My Cookie!

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John sit's on his log in the forest,and ponders,"this stealing cookies is getting to damn easy!" He stands and summons all the cookie stealer's on the thread. They appeared shyly through the undergrowth,munching cookies.
Look says John,this used to be a good thread,and then everybody started stealing cookies the easy way "boo my cookie" etc.

But if you are gonna come here and steal cookies,it's gotta be funny!

Then John lit all the fuses he had planted,and within seconds KABOOM! and the newbies were raining down all around with their cookies in there cold dead fingers,John shrugged,wiped the blood off the cookies,and walked off into the sunset.

My cookies!
 
ZZZ,Ow,Ow ZZZ!

Arnie’s world is twirling and twirling and twirling until finally the twirling subsides and he finds himself barely able to stand from the dizziness.  He’s then doused with a pail of water that Sweet Pee had been waiting to throw on him. 
“Sorry” she says “I had to get that Really Unlucky **** Happening powder off of you.”  She then uses her Any Kinda Bite Eradicator to eradicate his snake bite.  Arnie’s still a little staggered and bewildered so Sweet Pee has him sit on a log so she can explain what has happened.

“I don’t know how to tell you this Arnie, but I just wanted to save you from the wasps, so I used my Intergalactic Time Warping Device to warp you 10 hours into the future, but because of he Really Unlucky **** Happening powder I must have fat fingered the year button too and and...” 
“Are you saying you warped me a year into the future?”
“No, 10”
“10 years?”
“Yes, and 10 hours, or thereabouts”

Arnie sat quietly for a while to contemplate the situation and finally asked, “Where is my cookie?  Does John still have it?”

Sweet Pee sat on the log beside Arnie and putting her arm around him she explained how John had wiped out all the newbies and walked off into the sunset for real this time and that he had willed all his cookies to that Courtney girl.

“All the cookies to that Courtney girl huh?”  “Well just wait till I find her!”  Arnie jumps up and starts marching off, but Sweet Pee grabs him and says “You can’t find her, no one has been able to and she’s never claimed the cookies anyways.”

The cogs start turning in Arnie’s head and realizing no one else was scheming for the cookies he devised a plan and with Sweet Pee’s help he transforms himself into that Courtney girl.  “How do I look?” he asks

Leonardo-DiCaprio-as-a-Woman-115741.jpg


“Just like her!” says Sweet Pee.  Arnie marches off to claim the cookies and soon returns with them.  That was so easy, they even used photo verification to verify me as that Courtney girl. 

Arnie and Sweet Pee sit on a log and are gorging themselves with cookies when Arnie asks “Can I have a look at your Intergalactic Time Warping Device?”
“Sure” says Sweet Pee as she hands it over. 
Arnie studies it for a moment, twists a few knobs and presses a button.

ZZZ,Ow,Ow ZZZ!

My Cookie!
 

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