My enemy is myself

[kaetic]

I wouldn't wait for them to come to me. I would go to them. Talk to them, get to know them, have fun with them and NOT be all negative. That's what I would do.

And if they tried to get away she would knock them out with a frying pan, or a crowbar, whatever's handy.

Don't do that part.

 

[BeyondShy]

I wouldn't wait for them to come to me. I would go to them. Talk to them, get to know them, have fun with them and NOT be all negative. That's what I would do.

I believe you can talk to people a lot better than I can.

 

[BeyondShy]

And if they tried to get away she would knock them out with a frying pan, or a crowbar, whatever's handy.

Don't do that part.

I have been back for about a week now, give or take a day and I have not been smacked yet. That my friend must be a record.

 

[BeyondShy]

I was thinking about photography recently and it made me think of Katrina. Does anyone remember her? She didn't take pictures but rather she drew and her work was breathtaking. I never knew why she left but I miss her beautiful artwork. I hope she is ok wherever she is.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Merry Festivus BeyondShy, hehe

 

[BeyondShy]

Thank you for the video clip. Do you know me?

 

[BeyondShy]

I hope everyone here is having a wonderful holiday no matter where you are in the country and I mean if you are in the areas that the winter storm has hit. If you are I hope you have managed to stay warm and safe and if you were able to celebrate Christmas Eve and Christmas Day well even better.

CNN reports that there are at least twenty-six people dead and thousands without power. I believe this will be a Christmas weekend that won’t be forgotten in a long time.

I have a little more than a week to go here for me to wrap up another year and what I am not trying to do is hope for the time to fly by. So far it has been very nice.

There has been one thing that I have been wondering about since last year. When I came back in 2021 the forum had their software upgraded and it was hard to get used to then and to be honest I do miss the old setup that we had. I look at my name and I can see what reaction scores mean but what are points and how do you get them?

I want to welcome back Dandelion, a very nice lady who was here years ago. If you all can make her feel comfortable while I am gone I would be thankful. Trust me, she is worth it.

 

[BeyondShy]

Today is the 29th and the year is almost over with and that means I only have a few days left here until I take off for another year. The good memories about my visit this year really will out number the bad ones and I will do my best to remember the good ones and try to not think about the ones I did not like.

I saw some good people in here again and even talked to some people I didn’t expect to and also ran into two idiots that I refused to let ruin this for me. They tried and failed miserably.

I can not believe I am going to say this but before I go I am going to ask Callie for a bop on the head with her frying pan. I don’t want her to break her streak.

That woman works more in one day than I do in a month and also has more responsibilities than I do too. When it is just you everything is more cut and dry and organized.

I am hoping that people survived the storm although the things I read about it and the pictures on CNN showed people doing amazing things for others in need.

Hard to believe this year is almost done. It was a bad year in sports again but I won’t elaborate because I don’t know of any sports fans in this forum, so I keep my cheering to myself.

While I am away from here I always consider joining a different website that has a forum but then I say to myself why should I bother? I do not want to go through an initiation phase like I had to go through here because that was too much and since I still have hard feelings about that I put that idea to bed quickly before I even consider it more. I was on another forum before I even joined here but it was a sports one and it was completely different then this one. Not better, just different. That forum shut down and that was that.

It was nice here but for the second year in a row I believe that I will miss Bee.

 

[Abstamyous]

Hard to believe this year is almost done. It was a bad year in sports again but I won’t elaborate because I don’t know of any sports fans in this forum, so I keep my cheering to myself.

I recently went to my first ever hockey game. Local adult league. It was a lot of fun. Maybe I will upgrade to NHL by next year.

Still secretly dreaming of the Blue Jays being glorious in the summer, but I won't admit that to anyone here.

 

[BeyondShy]

I recently went to my first ever hockey game. Local adult league. It was a lot of fun. Maybe I will upgrade to NHL by next year.

I'm glad you had a nice time. Where is the closest NHL team where you live? I have never seen an NHL game but I would love to see the Montreal Canadiens play.

Still secretly dreaming of the Blue Jays being glorious in the summer, but I won't admit that to anyone here.

You can admit to me. You are the only baseball fan I have met here. I don't wish for a happy Blue Jays summer because I am a Yankee fan but there is nothing wrong with wishing.

 

[BeyondShy]

Wait Amy, now that I am thinking there was one other sports fan in here. Remember Triple Bogey? He played golf and so did I. The difference is he played real golf and I played on the computer.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

My enemy is myself. I've realized this for a long time and yet I am unable to change.

