Making an effort

[putter65]

The woman I sent the long message to just started chatting with me on facebook. Had a really long chat with her. I knew she'd ask me about the golf woman. She said the golf woman is unwell, somebody at work had said.

So I've jumped to the wrong conclusions again.

She didn't mention the message at all.

 

[putter65]

I've had people offer to hang out with me when I said something like "I'd like to go shopping soon" - then suddenly disappear when I brought it up again.
The worst was when someone asked me to go travelling to another city with them - I was so excited!
Then when I showed I was serious in taking their offer - something came up.
The same person even offered for me to hang out with her at a concert - I was so excited!
Again, avoided the subject when I mentioned it only once.

Sometimes people are just all talk.
They say what they think is right to appear friendly and social.
Or maybe they do like you, but not enough to go out of their way for you.
I've sent a few messages to people and received no responses...not even a late one.

I find it's tiring to always be initiating so if I find that I am always doing it - I'll stop and move on.
One-way friendships have no rewards.

It hurt me and drove me crazy for a long time, but I've reached a point where if I feel like I'm hunting or always scheduling myself around someone - f*** them - I'm moving on elsewhere where I'm appreciated!

Not worth my time if they keep cancelling or if it's always me that puts forth the effort to maintain the friendship.

I still haven't made any friends in real life yet...so I'm not sure if it's my place to suggest to you; but if they keep flaking out on you - I don't think they're worth your time and you need to work on meeting new people.
(FYI, I'm not saying be enemies...you can still be on good terms, but not to invest so much time and effort because they do not deserve it.)

JMO.

FYI - For your golfing friend...I would get tired of that. I have patience but to keep following up with her is too much.
I would probably say something along the lines of "Hope you feel better. I'll be heading out to golf/ golfing regularly for the next while. You let me know what day and time you're ready if you'd like to join."
This will give her the opportunity to make some initiative and for you to see if she's all talk or not.

It was golf woman's birthday today so I decided to send her a text. Her facebook page was full of messages and stuff so I didn't contribute to that. She's not contacted me in any way for about 10 days so I presume she doesn't care that much.

But I thought I would text her. I wished her a 'happy birthday', hoped she would have 'a lovely day with her family and friends' and wished her a 'speedy recoverly from her illness' - she replied a few hours later. She put 'thanks. we will play golf real soon !'

No idea what to make of this. Is this just a line to keep me happy ? I didn't mention playing golf, I have no real intention of asking her to play again since she has cancelled a number of times. But she mentions it again, just like her last text. I know she is really ill because other people have mentioned it. Is this just a sympahetic gesture on her part ? To keep me thinking she is bothered ? And she'll never go through with it ?

 

[jjam]

I hope it works out, man. I think you and her will play golf in the future, but there's a word for people who repeatedly press play on getting someone's hopes up about spending time together and cancelling (often the day of) with ease.

Flaky

There is no good excuse for this behavior, ill or not. You don't need to psyche someone up about something you know they're hopeful and excited about just to let them down. You can let them know that you'll let them know when you are ready to spend time. It's hard to even use the word flaky in association with someone you admired and cared for, but it is what it is. You'll find stories and comments from people all over the net dealing with the subject. Either way, you need to free yourself of her. Take on the attitude that if it happens, cool. If it doesn't happen, cool. You don't have to hate her guts for being this way. Accept that it is a character flaw (and remember, no one's perfect) that you are capable of forgiving but don't need to tolerate or be a slave to.

 

[beans]

I've had people offer to hang out with me when I said something like "I'd like to go shopping soon" - then suddenly disappear when I brought it up again.
The worst was when someone asked me to go travelling to another city with them - I was so excited!
Then when I showed I was serious in taking their offer - something came up.
The same person even offered for me to hang out with her at a concert - I was so excited!
Again, avoided the subject when I mentioned it only once.

Sometimes people are just all talk.
They say what they think is right to appear friendly and social.
Or maybe they do like you, but not enough to go out of their way for you.
I've sent a few messages to people and received no responses...not even a late one.

I find it's tiring to always be initiating so if I find that I am always doing it - I'll stop and move on.
One-way friendships have no rewards.

It hurt me and drove me crazy for a long time, but I've reached a point where if I feel like I'm hunting or always scheduling myself around someone - f*** them - I'm moving on elsewhere where I'm appreciated!

Not worth my time if they keep cancelling or if it's always me that puts forth the effort to maintain the friendship.

I still haven't made any friends in real life yet...so I'm not sure if it's my place to suggest to you; but if they keep flaking out on you - I don't think they're worth your time and you need to work on meeting new people.
(FYI, I'm not saying be enemies...you can still be on good terms, but not to invest so much time and effort because they do not deserve it.)

JMO.

FYI - For your golfing friend...I would get tired of that. I have patience but to keep following up with her is too much.
I would probably say something along the lines of "Hope you feel better. I'll be heading out to golf/ golfing regularly for the next while. You let me know what day and time you're ready if you'd like to join."
This will give her the opportunity to make some initiative and for you to see if she's all talk or not.

Wow wow...I feel so comforted to read this. I think that's just it. I feel for the Original Poster as well about this. I get it ALL the time. I'd make a friend and they'd say things like 'Yeah let's do coffee one day' or 'Yeah let's do this or do that'...and its really like you said, just all talk. Because the minute you ask them to do the very thing they mentioned, they'd come up with all sorts of excuses.

I also fall in the category of always the one to ask, to initiate until I get tired when it doesn't materialize. I don't think anyone should ought to 'beg' for doing things together for a friend in that sense. I would say, move on and find better quality friends who wants to spend time with you as much as you want to with them. It's no point hoping and hoping for this person to spend time with you or force them to because then when you actually do hang out with them, they are dreading it or just being nice.

 

[putter65]

I hope it works out, man. I think you and her will play golf in the future, but there's a word for people who repeatedly press play on getting someone's hopes up about spending time together and cancelling (often the day of) with ease.

Flaky

There is no good excuse for this behavior, ill or not. You don't need to psyche someone up about something you know they're hopeful and excited about just to let them down. You can let them know that you'll let them know when you are ready to spend time. It's hard to even use the word flaky in association with someone you admired and cared for, but it is what it is. You'll find stories and comments from people all over the net dealing with the subject. Either way, you need to free yourself of her. Take on the attitude that if it happens, cool. If it doesn't happen, cool. You don't have to hate her guts for being this way. Accept that it is a character flaw (and remember, no one's perfect) that you are capable of forgiving but don't need to tolerate or be a slave to.

Thanks. Her attitude is interesting. I have deliberately not mentioned playing golf in my last 2 texts only for her to bring the subject up. Why would she do this ?

I am cool about it, I'm not crying myself to sleep over it. If it happens then great. If not then there's nothing stopping me sending her texts every now and again. It's no good pretending I don't care for her. I still do and probably always will.

Spending time alone with a nice woman is great though. Just me and her, I really like that. Nobody else sticking their noses in. I used to goto the cinema with this other woman and I loved that. It's just cool and fun. Maybe because I haven't had alot of female company in my life.

