It's not everyone else - it's YOU.

[Xpendable]

This should be the slogan for the forum.

 

[ardour]

This should be the slogan for the forum.

yep...

 

[SofiasMami]

This should be the slogan for the forum.

yep...

Or maybe it's not ME, it's YOU... teehee

-Teresa

 

[Peaches]

She's also a runner. I asked what she thought of people who'd either never won a marathon or never even finished one.
She said either they werent capable of it (physically, for whatever reason) or they werent trying hard enough - practicing, building stamina, etc.
I asked if runners could increase their chances by changing their lifestyle, behaviors, etc. She said if they were physically able to, of course.
By now she knew where this was heading.

that running example is just great, one day I might borrow it

 

[kamya]

Its a pretty good example. Though a marathon is more of a personal thing. It only relies on yourself and whether you do the work or not. You could put all the effort possible towards finding someone and if that someone never comes along then its not going to happen. Maybe a relay race would fit better! Its not a bad example though.

 

[ardour]

You could put all the effort possible towards finding someone and if that someone never comes along then its not going to happen.

And yet that can only be the result of personal failings, because you know, it's a Just World.

 

[user 115627]

You could put all the effort possible towards finding someone and if that someone never comes along then its not going to happen.

And yet that can only be the result of personal failings, because you know, it's a Just World.

That's for folks that believe in faith, karma or whatever you call it. But justice is a human concept, not a scientific/universal one.

You're the person striving for a particular goal. It does matter to no one but yourself. If you stop trying for whatever reason, it's on you. You were exhausted, you succumbed to the unfair circumstances, etc. That's not a question of fault though, it happens everyday. When the cards were handed out, some got a good hand and others didn't. We can envy the "privileged" ones, we can blame the world...it's of no consequence. Maybe you'll spend a lifetime trying different approaches and it won't work out, but you won't know until you do. Yet if you spend a lifetime trying the same approach that seems to have failed so far, you can estimate your chance of succeeding.

Hard to draw the lines between venting, whining and being a broken record. It's rather obvious in Eve's story, but it's not always that easy - even after listening to someone's stories for a while.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Just goes to show that being kindhearted and honest works better than resorting to screaming, blaming, being rude or untactful. You can talk to someone and help them without sitting there telling them what they have to do. Eve's story is the exact result one should always get, doesn't always happen that way but it should. People react more positively to someone who is being genuinely kind and helpful without coming off overbearing or nosy or rude.

 

[SofiasMami]

You could put all the effort possible towards finding someone and if that someone never comes along then its not going to happen.

And yet that can only be the result of personal failings, because you know, it's a Just World.

ardour, that sounds more like bad luck to me, quite the opposite of the Just World Theory.
I could devote all my time to finding someone but what if the special someone I'm ultimately searching for lives 12 time zones away and doesn't even speak English? That's bad luck, not the result of a lack of effort.

-Teresa

---

Just goes to show that being kindhearted and honest works better than resorting to screaming, blaming, being rude or untactful. You can talk to someone and help them without sitting there telling them what they have to do. Eve's story is the exact result one should always get, doesn't always happen that way but it should. People react more positively to someone who is being genuinely kind and helpful without coming off overbearing or nosy or rude.

Most definitely, Sci-Fi. You catch more bees with honey than vinegar. I admire people who are able to reach out and speak their mind to others without being rude or tactless. It's a special skill to have. Eve sets a great example for this

-Teresa

 

[Solivagant]

You're the person striving for a particular goal. It does matter to no one but yourself. If you stop trying for whatever reason, it's on you. You were exhausted, you succumbed to the unfair circumstances, etc. That's not a question of fault though, it happens everyday. When the cards were handed out, some got a good hand and others didn't. We can envy the "privileged" ones, we can blame the world...it's of no consequence. Maybe you'll spend a lifetime trying different approaches and it won't work out, but you won't know until you do. Yet if you spend a lifetime trying the same approach that seems to have failed so far, you can estimate your chance of succeeding.

Hard to draw the lines between venting, whining and being a broken record. It's rather obvious in Eve's story, but it's not always that easy - even after listening to someone's stories for a while.

^ +1.

 

[Despicable Me]

This should be the slogan for the forum.

In what way?

On topic:
Eve, that is a really interesting story. I'm honestly surprised she reacted so calmly about all of this. It must have been on her mind already, perhaps subconsciously. But the fact she did not freak out about it when being told by someone else is a very good sign for her. Hopefully this means that she will be able to overcome whatever is holding her back.

 

[EveWasFramed]

This should be the slogan for the forum.

In what way?

