Ladyforsaken

[Edward W]

 

[ladyforsaken]

I've missed seeing you around here, Eddy. Thank you for those flowers. *hugs*

 

[dax]

Good to see you are able to post Ladyforsaken. Big Hugs!!!! Hope the recovery goes well, will pray everything goes well for you.

 

[Legato]

Be strong LF,

Having been away a while it was upsetting to read this. My thoughts are with you <3

 

[ladyforsaken]

Thank you, dax & Legato. Hope you guys are doing well.

 

[jaguarundi]

 

[ladyforsaken]

^Aww jag, thank you so much. So good to see you around again, even if it's in short spurts. <3

 

[ladyforsaken]

Just a simple update because quite a few people have asked me how am I doing, and rather than keep repeating myself, I'll just update it here. And the truth is I do not know how to answer that question. I can say I'm fine, but it never sits well with me because I feel like I'd be lying. I still do that to make conversations easier though. But it kinda leaves me feeling kinda frustrated.

On a daily basis, normally, I am just "okay". Most times, frustrated/impatient/annoyed/tired/unwell. So I can't possibly be saying negative stuff all the time.... it's a conversation killer usually cos people tend not to know how to respond to that. So I'll save the trouble.

So my first cycle of daily chemo for a month should have been done by last week. However I have had half of the cycle skipped because of my heart condition not being at its best, or normal, according to them. And that's caused by the chemo. They have now reduced the dosage of my chemo to half of the original dose. Not sure if it would still be effective, but they can't give it any higher or.. my heart will worsen.

So on the days my ECG results are poor, they would skip chemo but infuse me with something else that I might need, whichever is low from my blood test results for that day. These infusions are a few hours at least.

So this week is payback week for those days I've missed out on chemo. The doctor told me, we shall see how it goes for this week. If my heart's condition still isn't so great, he'll start on the first break and let me rest and recuperate and push the days omitted to be done with the 2nd cycle of daily chemo.

I asked him for suggestions on how to get my heart functioning normally, he said there isn't anything but just rest and break from chemo. Which isn't exactly possible since they need to give it or, you know, cancer tends to spread.

They also started me again on this strong drug that works alongside the chemo to suppress the bad cells. So that's supposed to help me.

Besides that, on the physical side... there's been some issues with my inserted line on my arm. Chemo makes my skin thin and sensitive... and it's not doing well with the dressing on the line's exit site. For a moment they thought there was infection, so they sent swabs for testing on it. Thankfully it isn't.

Of the few things I pray for everyday now, one of them is for my line to be okay and working just fine. I do not want it to be removed and reinserted and all that ****... it's just really unpleasant and painful. Even the first time it was inserted, there were complications. So now, I just expect there to be complications to every procedure or process I go through.

Even in these kinds of challenges, it's never that simple or smooth sailing for me.. lol. But yeah, that's all for now.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and concern.

 

[Jently]

Hey Ladyforsaken, thanks for the update but so sorry to hear that even your treatment is complicated by side effects. I guess you must be feeling very frustrated and just want to get this whole thing kicked out so that you can get on with life.
I don't know your circumstances, but I hope you have loads of support, emotional and physical, around you to make things a little easier.
Try and remember when it's getting you down that there are sooooo many people here who are praying for you and wishing you well. We care !!!

 

[PenDragon]

Thank you.

 

[HoodedMonk]

Thank you for updating us. I didn't know what was going on and was afraid to ask.

I just want to reiterate what you already know…We care for you. I, personally, know this is a trying time for you right now but I can't be any prouder of how you are handling it. Bravery is not always cut, dried and simple like we want it to be. And indeed, in this case, it probably doesn't feel like bravery at all, but this great big ball of misery that won't go away and keeps poking at you in the form of needles. I am grateful you are perservering despite these terrible side effects you are experiencing. As I told you before, when this is all over, it'll fade and fade until it seems as if it were only a dream. What seems terrible now can be left in the past. Or at least not be in your face 24/7 giving you terrible symptoms, you know?

I'm over here on the bleachers with a cap, t shirt and little flag all enscribed with Team LadyForsaken. I'm cheering you on - every step of the way. You humble me, and I've never felt this emotion before. Maybe it's a feeling of quiet gratitude, but this is how I feel when I think of you. You've added a new emotion to my emotional lexicon.