---

I've had people offer to hang out with me when I said something like "I'd like to go shopping soon" - then suddenly disappear when I brought it up again.
The worst was when someone asked me to go travelling to another city with them - I was so excited!
Then when I showed I was serious in taking their offer - something came up.
The same person even offered for me to hang out with her at a concert - I was so excited!
Again, avoided the subject when I mentioned it only once.

Sometimes people are just all talk.
They say what they think is right to appear friendly and social.
Or maybe they do like you, but not enough to go out of their way for you.
I've sent a few messages to people and received no responses...not even a late one.

I find it's tiring to always be initiating so if I find that I am always doing it - I'll stop and move on.
One-way friendships have no rewards.

It hurt me and drove me crazy for a long time, but I've reached a point where if I feel like I'm hunting or always scheduling myself around someone - f*** them - I'm moving on elsewhere where I'm appreciated!

Not worth my time if they keep cancelling or if it's always me that puts forth the effort to maintain the friendship.

I still haven't made any friends in real life yet...so I'm not sure if it's my place to suggest to you; but if they keep flaking out on you - I don't think they're worth your time and you need to work on meeting new people.
(FYI, I'm not saying be enemies...you can still be on good terms, but not to invest so much time and effort because they do not deserve it.)

JMO.

FYI - For your golfing friend...I would get tired of that. I have patience but to keep following up with her is too much.
I would probably say something along the lines of "Hope you feel better. I'll be heading out to golf/ golfing regularly for the next while. You let me know what day and time you're ready if you'd like to join."
This will give her the opportunity to make some initiative and for you to see if she's all talk or not.

Wow wow...I feel so comforted to read this. I think that's just it. I feel for the Original Poster as well about this. I get it ALL the time. I'd make a friend and they'd say things like 'Yeah let's do coffee one day' or 'Yeah let's do this or do that'...and its really like you said, just all talk. Because the minute you ask them to do the very thing they mentioned, they'd come up with all sorts of excuses.

I also fall in the category of always the one to ask, to initiate until I get tired when it doesn't materialize. I don't think anyone should ought to 'beg' for doing things together for a friend in that sense. I would say, move on and find better quality friends who wants to spend time with you as much as you want to with them. It's no point hoping and hoping for this person to spend time with you or force them to because then when you actually do hang out with them, they are dreading it or just being nice.

I am slightly different to you. Nobody apart from this woman talks about spending time with me. I don't get anything. I get invited to large gatherings every now and again but I hate them so I don't usually go.

Nobody else at work has ever asked me to spend time with them doing something. Nobody has offered their mobile number as well. So that's what makes this woman so unique.

 

[beans]

I hope it works out, man. I think you and her will play golf in the future, but there's a word for people who repeatedly press play on getting someone's hopes up about spending time together and cancelling (often the day of) with ease.

Flaky

There is no good excuse for this behavior, ill or not. You don't need to psyche someone up about something you know they're hopeful and excited about just to let them down. You can let them know that you'll let them know when you are ready to spend time. It's hard to even use the word flaky in association with someone you admired and cared for, but it is what it is. You'll find stories and comments from people all over the net dealing with the subject. Either way, you need to free yourself of her. Take on the attitude that if it happens, cool. If it doesn't happen, cool. You don't have to hate her guts for being this way. Accept that it is a character flaw (and remember, no one's perfect) that you are capable of forgiving but don't need to tolerate or be a slave to.

Thanks. Her attitude is interesting. I have deliberately not mentioned playing golf in my last 2 texts only for her to bring the subject up. Why would she do this ?

I am cool about it, I'm not crying myself to sleep over it. If it happens then great. If not then there's nothing stopping me sending her texts every now and again. It's no good pretending I don't care for her. I still do and probably always will.

Spending time alone with a nice woman is great though. Just me and her, I really like that. Nobody else sticking their noses in. I used to goto the cinema with this other woman and I loved that. It's just cool and fun. Maybe because I haven't had alot of female company in my life.

---

I've had people offer to hang out with me when I said something like "I'd like to go shopping soon" - then suddenly disappear when I brought it up again.
The worst was when someone asked me to go travelling to another city with them - I was so excited!
Then when I showed I was serious in taking their offer - something came up.
The same person even offered for me to hang out with her at a concert - I was so excited!
Again, avoided the subject when I mentioned it only once.

Sometimes people are just all talk.
They say what they think is right to appear friendly and social.
Or maybe they do like you, but not enough to go out of their way for you.
I've sent a few messages to people and received no responses...not even a late one.

I find it's tiring to always be initiating so if I find that I am always doing it - I'll stop and move on.
One-way friendships have no rewards.

It hurt me and drove me crazy for a long time, but I've reached a point where if I feel like I'm hunting or always scheduling myself around someone - f*** them - I'm moving on elsewhere where I'm appreciated!

Not worth my time if they keep cancelling or if it's always me that puts forth the effort to maintain the friendship.

I still haven't made any friends in real life yet...so I'm not sure if it's my place to suggest to you; but if they keep flaking out on you - I don't think they're worth your time and you need to work on meeting new people.
(FYI, I'm not saying be enemies...you can still be on good terms, but not to invest so much time and effort because they do not deserve it.)

JMO.

FYI - For your golfing friend...I would get tired of that. I have patience but to keep following up with her is too much.
I would probably say something along the lines of "Hope you feel better. I'll be heading out to golf/ golfing regularly for the next while. You let me know what day and time you're ready if you'd like to join."
This will give her the opportunity to make some initiative and for you to see if she's all talk or not.

Wow wow...I feel so comforted to read this. I think that's just it. I feel for the Original Poster as well about this. I get it ALL the time. I'd make a friend and they'd say things like 'Yeah let's do coffee one day' or 'Yeah let's do this or do that'...and its really like you said, just all talk. Because the minute you ask them to do the very thing they mentioned, they'd come up with all sorts of excuses.

I also fall in the category of always the one to ask, to initiate until I get tired when it doesn't materialize. I don't think anyone should ought to 'beg' for doing things together for a friend in that sense. I would say, move on and find better quality friends who wants to spend time with you as much as you want to with them. It's no point hoping and hoping for this person to spend time with you or force them to because then when you actually do hang out with them, they are dreading it or just being nice.

I am slightly different to you. Nobody apart from this woman talks about spending time with me. I don't get anything. I get invited to large gatherings every now and again but I hate them so I don't usually go.

Nobody else at work has ever asked me to spend time with them doing something. Nobody has offered their mobile number as well. So that's what makes this woman so unique.

---

OK you see the thing is, everyone on here seems to be able to express themselves very well on this forum in text. So I really don't think that everyone should be lonely because it's not like you are not a good communicator. Do you act differently in real life than when you are online? Do you talk less? Hold back your feelings/views/opinions?

Also, can I ask what is your gender and how old are you?


Why do you not like to go to large gatherings? How about small gatherings? And do you live in a big city/small town? Which country?

 

[putter65]

I hope it works out, man. I think you and her will play golf in the future, but there's a word for people who repeatedly press play on getting someone's hopes up about spending time together and cancelling (often the day of) with ease.

