Lying about your virginity/previous relationships

[Garbageman]

Its different for different people, some people take lying more seriously no matter what the reason. And your right some people could care less about an unimportant lie. But then one will always have to wonder just what the other person considers unimportant. If your honest you need not worry about any of that.

 

[Gutted]

I don't think you need to lie.

If the girl likes you enough to have sex with you she isn't going to care about your past experience.

If she's the type that would judge you based on that then you wouldn't want to date her anyway.

It's really up to you though, plenty of girls lie about still being virgins when they aren't.

This

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I think I'm just going to be honest. I should stop worrying about this.

 

[nerdygirl]

The heck? I'd be furious with a guy who lied to me about his previous sex experience. It's quite probable that I'd break up with a guy over something like that. Maybe it's not a big deal to some people, but it would be to me. Also- I think it's hot when a guy is a virgin. *shrug*

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm not ready to put myself in the position to be laughed at. That's the only reason I would lie.

If I didn't risk having the girl break up from me, or call me a freak, I would yell it from the mountaintops.

What makes you think she would laugh at you? I'm not trying to be sarcastic, mean, or a smartass asking this. I'd honestly like to know, from a guy's point of view. To the other guys here who also think this - Why would you assume your partner would laugh at you or mock you in any way?

 

[ardour]

The heck? I'd be furious with a guy who lied to me about his previous sex experience. It's quite probable that I'd break up with a guy over something like that. Maybe it's not a big deal to some people, but it would be to me. Also- I think it's hot when a guy is a virgin. *shrug*

Why? How does that lie really harm anybody. He's insecure, he didn't want you to judge him, isn't that worth considering?

 

[VanillaCreme]

The heck? I'd be furious with a guy who lied to me about his previous sex experience. It's quite probable that I'd break up with a guy over something like that. Maybe it's not a big deal to some people, but it would be to me. Also- I think it's hot when a guy is a virgin. *shrug*

Why? How does that lie really harm anybody. He's insecure, he didn't want you to judge him, isn't that worth considering?

But who's to say she would judge a guy for having no experience? On a personal level, I agree with Nerdy. Some might not care that someone lied, and some may be more angered over the fact that they lied in general over what the lie was about.

 

[nerdygirl]

The heck? I'd be furious with a guy who lied to me about his previous sex experience. It's quite probable that I'd break up with a guy over something like that. Maybe it's not a big deal to some people, but it would be to me. Also- I think it's hot when a guy is a virgin. *shrug*

Why? How does that lie really harm anybody. He's insecure, he didn't want you to judge him, isn't that worth considering?

Seriously? If a girl lied and said she was a virgin because she thought a guy would judge her for having sex with fifty guys, she isn't doing anything wrong? I guess you're just more... open to lies than I am. I hate lies. I could forgive somebody saying he was 6' tall instead of 5'10". I could forgive saying you're 150 pounds instead of 160. Sex? Sex is a big deal. If it wasn't, this thread wouldn't even exist.

I wouldn't care if some friend of mine did this. If a guy lied to his girlfriend about this, and I heard about it, I'd try to support his choice... but from the perspective of the girlfriend? No way. If somebody lied to me because he didn't want me to judge him, then he's already judged me- and found me lacking. That's insulting! He's decided I've got the maturity level of a boy in high school.

He obviously didn't know anything about me before he gave me his virginity, or he would have known that I actually respected his choice to remain a virgin. Maybe it wasn't a choice, but he doesn't have to say that, does he? I'd assume it, wouldn't ask any questions, and we could certainly run with that. The fact, though, that he thought I was the sort of person who would think poorly of him for being a virgin means that he didn't really know me when we had sex. I'd take this to mean that it didn't really matter to WHO he lost it to... and I honestly wouldn't want to be with somebody who was so careless about sex.

And mingled in with all of that would be the fact that he lied to me. Lied to me and thought that was acceptable behavior! If you're not mature enough to tell a woman that you're a virgin, I don't think you're mature enough for sex.

