It's not everyone else - it's YOU.

[Solivagant]

dearth

^ There's a word I don't hear too often. +1 for vocab!

 

[Xpendable]

It's not a cop out. It's something that most people refuse to look at because it's so much easier to blame others.

It has become like Peter and the Wolf.

When a person points out that external forces are making him/her fail at life, what's the first option you consider true?

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't think it's letting the world off the hook as much as it is with certain things, not everyone can be wrong. Many people just don't want to believe it is them. Some don't want to take responsibility for what they do or don't do. It's more for those who blame everything else. Who would rather point fingers than to ever, even for a second, take a second look at themselves.

The problem is when someone has it bad socially the immediate reasoning is that it must be the person. We hear it as a default response and the other possibility is not really considered.

Alright, I see your point. But who is to blame then? The people around said person with awkward social skills doesn't make them that way. But that awkward person doesn't make themselves that way either. In situations like this, I would say it's not the fault of anyone. But in situations where someone is constantly having issues with nearly everyone, and is not socially awkward, then why say it's absolutely everyone else? Basically, my point was that some people should start looking towards themselves for solutions.

The lady that Eve told us about may have many hints and clues that people give off go right over her head. Which, when pointed out, should make her evaluate herself and what she does. Make her look at her own actions, and then perhaps realize that some of the other people didn't cause anything to go astray.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

I don't think it's letting the world off the hook as much as it is with certain things, not everyone can be wrong. Many people just don't want to believe it is them. Some don't want to take responsibility for what they do or don't do. It's more for those who blame everything else. Who would rather point fingers than to ever, even for a second, take a second look at themselves.

The problem is when someone has it bad socially the immediate reasoning is that it must be the person. We hear it as a default response and the other possibility is not really considered.

What is the other possibility? Yes, sometimes people might have a hard time in certain situations, but unless said person has tried EVERY option available (which is usually not the case) what else could it be?

A dearth of like-minded people around you?
Often meeting people who let you down?

Just two that came to mind. Regardless, to suggest it's *always* the individual is a cop-out.

There are people everywhere, you can hardly have met every single person.
You trusted the wrong people.

It's not a cop out. It's something that most people refuse to look at because it's so much easier to blame others.

I don't have to meet every single person to know I won't connect with them. Who has the time for that, anyway? And would *you* consider such an undertaking?

And as for your second comment... well, I expected nothing less from the person who wrote a former member's emotional troubles off as bitterness and a need to blame others. Simply repugnant. You can tell yourself you're practicing brutal honesty, but you possess neither empathy nor kindness.

 

[JHK]

I used to blame a lot, when I was young (younger, anyway. I guess I'm still fairly young in the grand scheme called life if I were to age as most will) - my dead brother, for one. I spent a lot of years hating someone I never met and really had part of it. Looking back, it was stupid to blame and hate someone who never knew I existed.
I blamed my parents quite a bit - I don't think they were completely innocent because they tried to change ME - but I didn't make it as easy on them as I could have. If I hadn't been so angry with Matthew that I rebelled and because a miserable little **** and threw their grief in their face, they could have came around.

But I'm growing up now and I know my issues are my own. I know I'm the reason that people shy away and why those that don't, they don't stay long. That I'm sad and miserable and angry and lost. I know I'm all the problem, I just don't know how to fix it all, so I (illegally) medicate it. I know I hate being with me so I imagine how other's feel.

Now I'm going through this rather... surprising? Disturbing? Change within me and I don't know if it is normal or not and while I'm slightly curious, it's not easy to deal with me.

It's easy for me to admit the I'm the problem. It's a lot harder to try and find the tools to fix me. I think maybe I am fundamentally broken.

 

[Xpendable]

Alright, I see your point. But who is to blame then? The people around said person with awkward social skills doesn't make them that way. But that awkward person doesn't make themselves that way either.

I wasn't talking about social skills or awkwardness, but about the inability to connect due to a different way of thinking. It's not always your social skills what makes other people reject you.

In situations like this, I would say it's not the fault of anyone. But in situations where someone is constantly having issues with nearly everyone, and is not socially awkward, then why say it's absolutely everyone else?