Flaky

There is no good excuse for this behavior, ill or not. You don't need to psyche someone up about something you know they're hopeful and excited about just to let them down. You can let them know that you'll let them know when you are ready to spend time. It's hard to even use the word flaky in association with someone you admired and cared for, but it is what it is. You'll find stories and comments from people all over the net dealing with the subject. Either way, you need to free yourself of her. Take on the attitude that if it happens, cool. If it doesn't happen, cool. You don't have to hate her guts for being this way. Accept that it is a character flaw (and remember, no one's perfect) that you are capable of forgiving but don't need to tolerate or be a slave to.

Thanks. Her attitude is interesting. I have deliberately not mentioned playing golf in my last 2 texts only for her to bring the subject up. Why would she do this ?

I am cool about it, I'm not crying myself to sleep over it. If it happens then great. If not then there's nothing stopping me sending her texts every now and again. It's no good pretending I don't care for her. I still do and probably always will.

Spending time alone with a nice woman is great though. Just me and her, I really like that. Nobody else sticking their noses in. I used to goto the cinema with this other woman and I loved that. It's just cool and fun. Maybe because I haven't had alot of female company in my life.

---

I've had people offer to hang out with me when I said something like "I'd like to go shopping soon" - then suddenly disappear when I brought it up again.
The worst was when someone asked me to go travelling to another city with them - I was so excited!
Then when I showed I was serious in taking their offer - something came up.
The same person even offered for me to hang out with her at a concert - I was so excited!
Again, avoided the subject when I mentioned it only once.

Sometimes people are just all talk.
They say what they think is right to appear friendly and social.
Or maybe they do like you, but not enough to go out of their way for you.
I've sent a few messages to people and received no responses...not even a late one.

I find it's tiring to always be initiating so if I find that I am always doing it - I'll stop and move on.
One-way friendships have no rewards.

It hurt me and drove me crazy for a long time, but I've reached a point where if I feel like I'm hunting or always scheduling myself around someone - f*** them - I'm moving on elsewhere where I'm appreciated!

Not worth my time if they keep cancelling or if it's always me that puts forth the effort to maintain the friendship.

I still haven't made any friends in real life yet...so I'm not sure if it's my place to suggest to you; but if they keep flaking out on you - I don't think they're worth your time and you need to work on meeting new people.
(FYI, I'm not saying be enemies...you can still be on good terms, but not to invest so much time and effort because they do not deserve it.)

JMO.

FYI - For your golfing friend...I would get tired of that. I have patience but to keep following up with her is too much.
I would probably say something along the lines of "Hope you feel better. I'll be heading out to golf/ golfing regularly for the next while. You let me know what day and time you're ready if you'd like to join."
This will give her the opportunity to make some initiative and for you to see if she's all talk or not.

Wow wow...I feel so comforted to read this. I think that's just it. I feel for the Original Poster as well about this. I get it ALL the time. I'd make a friend and they'd say things like 'Yeah let's do coffee one day' or 'Yeah let's do this or do that'...and its really like you said, just all talk. Because the minute you ask them to do the very thing they mentioned, they'd come up with all sorts of excuses.

I also fall in the category of always the one to ask, to initiate until I get tired when it doesn't materialize. I don't think anyone should ought to 'beg' for doing things together for a friend in that sense. I would say, move on and find better quality friends who wants to spend time with you as much as you want to with them. It's no point hoping and hoping for this person to spend time with you or force them to because then when you actually do hang out with them, they are dreading it or just being nice.

I am slightly different to you. Nobody apart from this woman talks about spending time with me. I don't get anything. I get invited to large gatherings every now and again but I hate them so I don't usually go.

Nobody else at work has ever asked me to spend time with them doing something. Nobody has offered their mobile number as well. So that's what makes this woman so unique.

---

OK you see the thing is, everyone on here seems to be able to express themselves very well on this forum in text. So I really don't think that everyone should be lonely because it's not like you are not a good communicator. Do you act differently in real life than when you are online? Do you talk less? Hold back your feelings/views/opinions?

Also, can I ask what is your gender and how old are you?


Why do you not like to go to large gatherings? How about small gatherings? And do you live in a big city/small town? Which country?

---

Male, 43 years. Live in a large city in England.

Never liked large gatherings. I don't drink and everybody else does so never feel like I fit in. When I was younger, I would go out with people and they would turn their backs on me to talk to their friends. So I would be stood there with nobody to talk to. That has never left me. I also don't like large gatherings because there is always one person who starts to 'have a go at me' - always happens. This usually is someone making fun of me. Or someone digging at me to try and cause an argument. I don't like attention and other people seem to love it.

In a small group I can be vocal and I will be more talkative than anybody else. One on one are easy, no problems with that (including women). Larger groups I go quiet and don't speak.

I don't talk about women I like, eg feelings. Hate all that.

 

[beans]

I hope it works out, man. I think you and her will play golf in the future, but there's a word for people who repeatedly press play on getting someone's hopes up about spending time together and cancelling (often the day of) with ease.

Flaky

There is no good excuse for this behavior, ill or not. You don't need to psyche someone up about something you know they're hopeful and excited about just to let them down. You can let them know that you'll let them know when you are ready to spend time. It's hard to even use the word flaky in association with someone you admired and cared for, but it is what it is. You'll find stories and comments from people all over the net dealing with the subject. Either way, you need to free yourself of her. Take on the attitude that if it happens, cool. If it doesn't happen, cool. You don't have to hate her guts for being this way. Accept that it is a character flaw (and remember, no one's perfect) that you are capable of forgiving but don't need to tolerate or be a slave to.

Thanks. Her attitude is interesting. I have deliberately not mentioned playing golf in my last 2 texts only for her to bring the subject up. Why would she do this ?

I am cool about it, I'm not crying myself to sleep over it. If it happens then great. If not then there's nothing stopping me sending her texts every now and again. It's no good pretending I don't care for her. I still do and probably always will.

Spending time alone with a nice woman is great though. Just me and her, I really like that. Nobody else sticking their noses in. I used to goto the cinema with this other woman and I loved that. It's just cool and fun. Maybe because I haven't had alot of female company in my life.

---

I've had people offer to hang out with me when I said something like "I'd like to go shopping soon" - then suddenly disappear when I brought it up again.
The worst was when someone asked me to go travelling to another city with them - I was so excited!
Then when I showed I was serious in taking their offer - something came up.
The same person even offered for me to hang out with her at a concert - I was so excited!
Again, avoided the subject when I mentioned it only once.

Sometimes people are just all talk.
They say what they think is right to appear friendly and social.
Or maybe they do like you, but not enough to go out of their way for you.
I've sent a few messages to people and received no responses...not even a late one.

I find it's tiring to always be initiating so if I find that I am always doing it - I'll stop and move on.
One-way friendships have no rewards.

It hurt me and drove me crazy for a long time, but I've reached a point where if I feel like I'm hunting or always scheduling myself around someone - f*** them - I'm moving on elsewhere where I'm appreciated!

Not worth my time if they keep cancelling or if it's always me that puts forth the effort to maintain the friendship.

