List of reasons for rejection

[Osiris]

Online dating is "caca".
It's too easy. Too easy to meet, too easy to flush, too easy to think you know, too easy to everything...
It's only by having someone in your actual face for at least 1+ hour that you can really start to know or appreciate the person. Eye contact, stance, pose, perspiration, way someone sits...that's how you actually know.
Online is just too easy to think some things aren't real. Too easy to reject too and sometimes, for no reason at all, because we're all different online than who we actually are off, as much as we try to remain ourselves.

Not to mention online a girl can just ignore you, if you're sat in front of them they can't really just run off halfway through a conversation when they start having doubts. And for me, eyes are really important. You can tell if there's something special by the eyes. Some girls look dead behind the eyes and others you can see fire in them. Also you're right about being different online to who we really are. I try my best to be real but I don't talk much offline. It takes me a couple of minutes to think about what I want to say. If we were completely ourselves online conversations would probably be boring ("You alright" "Yeah, not bad. You?" "Tired, work was really busy today" etc.). I've never tried online dating for this reason! Especially the whole ignoring thing, just tell me you don't like me woman! lol Hope all's good with you man!

LOL That depends on the people. Lots of people have facades they put up, both online and real. I personally try to be exactly the same. I'm probably worse. First off, we'd be talking and you'd end up hearing my french accent once in a while. I'm out of practice too, so for SURE you'd end up noticing on some words. Second, I got little to no filters. If I don't like it, I say it. If I think someone's dumb, I'll say it. If I don't want to talk to you, I'll say it. Which of course has gotten me in trouble in the past LOL! But it is what it is.
A lot of people however, are different in real life, necessarily. I TRY to be myself, am I really? I don't know. Others could say, because they're watching me, not ME. I think I'm the same but who knows? Meeting me is the only way to know.
I think the same is true for everyone. No matter HOW much you try, you simply cannot be because you ARE online. You're in a different set of circumstances.
So online dating...you get to know someone that doesn't exist. It should be used, to me, for initial contact and "here are some things we share in common, let's check to see if it's real or not". Nothing more. I know "texting" relationships are all the craze with the kids nowadays, but I think it's detrimental in the end.

Haha don't worry about a French accent, girls usually like a french accent! In real life I constantly have to stop myself using slang no-ones heard of! Bruv, fam, tap, peng, mandem, galdem, you name it. Anyone who would meet me in real life would probably be disappointed I don't have a "posh boy" English accent. I wish I could be a little more blunt and tell people when I don't want to talk to people like you. Us English are too polite... and I'm probably the same online.

I'm probably missing out, being 20 and not on snapchat or anything like that. But I hate the internet as it is, so I'm not going to fall in "love" with someone online then find out it's one big persona and they're a selfish b*tch in real life. I think online should only be used for a quick "Hey, how are you" or arranging when to meet. Forget trying to have deep conversations because there's so much body language you need to read.

And this comes from experience, I almost fell for a girl online. And now, a month after wondering "am I in love with her" she really annoys me. Everything is about her, if you're not talking about her the conversation goes dead. I could be dying in hospital and she'd probably say ":/ that sucks... I'm just going to the beach"

In person I probably would have realised she's a horrible person within the first hour, not a couple of months...

So yeah, online dating..bad! Within a few seconds of looking into a girls eyes I think I can tell what kind of person they are. I could be wrong, but I rarely have been. I've ignored the "dead behind the eyes" look before and they've always turned out to be horrible people as well...

 

[Nicolelt]

I don't trust women opinions on this site. By their own admition, it seems they haven't made the best choices either.

How so?

 

[Xpendable]

I don't trust women opinions on this site. By their own admition, it seems they haven't made the best choices either.

How so?

