Marrying below your station

[TheRealCallie]

"In theory" you just said it. Think about it though. If you had no family to take you in on either side, no one to turn to. Would you be happy being with someone, maybe even have a family with someone, if you had to live on the street? Or would you rather attract someone with a job and a home?

I am not suggesting to be a gold digger, just that your partner having at least a job would be a requirement before you decide to be with them right?

Does love actually conquer all?

I've actually dated guys who didn't have jobs. They lose theirs due to downsizing or the like, but they were looking for another job. Like I said, as long as they are TRYING, that can be enough. It obviously wouldn't be forever. And I have no problem working retail until I get back on my feet. I would say fast food too, but for me personally, I couldn't stand the smell of meat to work fast food. lol

 

[Unsigned]

I once told my ex that I would live on the street with him as long as we were happy, because I loved him.

You are certainly entitled to feel that way, as we live in a free country.
But, I have to say, this is the reason our once great society is collapsing.
Traditions become so over hundreds, no THOUSANDS, of years because they work.
A male's PRIMARY JOB is to be able to support a female.
And females should choose males accordingly.
"Love" is garbage.
Practicality is what matters.

And yes, the world seems to not agree with me.
And yes, I am a quite miserable person...

 

[TheRealCallie]

You are certainly entitled to feel that way, as we live in a free country.
But, I have to say, this is the reason our once great society is collapsing.
Traditions become so over hundreds, no THOUSANDS, of years because they work.
A male's PRIMARY JOB is to be able to support a female.
And females should choose males accordingly.
"Love" is garbage.
Practicality is what matters.

And yes, the world seems to not agree with me.
And yes, I am a quite miserable person...

Why is it such a big deal, though? Money is money, regardless of who makes more. There are more ways to support than financially.

I am aware than you want to go back to the days of June and Ward Cleaver, but it's a different world now and I don't think that's why our "great" society is collapsing.

 

[Sunless Sky]

Why is it such a big deal, though? Money is money, regardless of who makes more. There are more ways to support than financially.

I am aware than you want to go back to the days of June and Ward Cleaver, but it's a different world now and I don't think that's why our "great" society is collapsing.

Most women like to feel taken care of, supported, and protected. Not because they can't do that for themselves, it's just something they expect from their romantic partners. So, a partner not providing that will cause issues down the line.

Do you agree or disagree?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Most women like to feel taken care of, supported, and protected. Not because they can't do that for themselves, it's just something they expect from their romantic partners. So, a partner not providing that will cause issues down the line.

Do you agree or disagree?

For me personally? I disagree. For a lot of other women in this world? I agree.

I'm not like most women though. I get it, men want to feel wanted and I certainly wouldn't be opposed to opening doors and all that ****, I neither need nor want to be taken care of. Perhaps it's because of how I grew up and how it was in my marriage. I never had that. I HAD to take care of myself and well, at this point, it's not something that could be easily changed. Not saying I wouldn't try, though, and I did with my last boyfriend, but I think ultimately I was just too independent for him. I think he was intimidated by me because I wouldn't/couldn't be a damsel in distress for him to save.

 

[Sunless Sky]

For me personally? I disagree. For a lot of other women in this world? I agree.

I'm not like most women though. I get it, men want to feel wanted and I certainly wouldn't be opposed to opening doors and all that ****, I neither need nor want to be taken care of. Perhaps it's because of how I grew up and how it was in my marriage. I never had that. I HAD to take care of myself and well, at this point, it's not something that could be easily changed. Not saying I wouldn't try, though, and I did with my last boyfriend, but I think ultimately I was just too independent for him. I think he was intimidated by me because I wouldn't/couldn't be a damsel in distress for him to save.

I get what you mean. My mother had a similar experience where she had to learn to take care of herself. Even in her marriage, she did a PhD, lectured, raised three boys, and took care of her invalid parents all by herself.

But, when I discussed this with her, she told me that men should be there for their women. They need to be that pillar of support that they know they can turn to when life gets too hard. That it is the duty of any good husband to make his wife feel protected and supported.