I still haven't made any friends in real life yet...so I'm not sure if it's my place to suggest to you; but if they keep flaking out on you - I don't think they're worth your time and you need to work on meeting new people.
(FYI, I'm not saying be enemies...you can still be on good terms, but not to invest so much time and effort because they do not deserve it.)

JMO.

FYI - For your golfing friend...I would get tired of that. I have patience but to keep following up with her is too much.
I would probably say something along the lines of "Hope you feel better. I'll be heading out to golf/ golfing regularly for the next while. You let me know what day and time you're ready if you'd like to join."
This will give her the opportunity to make some initiative and for you to see if she's all talk or not.

Wow wow...I feel so comforted to read this. I think that's just it. I feel for the Original Poster as well about this. I get it ALL the time. I'd make a friend and they'd say things like 'Yeah let's do coffee one day' or 'Yeah let's do this or do that'...and its really like you said, just all talk. Because the minute you ask them to do the very thing they mentioned, they'd come up with all sorts of excuses.

I also fall in the category of always the one to ask, to initiate until I get tired when it doesn't materialize. I don't think anyone should ought to 'beg' for doing things together for a friend in that sense. I would say, move on and find better quality friends who wants to spend time with you as much as you want to with them. It's no point hoping and hoping for this person to spend time with you or force them to because then when you actually do hang out with them, they are dreading it or just being nice.

I am slightly different to you. Nobody apart from this woman talks about spending time with me. I don't get anything. I get invited to large gatherings every now and again but I hate them so I don't usually go.

Nobody else at work has ever asked me to spend time with them doing something. Nobody has offered their mobile number as well. So that's what makes this woman so unique.

---

OK you see the thing is, everyone on here seems to be able to express themselves very well on this forum in text. So I really don't think that everyone should be lonely because it's not like you are not a good communicator. Do you act differently in real life than when you are online? Do you talk less? Hold back your feelings/views/opinions?

Also, can I ask what is your gender and how old are you?


Why do you not like to go to large gatherings? How about small gatherings? And do you live in a big city/small town? Which country?



Ever been in relationships? Married? Kids?


Never liked large gatherings. I don't drink and everybody else does so never feel like I fit in.
I've heard that about England. Strong drinking culture. Ever thought of moving to another place? Country?


When I was younger, I would go out with people and they would turn their backs on me to talk to their friends. So I would be stood there with nobody to talk to. That has never left me.

---

Please try not to attach meanings to events. I mean, if people make fun of you and left you, you should think that THEY are the problem, not you. It's awful, but it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.

Ever tried meetup.com? People are generally nice on there, and they are usually lonely, looking for company too. They have smaller groups too.


Well most of us don't talk about the opposite sex that we like or feelings in groups. Unless you're very close to them so that's okay.

 

[putter65]

I hope it works out, man. I think you and her will play golf in the future, but there's a word for people who repeatedly press play on getting someone's hopes up about spending time together and cancelling (often the day of) with ease.

Flaky

There is no good excuse for this behavior, ill or not. You don't need to psyche someone up about something you know they're hopeful and excited about just to let them down. You can let them know that you'll let them know when you are ready to spend time. It's hard to even use the word flaky in association with someone you admired and cared for, but it is what it is. You'll find stories and comments from people all over the net dealing with the subject. Either way, you need to free yourself of her. Take on the attitude that if it happens, cool. If it doesn't happen, cool. You don't have to hate her guts for being this way. Accept that it is a character flaw (and remember, no one's perfect) that you are capable of forgiving but don't need to tolerate or be a slave to.

Thanks. Her attitude is interesting. I have deliberately not mentioned playing golf in my last 2 texts only for her to bring the subject up. Why would she do this ?

I am cool about it, I'm not crying myself to sleep over it. If it happens then great. If not then there's nothing stopping me sending her texts every now and again. It's no good pretending I don't care for her. I still do and probably always will.

Spending time alone with a nice woman is great though. Just me and her, I really like that. Nobody else sticking their noses in. I used to goto the cinema with this other woman and I loved that. It's just cool and fun. Maybe because I haven't had alot of female company in my life.

---

I've had people offer to hang out with me when I said something like "I'd like to go shopping soon" - then suddenly disappear when I brought it up again.
The worst was when someone asked me to go travelling to another city with them - I was so excited!
Then when I showed I was serious in taking their offer - something came up.
The same person even offered for me to hang out with her at a concert - I was so excited!
Again, avoided the subject when I mentioned it only once.

Sometimes people are just all talk.
They say what they think is right to appear friendly and social.
Or maybe they do like you, but not enough to go out of their way for you.
I've sent a few messages to people and received no responses...not even a late one.

I find it's tiring to always be initiating so if I find that I am always doing it - I'll stop and move on.
One-way friendships have no rewards.

It hurt me and drove me crazy for a long time, but I've reached a point where if I feel like I'm hunting or always scheduling myself around someone - f*** them - I'm moving on elsewhere where I'm appreciated!

Not worth my time if they keep cancelling or if it's always me that puts forth the effort to maintain the friendship.

I still haven't made any friends in real life yet...so I'm not sure if it's my place to suggest to you; but if they keep flaking out on you - I don't think they're worth your time and you need to work on meeting new people.
(FYI, I'm not saying be enemies...you can still be on good terms, but not to invest so much time and effort because they do not deserve it.)

JMO.

FYI - For your golfing friend...I would get tired of that. I have patience but to keep following up with her is too much.
I would probably say something along the lines of "Hope you feel better. I'll be heading out to golf/ golfing regularly for the next while. You let me know what day and time you're ready if you'd like to join."
This will give her the opportunity to make some initiative and for you to see if she's all talk or not.

Wow wow...I feel so comforted to read this. I think that's just it. I feel for the Original Poster as well about this. I get it ALL the time. I'd make a friend and they'd say things like 'Yeah let's do coffee one day' or 'Yeah let's do this or do that'...and its really like you said, just all talk. Because the minute you ask them to do the very thing they mentioned, they'd come up with all sorts of excuses.

I also fall in the category of always the one to ask, to initiate until I get tired when it doesn't materialize. I don't think anyone should ought to 'beg' for doing things together for a friend in that sense. I would say, move on and find better quality friends who wants to spend time with you as much as you want to with them. It's no point hoping and hoping for this person to spend time with you or force them to because then when you actually do hang out with them, they are dreading it or just being nice.

I am slightly different to you. Nobody apart from this woman talks about spending time with me. I don't get anything. I get invited to large gatherings every now and again but I hate them so I don't usually go.

Nobody else at work has ever asked me to spend time with them doing something. Nobody has offered their mobile number as well. So that's what makes this woman so unique.

---

OK you see the thing is, everyone on here seems to be able to express themselves very well on this forum in text. So I really don't think that everyone should be lonely because it's not like you are not a good communicator. Do you act differently in real life than when you are online? Do you talk less? Hold back your feelings/views/opinions?

Also, can I ask what is your gender and how old are you?


Why do you not like to go to large gatherings? How about small gatherings? And do you live in a big city/small town? Which country?