There's a far more complicated process of dealing with relationships than to look for common sense. Of course I've only talking about a few women (in respect of the ones who advice more) and it seems that all date advice here can be interchangeable between men and women when it comes to "what one wants". I find that the ones with the more "you should" are also the ones with the most "I shouldn't" on their history and that's speaks volumes to me for what I'm willing to appreciate as a wise determination. If everyone has their own subjective opinion and everyone is different (not enough to be of importance to the whole argument), then why should I - or we - believe in any positive results from taking some the unrelatable advices and opinions presented?

My problem is that I have to much common sense, so I've avoided all the double edge charms of life that could have put me in similar position with the rest of the population. Meaning bad choices when younger, having a quick release on a girl I didn't like or forcing myself to disgusting situations where my libido had all the control and my delusions of happines could have started. A normal, romantic life can only be achieved with a history of bad judgement and stupid choices from the past, with the numbness of your empathy and the over-writing of your eary morals into the seek of pleasure. You had to start something with your friend's crush, you had to make selfish decisions in order to get what you wanted; you had to fake big part of you and pretend you cared about someone for enough time to sleep with them, you had to lie about your expectations instead of remaining alone and you had to believe love is the true and only motivation of your actions. 

So the real admision should be: "I didn't had common sense to end here, but I will tell you I had because you didn't end here".
"I will tell you what to do to be good. I never did it but somehow I know better".

Men and women don't love each other in the same way.
Men and women can't attract each other in the same way.
Men and women can't advice each other in the same way.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Have you ever heard of something called HINDSIGHT, X?  

That's how some people can advise others on things whether they themselves did them or not. I might not have, but I should have.  I didn't leave my alcoholic abusive husband, but I should have.  It IS common sense.  We can know what we should have done because even while we may not have done it, we knew we should have.  Hindsight can tell us that.  Learning from our mistakes can tell us that. 

It took me over THREE years of the hardest work I've ever had to do to be okay with myself again after my ex left me.  Trust me, I see EVERYTHING I did wrong, I know EXACTLY what I SHOULD have done. THAT is how we can give advice.  We see the flags, we've had the experience, whether they were successful or not isn't the point.  We are more than just the "failures" you seem so quick to point out.  We are more than just what YOU think we are.  There's more to ANYONE than just what they write on a public forum of strangers. 

And yes, a lot of things are the same regardless of whether you are a man or a woman. 
You want someone?  Ask them out, who cares what you have between your legs.  IT DOES NOT MATTER.   
You have an issue or feel vulnerable?  Talk about it.  You don't have to be a BIG TOUGH MACHO MAN to attract a woman, and you CAN be a strong independent woman and still attract a man. 
Screw the stereotypes, screw the "social norm" ********, screw whatever gender you are.  If you want something, go after it (in a non creepy/violent way, of course).  If you get rejected, you get rejected, but nothing will ever happen if you don't TRY.  End of story.  Man or woman, nothing will ever happen if you...do...not...TRY!

 

[Xpendable]

I have perfect hindsight, I know how everything is going to resolve. I would only try when I find someone who I can trust and my hindsight has said that person has not existed in my life so far. Everything I said matters, men and women don't get to be different or the same when it suit us. I'm not talking from my gut here, this is not about feelings.

 

[DarkSelene]

My problem is that I have to much common sense, so I've avoided all the double edge charms of life that could have put me in similar position with the rest of the population. Meaning bad choices when younger, having a quick release on a girl I didn't like or forcing myself to disgusting situations where my libido had all the control and my delusions of happines could have started. A normal, romantic life can only be achieved with a history of bad judgement and stupid choices from the past, with the numbness of your empathy and the over-writing of your eary morals into the seek of pleasure. You had to start something with your friend's crush, you had to make selfish decisions in order to get what you wanted; you had to fake big part of you and pretend you cared about someone for enough time to sleep with them, you had to lie about your expectations instead of remaining alone and you had to believe love is the true and only motivation of your actions. 

