so I'm not a fool and my heads says its a train crash heading out of control towards a station full of passenger and I need to get off before everyone gets hurt. At the same time I am so overwhelmingly and deeply in love with this girl that I just can't bring my self to walk away.

Book smarts are different from street smarts which are different from emotional smarts. Never forget it, otherwise it will be your undoing

 

[bodafuko]

Book smarts are different from street smarts which are different from emotional smarts. Never forget it, otherwise it will be your undoing

This is true. I also have multiple degrees. Some of the stupidest I have ever met were in college or "highly educated". Educated does not equal intelligence. The two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive. Yet similarly, they are not synonymous.

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

I hate she sees other guys it's a stab in the heart so we don't discuss details.

she has strict practices and does not engage in anything deliberate that risk STDs including oral without.

She isn't "seeing other guys", she's doing her job, making money, and that involves men who are her clients. Which includes you.

Dude. I know it's hard to see this right now, but you're in love with a fantasy. If you had any idea how often she has men telling her they love her, how she tells them how they are the first to blah blah blah... sigh.

I'm glad to see that you're getting help It will get easier to let go of her, one day at a time.

 

[whocares]

Gulliver,

I'm sorry it is so rough, but as for me, I'm 23 years old and this post only REAFFIRMS my belief in not getting married. I just don't see the benefit in it.

 

[PyramidHead]

Something I found

Interviews with strippers have revealed that the customers are generally viewed as "suckers" for giving the dancers money just for their physical attraction.

I guess escorts and sex workers don't have a different opinion about guys paying for their company.