Ever been in relationships? Married? Kids?


Never liked large gatherings. I don't drink and everybody else does so never feel like I fit in.
I've heard that about England. Strong drinking culture. Ever thought of moving to another place? Country?


When I was younger, I would go out with people and they would turn their backs on me to talk to their friends. So I would be stood there with nobody to talk to. That has never left me.

---

Please try not to attach meanings to events. I mean, if people make fun of you and left you, you should think that THEY are the problem, not you. It's awful, but it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.

Ever tried meetup.com? People are generally nice on there, and they are usually lonely, looking for company too. They have smaller groups too.


Well most of us don't talk about the opposite sex that we like or feelings in groups. Unless you're very close to them so that's okay.

---

I don't know what 'meetup,com' is. If it's some kind of dating site then I won't be interested. I can't stand them. I did use them a bit about 15 years ago but not now.

I'm not pig ugly but I look awfull in photo's. Just dreadfull, so once my photo is on there nobody would be interested. I also have a awfull speaking voice. So any kind of telephone dating is a non starter too.

I know what I look like and what I sound like. I did an experiment in the past, I sent a small video of me talking to a few people on another forum. These people were saying I was 'normal looking' or 'nothing wrong with me' etc. So I sent this video and asked them to say what they thought in an honest way. Words that came up were 'dangerous looking, scary, serial killer, miserable' - stuff like that.

I won't be doing that again because it is very upsetting for me. I know people who know me, they get used to what I'm like and they start to realize what a nice person I am. So I don't do the whole 'blind date' thing and I never will.

---

I hope it works out, man. I think you and her will play golf in the future, but there's a word for people who repeatedly press play on getting someone's hopes up about spending time together and cancelling (often the day of) with ease.

Flaky

There is no good excuse for this behavior, ill or not. You don't need to psyche someone up about something you know they're hopeful and excited about just to let them down. You can let them know that you'll let them know when you are ready to spend time. It's hard to even use the word flaky in association with someone you admired and cared for, but it is what it is. You'll find stories and comments from people all over the net dealing with the subject. Either way, you need to free yourself of her. Take on the attitude that if it happens, cool. If it doesn't happen, cool. You don't have to hate her guts for being this way. Accept that it is a character flaw (and remember, no one's perfect) that you are capable of forgiving but don't need to tolerate or be a slave to.

Presuming I'm very low down on her friends list, I wonder why she didn't just say 'thanks for the text' - why put the -'we will play golf real soon' bit on the end. I told my brother about it awhile ago and he said she probably likes male attention. I've already asked her out to the cinema. She must know I like her. My brother said it was wrong for her to encourage me by saying she wants to spend time with me. She could easily have answered my text without mentioning golf. It's not like I mention it all the time. I only bring it up when she does. I suppose I am in my rights to ask her in a couple of weeks time.

 

[beans]

Thanks. Her attitude is interesting. I have deliberately not mentioned playing golf in my last 2 texts only for her to bring the subject up. Why would she do this ?

I am cool about it, I'm not crying myself to sleep over it. If it happens then great. If not then there's nothing stopping me sending her texts every now and again. It's no good pretending I don't care for her. I still do and probably always will.

Spending time alone with a nice woman is great though. Just me and her, I really like that. Nobody else sticking their noses in. I used to goto the cinema with this other woman and I loved that. It's just cool and fun. Maybe because I haven't had alot of female company in my life.

---

Wow wow...I feel so comforted to read this. I think that's just it. I feel for the Original Poster as well about this. I get it ALL the time. I'd make a friend and they'd say things like 'Yeah let's do coffee one day' or 'Yeah let's do this or do that'...and its really like you said, just all talk. Because the minute you ask them to do the very thing they mentioned, they'd come up with all sorts of excuses.

I also fall in the category of always the one to ask, to initiate until I get tired when it doesn't materialize. I don't think anyone should ought to 'beg' for doing things together for a friend in that sense. I would say, move on and find better quality friends who wants to spend time with you as much as you want to with them. It's no point hoping and hoping for this person to spend time with you or force them to because then when you actually do hang out with them, they are dreading it or just being nice.

---

I am slightly different to you. Nobody apart from this woman talks about spending time with me. I don't get anything. I get invited to large gatherings every now and again but I hate them so I don't usually go.

Nobody else at work has ever asked me to spend time with them doing something. Nobody has offered their mobile number as well. So that's what makes this woman so unique.

---

OK you see the thing is, everyone on here seems to be able to express themselves very well on this forum in text. So I really don't think that everyone should be lonely because it's not like you are not a good communicator. Do you act differently in real life than when you are online? Do you talk less? Hold back your feelings/views/opinions?

Also, can I ask what is your gender and how old are you?


Why do you not like to go to large gatherings? How about small gatherings? And do you live in a big city/small town? Which country?



Ever been in relationships? Married? Kids?


Never liked large gatherings. I don't drink and everybody else does so never feel like I fit in.
I've heard that about England. Strong drinking culture. Ever thought of moving to another place? Country?


When I was younger, I would go out with people and they would turn their backs on me to talk to their friends. So I would be stood there with nobody to talk to. That has never left me.

---

Please try not to attach meanings to events. I mean, if people make fun of you and left you, you should think that THEY are the problem, not you. It's awful, but it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.

Ever tried meetup.com? People are generally nice on there, and they are usually lonely, looking for company too. They have smaller groups too.


Well most of us don't talk about the opposite sex that we like or feelings in groups. Unless you're very close to them so that's okay.

---

I don't know what 'meetup,com' is. If it's some kind of dating site then I won't be interested. I can't stand them. I did use them a bit about 15 years ago but not now.

I'm not pig ugly but I look awfull in photo's. Just dreadfull, so once my photo is on there nobody would be interested. I also have a awfull speaking voice. So any kind of telephone dating is a non starter too.

I know what I look like and what I sound like. I did an experiment in the past, I sent a small video of me talking to a few people on another forum. These people were saying I was 'normal looking' or 'nothing wrong with me' etc. So I sent this video and asked them to say what they thought in an honest way. Words that came up were 'dangerous looking, scary, serial killer, miserable' - stuff like that.

I won't be doing that again because it is very upsetting for me. I know people who know me, they get used to what I'm like and they start to realize what a nice person I am. So I don't do the whole 'blind date' thing and I never will.

---

Uh, first of all, meetup is not a dating site. It's a site for people who have common interest to gather in REAL life to do things they enjoy of various interests and hobbies. Just google 'meetup.com' if you care to.

First of all, I think you're thinking too much of what others think of you. I have learned that I should never ask anyone's opinion of what they 'think' of

1) how I look
2) how I sound

because you are really sabotaging yourself when you open yourself to a a bunch of anonymous people who can say anything nasty and unhelpful to you without being responsible or facing any consequences and I believe there ARE such people who do that and now because of what THEY said, you have made many strong conclusions about yourself and therefore, limited your life to being alone.

Are you interested to change the situation in your life? or you're really just okay as it is and you just like spending time on forums? (genuinely asking)

Because it sounds like you've got hurt and I know its painful but it doesn't mean you should stop trying.

