Is everybody a hypocrite..?

[kirakn]

It recently occurred to me that every single person that have left from my life was because I realized at that moment that I was only hearing lies and excuses and I was the only one who was being open and honest...

It seems that everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY is faking something in his/her personality or life style...And I get that..I am the toughest judge of myself and I feel disappointed when I have to fake feelings or personality traits...But I know I do that to get myself through a difficult situation and I know I don't harm anyone...

The thing I don't get is why people get themselves in so much trouble trying to hang around with someone they don't even like or maybe even hate and pretend to be a whole other person..They pretend they care for you, they pretend they're having fun with you, and all of them are shameless.

I thought I was through with people like that by the end of October but there I was standing at 3 a.m. in a bar full of people (with my boyfriend and his best friend since he was 9) listening to a song about hypocrites that was asked from the d.j to play especially for me...

And I am wondering.....What can a person do that would be so wrong, that every other person he/she meets would be like that?

The song is Tool The Pot by the way...

 

[shadetree]

I wonder about fake people myself, theyre every damn where. Its what makes the world go around apparently and why ive lived in my head for a long time. I can honestly relate more to fictional characters than most people who would rather piss on somebody on the sidewalk dieing rather than stop and talk to them and ask if theyre okay. I really dont understand it and hope and pray i never do that but unfortunately in small ways i think all of us do it without realizing it. Like when you go to work you put on a persona, when youre in the grocery store buying food its a persona, mine is where i try to act busy because i feel too uncomfortable talking to people. So i think some people do it as a defense mechanism, and other people do it because they want to feel included or like they belong and dont feel like theyre real selves are good enough. So i think theres good and bad versions of masks that people wear, or good and bad reasons why they do it i think. The internets a bastion for fake people, alot of people hide behind a persona, lie about where theyre from, what they do,how much money they have here because its so hard to disprove it. Alot of people are just afraid of letting anybody close because theyve been hurt so many times, and a lot more dont even realize theyre living a lie to even themselves. Its like when were kids and we see somebody and think wow id really like to be that person, because were innocent and dont know any better. All we see is that theyre surrounded by friends, theyve got fame, money, and it makes people feel empowered to put on these masks and after a while they wear them so long they cant remember who they really are and as fake and as sad as it seems, those people really are at that point those cold hearted ass hats that you seem to see everywhere.

Mans inhumanity to man the turning the other cheek, it causes people to feel like they need to fight back and thats the only way some people know how because they have no imagination.

Truth is i been different all my life and i almost envy those people sometimes. Everybody wants to be "different" by being like everybody else, but when youre truly different its a hell of a lonely place to live. People are afraid of you and dont trust you etc. So im in no way defending the mask wearers i feel sorry for them but in a way its not even their fault, is this world we live in filled with hearts covered in callouses and hardened to each other.

This video kinda sums up what im saying.....Its about facebook but it applies to everything in life now adays as sad as it is.

[video=youtube]

I just wanted to say too that i dont think those people directed it at you specifically you just caught in the fake overload crossfire. I been there my whole damn life, and im really sorry. There is some good genuine people out there though, please dont let those people make you stop looking.

 

[kirakn]

Oh thank you so much for your reply and support...I understand completely what you say about wearing the mask without realizing it or even realizing it but with no harm intended.. I too wear a mask when I am in situations I don't feel comfortable but that is just a defense mechanism..And that thing makes me feel disappointed on myself because I feel like I'm not strong enough to handle certain situations and when I fake a smile or a conversation I'm letting myself down..

The thing that I don't get and saddens me is that some people do that to put down, take advantage and manipulate other people and have a personal gain.They know who they are, they are just pretending to be nice to you so they can ease their way into your life...
You were right about me been caught up in the fake overload crossfire, but in my story that's true for only two or three people..

For example, I found out that a person I was hanging out with at my place only! for about 5 months was only hanging out with me to get the answers at the assignments for our class...And the thing is, I never invited him, or asked him to help me, or to study together..He always called 10 minutes before he showed up at my door being all nice and funny, asking for food, talking about random stuff, staying until really late...At first I thought he was lonely and wanted company but then i got it....

