My enemy is myself

[BeyondShy]

That is a very intelligent response. Thank you.

 

[Colster]

My enemy is myself. I've realized this for a long time and yet I am unable to change.

I look in the mirror and I have no trouble at all seeing the qualities that I believe are lacking when I compare them to other people. I am only five feet six inches tall and I wish I were taller. I wish I were a bit thinner. I wish I could smile as easy as I see others do. I even practice smiling in the mirror and it just never looks right to me, like I'm making a funny face or something.

I even have a hard time saying the word "shy" out loud. I don't know why I am uncomfortable saying it. Just another mystery I suppose.

Shyness has caused me to miss out on many things in my life. I never went to my junior prom or senior ball. I wanted to so much but I never had the courage to take the steps to ask a girl to go with me.

I was on a bus once coming home from school and there were a group of girls sitting near me talking and having a good time and they started talking about not ever being able to find a guy who would treat them the way they should be treated. I wanted to tell them that I am one of those guys that they were looking for but I never did. I remember this like it was yesterday.

That's one of my problems that I carry around too. I have a fantastic memory and there are times when I don't know if it is a blessing or a curse. If someone says something about me or to me that insults me or embarrasses me I won't forget it and I'll keep re-hashing it over in my head like a film strip played over and over.

I am so concerned with what people may think of me or if they'll judge me. I can't follow conversations well because I am so concerned with what I am going to say next that I don't follow what the other person is saying.

I am not asking to be the life of any party. I don't look to be the center of attention. But I desperately would like to have some and I would like to be able to talk with a girl without finding something on the floor more interesting than her eyes and smile.

I am tired of being me. I want the person that is inside of me to be seen by others. I'm tired of what I see in the mirror.

I am a massive 5'5" although I do appear 6'6" in the distance. Height has never been an issue to me. Likewise, confidence is a trick: you don't need to have it. Just the ability to make others believe that you do.

 

[user 135671]

confidence is a trick: you don't need to have it. Just the ability to make others believe that you do.

So very true

 

[TheSkaFish]

I am a massive 5'5" although I do appear 6'6" in the distance. Height has never been an issue to me. Likewise, confidence is a trick: you don't need to have it. Just the ability to make others believe that you do.

Dang, Colster. I find the idea of an Amazonian goddess to be...interesting.

(tries not to have impure thoughts on Christmas Day...think unsexy thoughts!)

Livin' the dream.

 

[BeyondShy]

I am a massive 5'5" although I do appear 6'6" in the distance. Height has never been an issue to me. Likewise, confidence is a trick: you don't need to have it. Just the ability to make others believe that you do.

You quoted a post I made over 6 1/2 years ago when I first joined here and I am sorry to say that absolutely nothing has changed. But I don't understand what you're talking about when you say you do not need to have confidence. I will get myself in trouble and I will especially in here if I generalize and that ALL women will not give someone that has no confidence a chance. I am sure that it is not true but at the same time I have not met anyone that does. One thing I do realize is that women immediately know if you do not have confidence and when that happens you don't have a chance. I cannot even convince people on a website that I have some confidence let alone someone standing in front of me.

 

[Colster]

I will conceded that in my experience, the majority of women are attracted to the Alpha male. Even when they dispute otherwise, or proclaim to resent rudeness and cockiness, they still lust after a bad boy. My gambit against this has been humour and refusal to comply. It is not solution that works for everyone.

 

[BeyondShy]

I will conceded that in my experience, the majority of women are attracted to the Alpha male. Even when they dispute otherwise, or proclaim to resent rudeness and cockiness, they still lust after a bad boy. My gambit against this has been humour and refusal to comply. It is not solution that works for everyone.

Thank you. I have seen this firsthand and I am sure I will again.

 

[verticalray]

I will conceded that in my experience, the majority of women are attracted to the Alpha male. Even when they dispute otherwise, or proclaim to resent rudeness and cockiness, they still lust after a bad boy. My gambit against this has been humour and refusal to comply. It is not solution that works for everyone.

I dare disagree with you Colster. The great majority of men in long term relationships I know personally are far from being Alpha males.

 

[Colster]

I dare disagree with you Colster. The great majority of men in long term relationships I know personally are far from being Alpha males.

"In my experience"

 

[kaetic]

I like to think kaetic for coming into this thread while I was gone and posting every once in a while. I am guessing it was her way of remembering me. Whatever the reason I do appreciate it although the funny part is the only kind of contact I have with her is when I'm not here.

lol, yes that's true... we should probably fix that. I'm in the discord chat occasionally. Would love to see you in there.


Also, gotta keep up my posts...

Merry Christmas!



just a heads up... Callie pronounces that creature Guh nome... feel free to tease her for it.

 

[TheSkaFish]

lol @ "Guh Nome"

Everyone knows it's pronounced "nome".

Gnomesayin'?

 

[BeyondShy]

just a heads up... Callie pronounces that creature Guh nome... feel free to tease her for it.

Odd, I thought it looked like Santa.

I do notice that she lost her club that she used to insert in posts. She gave me a lot of them. She's also one of the best people around.

 

[TheRealCallie]

just a heads up... Callie pronounces that creature Guh nome... feel free to tease her for it.

At least I can breathe with air in my mouth

 

[TheRealCallie]

I do notice that she lost her club that she used to insert in posts. She gave me a lot of them. She's also one of the best people around.

If you think that will save you, you're wrong. I have adopted a skillet....

 

[TheSkaFish]

^Can confirm. The skillet is way bigger, and hurts way worse. It's all about that surface area.

 

[BeyondShy]

At least I can breathe with air in my mouth

Say what?

If you think that will save you, you're wrong. I have adopted a skillet....
View attachment 3463

Once again you are the most resourceful person I have ever come across. I actually yelled out "wonderful"when I saw there was no club but now I see that this one is even worse. I am expecting to have one very soon.

 

[kaetic]

Say what?


Once again you are the most resourceful person I have ever come across. I actually yelled out "wonderful"when I saw there was no club but now I see that this one is even worse. I am expecting to have one very soon.

lol, just something dumb I said once. One of many.

 

[BeyondShy]

lol, just something dumb I said once. One of many.

Don't feel bad because I was around you two you both would have found many things funny that I do!

 

[BeyondShy]

Shoulda, coulda, woulda: I think that sums up how my year has been. Or as a friend of mine in here says I overthink things and sometimes mistakenly assume I know what the other person is talking about. The year is almost over and so is my time in the forum. I am probably going to be taking off on Sunday, the second of January. So far I have had no regrets being back here and honestly it has been a pleasure especially compared to last year.

If I could do some things over this year I think it would've been a good start around the fourth of July. See, there was a little get together for workers who had off at a nearby park and I am almost afraid to admit this because Jen will read this but I was asked to go because someone at the party was hoping that I would go and that someone had all the markings of a very nice woman. So I went of course, right? No I did not. I did not go because I did not think I was good enough for her and I didn't give myself or her a chance to see if that would've been true or not. Sometimes when you look out for yourself you are not looking out for yourself at all.

What kind of advice can I give someone in here? I thought about it and then it came to me. Read what I have written in these pages and remember them. Then do the opposite.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Didn't you just say that you have a problem thinking for other people? I would think it would be HER decision on whether or not you are good enough for her.

Aside from that, is she no longer around? Ask her for lunch or something. Talk to her, get to know her. Stop making excuses and thinking your chance is over. DO something about it.