Me, the "lurker"

[CasparDavid]

Since I began my studies at university, my life, my motivation, my ambition seemed to decrease.
The fact that studying science at university is so much harder and different to science at school made my grades worsen, followed by my self esteem decrease seeing that everyone around me seems to understand everything (as grade distributions show). I don't even know if I will be able to pass my bachelor's thesis, which makes be brood over my life every second.
I simply feel like a stupid loser.

I don't know anyone of my fellow students and I never actually talked to them. I don't have any friends apart from university and even in school I never had friends but "people I know".
Originally, I used to be a lone wolf, because I'm not interested in most people. However, I've suffered from being lonely all the time, but displaced every emerging thought by reading books, playing the piano and similar things that you do on your own.
Over the time I've got more and more depressed, I've felt empty and there is nothing more I am interested in.

I'm not quite sure if the term "lurker" exactly explains what I feel like.
I feel like someone observating people I am interested in during tutorials or seminars, listening to their discussions, sometimes at the very point of intervening to paticipate, but never got the courage to actually speak or to actually show any interest physically, so that I remain a never talking weirdo who sits in the last row.
Not only am I an outsider, but I also once looked up someone I really liked and wanted to get to know, on the general internet (not(!) Facebook, etc.), found their web page and got more and more interested in their life and thinking. Especially when you share interests.
And finally I played with the idea of contacting this person.

But honestly, what would you say, if you are someone with a working social life (i.e. you are successful, have friends, do like your own life, etc.) and some maverick who you never talked to would contact you out of the blue? Wouldn't this just be creepy? (especially if the course where you have met the last five months is already over)
Is there any possibility of contacting someone you have seen for five months but never talked to, because you were too shy or didn't have any courage, without appearing creepy?

I don't know what to do, I don't exactly know what inner barrier restrains me from just talking to people I like.
It's low self esteem, the fact that I don't know what to say, the fear of making a fool of myself, but what else?

The only thing I know for sure is, I don't want this to go on. I don't want to stay a lurker, but I have no idea where to start.


Thanks for reading.
CasparDavid

 

[Aloner]

Since I began my studies at university, my life, my motivation, my ambition seemed to decrease.
The fact that studying science at university is so much harder and different to science at school made my grades worsen, followed by my self esteem decrease seeing that everyone around me seems to understand everything (as grade distributions show). I don't even know if I will be able to pass my bachelor's thesis, which makes be brood over my life every second.
I simply feel like a stupid loser.

I don't know anyone of my fellow students and I never actually talked to them. I don't have any friends apart from university and even in school I never had friends but "people I know".
Originally, I used to be a lone wolf, because I'm not interested in most people. However, I've suffered from being lonely all the time, but displaced every emerging thought by reading books, playing the piano and similar things that you do on your own.
Over the time I've got more and more depressed, I've felt empty and there is nothing more I am interested in.

I'm not quite sure if the term "lurker" exactly explains what I feel like.
I feel like someone observating people I am interested in during tutorials or seminars, listening to their discussions, sometimes at the very point of intervening to paticipate, but never got the courage to actually speak or to actually show any interest physically, so that I remain a never talking weirdo who sits in the last row.
Not only am I an outsider, but I also once looked up someone I really liked and wanted to get to know, on the general internet (not(!) Facebook, etc.), found their web page and got more and more interested in their life and thinking. Especially when you share interests.
And finally I played with the idea of contacting this person.

But honestly, what would you say, if you are someone with a working social life (i.e. you are successful, have friends, do like your own life, etc.) and some maverick who you never talked to would contact you out of the blue? Wouldn't this just be creepy? (especially if the course where you have met the last five months is already over)
Is there any possibility of contacting someone you have seen for five months but never talked to, because you were too shy or didn't have any courage, without appearing creepy?

I don't know what to do, I don't exactly know what inner barrier restrains me from just talking to people I like.
It's low self esteem, the fact that I don't know what to say, the fear of making a fool of myself, but what else?

