Mail Order Brides

[Steel]

Personally I view it as a form of prostitution.

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi-
I'm stepping in with some trepidation, hoping I don't step on anyone's toes here
My dad is very introverted and worked as a university librarian for 35 years (my parents divorced 25 years ago). About 6 years ago, he shocked the whole family by announcing he had met a Filipina on a web site and was getting married. And he went to the Philippines from his small town in upstate NY and got married. She later joined him in the US. He just retired and they both moved back to the Philippines this year. I've always joked that he just wanted someone to cook and clean for him. I've met her and she's a very nice lady, although 20 years his junior. They seem to get along well.
As a woman, I'm against "mail-order brides" in principle, although it seems to have worked well for my dad and his wife. But there's a whole other bucket of issues that go along with this, including cultural issues. My only gentle suggestion when making one's mind up about this is to try and understand other cultures and how they often differ greatly from how Americans are. For example, many non-Western cultures accept and embrace arranged marriages, although most Westerners wouldn't even dream about doing this. Just some food for thought.

Teresa

 

[Vic Sage]

Hi-
I'm stepping in with some trepidation, hoping I don't step on anyone's toes here
My dad is very introverted and worked as a university librarian for 35 years (my parents divorced 25 years ago). About 6 years ago, he shocked the whole family by announcing he had met a Filipina on a web site and was getting married. And he went to the Philippines from his small town in upstate NY and got married. She later joined him in the US. He just retired and they both moved back to the Philippines this year. I've always joked that he just wanted someone to cook and clean for him. I've met her and she's a very nice lady, although 20 years his junior. They seem to get along well.
As a woman, I'm against "mail-order brides" in principle, although it seems to have worked well for my dad and his wife. But there's a whole other bucket of issues that go along with this, including cultural issues. My only gentle suggestion when making one's mind up about this is to try and understand other cultures and how they often differ greatly from how Americans are. For example, many non-Western cultures accept and embrace arranged marriages, although most Westerners wouldn't even dream about doing this. Just some food for thought.

Teresa

Hey Teresa! In no way are you stepping on anything. I wanted some different reactions along with someone with a degree of first-hand knowledge. It sounds like your dad is a good example of it going well. Whether that's the exception or the rule, I don't know. Maybe Google knows... but (not to get on a rant) it's so hard to find what you're looking for on that damn site I don't even bother sometimes.

It's definitely a complex issue, and sometimes Westerners have a tendency to look at things from a Western perspective, both for good and ill. I have an engaged female friend who nonetheless seems skeptical on the notions of fairy-tale romance and marriage, and she mentioned apropos of nothing that the divorce rate for arranged marriages is less than the divorce rate here.

(Of course, there will be someone far smarter than I who will point out how harder it would be to get a divorce in those cultures, or the stigma, or the ease of divorce here, or something. Statistics can be used to prove anything. 97% of people know that.)

 

[tehdreamer]

What bothers me about arranged marriages is the thought of having to be stuck with someone my parents or other family members chose for me. Someone that I've probably only had the chance to meet or talk to once or twice before being expected to live with them for the rest of my life.

But mail order brides takes this idea a little further downward and it's not just parents making a deal that their kids will marry, but you just shelling out cash to make sure some businessman gives you the woman you want. Might as well have bride vending machines.

It's hard enough to establish stable relationships with people you actually know and share interests with. It just seems too random and reckless to marry some stranger only on the basis that you're both lonely. But maybe that's just me.

I'm sure there are plenty of people who've found success using these types of services and have even fallen in love after getting married. But I find that too much cart-before-horse for me.

 

[Daan]

The example of Sofiasmami is the stereotype. Her father would hardly be able to get a 20 year younger wife in the western world, so for him a Philipine lady is a good solution. But, why would the lady want him and not someone from her own country and age group?

Back in the old age individuals weren't allowed to choose. A couple of months ago i read a diary from a Flemish adventarist who lived around 1700. He left his country when he was 25, because he wasn't allowed to marry the woman he wanted. He was from a higher class, so the church and government didn't allowed the marriage. A administrative worker for the bishopry offered his niece instead, but the Flemish guy refused and turned renegade. He moved out of his city and got several short relationships in different towns in Flanders. His mother begged him to stay and to adapt, but he moved to Holland and joined the Dutch East India Company. He went by ship to Indonesia, a trip which took more than a year and killed more than half of the crew. In Batavia (Jakarta) he worked as a soldier, but spend a lot of time in jail, because he fought a couple of feuds over the possession of prostitues, he didn't want to share them with other men. Than he fled and came in the Phillipines, where the Spaniards used him to force all protestants to become catholics. He fled there as well together with the protestants, because he wanted to go back to Flanders to marry his love. And came in Japan, after nearly starving during the trip. In Japan they hated catholics and they had some catholic stuff with them, and so they were imprisoned. And the Dutch brought them back to Indonesia. I don't know if he eventually did marry his girl. I guess freedom is impossible, but i do like the idea of running away from authority.