Even if you had a bad experience in blind dates, I think you should be open to other things.

Here's an article if you it may help you.

http://www.erinpavlina.com/blog/2011/07/rejection-is-a-blessing/

 

[putter65]

I am slightly different to you. Nobody apart from this woman talks about spending time with me. I don't get anything. I get invited to large gatherings every now and again but I hate them so I don't usually go.

Nobody else at work has ever asked me to spend time with them doing something. Nobody has offered their mobile number as well. So that's what makes this woman so unique.

OK you see the thing is, everyone on here seems to be able to express themselves very well on this forum in text. So I really don't think that everyone should be lonely because it's not like you are not a good communicator. Do you act differently in real life than when you are online? Do you talk less? Hold back your feelings/views/opinions?

Also, can I ask what is your gender and how old are you?


Why do you not like to go to large gatherings? How about small gatherings? And do you live in a big city/small town? Which country?



Ever been in relationships? Married? Kids?


Never liked large gatherings. I don't drink and everybody else does so never feel like I fit in.
I've heard that about England. Strong drinking culture. Ever thought of moving to another place? Country?


When I was younger, I would go out with people and they would turn their backs on me to talk to their friends. So I would be stood there with nobody to talk to. That has never left me.

Please try not to attach meanings to events. I mean, if people make fun of you and left you, you should think that THEY are the problem, not you. It's awful, but it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.

Ever tried meetup.com? People are generally nice on there, and they are usually lonely, looking for company too. They have smaller groups too.


Well most of us don't talk about the opposite sex that we like or feelings in groups. Unless you're very close to them so that's okay.

I don't know what 'meetup,com' is. If it's some kind of dating site then I won't be interested. I can't stand them. I did use them a bit about 15 years ago but not now.

I'm not pig ugly but I look awfull in photo's. Just dreadfull, so once my photo is on there nobody would be interested. I also have a awfull speaking voice. So any kind of telephone dating is a non starter too.

I know what I look like and what I sound like. I did an experiment in the past, I sent a small video of me talking to a few people on another forum. These people were saying I was 'normal looking' or 'nothing wrong with me' etc. So I sent this video and asked them to say what they thought in an honest way. Words that came up were 'dangerous looking, scary, serial killer, miserable' - stuff like that.

I won't be doing that again because it is very upsetting for me. I know people who know me, they get used to what I'm like and they start to realize what a nice person I am. So I don't do the whole 'blind date' thing and I never will.

Uh, first of all, meetup is not a dating site. It's a site for people who have common interest to gather in REAL life to do things they enjoy of various interests and hobbies. Just google 'meetup.com' if you care to.

First of all, I think you're thinking too much of what others think of you. I have learned that I should never ask anyone's opinion of what they 'think' of

1) how I look
2) how I sound

because you are really sabotaging yourself when you open yourself to a a bunch of anonymous people who can say anything nasty and unhelpful to you without being responsible or facing any consequences and I believe there ARE such people who do that and now because of what THEY said, you have made many strong conclusions about yourself and therefore, limited your life to being alone.

Are you interested to change the situation in your life? or you're really just okay as it is and you just like spending time on forums? (genuinely asking)

Because it sounds like you've got hurt and I know its painful but it doesn't mean you should stop trying.

Even if you had a bad experience in blind dates, I think you should be open to other things.

Here's an article if you it may help you.

http://www.erinpavlina.com/blog/2011/07/rejection-is-a-blessing/

The only blind date I went on. The woman had a panic attack so it's not made me want to go on any others.

There are alot of things I like about my life and I wouldn't change them. Where I live (with my Dad), my job, my hobbies. Not too bothered about having lots of friends. I would just like to experience what's it like to have a girlfriend and all that comes with it.

 

[beans]

OK you see the thing is, everyone on here seems to be able to express themselves very well on this forum in text. So I really don't think that everyone should be lonely because it's not like you are not a good communicator. Do you act differently in real life than when you are online? Do you talk less? Hold back your feelings/views/opinions?

Also, can I ask what is your gender and how old are you?


Why do you not like to go to large gatherings? How about small gatherings? And do you live in a big city/small town? Which country?



Ever been in relationships? Married? Kids?


Never liked large gatherings. I don't drink and everybody else does so never feel like I fit in.
I've heard that about England. Strong drinking culture. Ever thought of moving to another place? Country?


When I was younger, I would go out with people and they would turn their backs on me to talk to their friends. So I would be stood there with nobody to talk to. That has never left me.

Please try not to attach meanings to events. I mean, if people make fun of you and left you, you should think that THEY are the problem, not you. It's awful, but it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.

Ever tried meetup.com? People are generally nice on there, and they are usually lonely, looking for company too. They have smaller groups too.


Well most of us don't talk about the opposite sex that we like or feelings in groups. Unless you're very close to them so that's okay.

I don't know what 'meetup,com' is. If it's some kind of dating site then I won't be interested. I can't stand them. I did use them a bit about 15 years ago but not now.

I'm not pig ugly but I look awfull in photo's. Just dreadfull, so once my photo is on there nobody would be interested. I also have a awfull speaking voice. So any kind of telephone dating is a non starter too.

I know what I look like and what I sound like. I did an experiment in the past, I sent a small video of me talking to a few people on another forum. These people were saying I was 'normal looking' or 'nothing wrong with me' etc. So I sent this video and asked them to say what they thought in an honest way. Words that came up were 'dangerous looking, scary, serial killer, miserable' - stuff like that.

I won't be doing that again because it is very upsetting for me. I know people who know me, they get used to what I'm like and they start to realize what a nice person I am. So I don't do the whole 'blind date' thing and I never will.

Uh, first of all, meetup is not a dating site. It's a site for people who have common interest to gather in REAL life to do things they enjoy of various interests and hobbies. Just google 'meetup.com' if you care to.

First of all, I think you're thinking too much of what others think of you. I have learned that I should never ask anyone's opinion of what they 'think' of

1) how I look
2) how I sound

because you are really sabotaging yourself when you open yourself to a a bunch of anonymous people who can say anything nasty and unhelpful to you without being responsible or facing any consequences and I believe there ARE such people who do that and now because of what THEY said, you have made many strong conclusions about yourself and therefore, limited your life to being alone.

Are you interested to change the situation in your life? or you're really just okay as it is and you just like spending time on forums? (genuinely asking)

Because it sounds like you've got hurt and I know its painful but it doesn't mean you should stop trying.

Even if you had a bad experience in blind dates, I think you should be open to other things.

Here's an article if you it may help you.

http://www.erinpavlina.com/blog/2011/07/rejection-is-a-blessing/

The only blind date I went on. The woman had a panic attack so it's not made me want to go on any others.

There are alot of things I like about my life and I wouldn't change them. Where I live (with my Dad), my job, my hobbies. Not too bothered about having lots of friends. I would just like to experience what's it like to have a girlfriend and all that comes with it.

you start off with being friends and that was what I suggested - to meet more people, otherwise I don't know how you plan on gettnig a girlfriend. online? whatever it is, good luck,bye.