The only thing I know for sure is, I don't want this to go on. I don't want to stay a lurker, but I have no idea where to start.


Thanks for reading.
CasparDavid

My only advice is try to be open with others, and converse more on your studies (which you have something in common with your fellow subject mates), unless ofcourse they're acting not friendley to you.

Cheer up, no point in getting down over anything, it's just life.

 

[Kindrasaurus]

Since I began my studies at university, my life, my motivation, my ambition seemed to decrease.
The fact that studying science at university is so much harder and different to science at school made my grades worsen, followed by my self esteem decrease seeing that everyone around me seems to understand everything (as grade distributions show). I don't even know if I will be able to pass my bachelor's thesis, which makes be brood over my life every second.
I simply feel like a stupid loser.

I don't know anyone of my fellow students and I never actually talked to them. I don't have any friends apart from university and even in school I never had friends but "people I know".
Originally, I used to be a lone wolf, because I'm not interested in most people. However, I've suffered from being lonely all the time, but displaced every emerging thought by reading books, playing the piano and similar things that you do on your own.
Over the time I've got more and more depressed, I've felt empty and there is nothing more I am interested in.

I'm not quite sure if the term "lurker" exactly explains what I feel like.
I feel like someone observating people I am interested in during tutorials or seminars, listening to their discussions, sometimes at the very point of intervening to paticipate, but never got the courage to actually speak or to actually show any interest physically, so that I remain a never talking weirdo who sits in the last row.
Not only am I an outsider, but I also once looked up someone I really liked and wanted to get to know, on the general internet (not(!) Facebook, etc.), found their web page and got more and more interested in their life and thinking. Especially when you share interests.
And finally I played with the idea of contacting this person.

But honestly, what would you say, if you are someone with a working social life (i.e. you are successful, have friends, do like your own life, etc.) and some maverick who you never talked to would contact you out of the blue? Wouldn't this just be creepy? (especially if the course where you have met the last five months is already over)
Is there any possibility of contacting someone you have seen for five months but never talked to, because you were too shy or didn't have any courage, without appearing creepy?

I don't know what to do, I don't exactly know what inner barrier restrains me from just talking to people I like.
It's low self esteem, the fact that I don't know what to say, the fear of making a fool of myself, but what else?

The only thing I know for sure is, I don't want this to go on. I don't want to stay a lurker, but I have no idea where to start.


Thanks for reading.
CasparDavid

I'm currently studying science at University and I must say you are right about it being much harder at the university scale. You shouldn't let your bad grades discourage you sometimes people get things at different times and it might not be you but the way the prof is teaching the concepts. You should ask somebody in one of your science classes to help you maybe have a study group for the next exam. I know this sounds hard.. and it is one of the hardest things for me to do, but if you succeed you would be killing two birds with one stone so to speak. You would get help in class and you could possibly be making a friend or two.

Contact that person. Don't let fear of seeming creepy keep you from making friends. I think it is far more creepy to observe somebody from afar than to say hello and be friendly to them.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I think what you are describing is a sense of alienation.

 

[CasparDavid]

@Kindrasaurus:
Yes you are right. Study groups would help with both problems.
I often played with that thought, but never got the chance or the courage to actualize it.
I guess it's mainly because it's so hard to admit that you have problems, which are too hard to solve on one's own, in front of others. Plus the fact that talking to people and being the first to talk is very hard for me in general.
I'd like to work on that, but I don't know where to start.

By "contacting" I meant contacting via e-mail, because we actually won't see each other anymore since the course is over and holidays have begun.

@SophiaGrace:
What do you mean by that?

 

[SophiaGrace]

@SophiaGrace:
What do you mean by that?

A sense of alienation from other people. I used to feel like I was an observer as well. Watching people, but not a part of them. I don't think I feel that way anymore.

 

[CasparDavid]

So, what did you do in order to get rid of that feeling?