It's remarkable how you can stroke your own ego while throwing shade! (No sarcasm; respect )
Unfortunately, I don't think you're right on this one. Failed relationships/attempts don't always mean you lacked common sense at any point, doesn't mean you had to be manipulative, selfish, delusional or libidinous -- making mistakes is not the only way to learn.
With that said, I also believe that people who had the experience of failing by making mistakes and had success in getting back on their feet are the best ones to give advice - especially to the unexperienced that usually gets concerned with smaller things, which are often the wrong things to be concerned about.

Men and women don't love each other in the same way.  -- I don't know about this one, could you tell me more about why you say this?
Men and women can't attract each other in the same way. -- Mostly because there are fundamental differences in their roles when it comes to attraction, sure.
Men and women can't advice each other in the same way. -- They could, but shouldn't even try. Inherently different outlooks plus hearing each other's experience and points of view is more interesting than creating an echo chamber where everything revolves around one or the other.

 

[Paraiyar]

I have perfect hindsight, I know how everything is going to resolve. I would only try when I find someone who I can trust and my hindsight has said that person has not existed in my life so far. Everything I said matters, men and women don't get to be different or the same when it suit us. I'm not talking from my gut here, this is not about feelings.

Lol

 

[Xpendable]

Unfortunately, I don't think you're right on this one. Failed relationships/attempts don't always mean you lacked common sense at any point, doesn't mean you had to be manipulative, selfish, delusional or libidinous -- making mistakes is not the only way to learn.

I know, I learn mostly without mistkes. Failing is not necessarily the lack of judgement in small things but also failing to account from external forces. Hindsight is also about what happens around you and not just about your individual actions. I believe almost any problem can be avoided with enough reflexion and still be able to identify what would have been the problem if the mistake was made, even it wasn't.

With that said, I also believe that people who had the experience of failing by making mistakes and had success in getting back on their feet are the best ones to give advice - especially to the unexperienced that usually gets concerned with smaller things, which are often the wrong things to be concerned about.

I don't believe luck can be passed out through advice. You git in your feet and succeded? Good. That's YOU, not me, that was a whole universe of possibilities and variables that resulted in your recovery; but that's not my equation. No human being will have the exact same history and no situation can be replicated by only following some steps which could or couldn't work with out no safety net.

 

[ardour]

Men and women don't love each other in the same way.  -- I don't know about this one, could you tell me more about why you say this?

Men tend to idealize and get infatuated; women tend to want validation.

 

[DarkSelene]

I know, I learn mostly without mistkes. Failing is not necessarily the lack of judgement in small things but also failing to account from external forces. Hindsight is also about what happens around you and not just about your individual actions. I believe almost any problem can be avoided with enough reflexion and still be able to identify what would have been the problem if the mistake was made, even it wasn't.

I don't believe luck can be passed out through advice. You git in your feet and succeded? Good. That's YOU, not me, that was a whole universe of possibilities and variables that resulted in your recovery; but that's not my equation. No human being will have the exact same history and no situation can be replicated by only following some steps which could or couldn't work with out no safety net.

I didn't mean it was only your individual actions, even when you're cheated you have an amount of responsibility on why it happened. But other things can happen, things that are completely out of your control and that you couldn't predict and I don't mean just death. haha

I can agree with you up to a certain point. There are too many differences in history, personality, etc and advice can often be biased because it reflects on one's path to get to certain conclusions but when it comes to core issues it can be logical and helpful too. Everything needs to be taken with a grain of salt and adapted to fit your situation better, but it doesn't mean that it's completely irrelevant or **** because of it.
Get too stuck in your own mind and you won't want to move anymore... that's gotta be bad for you, wouldn't you think?

---

Men tend to idealize and get infatuated; women tend to want validation.

Well, those are interchangeable and don't mean they'd never love in the same way... I don't know about that one still.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Men and women don't love each other in the same way.  -- I don't know about this one, could you tell me more about why you say this?

Men tend to idealize and get infatuated; women tend to want validation.

Wrong. I want nor need validation for anything. And I suggest both you and Xpendable to stop your self-righteous, just barely generalizing, ridiculousness before you both find yourselves on a vacation. Reading posts from you two is nothing more than headache inducing now.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Men and women don't love each other in the same way.  -- I don't know about this one, could you tell me more about why you say this?