And now I'm wondering...why this people do that..?This situation was nothing in front of others with other people but I'm just giving an example....

I've actually closed the door for an opportunity to make a friend...I dont believe that it is worth the effort if I am the only one honest about myself..

 

[SophiaGrace]

[video=youtube]

Wow that video made me shudder at the end.

 

[shadetree]

Oh thank you so much for your reply and support...I understand completely what you say about wearing the mask without realizing it or even realizing it but with no harm intended.. I too wear a mask when I am in situations I don't feel comfortable but that is just a defense mechanism..And that thing makes me feel disappointed on myself because I feel like I'm not strong enough to handle certain situations and when I fake a smile or a conversation I'm letting myself down..

The thing that I don't get and saddens me is that some people do that to put down, take advantage and manipulate other people and have a personal gain.They know who they are, they are just pretending to be nice to you so they can ease their way into your life...
You were right about me been caught up in the fake overload crossfire, but in my story that's true for only two or three people..

For example, I found out that a person I was hanging out with at my place only! for about 5 months was only hanging out with me to get the answers at the assignments for our class...And the thing is, I never invited him, or asked him to help me, or to study together..He always called 10 minutes before he showed up at my door being all nice and funny, asking for food, talking about random stuff, staying until really late...At first I thought he was lonely and wanted company but then i got it....

And now I'm wondering...why this people do that..?This situation was nothing in front of others with other people but I'm just giving an example....

I've actually closed the door for an opportunity to make a friend...I dont believe that it is worth the effort if I am the only one honest about myself..

Youre welcome and i hope it lets you know youre not the only one going through it. Also dont let it shut you down from making friends. You might go through about a thousand fake people like that before you find that one good friend but when you do its all worth it. That what youre talking about is what bothers me the most about people too and its really hard to wrap your head around why somebody would choose to do that. Even though i gave some legitimate reasons i still dont fully understand it, or people in general. For what its worth im glad youre at least talking about it that helps a little bit sometimes. If you ever feel like talking to somebody who can definitely relate to that message me anytime. I hope things and people in your life get better. You seem like a good person who deserves friends and i hope you ultimately find that.

---

Wow that video made me shudder at the end.

Yeah no doubt, i dont know what kinda world we even live in anymore lol. Feels like im stuck in some bad B movie most of the time. Like were all the butt of a joke nobody remembers the punchline to.

 

[Erevetot]

shadetree sums it up perfectly.

Thing is, that nowadays everyone is "fake". From the most simple/harmless things, as putting up a fake smile while you pay for your stuff on a store, to appearing as a whole different person so someone can like you. Some people do it on purpose, some dont realize it, some use it to affect/use others and gain something in an ill way, some do it just so they feel better with themselves. Some people do it as a defense mechanism, they're too scared to show themselves and end up projecting a fake profile
It always hurts, if not others, at least the one that's faking it.


You will find good people. These will be the people that will see YOU, and you will see THEM, even if there are fake personas, people that will like you for the real you, and you will see them for who they really are. Again, shadetree said it perfectly, you may fail a lot, but when it comes it'll be worth it. Dont give up on making threads, just use the advice everyone is giving me, be stricter when judging people. Dont lock everyone out, but see who's worth to let in your life and be important to you, and who you should avoid or just keep as an acquaintance


Also, damn that video is so on-point

 

[lonelydoc]

The world is fake, has been for a long time. I attribute it to the corrosive effect Americanism has had on the world's culture.

 

[kirakn]

Thank you guys for your replies...shadetree that video was very upsetting for me...I haven't used that kind of social media for years for that reason...Everybody is trying too hard to show off to a bunch of random guys they don't know and maybe don't even like, and they forget to actually deal with their problems...

I never had a problem with a friend being fake because of a certain situation or in front of some people...I don't mind that kind of "fakeness"..

