Lack of tolerance on other forums...?

[user 136944]

Hi, and thankyou to anyone that reads this. This is a bit random but I just want to get something off my chest or simply vent my bemusement regarding other forums, and am really interested to hear of anybody elses experiences if they have any..? So basically ... this forum.. I joined this one years ago 'because I was, and still am lonely' made one post I think, and then forgot about it and never came onto here, until recently when I just started to read threads from individuals and made a reply or two. Even though this forum is about loneliness, I think it has a very diverse user base, many people that are lonely and suffering and trying to reach out maybe..? and many that seem to be more or less alone, even isolated in life, and are absolutely content and happy with the situation, it's a good mix. One thing I like about this forum though is that is that in my observations, there doesn't seem to be any individuals that see themselves as 'an authority figure with all the answers, whom cannot be questioned' on the topic of lonileness... (maybe there are, and I just haven't been on here long enough..??) but thats how it seems to me. To me, nobody on this forum seems to get into 'futile' debates (read.. arguments) over.. as an example .. how to cope with loneliness, or why you feel lonely, or any other conotations to do with loneliness... in fact, this forum to me at least, seems more like a 'hang out and chat' type thing..? which I think is great... Not my experience of other forums though... So, without going into long boring and 'personal' details about me, apart from my loneliness issues I also suffer clinically from OCD, not hand washing or checking etc, but the other side of OCD.. intrusive thoughts etc, and have been onto OCD forums online... and in my experience those websites are totally different to this one. What I have noticed on mental helath forums is that there seem to be a few 'self appointed Guru's' that answer literally every single question posted... and HATE when they are questioned on their replies. Bearing in mind that these are mental health forums, the amount of 'passive bickering' that I have witnessed is staggering.... arguing about medication, about therapy, about how to cope with this, or how to manage that.... there also seems to be a definate 'herd mentality' on many of these forums, and ganging up seems rife if you don't share the herds opinion..? I was banned from one OCD forum basically for questioning the UK gov's policies on covid, as well as one or two other points on what many may or may not call 'wokeism'....... no aggression, no bad language, no incitement to violence..... no anything, just my humble opinion, and BANG... banned.
Before writing this today, I was looking through this forum and there was one thread started a long time ago but is still having replies and it made me think of another incident online, although not necassarily on a forum as such. The thread on this forum that made me think was started by the individual with a Koala bear picture by their name (please forgive me for not knowing you name Sir/Madam) I would go back and check, but Im not very techy and fear that if I go back I will lose all of this that I have wrote down and the thought of having to wirte it all again makes me break into pallpatations... The thread Im talking about was along the lines of 'is everything really better nowadays' I found it very interesting and read quite a few replies. This thread made me think because recently I made a comment on a 'blog' (I think it was a blog..?) regarding nostaligia. I stated on this blog that I am often in a state of nostalgia looking back at my youth and also back to when I was a younger man, and I wonder whether I am living in the past..? I then went on to state why I beleive the world is worse nowadays than when I was younger.... reasons such as: when people were walking down the street years ago they actually looked where they were going rather than having their faces welded to a phone, years ago people having a nice romantic meal together would actually interact with each other... rather than their phone, music (in my opinion) was far far better and actually had musicians rather than somebody simply sitting at a computer, the average working man or woman (and by average I mean somebody in a regular job rather than some type of profession such as a dentist for arguments sake) could actually buy a home to live in, cancel culture etc.... and so on, I could list may more opinions but I'd be here all day. Apparently my opinions are 'not correct' and the reply I recieved 'from a 'mental health professional'.... apparently, was in no uncertain terms, hostile and demeaning, using tired old rhetoric such as 'there used to be Wars' and then they said 'get it...?' at the end of their sentence. They also stated that as I am nostalgic and feel that 'things were better in the old days' I am living in a parallel and delusional state of unreality.' or words to that extent. In case the individual that replied to me hadn't noticed, but there is currently a terrible war going in in Ukraine.... but hey, lets not let facts and reality get in the way of things.
Anyway, I'd simply be interested to hear of anybody elses experiences of other forums, or of their views on forums and whether they are good, bad, somewhere in the middle, pro's con's etc...
Thanks for reading...