On topic:
Eve, that is a really interesting story. I'm honestly surprised she reacted so calmly about all of this. It must have been on her mind already, perhaps subconsciously. But the fact she did not freak out about it when being told by someone else is a very good sign for her. Hopefully this means that she will be able to overcome whatever is holding her back.

She sort of sees me as a mother figure I think. She's grown fond of me because I've helped her at work and in her personal life. She knows I have her best interest at heart. People can usually tell when you're trying to help, versus trying to tear them down.

 

[Xpendable]

This should be the slogan for the forum.

In what way?

It's a lot easier to live with the idea that you're a puzzle piece that doesn't fit that that the idea that the puzzle it self doesn't form anything. Just think about it, if you're the problem, all you have to do is change yourself. Sure, is not easy but there's a solution. But what happens when that's not necessarily true? If you're not the problem, then how do you fix it? It should be the slogan because the possibility of having no solution is scary, so we must believe at all cost that it's always YOU. And in many cases it is you, but not always and we must be prepared to deal with that possibility.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I agree in the sense that you can only change yourself. But I don't like it in the way that it suggests that the world is always right, no matter how shallow and stupid it is, because it's just bigger than you. I don't like letting the world off the hook like that.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I agree in the sense that you can only change yourself. But I don't like it in the way that it suggests that the world is always right, no matter how shallow and stupid it is, because it's just bigger than you. I don't like letting the world off the hook like that.

I don't think it's letting the world off the hook as much as it is with certain things, not everyone can be wrong. Many people just don't want to believe it is them. Some don't want to take responsibility for what they do or don't do. It's more for those who blame everything else. Who would rather point fingers than to ever, even for a second, take a second look at themselves.

 

[Xpendable]

I agree in the sense that you can only change yourself. But I don't like it in the way that it suggests that the world is always right, no matter how shallow and stupid it is, because it's just bigger than you. I don't like letting the world off the hook like that.

Kinda my point.

---

I don't think it's letting the world off the hook as much as it is with certain things, not everyone can be wrong. Many people just don't want to believe it is them. Some don't want to take responsibility for what they do or don't do. It's more for those who blame everything else. Who would rather point fingers than to ever, even for a second, take a second look at themselves.

The problem is when someone has it bad socially the immediate reasoning is that it must be the person. We hear it as a default response and the other possibility is not really considered.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't think it's letting the world off the hook as much as it is with certain things, not everyone can be wrong. Many people just don't want to believe it is them. Some don't want to take responsibility for what they do or don't do. It's more for those who blame everything else. Who would rather point fingers than to ever, even for a second, take a second look at themselves.

The problem is when someone has it bad socially the immediate reasoning is that it must be the person. We hear it as a default response and the other possibility is not really considered.

What is the other possibility? Yes, sometimes people might have a hard time in certain situations, but unless said person has tried EVERY option available (which is usually not the case) what else could it be?

 

[Xpendable]

What is the other possibility? Yes, sometimes people might have a hard time in certain situations, but unless said person has tried EVERY option available (which is usually not the case) what else could it be?

That there are options that are not available.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

I don't think it's letting the world off the hook as much as it is with certain things, not everyone can be wrong. Many people just don't want to believe it is them. Some don't want to take responsibility for what they do or don't do. It's more for those who blame everything else. Who would rather point fingers than to ever, even for a second, take a second look at themselves.

The problem is when someone has it bad socially the immediate reasoning is that it must be the person. We hear it as a default response and the other possibility is not really considered.

What is the other possibility? Yes, sometimes people might have a hard time in certain situations, but unless said person has tried EVERY option available (which is usually not the case) what else could it be?

A dearth of like-minded people around you?
Often meeting people who let you down?

Just two that came to mind. Regardless, to suggest it's *always* the individual is a cop-out.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't think it's letting the world off the hook as much as it is with certain things, not everyone can be wrong. Many people just don't want to believe it is them. Some don't want to take responsibility for what they do or don't do. It's more for those who blame everything else. Who would rather point fingers than to ever, even for a second, take a second look at themselves.

The problem is when someone has it bad socially the immediate reasoning is that it must be the person. We hear it as a default response and the other possibility is not really considered.

What is the other possibility? Yes, sometimes people might have a hard time in certain situations, but unless said person has tried EVERY option available (which is usually not the case) what else could it be?

A dearth of like-minded people around you?
Often meeting people who let you down?

Just two that came to mind. Regardless, to suggest it's *always* the individual is a cop-out.

There are people everywhere, you can hardly have met every single person.
You trusted the wrong people.

It's not a cop out. It's something that most people refuse to look at because it's so much easier to blame others.