It's just that my head can't grasp the idea that a person sees another person, feels anger, hate, and/or disgust and goes up to that person and try to be friends with them, to make them open up to him/her with only purpose to manipulate that person just because he/she hates them...

In this current moment I am trying to cut off this guy, who played that song for me, from my life, and he keeps trying to reach me...Has anyone confronted a friend about being a hypocrite and got a legitimate reply? The only thing I can think of is ignoring him completely..

 

[shadetree]

Thank you guys for your replies...shadetree that video was very upsetting for me...I haven't used that kind of social media for years for that reason...Everybody is trying too hard to show off to a bunch of random guys they don't know and maybe don't even like, and they forget to actually deal with their problems...

I never had a problem with a friend being fake because of a certain situation or in front of some people...I don't mind that kind of "fakeness"..

It's just that my head can't grasp the idea that a person sees another person, feels anger, hate, and/or disgust and goes up to that person and try to be friends with them, to make them open up to him/her with only purpose to manipulate that person just because he/she hates them...

In this current moment I am trying to cut off this guy, who played that song for me, from my life, and he keeps trying to reach me...Has anyone confronted a friend about being a hypocrite and got a legitimate reply? The only thing I can think of is ignoring him completely..

Sorry the video upset you, that definitely wasnt my intention, i just think its a really honest video. I havent used facebook in years either because of that. On your friend too, i really suck at building bridges to people but im damn good at burning them down, and best advice i can give you, is if you really want to be done with him, try telling him straight out you dont want to have him in your life anymore, and then ignore him. That way theres no way he can claim he doesnt understand. Just be brutally honest and dont worry about his feelings, if youre not going to be friends anymore it really doesnt matter, lifes not kind and you cant always be either sometimes life wont let us. The truth no matter how much it cuts is still the truth.

 

[kirakn]

Sorry the video upset you, that definitely wasnt my intention, i just think its a really honest video. I havent used facebook in years either because of that. On your friend too, i really suck at building bridges to people but im damn good at burning them down, and best advice i can give you, is if you really want to be done with him, try telling him straight out you dont want to have him in your life anymore, and then ignore him. That way theres no way he can claim he doesnt understand. Just be brutally honest and dont worry about his feelings, if youre not going to be friends anymore it really doesnt matter, lifes not kind and you cant always be either sometimes life wont let us. The truth no matter how much it cuts is still the truth.

Thank you so much for your advice..I am very grateful to you for your help..When I am ready to deal with the rage, denial and excuses that will come as reply to me telling him the truth, I am going to do it..

Also I heard that song you have written, and it really suits the topic..its such a beautiful song..

Can I ask something else though..? Have you ever thought that maybe its one persons fault that he/she attracts these kind of people..? Or maybe something in a persons personality or behavior kinda extract these sort of hypocritical behavior from others..?
I can't help but wonder that when something keeps happening to you, you are at fault too...

 

[Solitary man]

It recently occurred to me that every single person that have left from my life was because I realized at that moment that I was only hearing lies and excuses and I was the only one who was being open and honest...

It seems that everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY is faking something in his/her personality or life style...And I get that..I am the toughest judge of myself and I feel disappointed when I have to fake feelings or personality traits...But I know I do that to get myself through a difficult situation and I know I don't harm anyone...

The thing I don't get is why people get themselves in so much trouble trying to hang around with someone they don't even like or maybe even hate and pretend to be a whole other person..They pretend they care for you, they pretend they're having fun with you, and all of them are shameless.

I thought I was through with people like that by the end of October but there I was standing at 3 a.m. in a bar full of people (with my boyfriend and his best friend since he was 9) listening to a song about hypocrites that was asked from the d.j to play especially for me...

And I am wondering.....What can a person do that would be so wrong, that every other person he/she meets would be like that?

The song is Tool The Pot by the way...