 

[TheRealCallie]

Oh, there are definitely people here who will argue with you simply for disagreeing with them. Some say that I am one of those people, but I'm really not. There is a difference between being steadfast and refusing to see other perspectives and simply debating with someone.

Anyway. Yeah, for the most part, this is a pretty great forum. While there are arguments here and there (typically between certain members who dislike each other), most people are pretty welcoming and supportive. I've been on forums like you mentioned. NOT mental health, but dealing with health and I agree with you about how they are. Especially with the "don't question me, I know everything" people.

As for living in the past, you might be, but then, a lot of people do, even those who aren't lonely. The trick is judging whether or not dwelling on whatever happened in the past is helping you or not. If it's not, you need to find a way to accept it for what it was, learn from it and let it go. Things WERE better in the past, there's really no disputing that, but on the other hand, those times are gone and unlikely to return. We can't ride our bikes down the street to our friends' houses at a young age and stay out without supervision until the street lamps come on anymore. We don't meet up at the local restaurant and see a movie and have a good time anymore because we can do that online now. I mean yeah, we do that occasionally still, but not like it used to be. We aren't...."safe" anymore like we used to be. We have a million labels for everything and people, more often than not, use them to get special treatment or pity or just as excuses as to why they can't do something. It's not the same world anymore and it sucks.

Also, for a bit of constructive criticism....and this is just my personal opinion. That big wall of text was very hard to read. I had to copy/paste it and break it up. Maybe it's just my eyes, no idea.

 

[user 136944]

Hey, great reply and thanks... I take on board your comment at the end, ironically I often find it difficult to read long rambling posts, yet make one myself. I agree with you, things 'were' better in the past, but even though I feel this way, I don't think I live in the past in the truest sense, I simply grumble about modern life and youngsters, a bit like most people my age I suppose..? Very interesting to know that you have also experienced the 'don't question me, I know everything' type people on other forums, so it's not just me reading much into nothing then...

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I mean there are some people who try to start internet fights and blah blah or make mistakes and never apologise… but for the most part… all sweethearts on here. Hmm sometimes ppl can gang up on ppl on here which is the only thing i hate about this forum. I dont like bullies I agree with you overall, other forums, have been harder, sooo many ppl are as you describe, to the point its worthless trying to have a convo with em.

 

[Sir Joseph]

Martin73, interesting thread you've added here.

Of the many forum sites I've reviewed or worked the past few years, I've found a mixed environment of congeniality. It seems like religion and politics bring out the worst in people when it comes to tolerance and respect. Let me summarize my experience, which will be a different perspective than your medical perspective.

While Christian forums are nice, polite, and supportive to both believers and unbelievers, I've found Atheist and multi-religion forums to be extremely antagonistic - particularly if you're a Christian. And while senior sites may be dominated by political conservatives denouncing liberal values and policies, I've found personal attacks being made primarily by liberals against conservatives - as exhibited in real life. On this site, I've found a majority of people and posts being supportive and kind on relational and life issues, but some (10 out of 175 for me) being strongly offended and intolerant of any Christian view. Personal attacks happen on all websites, but I consider it an opportunity to show others reading a thread who's the reasonable, tolerant, loving one versus who's not.

As for the world getting worse, I agree that it is from an American culture perspective. During my life time we've shifted from a Christian nation to a secular one, and the culture effects are evident. Many people obviously want and like the trend, but I too cherish the old days better, and I'm confident that my emotional health is just fine.

For what it's worth, I believe that the world's current geopolitical events and cultural decline is consistent with Bible prophesy. Things are gonna get a LOT worse before the cataclysmic end times. People would fare better preparing their souls for the new world and eternal life ahead rather than trying to save this one from its inevitable destruction.

 

[August Campbell]

Of the many forum sites I've reviewed or worked the past few years, I've found a mixed environment of congeniality. It seems like religion and politics bring out the worst in people when it comes to tolerance and respect. Let me summarize my experience, which will be a different perspective than your medical perspective.

While Christian forums are nice, polite, and supportive to both believers and unbelievers, I've found Atheist and multi-religion forums to be extremely antagonistic - particularly if you're a Christian. And while senior sites may be dominated by political conservatives denouncing liberal values and policies, I've found personal attacks being made primarily by liberals against conservatives - as exhibited in real life. On this site, I've found a majority of people and posts being supportive and kind on relational and life issues, but some (10 out of 175 for me) being strongly offended and intolerant of any Christian view. Personal attacks happen on all websites, but I consider it an opportunity to show others reading a thread who's the reasonable, tolerant, loving one versus who's not.