I look in the mirror and I have no trouble at all seeing the qualities that I believe are lacking when I compare them to other people. I am only five feet six inches tall and I wish I were taller. I wish I were a bit thinner. I wish I could smile as easy as I see others do. I even practice smiling in the mirror and it just never looks right to me, like I'm making a funny face or something.

I even have a hard time saying the word "shy" out loud. I don't know why I am uncomfortable saying it. Just another mystery I suppose.

Shyness has caused me to miss out on many things in my life. I never went to my junior prom or senior ball. I wanted to so much but I never had the courage to take the steps to ask a girl to go with me.

I was on a bus once coming home from school and there were a group of girls sitting near me talking and having a good time and they started talking about not ever being able to find a guy who would treat them the way they should be treated. I wanted to tell them that I am one of those guys that they were looking for but I never did. I remember this like it was yesterday.

That's one of my problems that I carry around too. I have a fantastic memory and there are times when I don't know if it is a blessing or a curse. If someone says something about me or to me that insults me or embarrasses me I won't forget it and I'll keep re-hashing it over in my head like a film strip played over and over.

I am so concerned with what people may think of me or if they'll judge me. I can't follow conversations well because I am so concerned with what I am going to say next that I don't follow what the other person is saying.

I am not asking to be the life of any party. I don't look to be the center of attention. But I desperately would like to have some and I would like to be able to talk with a girl without finding something on the floor more interesting than her eyes and smile.

I am tired of being me. I want the person that is inside of me to be seen by others. I'm tired of what I see in the mirror.

Shyness is awful, in a therapy group I was in, they gave us coping mechanisms to navigate daily life, but my dad had one weird thing he used to make my brother do. It was to stand in the mirror and say " I am the man!" I always laughed, but I think now, it is important to hear some positive affirmations, even if its from yourself.

 

[BeyondShy]

Shyness is awful, in a therapy group I was in, they gave us coping mechanisms to navigate daily life, but my dad had one weird thing he used to make my brother do. It was to stand in the mirror and say " I am the man!" I always laughed, but I think now, it is important to hear some positive affirmations, even if its from yourself.

I agree. It is always helpful to get somehing like that. I just really never did.

 

[Abstamyous]

Hey, hope that your first day of the year went well! Wasn't sure if you are gone yet or not. Wishing you the best for 2023!

 

[BeyondShy]

Hey, hope that your first day of the year went well! Wasn't sure if you are gone yet or not. Wishing you the best for 2023!

Thank you Amy. My New Year's was fine and I hope yours was too. I will be leaving today and best of everything for you and your family.

 

[BeyondShy]

I want to say goodbye again to everyone in here because once again the hour glass has emptied and that means I have to leave. Have to? Yes.

I was very, very lucky this year because I was able to talk to everyone that I care about and I was able to re-connect with an old friend.

It starts always with TheRealCallie and ends with her. Her friendship that she has given to me is priceless. She’s a very smart woman and one of the most perceptive no-nonsense people I’ll ever meet. My only regret every time is that I do not have a chance just to sit here and talk with her because she works every day and takes care of her family. She does that all year round so to expect anything different just because I pop in two weeks out of the year is out of the question. As long as I get the chance to say hi and exchange a few private messages I am fine.

I’m happy that I ran into kaetic, who I hope is completely recovered now and feeling wonderful and Serenia, who I was fortunate to see this time. You are a good mother Serenia.

Maybe the next time I return I can find out what Abstamyous means but for now I will shorten it to Amy. Best of luck when you move into your new house and I hope it is better in every way compared to your old one. Enjoy the baseball season but not too much if you get what I am trying to say. Someone has to root for the Yankees even though they blow it every year in the playoffs so it may as well be myself.

I did not have a chance to talk to many people in chat because I came at the wrong time but I did get a big surprise that I want to share. Bee sent me a message saying hello and honest to God that really made my day. As long as she is doing well that is all I need to know. A wonderful lady.

Finally, and unexpectedly, I talked to Dandelion again. She was gone for a few years and then I got a private message from her and because of that and combined with being able to talk to these wonderful people again my Christmas season was a huge success. I give all of you the credit for that.

Before I finish this post it would not be right of me to mention ringwood. While my holiday season was nice as I just got done describing, hers was not and I just wanted her to know that I was thinking of her. We all should.

And now it is truly time for me to go. Enjoy your year and the spring and summer that is coming. I am not rushing it to get back here because I need a break from Christmas songs and Hallmark movies but before I know it I will be back and another year will be coming to a close.

Take care everyone.

 

[BeyondShy]

Hello. I hope that as the final days of 2023 approaches it proved to be a good one for you. I had my ups and downs as I dealt with funerals and dealing with that but that is part of our lives whether we like it or not.