I realised that virtually everyone around me was a phony many years ago. I became a misanthrope and wrote this. You might agree with it:

http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-A-Misanthrope/1794304

 

[kirakn]

I realised that virtually everyone around me was a phony many years ago. I became a misanthrope and wrote this. You might agree with it:

http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-A-Misanthrope/1794304

Wow this text is so strong and on point...its like explaining all the things that are in my head and I cant find the words to express them... Thank you for that...you made me feel better for myself..
Its so damn frustrating when others put you in a position that you dont want to be, but really there is no other way...
I feel bitterly disappointed from all this people that I spent my time with...
I don't actually believe that I'm going to find a someone who I can be friends with anymore...
The last person I thought was completely honest and open to me, I gave her everything, I was always there when she wanted, I shared my tiny room with her and for four years I was her support...
And when I finally cut my bridges off with her I saw for the first time how everything that she did was careful and silent hypocrisy and manipulation...

 

[shadetree]

Can I ask something else though..? Have you ever thought that maybe its one persons fault that he/she attracts these kind of people..? Or maybe something in a persons personality or behavior kinda extract these sort of hypocritical behavior from others..?
I can't help but wonder that when something keeps happening to you, you are at fault too...

Well theres something called the familiarity principle in psychology, heres an article on it that might lend some credibility to what youre saying.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...y/201302/the-familiarity-principle-attraction

I dont think its a conscious choice you make though, more like bad habit that rides shotgun in our subconcious. Subconcious mind is a real bitch, thats what all my issues stem from too. Also theres a lot of people who are narcisists in the world which sounds like that guy maybe is/was and they can hurt people and use them and not give it a second thought and its hard to distinguish them from one of the good guys (if such a thing exists) because at first theyll seem like everything you could want in a friend or a mate, whatever the case is, but as time goes on they show their true colors. Like what youre dealing with now.

 

[Erevetot]

Has anyone confronted a friend about being a hypocrite and got a legitimate reply? The only thing I can think of is ignoring him completely..

Fakeness and hypocrisy are some of the reasons Im having issues trusting people and letting people in my life, ending up on all the wrong ones forcing themselves in.

When I was 16, I moved to my then girlfriend's school for reasons. I was new, and I was "that kid", that never talked, that was sitting alone, other than my girlfriend I didnt hang with anyone. There was a guy in my class that aporached me and used the "you look sad, anthing wrong?" thing to end up acting nice and befriending me. I trusted him and for 4 months I thought he was my best friend. Then I found out he was using me and meanwhile spreading lies to my girlfriend about me, to get us to break up as he liked her. When I found out, I confronted him face to face and he lied, saying it wasn't him, when I had proof from texts to my girl and facebook messages. Long story sort, I ended up in an uncontrolable rage and punched him multiple times, knocking him out. I dont support violence, but some people deserve it.


Just confront them face to face and laugh at their face when they realize you're done with their **** and are desperately looking for more lies and excuses

 

[jd7]

See people for the flawed, fallen creatures that they are. Then, learn to love them apart from any expectations.

 

[kirakn]

Well theres something called the familiarity principle in psychology, heres an article on it that might lend some credibility to what youre saying.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...y/201302/the-familiarity-principle-attraction

I dont think its a conscious choice you make though, more like bad habit that rides shotgun in our subconcious. Subconcious mind is a real bitch, thats what all my issues stem from too. Also theres a lot of people who are narcisists in the world which sounds like that guy maybe is/was and they can hurt people and use them and not give it a second thought and its hard to distinguish them from one of the good guys (if such a thing exists) because at first theyll seem like everything you could want in a friend or a mate, whatever the case is, but as time goes on they show their true colors. Like what youre dealing with now.

That was such an amazing article..i'm not 100% sure that this is my case but it is the only thing that came close as an answer to my questions..I have had this questions torturing my mind everyday for 2 years and nothing seem to fit..
Thank you so much..you have put my mind at ease for this particular matter..

Also the thing you said about not being able to distinguish them is valid...Most of the times I had this bad feeling about someone...I felt I had to put up my walls and to keep the certain someone out..But their behavior confused me as you said and I ended up opening up...