As for the world getting worse, I agree that it is from an American culture perspective. During my life time we've shifted from a Christian nation to a secular one, and the culture effects are evident. Many people obviously want and like the trend, but I too cherish the old days better, and I'm confident that my emotional health is just fine.

For what it's worth, I believe that the world's current geopolitical events and cultural decline is consistent with Bible prophesy. Things are gonna get a LOT worse before the cataclysmic end times. People would fare better preparing their souls for the new world and eternal life ahead rather than trying to save this one from its inevitable destruction.

Since the Christians that are the most aggressive are the Jehovah's Witnesses, I'm surmising that Joseph is a Jehovah's Witnesses. After all, they are the only ones who aggressively go house to house in their efforts to proselytize. Most of all, they do not tolerate other Christian sects at all. So JWs are an example of Intolerance.
On the other hand, there are some Christian-denominations that are quite accepting of different religions. For example, the Episcopalians and Presbyterians are quite tolerant and respectful about Hinduism, Islam, etc.

 

[Finished]

Hi, and thankyou to anyone that reads this. This is a bit random but I just want to get something off my chest or simply vent my bemusement regarding other forums, and am really interested to hear of anybody elses experiences if they have any..? So basically ... this forum.. I joined this one years ago 'because I was, and still am lonely' made one post I think, and then forgot about it and never came onto here, until recently when I just started to read threads from individuals and made a reply or two. Even though this forum is about loneliness, I think it has a very diverse user base, many people that are lonely and suffering and trying to reach out maybe..? and many that seem to be more or less alone, even isolated in life, and are absolutely content and happy with the situation, it's a good mix. One thing I like about this forum though is that is that in my observations, there doesn't seem to be any individuals that see themselves as 'an authority figure with all the answers, whom cannot be questioned' on the topic of lonileness... (maybe there are, and I just haven't been on here long enough..??) but thats how it seems to me. To me, nobody on this forum seems to get into 'futile' debates (read.. arguments) over.. as an example .. how to cope with loneliness, or why you feel lonely, or any other conotations to do with loneliness... in fact, this forum to me at least, seems more like a 'hang out and chat' type thing..? which I think is great... Not my experience of other forums though... So, without going into long boring and 'personal' details about me, apart from my loneliness issues I also suffer clinically from OCD, not hand washing or checking etc, but the other side of OCD.. intrusive thoughts etc, and have been onto OCD forums online... and in my experience those websites are totally different to this one. What I have noticed on mental helath forums is that there seem to be a few 'self appointed Guru's' that answer literally every single question posted... and HATE when they are questioned on their replies. Bearing in mind that these are mental health forums, the amount of 'passive bickering' that I have witnessed is staggering.... arguing about medication, about therapy, about how to cope with this, or how to manage that.... there also seems to be a definate 'herd mentality' on many of these forums, and ganging up seems rife if you don't share the herds opinion..? I was banned from one OCD forum basically for questioning the UK gov's policies on covid, as well as one or two other points on what many may or may not call 'wokeism'....... no aggression, no bad language, no incitement to violence..... no anything, just my humble opinion, and BANG... banned.
Before writing this today, I was looking through this forum and there was one thread started a long time ago but is still having replies and it made me think of another incident online, although not necassarily on a forum as such. The thread on this forum that made me think was started by the individual with a Koala bear picture by their name (please forgive me for not knowing you name Sir/Madam) I would go back and check, but Im not very techy and fear that if I go back I will lose all of this that I have wrote down and the thought of having to wirte it all again makes me break into pallpatations... The thread Im talking about was along the lines of 'is everything really better nowadays' I found it very interesting and read quite a few replies. This thread made me think because recently I made a comment on a 'blog' (I think it was a blog..?) regarding nostaligia. I stated on this blog that I am often in a state of nostalgia looking back at my youth and also back to when I was a younger man, and I wonder whether I am living in the past..? I then went on to state why I beleive the world is worse nowadays than when I was younger.... reasons such as: when people were walking down the street years ago they actually looked where they were going rather than having their faces welded to a phone, years ago people having a nice romantic meal together would actually interact with each other... rather than their phone, music (in my opinion) was far far better and actually had musicians rather than somebody simply sitting at a computer, the average working man or woman (and by average I mean somebody in a regular job rather than some type of profession such as a dentist for arguments sake) could actually buy a home to live in, cancel culture etc.... and so on, I could list may more opinions but I'd be here all day. Apparently my opinions are 'not correct' and the reply I recieved 'from a 'mental health professional'.... apparently, was in no uncertain terms, hostile and demeaning, using tired old rhetoric such as 'there used to be Wars' and then they said 'get it...?' at the end of their sentence. They also stated that as I am nostalgic and feel that 'things were better in the old days' I am living in a parallel and delusional state of unreality.' or words to that extent. In case the individual that replied to me hadn't noticed, but there is currently a terrible war going in in Ukraine.... but hey, lets not let facts and reality get in the way of things.
Anyway, I'd simply be interested to hear of anybody elses experiences of other forums, or of their views on forums and whether they are good, bad, somewhere in the middle, pro's con's etc...
Thanks for reading...