 

[Garbageman]

I agree with the rest of this post but this is spot on in my book.
(+1)

And mingled in with all of that would be the fact that he lied to me. Lied to me and thought that was acceptable behavior! If you're not mature enough to tell a woman that you're a virgin, I don't think you're mature enough for sex.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm pretty much with Nilla and nerdygirl here. Some women don't really care if you've experience or not because sex or whatever can be learned over time. Lying on the other hand.. once you do it.. it kinda ruins everything. And if your partner thinks it's a deal breaker for inexperience, then you're better off without him/her.

 

[theglasscell]

In the end it's not worth worrying about hypothetical situations because all the outcomes will only occur in your imagination anyway.

Every girl and guy is different, they will all react to things differently.

 

[ardour]

Seriously? If a girl lied and said she was a virgin because she thought a guy would judge her for having sex with fifty guys, she isn't doing anything wrong? I guess you're just more... open to lies than I am. I hate lies. I could forgive somebody saying he was 6' tall instead of 5'10". I could forgive saying you're 150 pounds instead of 160. Sex? Sex is a big deal. If it wasn't, this thread wouldn't even exist.

I wouldn't care if some friend of mine did this. If a guy lied to his girlfriend about this, and I heard about it, I'd try to support his choice... but from the perspective of the girlfriend? No way. If somebody lied to me because he didn't want me to judge him, then he's already judged me- and found me lacking. That's insulting! He's decided I've got the maturity level of a boy in high school.

He obviously didn't know anything about me before he gave me his virginity, or he would have known that I actually respected his choice to remain a virgin. Maybe it wasn't a choice, but he doesn't have to say that, does he? I'd assume it, wouldn't ask any questions, and we could certainly run with that. The fact, though, that he thought I was the sort of person who would think poorly of him for being a virgin means that he didn't really know me when we had sex. I'd take this to mean that it didn't really matter to WHO he lost it to... and I honestly wouldn't want to be with somebody who was so careless about sex.

And mingled in with all of that would be the fact that he lied to me. Lied to me and thought that was acceptable behavior! If you're not mature enough to tell a woman that you're a virgin, I don't think you're mature enough for sex.

It’s easy to make grand statements when it involves a hypothetical partner, not a real person you presumably care for.

You could say his lie insulted your intelligence and maturity, but is that enough to dump him. What if you were married and found out, divorce? Some of the reasons people find to end relationships really amaze me. Okay it’s a lie, big deal. Big, small, people lie all the time. If I said your butt didn’t look big in those pants I might be lying. And if I was desperate to impress or not turn off someone I really liked I might disengage brain and lie over something that shouldn't really matter.

Someone who would end it over that particular example of dishonesty can be that attached to the person in the first place.

There’s a difference with lying to hide having no previous sexual partners and lying to hide many, because the later may have consequences (people who go from one person to the next have baggage and might have trouble committing)

 

[Danielle]

Don't lie. Its not worth it. I agree with Nerdygirl... just be honest.

 

[mintymint]

As a person whose whole life is based on a complex, multilayered, ever-growing series of lies I find this concept of honesty threatening and offensive.

 

[nerdygirl]

Aww, minty... I just imagine the beautiful baby you, with those huge shiny eyes looking threatened, and it just makes me want to flog myself.

rdor, people do not run around rampantly lying. In fact, doing so is a form of mental illness. Misrepresenting who you are is wrong. In my eyes, the person I presumably care for doesn't even exist, because I've been lied to all along. So for me, this situation is a valid one for divorce. Personally, I find it a bit disturbing that you think lying about your sexual history is on the same level as telling somebody they look great when they don't.

 

[ardour]

oh please... sexual experience level isn't "who you are".

 

[VanillaCreme]

oh please... sexual experience level isn't "who you are".

No, maybe not. But being a liar is.

 

[mintymint]

Aww, minty... I just imagine the beautiful baby you, with those huge shiny eyes looking threatened, and it just makes me want to flog myself.

You know what would be great to have on this forum? A psychotherapy button on each post. I think I need it right now.

 

[African_weasel]

That's like lying about getting shot when you haven't to make yourself seem cool to a group of thugs.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

How does lying about something as insignificant as that matter?

And you wonder why us guys make such a big deal out of it!