Men tend to idealize and get infatuated; women tend to want validation.

Wrong. I want nor need validation for anything. And I suggest both you and Xpendable to stop your self-righteous, just barely generalizing, ridiculousness before you both find yourselves on a vacation. Reading posts from you two is nothing more than headache inducing now.

VALIDATE ME, NILLA!  :club:   I NEED IT!  I LOVE YOU!
WON'T ANYONE VALIDATE ME!?

 

[DarkSelene]

And I suggest both you and Xpendable to stop your self-righteous, just barely generalizing, ridiculousness before you both find yourselves on a vacation. Reading posts from you two is nothing more than headache inducing now.

Generalization is against the rules?

 

[VanillaCreme]

And I suggest both you and Xpendable to stop your self-righteous, just barely generalizing, ridiculousness before you both find yourselves on a vacation. Reading posts from you two is nothing more than headache inducing now.

Generalization is against the rules?

Yes, it's frowned upon on this forum. I'm not the only moderator to say it, either. Plenty of threads have been closed for that very reason.

 

[DarkSelene]

That seems very arbitrary, like poor phrasing can close a thread.

 

[user 139760]

Men and women don't love each other in the same way.  -- I don't know about this one, could you tell me more about why you say this?

Men tend to idealize and get infatuated; women tend to want validation.

Wrong. I want nor need validation for anything. And I suggest both you and Xpendable to stop your self-righteous, just barely generalizing, ridiculousness before you both find yourselves on a vacation. Reading posts from you two is nothing more than headache inducing now.

VALIDATE ME, NILLA!  :club:   I NEED IT!  I LOVE YOU!
WON'T ANYONE VALIDATE ME!?

Oh alright, for the sake of your ingrained womanhood health thingie, I'll help you out.

*Validates*

There.

Do I get a prize or something?

 

[VanillaCreme]

That seems very arbitrary, like poor phrasing can close a thread.

It's for a reason. Because believe it or not, some folks think it's okay to gender-bash and put down whatever gender they're having an issue with simply because they're not getting what they want. It's not because of phrasing. It's to stop bashing.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Men and women don't love each other in the same way.  -- I don't know about this one, could you tell me more about why you say this?

Men tend to idealize and get infatuated; women tend to want validation.

Wrong. I want nor need validation for anything. And I suggest both you and Xpendable to stop your self-righteous, just barely generalizing, ridiculousness before you both find yourselves on a vacation. Reading posts from you two is nothing more than headache inducing now.

VALIDATE ME, NILLA!  :club:   I NEED IT!  I LOVE YOU!
WON'T ANYONE VALIDATE ME!?

Oh alright, for the sake of your ingrained womanhood health thingie, I'll help you out.

*Validates*

There.

Do I get a prize or something?

Knowing I've been validated isn't enough for you?  FINE, I'll go to the kitchen (barefoot, of course) and make you a damn sammich :club:

 

[user 139760]

Knowing I've been validated isn't enough for you?  FINE, I'll go to the kitchen (barefoot, of course) and make you a damn sammich :club:

HAHAHA!
No way NO WAY!
I haven't been made a sammich in 15 years, I'm not about to start now!
However, I'll go to the kitchen (barefoot of course, mind the smell though) and make you the best damn smoked meat sandwich you'll have ever tasted in your life!
But don't club me.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Knowing I've been validated isn't enough for you?  FINE, I'll go to the kitchen (barefoot, of course) and make you a damn sammich :club:

HAHAHA!
No way NO WAY!
I haven't been made a sammich in 15 years, I'm not about to start now!
However, I'll go to the kitchen (barefoot of course, mind the smell though) and make you the best damn smoked meat sandwich you'll have ever tasted in your life!
But don't club me.

The best......smoked....MEAT sandwich?  You are aware I'm vegan, right?  :club:  <--- you totally brought that on yourself.....