At this point in your life, should you choose to be with someone. What would you look for? (You don't have to answer if this is too personal a question)

 

[TheRealCallie]

At this point in your life, should you choose to be with someone. What would you look for? (You don't have to answer if this is too personal a question)

Honestly, I don't really know, but honesty and communication would be very high on the list as a requirement.
I know I can be a hard person to deal with and I try to be as honest as I can in relationships about why I am the way I am. I always ask if I do anything that annoys them or angera them, but like with my last boyfriend, he would never say anything except minor stuff that I already knew, which is, in part, what lead to our downfall. I would listen to him lie to his son and everyone else and I'm sorry but if you can't be honest with the people who are the closest to you, how can you expect me to believe you aren't also lying to me.

I don't have any set preferences on looks or wage or status or anything like that, but open and honest communication is a must. And the actions to back up that communication, of course.

 

[Sunless Sky]

Honestly, I don't really know, but honesty and communication would be very high on the list as a requirement.
I know I can be a hard person to deal with and I try to be as honest as I can in relationships about why I am the way I am. I always ask if I do anything that annoys them or angera them, but like with my last boyfriend, he would never say anything except minor stuff that I already knew, which is, in part, what lead to our downfall. I would listen to him lie to his son and everyone else and I'm sorry but if you can't be honest with the people who are the closest to you, how can you expect me to believe you aren't also lying to me.

I don't have any set preferences on looks or wage or status or anything like that, but open and honest communication is a must. And the actions to back up that communication, of course.

Now that you mention lying. Is all lying a problem for you? Or it is lies that hurt others the problem?

For example, one lie can be about finances or infedility (lie that hurts others) or a lie about how that person is doing because they'd rather deal with their own problems than make loved ones worry.

I am asking since I tend to do the latter.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Now that you mention lying. Is all lying a problem for you? Or it is lies that hurt others the problem?

For example, one lie can be about finances or infedility (lie that hurts others) or a lie about how that person is doing because they'd rather deal with their own problems than make loved ones worry.

I am asking since I tend to do the latter.

It entirely depends on the situation. I personally will not outright lie about anything, but I will skirt the truth. If asked a direct question, though, I tell the truth. But lies by omission are still lies. Like if you tell me you had veggies with your lunch, but you actually had fast food fries, that's not technically a lie because fries are potatoes. lol But if you say your doctor appointment went fine, no issues and you really have cancer and it's been months since you found out....I wouldn't be okay with that. Hiding stuff because you aren't you need to process it first is fine, but keeping it a secret long term is not. So yeah, it really just entirely depends on what it is

 

[okidoke]

I want to know how the “list” was made.

 

[Unsigned]

Why is it such a big deal, though? Money is money, regardless of who makes more. There are more ways to support than financially.

I am aware than you want to go back to the days of June and Ward Cleaver, but it's a different world now and I don't think that's why our "great" society is collapsing.

Well it's a big deal because of biology and evolution.
Males are providers, females are nurturers.
God's paradigm, not mine.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I imagine some lonely, but honest and hark working bloke, who lives in a little room beside the station he works at. And then one day, he meets the woman of his dreams, and they slowly grow closer together. Then one day he pops the question, and she says yes, but, they decide to get married in secret, because their families don't really approve of them being together.

So they just have a small wedding ceremony, in the basement, below his station.



lol...

 

[constant stranger]

My eldest brother married a woman whom we all thought was below our family "station".......or social class.
They were in love with one another and lived a successful, life together for many years and the for whole time the rest of us snubbed and looked down on her.
They're both dead now and if there's any justice they'll be together for eternity in some afterlife where more kindness prevails.

For my part I'm actually ashamed of our family's conduct.
FWIW I was 8 yrs old when he introduced her to us and I followed the family's lead.

 

[Sunless Sky]

I want to know how the “list” was made.

It's nothing sordid. There are two lists, male and female. Women get together in the mosque or through social media and add to the list. Things like location, occupation, preferances in a partner, etc...

The men do the same of course and then lists are passed to people who are looking for partners. That's how it happened with me and I chose one from the list then contacted the admin who then, with the girls permission, sent me the girls number. Then we started talking from there.

I am curious, how did you think the list was made?