As some of you may know I've been ranting about my current life situation, with my career and finishing college, my direction and such.
Well I've been thinking, I think what might be causing this is just a fear of...living. Yeh, sounds pretty stupid, when life is all we have, but I dont know, I'm trying to dig deeper and find anything that is just underlying the excuses.
I've been considering it for awhile now, because it doesn't matter whether I go to University or not, I thought of what it would be like to be working a full time job 5 days a week, and for some reason I just...had a hard time conceptualizing something like that.
Ok, I'll be honest, I've always found it hard to hold down a job for a decent amount of time, but they were only part-time things whilst I was studying, and I was at an age where I didn't fully understand the importance of it all, well, I look back and laugh, I had some good times!
But now it's been a while, just over a year since I was earning and my student loan is pretty much drained so I pretty much need to make something of myself and be a damn working man about it.
For some reason though I'm finding it hard to fathom (lol good use of words) working a full time job, I have this thing where I think that my life goes by in weeks, and 5 days of that week are done working, then aren't we just living to work? But at the end of the day I realise this attitude won't get me anywhere, since to live, you need to make an earning, so therefore you need to work to live also.
And then theres that feeling that what you do in life actually means something, because your working a job that is of certain importance, and also, it makes the weekends a hell of a lot better, and it means you can go out more, enjoy yourself.
I've often told myself not to look for the end result of everything, all people want is money, well its the journey that counts. I guess I just want to be able to find that journey.
I've been feeling rather immature for a 20 year old, to not have a job, (even though I've been in higher education), but still a lot of my friends have kept there work for several years where I was too busy reading books hiding inside the storage room. But i'd love to be able to go out, get my own shopping, buy my own things, like I used to be able to do when I was 17 and didn't have a care in the world.
Most of all I'd like to start driving again, be able to take friends out, and be able to enjoy living in all its glory.
I've been telling myself to man up, theres even guys my age that have kids, and I'm sat here complaining, damn I'm lucky I even have someone to depend on or I'd be out on the street. I need to take action soon, there is nothing left for me on this level, I must climb higher...
Well I've been thinking, I think what might be causing this is just a fear of...living. Yeh, sounds pretty stupid, when life is all we have, but I dont know, I'm trying to dig deeper and find anything that is just underlying the excuses.
I've been considering it for awhile now, because it doesn't matter whether I go to University or not, I thought of what it would be like to be working a full time job 5 days a week, and for some reason I just...had a hard time conceptualizing something like that.
Ok, I'll be honest, I've always found it hard to hold down a job for a decent amount of time, but they were only part-time things whilst I was studying, and I was at an age where I didn't fully understand the importance of it all, well, I look back and laugh, I had some good times!
But now it's been a while, just over a year since I was earning and my student loan is pretty much drained so I pretty much need to make something of myself and be a damn working man about it.
For some reason though I'm finding it hard to fathom (lol good use of words) working a full time job, I have this thing where I think that my life goes by in weeks, and 5 days of that week are done working, then aren't we just living to work? But at the end of the day I realise this attitude won't get me anywhere, since to live, you need to make an earning, so therefore you need to work to live also.
And then theres that feeling that what you do in life actually means something, because your working a job that is of certain importance, and also, it makes the weekends a hell of a lot better, and it means you can go out more, enjoy yourself.
I've often told myself not to look for the end result of everything, all people want is money, well its the journey that counts. I guess I just want to be able to find that journey.
I've been feeling rather immature for a 20 year old, to not have a job, (even though I've been in higher education), but still a lot of my friends have kept there work for several years where I was too busy reading books hiding inside the storage room. But i'd love to be able to go out, get my own shopping, buy my own things, like I used to be able to do when I was 17 and didn't have a care in the world.
Most of all I'd like to start driving again, be able to take friends out, and be able to enjoy living in all its glory.
I've been telling myself to man up, theres even guys my age that have kids, and I'm sat here complaining, damn I'm lucky I even have someone to depend on or I'd be out on the street. I need to take action soon, there is nothing left for me on this level, I must climb higher...