I can not begin each time back without greeting my good friend on here TheRealCallie. This lady is a wonderful person and I am grateful to see her each year so she can have the opportunity to yell at me for basically the same thing! I always thought I was a smart guy and then I met her. She is intelligent, witty and will always tell you the truth and she does not sugar coat it one bit. How anyone can not respect that is beyond me.

There are quite a few others that I will consider it an honor if I re-connect with them and they are Serenia, Kaetic, itsmylife, AmytheTemperamental and Dandelion. I was able to speak to all of them last year except for itsmylife who successfully hid from me. I hope all of them have had a wonderful year, are healthy and happy and are going to have a wonderful holiday season.

I am going to try something different this year and I am going to try to answer questions that none of you asked. In March of next year I will have been here nine years but you really should take that with a grain of salt because it has been quite awhile since I have been here full time like I used to be. There is a very good and very valid reason for that and I will get into that not today but later on in the week.

The week of December 17th I will be working but the week of December 24th I will be on vacation so I will be able to be on here longer that week. Then right after the beginning of the new year I will be gone once again and you all can go on with your happy lives.

Personally I am doing ok so thanks for asking. I knew that was on the tip of your tongue. I feel I am in a good place and I accept my faults and I like the positive things about myself. If there are positive things about yourself you want to post in here please don’t let me stop you.

Have a good week everyone and again I hope everyone is fine.

 

[okidoke]

You’re a mystery to me, but interesting also. Have a nice Christmastime.

 

[BeyondShy]

You’re a mystery to me, but interesting also. Have a nice Christmastime.

I am not much of a mystery. I joined here back in 2015 and I thought I found the perfect place. Loneliness, shyness, etc. I thought I’d fit in like the proverbial hand in glove. Heck no.

There’s a break in the action while my best friend here will say a lot of the problems I contributed to myself. Yes Ma’am.

That woman never lies to me. However when you are not made to feel welcome here when you arrive you become resentful. I used to be a year-round member here and honestly I miss that but I won’t deal with some of those people that long anymore.

I am a decent person who is a loyal friend but 98% of them have no idea.

 

[BeyondShy]

A story of true friendship.

When I first came here I did not know what to make of this place because to me at least this forum was very intimidating and truthfully it still is. The first two people that began talking to me was a guy named TripleBogey and that was because we had two things immediately in common. First we enjoyed photography, although in a different way. He went out and took his own pictures and he posted them in a thread of his which is still here somewhere. In my case I did not take pictures but rather I got some of the best photographs I could find and I made what I thought to me were some nice looking photo galleries. I still have this website up and running and I have continuously added photos to it and I am pretty proud of it. Secondly we enjoyed the game of golf. He played in the game and because I have terrible knees that prevent me from walking very well I could not play the game but I play the game still on my computer and I have fun doing it until I miss a putt.

The second was a lady named Ladyforsaken. She was kind and patient with me and she answered a lot of my questions that I had and for that I am still appreciative. I have not talked to her in quite some time and unfortunately the last few times we did talk it was not a good conversation between us. At the same time I do wish her well and if she returns after I am gone I hope that someone will tell her that I talked about her in my thread.

Anyway as I was making my way around the forums when I first got here I began to become familiar with someone named TheRealCallie and let me tell you right now that I did not like it. Her responses to me were the in-your-face kind that you see from her still. Now, my problem was I was not used to someone talking to me like that at any time in my life. A lot of you know that I did service time but that is different because when you are in the service you are used to and you are almost expecting to be yelled at so when that happened to me I was prepared and I dealt with it. With this woman I was not and what I did was fight back and resist what she was saying to me. This is something that I found out later she was well prepared for and I was no match for her. Not then and not now.

I did this for a while until I stopped one day and tried to understand what she was telling me. When I finally got it through my stubborn and thick head I began to notice that she was not putting me down but instead was giving me advice that I actually needed instead of saying things just to make me feel better. She doesn't ask anything of me except to listen to what she was saying and to consider it. She has never told me you have to do things the way she says but instead just to listen to how she sees things. All this time I thought I was a pretty smart person. I did very well in school and I think I am able to express myself pretty well with the written word. But there is no way I can compare to the intelligence of my friend TheRealCallie. She has helped me a lot and she has also helped me avoid a lot of trouble here with her wise advice. Even though I am not here fifty weeks of the year I believe that I still am the one that has been yelled at the most by her since 2015 and she just may agree to that.

I may not do as well here as I have hoped to be since I joined here and part of it is my fault and part of it is not. I don't forget easily and I am easily hurt but I am grateful that someone like her has helped me as much as she has.

Next, my Christmas card story.