Men almost never get compliments.

[TheSkaFish]

Well, I could go on about this all day, because it is my core issue, but I don't want to argue, and it's not my thread so it's not the right place for it. It's not even what my comment was really about, it was just about Just Games' comments he got on his appearance. I guess I rambled a bit.

So I'll just say that, I wish I had more meaningful, significant positive experiences with hard work.
I have a hard time believing in it -
especially in its ability to overcome a lack of biological/genetic/inborn talent -
because I have no positive experiences with it, to form the basis of a belief.
Instead, I have a life history of negative ones.

I've tried practicing things before. I never felt like it worked.
I never felt like it made me much better than I was to start with, if at all.
And then when I stopped practicing for any length of time, I felt like I atrophied back down to my default level.
The only thing I ever felt good at was school.
That was the only thing where I felt like my default level, without trying to be more than I was naturally, or trying to do anything differently than I did it naturally, was above average.
But it was only slightly.
And only at non-technical things - and therefore NOT the things that pay well.
I basically felt like I was born to be unsuccessful/a loser, and just smart enough to realize it.
This is what I've always felt cursed with, and why I always felt like I hated life.

It's not that I enjoy being this way. Far from it. I wish I had something I felt like I could plug into, engage with, perform and achieve something at, and feel myself making progress, and the sense of strength and competence and self-esteem that comes with it, and get a buzz of energy from it.
It's just, this is what I've experienced.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

The nice thing about compliments is, they go both ways. If I'm not remembering incorrectly, I've enjoyed giving compliments as much as receiving them. Actually, I've probably enjoyed giving them more. However, I've found that I require a certain state of mind, to be able to give a genuine compliment (and unfortunately one can't really produce genuine sincerity on demand). But when I have given genuine, well received compliments, *ahh!*, it's great. It's a great feeling, to know a few, select choice of words, just perk some one up, and make their day.

I think one of the things, a very, very large number of us, at a website like this, fail to realize is: when you smile, the whole world smiles with you. Now, initially, that may sound like a pull-up-your-boot-strap imperative to force good cheer upon yourself (which, sometimes, that's your only option). It's not what I'm getting at, though. I'm talking about the fact that, when skies are cloudy, and it's raining: everything is bound to be wet. Certain modes of operation: like having confidence, being funny, being fun, being spontaneous... The sun has to be shining for you to get that tan, so to speak.

I don't know the answer to that problem: if your down your down. But, there are countless numbers of people, and stories, of the like, where, people just realize something, and have sudden insight, and they lighten-up, have a laugh at themselves, or pull some courage down from their mental depths they didn't know they had.

Personally, I think psychology/psychiatry and the drugs they tend to push, can sometimes get in the way of people having transcendental moments of realization (and on the other hand, perhaps be a path towards realization). But, that's a different story. Suffice it to say, there is science, and then there is the way a symphony may have made you feet, on a certain day, under certain circumstances. Explaining something is very different than experiencing something. Rightly or wrongly, some one who sees their deceased Mother in a dream (or waking dream), give them some important information that changes their perspective or trajectory on life, or some one who has a Near Death Experience: they are likely to be impacted by these experiences, in ways, that, explainable by science or not, are far removed from a cynical dissection of the experience. I'm not knocking science, but I'm saying: there is a difference between the math involved with how hard a baseball may have smacked you in the head, and what the experience of getting hit by a baseball actually felt like, heh.

There will be situations in life, regardless of the numbers, where, we are less likely to get compliments (as well as situations where we are less inclined to be receptive to compliments, or less likely to give compliments). But, I think the opportunities to give them are at least more likely to be accessible. And believe me, a well placed compliment, feels great to give. But, you may have to feel kind of great, or at least a pinch above decent, to begin with, to feel the impact, perhaps. In my opinion/experience anyway.

When you're smiling, the whole world smiles with you. For better, or worse.

 

[Just Games]

So have I. I take it as a good thing "I look like a smart person", but at the same time, I also wish I could look like someone whose identity/personality was a little more interesting, had more excitement and spice - more personality.

I didn't do that in my teens and 20s when you're supposed to - I guess that's when you're supposed to get all the subculture stuff out of your system - so I guess my development has been arrested there, like I haven't "completed" it, haven't resolved it. So it's continued to bother me.