Nice to see you posting! Like you said there is a mix of people on here from all over the world. So you may get responses that don't make sense to you or just seem simply wrong. Sometimes users post and respond for the Robots that are going through all of the posts. Sometimes users post just for the forum lurkers. Sometimes users post and bring in knowledge from other posts. If you ever feel a member has said something that really bothers you please send them a private message to make sure you understand what they are saying. Many times it's just a mis-communication. There are very few members that are going to intentionally flame against you. But, they may just be having a bad day.

BTW, the older days were better! Ha! ha! I don't live in the past but I damn sure would like to.

I'm on this site because I like it. I've checked out other sites and they are just not for me.

 

[user 148069]

Anyway, I'd simply be interested to hear of anybody elses experiences of other forums, or of their views on forums and whether they are good, bad, somewhere in the middle, pro's con's etc...

I've had to distance myself from this forum a few years ago because I found that a small number of people here can have warped views that seem to be set in stone especially when it comes to relationships and attraction. Reading those threads at that time made me feel terrible as I suffered from a very bad self image and depression. Nowadays I find this place okay (despite some rough edges) but I think it's because I've learnt better coping skills and feel a bit better about myself overall.

Honestly though, every online space will have those "self appointed gurus" or know-it-alls and a herd mentality to a certain degree. It's hard to fully avoid it in my opinion.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

This forum, at times, has been an absolutely dumpster fire. Anyone, who has been around long enough, knows that.

The worst of the worst posts, have often attracted the most attention. People have ganged up on each other. Their have been cliques, in-groups, out-groups. There have been power plays, power struggles, etc.. I think I've even witnessed people taking up an argument in some one's first introductory post, where they were just introducing themselves and the whole thread got de-railed (going to see if I can find one (here.) I've gone at length here about it.

In my experience, OP, what you are talking about, is a general, 'theme,' that's been cropping up all over the world; and it's very unfortunate. If you look at the violence statistics in the united states, around the time leaded gasoline was still a thing; violence began to drop precipitously, once leaded gasoline stopped getting used. So, I some times wonder, if there isn't literally, "something in the water", to turn a phrase.

People are generally, as of late, very combative, very reactive, and not very rational. I also don't exclude myself from that; but, maybe, self-awareness counts for something, maybe...

I've seen quite a bit of it in this forum, seen it in other forums, seen it in chatrooms, on the news, in the podcasts, contributed to it, even, at times ... Lately, I just try to, 'change the station,' so to speak; when I notice that stuff going on.

As for remembering better times? I think the past was better, in many ways. The 90's was an economic boom, in the U.S.. There was still A LOT of bad stuff going on then. Gay marriage was legalized in 2008, that was a win, IMO; but, we also landed into an economic depression (relabeled a, 'recession'). So by way of analogy: take water for example. Water is a precious sacred, life giving force. It can be cold and hard sometimes. It can be unrelenting, pouring down in sheets, and destructive with waves and floods. And, take water, heated, under pressure, and release a little of that steam, and you can get a massive scalding burn. So, like water, I think people can be like that. We can be calm, serene, nurturing, live giving; but, for whatever reason, when put under enough pressure, we can become very harmful. Stagnant water, can become toxic. Water under pressure can be put to great use as a disinfectant; but, can also cause great harm if misused. So, etc.. etc..