 

[Vic Sage]

The example of Sofiasmami is the stereotype. Her father would hardly be able to get a 20 year younger wife in the western world, so for him a Philipine lady is a good solution. But, why would the lady want him and not someone from her own country and age group?

Back in the old age individuals weren't allowed to choose. A couple of months ago i read a diary from a Flemish adventarist who lived around 1700. He left his country when he was 25, because he wasn't allowed to marry the woman he wanted. He was from a higher class, so the church and government didn't allowed the marriage. A administrative worker for the bishopry offered his niece instead, but the Flemish guy refused and turned renegade. He moved out of his city and got several short relationships in different towns in Flanders. His mother begged him to stay and to adapt, but he moved to Holland and joined the Dutch East India Company. He went by ship to Indonesia, a trip which took more than a year and killed more than half of the crew. In Batavia (Jakarta) he worked as a soldier, but spend a lot of time in jail, because he fought a couple of feuds over the possession of prostitues, he didn't want to share them with other men. Than he fled and came in the Phillipines, where the Spaniards used him to force all protestants to become catholics. He fled there as well together with the protestants, because he wanted to go back to Flanders to marry his love. And came in Japan, after nearly starving during the trip. In Japan they hated catholics and they had some catholic stuff with them, and so they were imprisoned. And the Dutch brought them back to Indonesia. I don't know if he eventually did marry his girl. I guess freedom is impossible, but i do like the idea of running away from authority.

Wow... it sounds like marriage was the least of that guy's problems.

 

[Daan]

Yeah, he could have better run away with his would be bride to Holland and live there.

 

[freedom]

i'm undecided on this. i think it's sad that women have leave their country this way, but i also think it's wrong.

 

[Brian]

I prefer to just take my girlfriend out of the closet and go out on my boat for the weekend.

I mean, I have to inflate her once we're out on the water and sometimes my lungs get tired, but have you seen the prices on those international marriage websites? A little hot air is way cheaper.

 

[oarivan]

I checked out a few sites and apparently you can't just buy them. They have to accept you first. I think its sad I can't buy a bride with just money.

 

[Brian]

I checked out a few sites and apparently you can't just buy them. They have to accept you first. I think its sad I can't buy a bride with just money.

I did the same thing after reading this thread. I was disappointed at how actually complicated and drawn out the process is. You have to talk to them and crap.

 

[oarivan]

I checked out a few sites and apparently you can't just buy them. They have to accept you first. I think its sad I can't buy a bride with just money.

I did the same thing after reading this thread. I was disappointed at how actually complicated and drawn out the process is. You have to talk to them and crap.

Exactly. I checked it out... after reading... yea, we'll go with that. Its bad enough they take your money but to think personality plays a factor. The nerve of these women! WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE!?!?!?

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^You can buy wimmins, straight up cash.

Visit Thailand!!

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I prefer to just take my girlfriend out of the closet and go out on my boat for the weekend.

I mean, I have to inflate her once we're out on the water and sometimes my lungs get tired, but have you seen the prices on those international marriage websites? A little hot air is way cheaper.

Besides, your girlfriend doubles as a flotation device, so that is another win.

---

I checked out a few sites and apparently you can't just buy them. They have to accept you first. I think its sad I can't buy a bride with just money.

Keep looking, there are still places that practice slavery. I'm sure you can buy yourself a bride from somewhere.

 

[oarivan]

Keep looking, there are still places that practice slavery. I'm sure you can buy yourself a bride from somewhere.

I'm afraid Liam Neeson will break down my door with his sexy accent while looking for my newly purchased bride.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Keep looking, there are still places that practice slavery. I'm sure you can buy yourself a bride from somewhere.

I'm afraid Liam Neeson will break down my door with his sexy accent while looking for my newly purchased bride.

His accent IS dead sexy. It might be worth it just for that.

 

[Brian]

I'm afraid Liam Neeson will break down my door with his sexy accent while looking for my newly purchased bride.

Damn, you're right. I hadn't thought about that.

And I'm pretty sure after seeing it once for myself that he definitely would find us. I don't have any doubts there I'm afraid.

 

[suckaG]

I wonder if you can get bargain deals, maybe if you buy two, you get a third for free! or at least for a lower price?

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I wonder if you can get bargain deals, maybe if you buy two, you get a third for free! or at least for a lower price?

We're talking people, here, not boxes of cereal.

 

[Badjedidude]

I wonder if you can get bargain deals, maybe if you buy two, you get a third for free! or at least for a lower price?

Common sense tells me that prostitutes don't have 2-for-1 deals or Super Savers Club cards.