---

Fakeness and hypocrisy are some of the reasons Im having issues trusting people and letting people in my life, ending up on all the wrong ones forcing themselves in.

This kind of hypocrites are the ones I seem to encounter the most...The ones that lie and try to put you down for their personal gain...I've had a similar situation with my boyfriend..This guy who was a mutual friend of ours before we were a couple, did everything he could think of to break us up...He lied to all of our friends, he lied to each of us separately about the other one...He was on rampage..He arranged group nights out with all of our friends and then made everyone ignore us even if we spoke to them...But I was not angry...I was sad and defensive and that led me to close myself home for about 3 years..

I have felt the anger you describe though...Sometimes people force you to your limits..its really hard to stay calm if you know someone is lying to your face...Especially at that young age as you were and since you were so reserved..

 

[Erevetot]

Fakeness and hypocrisy are some of the reasons Im having issues trusting people and letting people in my life, ending up on all the wrong ones forcing themselves in.

This kind of hypocrites are the ones I seem to encounter the most...The ones that lie and try to put you down for their personal gain...I've had a similar situation with my boyfriend..This guy who was a mutual friend of ours before we were a couple, did everything he could think of to break us up...He lied to all of our friends, he lied to each of us separately about the other one...He was on rampage..He arranged group nights out with all of our friends and then made everyone ignore us even if we spoke to them...But I was not angry...I was sad and defensive and that led me to close myself home for about 3 years..

I have felt the anger you describe though...Sometimes people force you to your limits..its really hard to stay calm if you know someone is lying to your face...Especially at that young age as you were and since you were so reserved..

dont mean to go off topic, but my whole life im like that, sad and defensive. i never get angry, and even if someone hurts me im looking for reasons to forgive them. but thats why i hurt like that all the time, im "too nice". but on the situation i described i just lost it.
There are some people that just drive you crazy, that are so emotionaly rude that they dont mind lying to your face even if they know it well you're aware it's a lie. And that kind of people is the one that is hard to spot, they are the people that you can live your life with and when you realize how fake it is, it's too late. I understand what they earn, they use and abuse us. But if we honestly like/love them and trust them etc, why dont they just respect it and do the same?

 

[kirakn]

dont mean to go off topic, but my whole life im like that, sad and defensive. i never get angry, and even if someone hurts me im looking for reasons to forgive them. but thats why i hurt like that all the time, im "too nice". but on the situation i described i just lost it.
There are some people that just drive you crazy, that are so emotionaly rude that they dont mind lying to your face even if they know it well you're aware it's a lie. And that kind of people is the one that is hard to spot, they are the people that you can live your life with and when you realize how fake it is, it's too late. I understand what they earn, they use and abuse us. But if we honestly like/love them and trust them etc, why dont they just respect it and do the same?

I believe that the reason they dont do the same is because they are too selfish and self centered..They want to get stuff from others, they want to feel loved and important just because it satisfies their ego...I had a similar conversation a while back and someone told me that certain people may seem to be your friend but when you dont respond to their "cries for attention" or drama that's when they get the hate on...they will keep on spending time with you and being friendly with you but they will hate your gut..they will never be honest with you just because they want their cards hidden...
As for the hurt you said I wish I could help you..I'm in a state right now that, when I think about what I've learned that was happening behind my back and how I am the only one in this whole damn story that's been pushed out and gets hurt all the the time, I fall apart...you need someone who you know its descent, to be there for you..Its a very rough thing to go through...Its wearing your soul out..

 

[Seeker_2.0]

Call me a pessimist, but I think that society has been degraded into a big sea of hypocrites. As honest as I try to be, I often find myself doing it as well. There are no real friends nowadays in my opinion. Everybody seems nice, until their interests conflict with yours. Then the mask falls off and you see the ugliness beneath.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I honestly think everyone is a hypocrite to a certain extend. I am too, I admit. But I do my best now to stop myself when I find myself becoming one. Sometimes it's good to stop and reflect on the things you have done for the day and to see it from a different perspective.