In my experience, some times the voice of reason, is silence...

There's plenty of good folks here; in fact, I'd argue, e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e here, has something to offer. We are human, we need love, and understanding. People, usually, just want to be, 'heard.' But when 100 people all want to be heard at the same time, it just sounds like a great war-like racket. It's just some times people are in such great pain, such great confusion, such great ignorance, literally fighting for their lives some times; I think we forget that. I know I do. It's quite the topic, with many angles; and, for all that is sacred in this world, I'm sure it's a lot more complex and a lot more simple, than people, lately, generally, make it out to be...

Every forum I've been too, seems to have it's politics; I think that just happens when you get enough people. Times of peace, through out history, are few and far between...

The days of forums, long and thoughtful posts, have given way to TikTox, FaceBorks, WhatsFaces, InstaGrats, etc.. etc.. hehe You can only milk a cow for so long until it runs dry...

My 2 cents anyway...

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Sometimes users post and bring in knowledge from other posts. If you ever feel a member has said something that really bothers you please send them a private message to make sure you understand what they are saying. Many times it's just a mis-communication. There are very few members that are going to intentionally flame against you. But, they may just be having a bad day.

Wow you’re sooo wise Finished! I agree with this, silly little misunderstandings have caused some old faves to leave also ganging up has what a cruel world we live in sometimes.

 

[ardour]

Following the consensus is mostly about a desire for approval and finding a 'tribe' of people who all think alike. There's some whacky conspiracy sorts who are still allowed to post their schtick here. That's a testament to tolerance. More tolerant than the average subreddit at least.

 

[user 148069]

This forum, at times, has been an absolutely dumpster fire. Anyone, who has been around long enough, knows that.

The worst of the worst posts, have often attracted the most attention. People have ganged up on each other. Their have been cliques, in-groups, out-groups. There have been power plays, power struggles, etc.. I think I've even witnessed people taking up an argument in some one's first introductory post, where they were just introducing themselves and the whole thread got de-railed (going to see if I can find one (here.) I've gone at length here about it.

agreed with all of this. If you don't make ridiculous statements which generalize groups of people based on your own flawed observations or personal experiences you can forget about getting any attention to your thread.

and the cliques, yeah, i've noticed a few who won't reply to any other threads except to one person lol

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Every forum has at least one "Hitler" type. This one is no exception, although it's certainly not as bad as some.

 

[rjisbyhimself]

About a little over 20 or so years ago I was on a forum for mental health but I wasn't on there for that long. Didn't really participate much on it. I don't remember much of it; only that the forum looked very plain Jane for a site, back in the day. There were other discussions besides mental health from what I do remember.

Everyone reflects back at how things used to be, many wish for those times to return. You're not alone. They were better times for a lot of reasons and examples.

Tech is a major reason for the changes in the way that we live and so were other things such as world affairs and crises within the last couple decades, and further back. We are never fully getting back to what we had in the past but we can hold on to some of it.

 

[charlotte craig]

I've had to distance myself from this forum a few years ago because I found that a small number of people here can have warped views that seem to be set in stone especially when it comes to relationships and attraction. Reading those threads at that time made me feel terrible as I suffered from a very bad self image and depression. Nowadays I find this place okay (despite some rough edges) but I think it's because I've learnt better coping skills and feel a bit better about myself overall.

Honestly though, every online space will have those "self appointed gurus" or know-it-alls and a herd mentality to a certain degree. It's hard to fully avoid it in my opinion.

I know of one guru on here who is not just self appointed by a professional in all of this. He does not want everyone to know because he gets tired of people assuming he must always contribute to any problem they post or more. I promised I would not say who he is and I won't. I've read a few posts from people who like to think they are fonts of wisdom and knowledge yet reading between the lines nothing to back it up.
But the whole idea of a forum is to have a mixture! You cannot pick and choose who joins and uses it. For everyone you like there will be another you do not like, and there will be people who do not like you too. That is life. You cannot escape it.

 

[SquareBin]

I like it here

I often write from my phone so I've yet to write lengthy posts, but I could see myself staying here a long time ^^