Issue with my sex desirability

[fongab91]

I am kind of straight and dumb in a sort of way you know.. the kind which girls usually won't pick because they will not likely see any romance in me. I can't speak words that are too hard to say, you know, words that feels very hard to say out, word of romantic or something. I don't have it in me, I don't like it either. I am just straight that's all. I tried before to search in net whether are there any girls around my place that are interested in sex too. If I want sex, I will just say that I want sex because I want her to know that I only want sex, but it never work out anyway, but that's the truth isn't? Some guy will not say it so dumb like that, they will somehow know how to twist their words in a wonderful way you know, that it won't sound so rude and direct. I can't do that, when I try to do that it always ends up an opposite effect and only embarrass myself.

Sometimes I would think is it a tragedy or a joke or what, that a man like me would have a problem in sex addiction. That is like matching the wrong type into a wrong man. I don't talk to girl much because of my problem of this, I don't have many girl friends either.

I born in a family with great influence in older tradition thinking. Still the same like I said, the cultural is not the same. You know maybe for you, like huh 30 yo and still a virgin, is a surprise for you, but here we will think huh 30 yo and you are already not a virgin, is a surprise for us. It is hard to let someone around here know that I have a problem in sex addiction, there won't be any who will understand anyway, I will just end up being a pervert.

I have been working a lot into jogging since some while ago. I went out running and come back home doing exercise again. Almost every day I am spending more than 2 hours into exercise and I am only around 150 pounds, this amount of exercise is definitely not needed for this kind of weight at all. Masturbate once a week is what I am trying to do now, but it is really hard to fight with this addiction you know, the more I press it down, the more I start thinking about sex in the head. I masturbate a lot and I wore out my body. I stop masturbate and I wore out my mind, what the heck man.. this is just so hard to bare with.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'm not certain I agree with that statement. I believe there might be a majority of men out there that would prefer sex inside of a relationship, rather than outside of one. Not sure if you're giving your own gender enough credit here.

Preference, and taking what you get is a difference. Many women will turn down sex outside of a relationship, while many men will take it over no sex and relationship at all.

 

[EveWasFramed]

most women don't desire sex outside of a relationship, but most guys want sex irregardless of a relationship.

Preference, and taking what you get is a difference. Many women will turn down sex outside of a relationship, while many men will take it over no sex and relationship at all.

Are you suggesting that most guys "take what they can get?"
Seems you're selling your own gender short. I've seen plenty of men turn down sex - not every man is lead about by penis it seems.
Whodathunkit?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

How am I selling my own gender short?

Men are more willing to adapt, while women will wait and wait around for the perfect man, who will never come.

 

[EveWasFramed]

How am I selling my own gender short?

Men are more willing to adapt, while women will wait and wait around for the perfect man, who will never come.

LOL@ "adapt."
In your previous post, you basically said that men take what they can get. That's selling your own gender short, because a LOT of guys have respect for themselves and don't jump in bed with just anyone just because they can.

And that bit about women waiting around for the perfect man who never comes? Horse poo poo. That's a totally misogynistic generalization. Now you seem to be selling BOTH genders short.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'm sorry, I'm really bitter and lonely at the moment. Probably not the best time to discuss relationships.

All I know is that people who have more problems than me end up in relationship after relationship, while I remain single. How can you expect me to not be upset at this?

 

[EveWasFramed]

I'm sorry, I'm really bitter and lonely at the moment. Probably not the best time to discuss relationships.

All I know is that people who have more problems than me end up in relationship after relationship, while I remain single. How can you expect me to not be upset at this?

Well...Im puzzled how you made the leap from what the topic WAS to what's in your most recent post. I do understand how people can become bitter, but it's best to keep reminding yourself not to lash out (in general). I don't expect you to "not be upset" either, especially if being with someone is something you long for. Quite the opposite actually. It's just think that placing blame is pretty counterproductive IMO.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I made the jump because I understand the lack of sexual appeal to women. I am not an attractive man: I am out of shape, I have a plain geeky face, and even when I was in shape I wasn't much to look at.

I can say that I can just accept who I am, but who I am is not getting me women. A shy, quiet, geeky male with a love of music, computers, books, and solitary activities is not going to meet anybody who wants that kind of person. I'd love to meet someone who would be into my type, but if I met her, I probably would not be single.

Sorry, I am taking this off topic.

 

[fongab91]

Personally I do not take a man having sex with a woman means a man's taking advantage on a woman, having sex offer pleasure to both side, I guess that's what it is means by open minded. But what I think and what others think are not the same. Many view it the man are always the one who profit in a sex relationship, but that is not the case, it only matters the way how you get yourself laid.

I believe everyone who came here is someone who have an issue with loneliness. I came here for this reason too. This is not the first time I have been described in many other ways. I have been told by a girl too that she is not finding an animal who is only looking for relationship in body enclosure, as well as a man led by a penis here. However I am pretty sure I am not an animal, for many raping crimes are done by people who failed to control their high desirability in sex too. But I will never see this happening in my case, and that's what makes me very sure that I am still a human regardless of what others said.

When there is a demand, it always offer an opening for cheating to happen. A lot of girls are demanding for a real relationship, if offering them a relationship will get what I wanted, I could have done that years ago. Some may have no problem having sex inside a relationship because starting a relationship are easy for them to do it. Deep in their heart, how many are actually thinking that there is one day they are really going to marry this girl? For a man who is having high sex desirability in my case, it makes me very hard to understand myself whether I want to get a relationship with a girl because I like her or I just want to have sex with her.

Being friends with someone is entirely not the same when it comes to two persons living in a same house together for the rest of their life. One may be very good friends earlier but may turn into enemies when they start to live together. There you will find a lot of differences in each own perspective of views that cannot be tolerated and agreed by each others at all. I have seen enough problematic marriage before.

There are two realities put in front of myself at the moment which I cannot escape and I cannot deny. One of me, like the rest of other normal couples, want to find someone who share the similar thoughts and view so we are able to live together for the rest of our lives. One of me want to enjoy sex so much. Every both of this "me" is a me but not a double personalities. I am having a problem now where my desire for sex covers the another me that clouds my judgements and further affect the way how I behave in my life that I do not wish for it to happen, creates me a lot of problems.

Understanding what problem I am having, how to deal with it is another thing. This is not something that can be cured by just putting a medicine into the mouth and the disease is gone tomorrow. I am finding ways all the time to fight with this but one thing is for sure, it definitely takes more efforts than I can ever imagine.

 

[MellyVinelli]

^you're onto something here. You don't know whether ur attracted to a girl because you want a relationship or you just want a friend with benefits. That is why the brain needs to be 'fixed' so to speak so you can make a clear choice. Everyone naturally needs some level of physical attraction to get things going. However to make a relationship work, the personalities and the inner parts need to jive as well. This, after all, is what will last. Everyone eventually gets wrinkly as time passes.

Just like getting in shape takes hard work and perseverance...so too shall this task be for you. If you want it, you must go through with it.

 

[fongab91]

Finally somebody is getting my points here. Yes that's exactly the case. But don't just tell me to go through it, tell me how to go through it. It is just the same you can't tell a drug addict to fix his brain and stop taking drugs, that is what addicted to something means, it is hard for me to stop even if I want to, else it would be much more easier. I need to know how am I going to do it?

 

[perfanoff]

^ but but free will! :3
Brb, got to get cigarettes NOW.