Ok.

Basically, my point was that some people should start looking towards themselves for solutions.

Some say "most" people, others say "some" people. If someone in the forum tells you they're not the problem, do you believe them immediately?

The lady that Eve told us about may have many hints and clues that people give off go right over her head. Which, when pointed out, should make her evaluate herself and what she does. Make her look at her own actions, and then perhaps realize that some of the other people didn't cause anything to go astray.

That was a clear case. Nothing to discuss about it.

 

[VanillaCreme]

That was a clear case. Nothing to discuss about it.

That's what this whole thread is about. That's what we are discussing. I don't know how or why you completely get off track, but you tend to do it in nearly everything you say.

 

[Xpendable]

That's what this whole thread is about. That's what we are discussing.

Nothing wrong with trying to expand the subject a little, since we reach an agreement.

I don't know how or why you completely get off track,

I was always on track. To ramificate to other areas of the same subject doesn't count as a deviation.

but you tend to do it in nearly everything you say.

Different reflections when I think about something. I tend always to look for other angles when discussing something; don't know what's so wrong about it. So far no one else complained.

 

[VanillaCreme]

And as for your second comment... well, I expected nothing less from the person who wrote a former member's emotional troubles off as bitterness and a need to blame others. Simply repugnant. You can tell yourself you're practicing brutal honesty, but you possess neither empathy nor kindness.

Please don't start anything.

 

[BeyondShy]

And as for your second comment... well, I expected nothing less from the person who wrote a former member's emotional troubles off as bitterness and a need to blame others. Simply repugnant. You can tell yourself you're practicing brutal honesty, but you possess neither empathy nor kindness.

What do you know of Callie to say these things to her? The woman is the most honest person I know and for that I admire her. I don't want her to start being insulted again because you know there are some people out there that just love to see her put down by comments like this. Try going after me and leave her alone.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Move on, please.

 

[BeyondShy]

Move on, please.

Yes Ma'am. I just don't like to see Callie attacked.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Back on topic, Id like to reiterate a post I made earlier in this thread.
I wasn't assigning "fault" nor blame to anyone when I shared my story.
I was sharing that sometimes people don't scrutinize themselves as closely as they could or even if they do, they often don't see or understand what others see in them.
There's no blame to place on anyone.

 

[BeyondShy]

There's no blame to place on anyone.

Woah......hold up now! Not so fast!

I blame you for not blaming anyone. *


* For the quick to take offense this is called humor.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I blame you for blaming me for not blaming anyone.

 

[BeyondShy]

I blame you for blaming me for not blaming anyone.

Great, another woman whom I will never win an argument with.

Eve meet Callie. I believe you know each other. :shy:

 

[EveWasFramed]

I blame you for blaming me for not blaming anyone.

Great, another woman whom I will never win an argument with.

Eve meet Callie. I believe you know each other. :shy:

:club: Why yes, we certainly do, lol!

 

[BeyondShy]

:club: Why yes, we certainly do, lol!

I think I better lay low for awhile.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Back on topic, Id like to reiterate a post I made earlier in this thread.
I wasn't assigning "fault" nor blame to anyone when I shared my story.
I was sharing that sometimes people don't scrutinize themselves as closely as they could or even if they do, they often don't see or understand what others see in them.
There's no blame to place on anyone.

Thank you, because this was my point a few posts of mine back.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

And as for your second comment... well, I expected nothing less from the person who wrote a former member's emotional troubles off as bitterness and a need to blame others. Simply repugnant. You can tell yourself you're practicing brutal honesty, but you possess neither empathy nor kindness.

What do you know of Callie to say these things to her? The woman is the most honest person I know and for that I admire her. I don't want her to start being insulted again because you know there are some people out there that just love to see her put down by comments like this. Try going after me and leave her alone.

What doe she know of me to make those remarks? Hmm? Also, I invite you to dispense with the idea that people love to see her get put down. There's a fine line between verbally tearing someone apart and just responding in kind. You can't expect one person to always take the higher ground.