 

[jjam]

You guys are NUTS with the quoting! :club:

Presuming I'm very low down on her friends list, I wonder why she didn't just say 'thanks for the text' - why put the -'we will play golf real soon' bit on the end. I told my brother about it awhile ago and he said she probably likes male attention. I've already asked her out to the cinema. She must know I like her. My brother said it was wrong for her to encourage me by saying she wants to spend time with me. She could easily have answered my text without mentioning golf. It's not like I mention it all the time. I only bring it up when she does. I suppose I am in my rights to ask her in a couple of weeks time.

Didn't you say you'd already confronted her about the flakiness before? If so, then NO! NO! NO! You have made her aware of your concerns, now let her actions speak. She'll either change out of consideration for your feelings, or she won't, affirming that she doesn't give a flying piece of dog **** about you. Do not ask her anything again. Leave her alone. Because you clearly had feelings for her, this will be difficult (makes me think of drug rehabilitation or something) . But it's time to start seeing this as some kind of twisted hoax until she can prove otherwise. I'd LOVE to be proven wrong in your case (and mine), but let her SHOW you that she wants a friendship and not just some superficial acquaintanceship where two people know names and some insignificant details about each other. In my case, I am not holding my breath. To say what I've gone through has been SHOCKING is an understatement given the full details of my circumstance.

Yeah... she probably does like male attention, but what a strange way to like it considering it's a damn good way to lose the attention (assuming dude is strong enough to walk away from the abuse). I like female attention. I'm proud that I'm not trying to dog them out in the process of getting it.

 

[Luna]

Actions speak louder than words!
It is a different story if she messaged you with a date and time.
A lot of people on FB tend to post publicly on their wall "Hey, let's hang out for coffee! " and not follow through with it.
I've know quite a few people to be let down about this - including myself.
Again, many people just want to give the impression of being friendly and social to everyone that is watching.
It feels good for them to get attention and feel popular!

Going back with the past few pages...I feel like you're looking far too much into it.
All she did was give you a short and quick reply that mentioned golf.
Now you are agonizing yourself by over-analyzing the issue: "What are her intentions?" "Does she really mean to go out with me?" "I'll find out the truth from her!"

If a person really likes you and wants to spend time with you - you can feel it! They will make you feel wanted and put forth the effort!
From an outsider's view...it looks as if you are chasing her down.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I do not think it is healthy to just keep on focusing on this individual. You seem very attached to her only because you have not connected with many other people.

I hate large groups. I hate it. I f***ing hate it and would much rather have a friend one-on-one.
But it is an opportunity to meet new people!
While you may not "blend in" with the WHOLE group...the point is to meet NEW PEOPLE and perhaps you will be lucky enough to find a few that you connect with! Then you can start spending time with them on a more personal (one-on-one) basis!
It's almost like you've committed yourself only to HER and dedicate your friend-worthy efforts to HER.
Even if she does come around and decide to hang out with you - it surely can't hurt to have made some other new friends til then right?
But it looks like you've only have eyes for her...you've giving her far too much if she keeps flaking out!

No need to get mad about it - simply meet new people!

www.meetup.com has many different types of groups...biking enthusiasts, food lovers, people who want to make new friends etc. It's not a dating site. It's a group for random strangers to meet together in hopes of making some new friends and if you make a partner - then great!

I shot it down for quite some time cause I was ignored at first etc, but I really forced myself to "get out there" and I'm not so bad with groups anymore. I mean, I'm still nervous etc and still dislike groups but at least I have given myself the opportunity to meet new people.
I haven't made any friends, but hey - friendships take time and effort to form.

Honestly, from all the chasing you're doing... unless she's completely clueless - she knows that if she wants to have you for company you're available.

I vote redirect your efforts to people who are better deserving...:/

 

[beans]

Actions speak louder than words!
It is a different story if she messaged you with a date and time.
A lot of people on FB tend to post publicly on their wall "Hey, let's hang out for coffee! " and not follow through with it.
I've know quite a few people to be let down about this - including myself.
Again, many people just want to give the impression of being friendly and social to everyone that is watching.
It feels good for them to get attention and feel popular!

Going back with the past few pages...I feel like you're looking far too much into it.
All she did was give you a short and quick reply that mentioned golf.
Now you are agonizing yourself by over-analyzing the issue: "What are her intentions?" "Does she really mean to go out with me?" "I'll find out the truth from her!"

If a person really likes you and wants to spend time with you - you can feel it! They will make you feel wanted and put forth the effort!
From an outsider's view...it looks as if you are chasing her down.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I do not think it is healthy to just keep on focusing on this individual. You seem very attached to her only because you have not connected with many other people.

I hate large groups. I hate it. I f***ing hate it and would much rather have a friend one-on-one.
But it is an opportunity to meet new people!
While you may not "blend in" with the WHOLE group...the point is to meet NEW PEOPLE and perhaps you will be lucky enough to find a few that you connect with! Then you can start spending time with them on a more personal (one-on-one) basis!
It's almost like you've committed yourself only to HER and dedicate your friend-worthy efforts to HER.
Even if she does come around and decide to hang out with you - it surely can't hurt to have made some other new friends til then right?
But it looks like you've only have eyes for her...you've giving her far too much if she keeps flaking out!

No need to get mad about it - simply meet new people!

www.meetup.com has many different types of groups...biking enthusiasts, food lovers, people who want to make new friends etc. It's not a dating site. It's a group for random strangers to meet together in hopes of making some new friends and if you make a partner - then great!

I shot it down for quite some time cause I was ignored at first etc, but I really forced myself to "get out there" and I'm not so bad with groups anymore. I mean, I'm still nervous etc and still dislike groups but at least I have given myself the opportunity to meet new people.
I haven't made any friends, but hey - friendships take time and effort to form.

Honestly, from all the chasing you're doing... unless she's completely clueless - she knows that if she wants to have you for company you're available.

I vote redirect your efforts to people who are better deserving...:/

In my most painful experience in life : NEVER NEVER NEVER DEPEND / FOCUS ON ONE INDIVIDUAL AND THINK THAT"S YOUR ONLY FRIEND.

 

[Luna]

In my most painful experience in life : NEVER NEVER NEVER DEPEND / FOCUS ON ONE INDIVIDUAL AND THINK THAT"S YOUR ONLY FRIEND.

True!
Believe me...about that co-worker who kept suggesting that we hang outside of work, travel together, go to a concert - I learnt that she is not my friend.
We started together 2 years ago; the supervisors often pair us up together; we've shared details of our personal life...but her constant excuses and habit of ditching me for other people...made me realize she is just a co-worker. Nothing more.
I was so hurt by it all...I've never had any friends - and for once, I thought I made a friend from work! I've known plenty of people to have.
I long for a female best friend...like a sister ...but after what she did with the concert offer - I learned that she is all talk and there's no point on me trying to get to know her much outside of work either.

EDIT: To add, my reputation at work is great...everyone says that I am nice and friendly. But the bottom-line is, none of them are interested me. Although I've been there for 2 years already...I've learned to accept that and simply try to meet new people through alternative means. It does get me down sometimes because I've been trying for so many years without much success with friendships; but at least I'm toughening up and giving myself new chances by doing other things! Also, it is good to not care too much...desperation is a put-off!