You've impacted me deeply.

I'm glad you are here.

 

[Magalie]

Thank you for the update,LadyF!

*HUG*

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey Ladyforsaken, thanks for the update but so sorry to hear that even your treatment is complicated by side effects. I guess you must be feeling very frustrated and just want to get this whole thing kicked out so that you can get on with life.
I don't know your circumstances, but I hope you have loads of support, emotional and physical, around you to make things a little easier.
Try and remember when it's getting you down that there are sooooo many people here who are praying for you and wishing you well. We care !!!

Thank you, Jently!

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Thank you for updating us. I didn't know what was going on and was afraid to ask.

I just want to reiterate what you already know…We care for you. I, personally, know this is a trying time for you right now but I can't be any prouder of how you are handling it. Bravery is not always cut, dried and simple like we want it to be. And indeed, in this case, it probably doesn't feel like bravery at all, but this great big ball of misery that won't go away and keeps poking at you in the form of needles. I am grateful you are perservering despite these terrible side effects you are experiencing. As I told you before, when this is all over, it'll fade and fade until it seems as if it were only a dream. What seems terrible now can be left in the past. Or at least not be in your face 24/7 giving you terrible symptoms, you know?

I'm over here on the bleachers with a cap, t shirt and little flag all enscribed with Team LadyForsaken. I'm cheering you on - every step of the way. You humble me, and I've never felt this emotion before. Maybe it's a feeling of quiet gratitude, but this is how I feel when I think of you. You've added a new emotion to my emotional lexicon.

You've impacted me deeply.

I'm glad you are here.

That got me speechless.. thank you. You shouldn't see so highly of me though.. I am just like anyone else. Thank you for always being there, you also know how you've impacted me in all of this. So thank you for that as well.

Thank you for the update,LadyF!

*HUG*

I love that pic, Mags. Thank you. *hugs*

 

[LoneStar1989]

I logged on after a few months and saw this! It makes me so sad AND mad!!! Why do bad things happen to good people =( Hope you feel better soon Lady, thank you for being such a warm human being!
My thoughts are with you, take care.

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. ~Anne Lamott

 

[ladyforsaken]

I logged on after a few months and saw this! It makes me so sad AND mad!!! Why do bad things happen to good people =( Hope you feel better soon Lady, thank you for being such a warm human being!
My thoughts are with you, take care.

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. ~Anne Lamott

Aww LoneStar, haven't seen you around! Hope you've been well?

Thank you for your kind words and well wishes. I appreciate it very much.

 

[LoneStar1989]

I'm doing alright Lady =) Big big hug!

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm doing alright Lady =) Big big hug!

Aww that's cute, thank you, LS! *hugs*

 

[HoodedMonk]

Update plz?

 

[BeyondShy]

On a daily basis, normally, I am just "okay". Most times, frustrated/impatient/annoyed/tired/unwell. So I can't possibly be saying negative stuff all the time.... it's a conversation killer usually cos people tend not to know how to respond to that.

No, don't look at it like that. It's not a conversation killer. People that care about you would say to you after you told them how frustrated you are that they are with you and are rooting you on every step of the way - through the good and bad days.

And that's exactly what I am saying here. You're not having a good day? I support you. I listen. I hold your hand. You're having a good day? I sit back and smile because I know how good that makes you feel.

I'm over here on the bleachers with a cap, t shirt and little flag all enscribed with Team LadyForsaken. I'm cheering you on - every step of the way. You humble me, and I've never felt this emotion before. Maybe it's a feeling of quiet gratitude, but this is how I feel when I think of you. You've added a new emotion to my emotional lexicon.

You've impacted me deeply.

I'm glad you are here.

I could not have said it better myself. I'm wearing the same hat and T-shirt and have the same flag as you got.

This girl has more courage in her than I will ever have in my life. I am almost embarrassed to be worried about the things that have me all worked up. So I don't have the courage to go up to a girl to say hi? Wow. And then when I don't I dwell on it.

This strong woman is facing things that not for one day have I ever thought about or faced personally and she is doing this every day with fortitude and a strong will. And on most days she does it with a smile and the days she can't she overcomes it. And she can overcome it faster and better than I ever can.

Some time ago Ladyforsaken offered me her friendship. I was smart enough to take it.