Accountancy is still probably the most sensible career choice for me as I'm not math-y enough for engineering, don't want to be around diseases and blood and guts (so doctor was always out), and not muscular enough for the trades and don't come from the tradesman culture so I'd stick out like a sore thumb there, I don't think I'd fit in.

But they are not stereotyped as the most interesting bunch...which causes me no small amount of worry.

Lol certainly I find you're interesting in the way that you write.In 21 when i was last here and now at present I've always read all your threads unlike others i just skim or not read atall.Don't take this the wrong way but you manage to say alot of the stuff repeatedly but always using different phraseology/words to describe what you feel about you're lot in life ,which is a good thing creative writing wise.

 

[Just Games]

Well, I could go on about this all day, because it is my core issue, but I don't want to argue, and it's not my thread so it's not the right place for it. It's not even what my comment was really about, it was just about Just Games' comments he got on his appearance. I guess I rambled a bit.

So I'll just say that, I wish I had more meaningful, significant positive experiences with hard work.
I have a hard time believing in it -
especially in its ability to overcome a lack of biological/genetic/inborn talent -
because I have no positive experiences with it, to form the basis of a belief.
Instead, I have a life history of negative ones.

I've tried practicing things before. I never felt like it worked.
I never felt like it made me much better than I was to start with, if at all.
And then when I stopped practicing for any length of time, I felt like I atrophied back down to my default level.
The only thing I ever felt good at was school.
That was the only thing where I felt like my default level, without trying to be more than I was naturally, or trying to do anything differently than I did it naturally, was above average.
But it was only slightly.
And only at non-technical things - and therefore NOT the things that pay well.
I basically felt like I was born to be unsuccessful/a loser, and just smart enough to realize it.
This is what I've always felt cursed with, and why I always felt like I hated life.

It's not that I enjoy being this way. Far from it. I wish I had something I felt like I could plug into, engage with, perform and achieve something at, and feel myself making progress, and the sense of strength and competence and self-esteem that comes with it, and get a buzz of energy from it.
It's just, this is what I've experienced.

Look I can understand where you are coming from.I felt this way for many years after school ,unsuccessful, not motivated to do any job ,bumbling through office jobs, warehousing ,temporary agency work ,i didnt like any of the work and when offered promotion just left but social anxiety played a big part in that , low self asteem ,not confident in my ability because of my hopeless memory and low self worth.My only saving grace was the people I worked with , social activities ,work short term friends that I made along the way but only one that lasted along time as a close friend.

I was 26 when made redundant and with a bit of a pay off I went into self employment. I finally realised my love of work that I should have taken a relevant college course in at 18.Also bills and marriage to a workaholic probably being a big factor.

What job are you doing now if ok to ask?

 

[Unsigned]

Men get complimented all the time where I live. And not just on their looks.

Just out of curiosity, for those that say you don't get compliments....do you live in bigger population areas?

The biggest in the US & Canada...

Is that you, my Romanian friend?

 

[TheSkaFish]

Lol certainly I find you're interesting in the way that you write.In 21 when i was last here and now at present I've always read all your threads unlike others i just skim or not read atall.Don't take this the wrong way but you manage to say alot of the stuff repeatedly but always using different phraseology/words to describe what you feel about you're lot in life ,which is a good thing creative writing wise.

Haha. Thanks man. Always glad to meet a fan

And yeah I know I repeat myself a lot.
I think about this stuff all the time, in fact it's the main thing I think about, to the point that it's pushed my interests out and I don't know what I like anymore.

Also, a lot of the time when I post, I'm writing to myself as much as I'm writing to anyone else.
The more I think about things, the more I articulate the problem, that's me trying to figure out exactly what it is, why I got stuck in it, exactly how it makes me feel and why, and hopefully trying to "feel" my way out, since I struggle to see it.

It's like I'm trying to "see" my problems and feelings in more detail / higher resolution.

And thanks for the last part, especially.
Who knows, maybe I have developed a "talent" and "practiced" creative writing, without deliberately thinking of it as that. Whatever writing skills I have, are just a byproduct of me thinking about my life and trying to figure myself out, articulate "me" and my problems and feelings to myself in order to find answers, which I think about a lot and put a lot of time and conscious effort into. It could have functioned as "practice" without me thinking of it that way.

I do still think I should have done a practical major because I wasn't born to wealth so there's really no choice, and I'm more suited to it because while I don't have the most brains, I've still always had more brains than brawn.
But at the same time I do wish I'd minored in creative writing, for the practice.