 

[beans]

In my most painful experience in life : NEVER NEVER NEVER DEPEND / FOCUS ON ONE INDIVIDUAL AND THINK THAT"S YOUR ONLY FRIEND.

True!
Believe me...about that co-worker who kept suggesting that we hang outside of work, travel together, go to a concert - I learnt that she is not my friend.
We started together 2 years ago; the supervisors often pair us up together; we've shared details of our personal life...but her constant excuses and habit of ditching me for other people...made me realize she is just a co-worker. Nothing more.
I was so hurt by it all...I've never had any friends - and for once, I thought I made a friend from work! I've known plenty of people to have.
I long for a female best friend...like a sister ...but after what she did with the concert offer - I learned that she is all talk and there's no point on me trying to get to know her much outside of work either.

EDIT: To add, my reputation at work is great...everyone says that I am nice and friendly. But the bottom-line is, none of them are interested me. Although I've been there for 2 years already...I've learned to accept that and simply try to meet new people through alternative means. It does get me down sometimes because I've been trying for so many years without much success with friendships; but at least I'm toughening up and giving myself new chances by doing other things! Also, it is good to not care too much...desperation is a put-off!

We share a lot of similiar experiences, Luna. It's weird eh. I've also known to be nice and caring. But no one is interested in me too! (I was also looking for a girl best friend I can do stuff with). I've always dreamed of having a best friend whom I can just hang out with casually, call her up at 3am if I have something on my mind and just hop onto a train and roam the streets without having any purposes.

But I have found that a lot of girls I meet aren't like that. Many of my friends need to have a purpose to go out. If I ask them to just hang out, they'll say 'Uh, ok what do you wanna do? movie? buy something?' I mean nothing against that, but they always feel the need to do something.

I have tried meetups just like you and we only have 3-4 active ones in my entire city. Imagine that! But I live in a very small and conservative country where people are not open to meeting strangers. I have not really made any personal friend out of it yet.

Luna, what you say make sense. I find a lot of people who say things but I think the problem is also that a lot of people (as you grow older), they already have all kinds of people in their lives. They have their ex high school/college friends, work friends, bf/gf, wife/husband, kids, in laws, the whole works. So it's very rare that I meet someone who is as lonely as I am and am looking for a best friend. So people don't feel the need to have a new friend. They already have their own social networks.


And you know, although I do go out, I spend a lot of time online -still. Sigh. And I've been chatting with two people daily over a year and both hurt me in the end really bad and left. I already developed an attachment and dependency on them. I am silly like that in the sense that people make me happy. I love communicating with someone I can clique and I wish I didn't have this desire to. Now that they left me, I am left hurt and more alone than ever.

 

[IgnoredOne]

But I have found that a lot of girls I meet aren't like that. Many of my friends need to have a purpose to go out. If I ask them to just hang out, they'll say 'Uh, ok what do you wanna do? movie? buy something?' I mean nothing against that, but they always feel the need to do something.

It might just be me, but I've always felt like that I ought to do stuff with friends too - I mean, occasionally I could say that I just want to hang out and play their PS3, but usually its something like, "Want to use the pool?" "See the new movie?" "Go shooting at the range?"

I guess the idea is to frame a positive experience over it, so it'll always be positive.

 

[beans]

But I have found that a lot of girls I meet aren't like that. Many of my friends need to have a purpose to go out. If I ask them to just hang out, they'll say 'Uh, ok what do you wanna do? movie? buy something?' I mean nothing against that, but they always feel the need to do something.

It might just be me, but I've always felt like that I ought to do stuff with friends too - I mean, occasionally I could say that I just want to hang out and play their PS3, but usually its something like, "Want to use the pool?" "See the new movie?" "Go shooting at the range?"

I guess the idea is to frame a positive experience over it, so it'll always be positive.

Nothing wrong with that, yes. I guess I'm a little different.

---

In my most painful experience in life : NEVER NEVER NEVER DEPEND / FOCUS ON ONE INDIVIDUAL AND THINK THAT"S YOUR ONLY FRIEND.

True!
Believe me...about that co-worker who kept suggesting that we hang outside of work, travel together, go to a concert - I learnt that she is not my friend.
We started together 2 years ago; the supervisors often pair us up together; we've shared details of our personal life...but her constant excuses and habit of ditching me for other people...made me realize she is just a co-worker. Nothing more.
I was so hurt by it all...I've never had any friends - and for once, I thought I made a friend from work! I've known plenty of people to have.
I long for a female best friend...like a sister ...but after what she did with the concert offer - I learned that she is all talk and there's no point on me trying to get to know her much outside of work either.

EDIT: To add, my reputation at work is great...everyone says that I am nice and friendly. But the bottom-line is, none of them are interested me. Although I've been there for 2 years already...I've learned to accept that and simply try to meet new people through alternative means. It does get me down sometimes because I've been trying for so many years without much success with friendships; but at least I'm toughening up and giving myself new chances by doing other things! Also, it is good to not care too much...desperation is a put-off!

And I'd like to add, at every meetup I go to, I do get ignored by some too. But I just don't make an issue about it anymore. In life, there will always be some who will ignore you and only want to befriend *certain* people of their choice. These kinda people don't interest me anyways. Up to them.

 

[Luna]

Well I have this one online friend on my Facebook (My FB Friends are online friends)...I used to find myself often envying her and the relationship she had with her best friend. She has her "group" of female friends of course, but on top of that, "the best friend" that you can call at 3am if you're feeling stressed and the one that you know will always be there to help you anytime, anywhere. It kind of killed me to see her posting details of their wacky adventures together and their memories...but I'm happy for her.

I'm part of 8 meetup groups but eh...it's fun to be part of the activities though. Much better than sulking in the bedroom.

Luna, what you say make sense. I find a lot of people who say things but I think the problem is also that a lot of people (as you grow older), they already have all kinds of people in their lives. They have their ex high school/college friends, work friends, bf/gf, wife/husband, kids, in laws, the whole works. So it's very rare that I meet someone who is as lonely as I am and am looking for a best friend. So people don't feel the need to have a new friend. They already have their own social networks.

This is very true...even if I am a friend to someone who is already established, I'd probably be in the bottom/ back-burner to their older friends.

And you know, although I do go out, I spend a lot of time online -still. Sigh. And I've been chatting with two people daily over a year and both hurt me in the end really bad and left. I already developed an attachment and dependency on them. I am silly like that in the sense that people make me happy. I love communicating with someone I can clique and I wish I didn't have this desire to. Now that they left me, I am left hurt and more alone than ever.

Don't feel bad...I've been crushed and hurt online as well. I suppose I put forth too much emotional investment in them. Honestly, I cried like ******* mad for so long...however, I've become stronger. I used to go out of my way to meet new online friends, but now, I don't anymore and I almost find it hard to be interested in new online friends anymore. If it happens, it happens.

EDIT: Thanks for your post IgnoredOne...